Society Against the Wearing of Shorts
World hunger, war, violence, and pain.  All of the world problems are caused by one thing: shorts.  You may think this huge mistake of fashion is a trivial thing, essential for summer, but you are so wrong.  Never underestimate the power of the shorts.  Everyone I know who has worn shorts has paid the terrible price.  Wedgies, wars, uncomfortableness, it's all because of the shorts.  Skirts and pants are okay, even togas are okay, but shorts are the source of all that is evil in this world, even more evil than belts.
Join me, friends and enemies, brought together by one thing; common enemies in shorts.  We must fight against these abominations and take the world back.  Wear pants, wear skirts, wear loincloths if you have to, but we will never give in to the awesome power of hotpants.
Why don't you just go home!  That's your home!  Are you too good for your home?  Answer me!
Look at these!  Isn't this the most horrible thing you've ever seen in your life???  Kill them before it's too late!  Perhaps it already is...
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The True Story of Shorts
  Long ago, there were a people.  They were a very small people, between the height of 1 and 3 feet.  Yet despite their tiny height, they were relatively wide.  In fact, their waists were exactly the same range of sizes as those of humans.  Now, being a rather mean people who didn't like humans, they wanted to do everything they could to hurt us.  So one day, they saw that their full-length pants could fit on humans as what they called chumanglos, or shorts.  So they formed an evil plan to put enchantments on these pants and sell them to us, so that they could make money from us and brainwash us with their pants at the same time.  So it was that the fad began in to world for humans to wear shorts, and all were subject to their spells and began to destroy the world very slowly.  And the little people, whom I call "potato people," for indeed they do resemble such vegetables, are still laughing at their brilliance and at the downfall of mankind.
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