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Title: Sith Kitty

By: Judy

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Rating: PG-13 (language)

Disclaimer: George owns the people, I own the animals. No humans were harmed in the making of this production.

Summary: Obi-Wan and animals...c’mon everybody: “Awwww...” This time he meets a Sith...um..cat. More hilarious hijinks and misadventures ensue or whatever. By the way, I want to be Sugar! <gr> And Bevin’s drawing of the attacking plot bunnies served as partial inspiration for this! The other was a conversation b/w Sherrie and me about a friend's "devil" cat.

Archive: Jedihunks, Corellia, Sarah Gower’s site

“Sugar! Get off my head!” Obi-Wan flailed at the black-and-white feline perched comfortably on top of his head. ‘Meorr?’ came the response but she didn’t move.

This had become the ritual morning greeting. She would come into his room sometime during the night, then when it was nearing time for him to get up, she would plop down on his pillow lying partly on him, usually his head. Obi-Wan counted himself fortunate that he usually slept on his stomach. Waking up to a mouthful of cat hair. Bleah! He swore Qui-Gon had put her up to this, just to make sure he didn’t sleep in.

“C’mon Sugar. I’m awake now, okay??” With that, she made a trilling noise and quickly scampered off the bed. Obi-Wan opened his eyes and rolled over. His eyes felt watery. Time for his medication otherwise he’d be sneezing all freakin’ day.

And so it went. Sugar would wake him up. She would insist on being in the bathroom with him while he showered. She would be under his feet while he made breakfast. She would turn up her nose at whatever he placed in her bowl. Of course, Qui-Gon would come in, put just a tad more food in and she’d dive in. Sugar would jump up on the table and of course have to stand right over his plate batting at his braid. She would insist on being in his lap, but only if he was doing something important. She would lie on his cloak all day, then dig her claws in when he would try to take it from her. The nice garnish of black and white hairs all over was a nice touch Qui-Gon would say with a grin. Sugar would sleep on his bed over his feet or next to his back, probably the only useful thing she did in Obi-Wan’s jaded opinion.

***** Then came an assignment. Master Adi Gallia graciously agreed to watch Sugar and the cat didn’t seem too concerned when they left. Or when they returned three weeks later. In fact, she had made herself at home in Master Adi’s quarters. “Traitor,” Obi-Wan muttered as he and Qui-Gon headed back to their rooms.

“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said. “Sugar belongs to everyone here at the Temple. Besides, won’t you be glad to not have to take that allergy medicine anymore or brush cat hair off of everything you own?” His Master was smiling broadly. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and sighed. He knew the good times wouldn’t last.

It only took two days. Qui-Gon came in carrying a small, wriggling bundle. His eyes were lit with excitement. Obi-Wan knew that could only mean one thing.

“Not another pathetic creature, Master!”

“Obi-Wan, quit being so uptight. It’s just a kitten. Master Donil and his padawan brought it back from their mission, but they’re going right back out on assignment and they need someone to watch it...”

“Master Adi.”

“Come now, apprentice. You liked Sugar. Admit it. You miss her. But now, this little kitten needs a temporary home...”

“Where have I heard that before?”

“...and we’ll be here for a few more weeks at least, Donil and his apprentice will be back soon, so it works out perfectly.” Qui-Gon seemed very pleased with himself.

“I’ll get the litter,” Obi-Wan groused. He did miss Sugar. He just wasn’t going to admit it. And no stupid little kitten would take her place either.

A week later, Obi-Wan definitely knew that this stupid little kitten in particular would never, ever, ever take Sugar’s place. The kitten was a nightmare. It attacked his legs whenever he walked across the room or was just sitting. It shredded everything it got it’s claws into. It got stuck in every crevice or cabinet it could wriggle into, then proceeded to cry—loudly.

“Sugar,” he vowed out loud one morning as he made breakfast. “I hereby take back every mean thing I’ve ever said about or to you. You are the best cat on this or any other planet. And if you were to come waltzing through the door at this precise moment, I would welcome you with open arms. Just as soon as I throw this damn kitten from the depths of the seven hells out the fuckin’ door!! OUCH! Damnit! You little...” He reached down to grab the little ball of coal black fur that had darted in and scratched his bare leg with razor-sharp claws. But the kitten was too quick and darted back out. Its yellow eyes glowed with a look of triumph as it sat in the living room licking a paw nonchalantly. Blood trickled down Obi-Wan’s leg.

