Newcastle must be the best night out in Britain by a long way. I've been to most cities and they just don't come close. It doesn't matter what night of the week you go out, the place is still packed. In the past couple of years I've been out during the week in London, Leicester, Manchester and Birmingham and it's been like a human desert. I've also been to Newcastle every night of the week and it's been heaving.
Newcastle's dress code in Summer is minimal and in Winter, no difference it's also minimal. People think it's mad that others go out in Winter with just a T shirt on, the reason for this is simply that the pubs are so packed it's too hot to overdress. It's better to freeze for 5 minutes than go in a sauna for 5 hours wrapped up like an Eskimo.
The Southern press think that Newcastle is full of old men who wear cloth caps, race pigeons and whippets and sign on the dole. Worse still is the image of the person drinking something out of a brown paper bag and nicking cars. Well, the jokes on them I'm glad to say. I live 15 minutes away from Newcastle, 15 minutes from Golden Beaches (dog owners stay away) and can be in to the Countryside within another 15 minutes.
Even the place 12 miles SE of Newcastle is starting to look tidy although the locals talk (this has never been captured on video, we can't confirm if this is fact or fiction) in a foreign language and require a passport to leave. They are well balanced (a chip on each shoulder) and have from time to time been known to behave like normal people, I don't know if any studies have been undertaken as to where they fit in to the development of mankind but they could be the missing link, not quite monkey and not quite man. They can sometimes be seen to use simple tools and have actually been observed trying to communicate although I've never been lucky enough to witness any of these behaviors.
Photographs of the Tyne Bridge.
Photographs of the Angel of the North.
Photographs of the Millennium Bridge.
These photographs make excellent wallpaper for windows. Just right click on the photo and select "set as Wallpaper".Funny but True
A man from Newcastle was getting ready to have his first Christmas lunch with his new wife who was from Sunderland. As soon as they got out of bed they started to prepare the lunch together, the husband started peeling the potatoes while the wife set about the turkey, to the husbands horror his wife cut the bones out of both turkey legs. When asked why she had done this to the bird she explained that she was only doing what her mother had always done before roasting the turkey. Later that day when they were all sitting down for the meal the woman asked her mother why she cut the bones out of the drumsticks. The mother quickly replied "the oven was so small at home it was the only way to get the big bird in".
A Sunderland family received an unexpected package from the wife of a cousin who had moved to Newcastle a few years earlier. As soon as the postman had left they opened the box to find a jar containing a grey powder, the mother decided that the grey powder must have been some exotic spice, so that evening she made the family an Italian meal using the powder. The family loved the food and were especially pleased with the strong meaty taste from the powder. However, they were horrified the next morning when, once again the postman knocked on the door, this time to deliver a letter from Newcastle. The letter was once again from the cousins wife, this time explaining that George had died and they would be receiving his ashes through the post.
A sunderland man who worked in a sawmill in Newcastle must have been day dreaming one day when he pushed a plank of wood too far and sliced one of his fingers off. When his work mates asked him what had happened he simply put another plank of wood on the saw and repeated what he had done, again he chopped off another finger. Luckily most of the other workers were on holiday or he might have ended up armless.
A Newcastle man was shocked to find that his car had been broken into while he popped into an off-licence in Sunderland. He was slightly amused however to find that his CD player had not been stolen and the only thing missing was a used wine bottle that contained a urine sample, which he was intending to drop off at his doctors.
While travelling home from Scotland a Sunderland man ran out of petrol on the outskirts of Newcastle, he spent 2 hours looking for a petrol station without any success so decided he would have to take drastic action. After another 15 minutes he saw lights in the distance and started to walk in that direction. Eventually the man came across what looked like a campsite, after looking around for a few minutes he was delighted to see some camper vans. However, there was no signs of life and the man didn't want to wake anybody up at this late hour. The man decided his only option was to try to siphon out petrol from one of the camper vans, he was good at this as it was a skill he had learned from his father at a very early age, just like all the other children in Sunderland. He got a tube, opened the tank and, as quickly and quietly as possible, he began sucking out the contents. He expected the petrol to taste nasty but the stuff he was siphoning out was really foul. It was only when he spat it out that he realized he had opened the camper vans toilet holding tank by mistake. After vomiting up the entire contents of his stomach, the man decided to leave it until the morning and returned to his car to try and get some sleep.
There is this mackem couple, they live 12 miles S.E of Newcastle, and every morning the husband wakes the wife up at around eight farting. One morning the wife says to the husband "You know what it is, one of these mornings you're going to fart your guts out". "Don't be stupid woman" was his reply. Well a couple of days later the wife woke up early, so she decided she would get her own back on the husband. She went down stairs to the kitchen and got the turkey. She removed all the giblets and guts from the turkey, ran upstairs and carefully put them down the back of her husbands boxer shorts while he was sleeping, and then returned to the kitchen. Sure enough at around eight o'clock the husband awoke and gave off one of his biggest and best farts. The wife was listening downstairs and all she heard after was "Ahhh! Jesus Christ" and then running to the toilet. After about ten minutes the husband came out of the bathroom and sauntered downstairs entering the kitchen looking very sheepish indeed. "What's the matter with you ?" asked the wife. "Well" said the husband. "You know the other day when you said I would fart my guts out one of these days?" "Yes" said the wife, " Ummm! well it happened this morning. And if it hadn't have been for that jar of vaseline I found in the bathroom I wouldn't have gettin' the bloody thing tucked back in"
The only thing this one has in common with Newcastle is the fact that it happened at Newcastle Crown Court and the clipping was taken from the Newcastle Evening Chronicle.
Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any funny stories relating to Newcastle, I think these have been altered slightly but you never know. Let me know how I can improve this site, do I need to add something or take something out?
These are just a few useful links, I wish
I could have had access to these a few year ago.
Metro Radio live on the internet, brilliant.NUFC Scandal. A site dedicated to the scandal that seens to follow the football club.
pubs newcastle. If you are planning a night out in Newcastle go to this site first. It's got all of the information you'll ever need to plan a really good night.
Newcastle party city.com This is another way to plan a good night out.
Welcome to
Tyneside. This has got to be one of the funniest sites I've ever seen and
is well worth a visit, it will have your sides splitting in no time. It contains
humour, excellent graphics, funny stories, good information and some links of
other sites to explore. If I was marking the site out of 10 I'd have to give
it 10.
Welcome to South Shields
Sanddancers. The official unofficial South Shields web guide, South Shields
Uncovered. If you are interested in South Shields then go here for lots of information. Newcastle United F.C. A must for all Newcastle
supporters as you can get match commentaries, customized e-mail address, screen
saver, wallpaper, mail order as well as all of the latest news. Remember though
that it's only what the club wants you to know although I've seen stories I
never expected to see. The Evening Chronicle. The local
evening newspaper for Tyneside, brilliant for keeping in touch with what's happening
if your away from the area. Another must for all Newcastle supporters. This
is now incorporated into icnewcastle. BBC
On-line (Look North). A Web-Cam for anybody feeling as if they must have
a fix of the Tyne Bridge. The Tyne Bridge Web-Cam.&
No description required, I hope. Telewest Arena. See what's on
and book online if you want. You can also download a copy of the seating arrangements. The Mackem Song. A chance to listen to samples before you buy the CD from the Strawberry or Black Bull and help the lad get his recording fee back. He's also released another CD called Monkey Mackem which he says is a little more insulting than the first, you can hear a sample of this. Peter can also be contacted via e-mail. He will send the CD anywhere in the world.
This
is an excellent site packed full of local photographs which can be used for free, this is another person who is using the internet the way I think it should be used, educate and/or entertain. You only have to check his guestbook to see what other people think of the site. This is another site I'd have to give 10 out of 10.
If anybody has any Geordie ring tones for mobile phones I'll be more than happy
to put them on here so everybody can share them, e-mail me with the type of phone
and the key's.