He stalked the kitten. “All right, you Sith cat! That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m not your personal scratching post!” He bent down, calling on all his Jedi reflexes, to grab the kitten by the scruff of its neck, but it called on all of its cat reflexes and leapt out of the way. BONK! Obi-Wan’s forehead made contact with the end table. “For Force’s sake!” he muttered rubbing his sore forehead.

Qui-Gon came out of his room, dressed and ready for the day. The kitten bounded over to him playfully and he reached down and petted the animal. It purred and rubbed against his boot. Obi-Wan growled under his breath. The cat looked up at him, and ran off.

****** But even the Jedi Master fell prey to the Sith kitty. Obi-Wan could barely control his laughter. “Hoo! Hahahaha!” tears were streaming down his face. He rolled to his side on the couch, clutching his stomach. The sight was too much especially with the look of consternation his Master currently wore.

They had returned from drills to find dirt and green pieces that looked suspiciously like former plant parts strewn everywhere.

“By the Force,” gasped Qui-Gon in horror. “My plants! That damn cat ate my plants!” He rushed over to where all of his potted plants were turned over, contents dumped, or stripped, dirt kicked out. Obi-Wan had watched with what amounted to a certain sense of satisfaction at knowing his Master was finally, finally getting a taste of the hell he’d been through in the past week. Then the black kitten came zipping into the living room, plant leaf still stuck in its mouth.

The tall Jedi lunged for the cat and almost slipped in the dirt on the floor. Cursing in several languages, Qui-Gon tossed his cloak hastily on the couch where Obi-Wan had taken refuge from the mayhem. The young man was having difficulty holding in his mirth as he watched his master chase the kitten around the room. Qui-Gon managed to get a hand on the cat only to have it twist around and bite his finger. “OW!” He stood up and sucked on his finger while glaring around the room. The cat had gone to ground.

Obi-Wan just sat there with a “told you so” look. He was shaking with silent laughter. “Don’t look at _me_ Master. That cat is consumed with the Dark Side of the Force, I’m certain of it,” he chuckled.

Suddenly, the door chimed. Obi-Wan used a Force flick to trigger the door and it swung open to reveal a harried Adi Gallia and a howling Sugar struggling in her arms. “She’s hasn’t been herself all week, restless. I thought maybe she was just in heat, but today she’s been crying nonstop. Totally unlike her, so I thought...” Before she could finish, Sugar had launched herself into Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan’s apartment and immediately began hissing and spitting. “Pfffft. Pfffft.” Her tail bottle-necked and her eyes were wide. A black blur flew out of Obi-Wan’s room and made for Sugar, but a low, unearthly growl from the adult cat stopped the kitten dead in its tracks. Another hiss, the kitten hissed back.

Then all hell broke loose. Sugar swatted at the kitten. It spat back, then shot away and up the tallest thing it could find. Qui-Gon. The kitten literally climbed up him, digging in claws all the way. “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!” he yelped. The kitten now sat perched on top of the Jedi Master’s head as he stood glaring at Obi-Wan who was rolling with laughter. Adi looked on in amazement. Qui-Gon reached up, grabbed the kitten who continued to spit and scratch and stalked out the door. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he ground out. “Mace owes me a big favor.”

After he was out of earshot, Adi sank back against the doorframe and began to laugh. Obi-Wan was wiping tears from his eyes. “Oh. Can’t breathe. Haven’t laughed that much since the very large daughter of the King of Brevaria tried to make him her sex slave...at court!”

“I don’t even want to know,” said Adi with a wink. *I’ll tell you about it later, Master,* Obi-Wan sent.

Sugar meanwhile had begun licking her paws, her job done.

“I think she missed you guys,” said Adi. “She certainly didn’t waste time defending her territory.”

“No, she didn’t,” agreed Obi-Wan bending down to pick up the cat. “She was just being a good Jedi. Defending her comrades against the Sith.”

He grinned, then sketched a bow as Adi took her leave. He plopped down on the couch with Sugar who snuggled up on his lap as Obi-Wan began to stroke her. “Did you really miss us, Sugar?” he crooned. “Cause we sure missed you.”

Sugar purred.

--The End