You can mail Rich HERE! ---->> [email protected]


It's coming up to the new year, and I haven't gifted the vastness of pathetic information that is the internet with one of my appealing delights for a fair few months now. My name (for those of you with enough working brain cells to care) is Rich. And I'm fed up with the lot of you. Well, I'm mostly fed up with the ones that haven't blessed my past pages by adding your visit to my ever shrinking 'people who have been to this page since 1845' counter, which, at one point, was actually going backwards. The reason -of course - that you didn't decide to add your prescence to my counter was because, in fact, none of you actually came to the page. But what chance do I have when sites such as 'The Wolverhampton Wanderers Homepage' are dominating your screens. I bow down to a higher intelligence.

My previous electronic offerings came in the form of:

Chat Pages,

Icons (of my own design),

Mods and levels for Quake and HalfLife and stuff,

An entire array of things that seemed interesting to me at the time, which, if entered into a search engine, would be somewhere on the 20th page of results, probably near 'Rolls of passion - For the lovers of large women', when you were actually looking for somewhere to eat.

So. Now. Out of spite for everything that is you and your kind, I have removed them. And left you with this. An inane rambling of my life, and what I think about everyone else's. Kind of like a diary, but not as petty and teenage-girlish. Because it is my firm belief that most of the worlds population that actually keeps a diary, does so with the firm intention of letting someone who is not supposed to see it do so. I however, could not give a rabbi's armpit who does (and for the majority of you) does not read this. And I care even less if you like it. And as a further state of precaution, I have not put a visit counter on this page. Greatly reducing the ammount of nervous breakdowns on my part. And thusly, I'm a genius. Obviously.


Well that's it then. It's finally over. That whole bloody year of dread has come to screetching halt. And I, for one, am thankful. 2001 brought me job searches, relationship problems and Osama Bin Laden, who we could all have done without. Wanker. And now, it's gone (well, other than Osama, but that's just a matter of time), for good. Well then. Time to move on. I'm going to become a whole new person. As soon as I can be arsed. So maybe that could be next years resolution then. Absolutely. No need to change myself drastically just while I'm in the swing of things. Yes. Good. Well then.


I have just spent a good part of my day sitting in front of the computer, and have come to this conclusion. I need a life. Anyone who could help with the finding of said life should contact me immediately, as my brain is beginning to prune. I spent roughly 2 hours trying to escape the dungeons on Baladurs Gate 2 and eventually had to stop since my eyes were drying out and I was unable to blink. Oh, and while we're on the subject of computer games, I suggest that NO-ONE (notice the cunningly placed capital AND italicised letters), yes NO-ONE buys a game called Summoner!!! It's out in the UK for the PS2 and the PC, and is recognisable by a blue hand on the cover (and, strangely enough, the word SUMMONER). I recently purchased the PC version and it was the mental equivalent to inserting your penis in a blender. It's not that it's bad. Nonononono. BAD is such a weak and often misused word. This game actually got me looking for a thesaurus just to comfort myself in the knowledge that I had found a word to properly describe it. That word is as follows - SHIT - and there you go. Another purchasing crisis averted by me. No need to thank me. Really.

OK. I have just been informed in great detail about my previous issues with web sites and the lack of people visiting mine. I had done a large ammount of market research, courses, and handed out pamphlets to discover what a sucsessfull 1,000,000 hits a second website needs. And fell short at the title. Well, I have just been talking to my girlfriend, Becca. Who is American and therefore (in her mind) one of the coolest people on the earth, and (to avoid slapping later) she is the coolest person im my mind too (that was close, nice recovery eh?). Our conversation played out something like this.

Rich - 'Hey hunny, I have just put my new web site up, want to look?'

Becca - 'Does it have a monkey?'

AND THERE YOU GO!!! I don't know how I missed it!!! And so, especially for Becca, and anyone else with a major chemical imbalance in there frontal lobe:-

I feel like such a wally. I mean. Imagine not thinking of that eh?


For some reason that completely escapes me right now, I have, this past week, found myself attending training at the comany where my dad works. I's quite good, the guy that's training me (Adam) is cool as hell. BUT. And here it is... I'm doing this FREE... YES, FREE of charge, for a whole two weeks! You want to know why? Well, so do I. It all began with a conversation with my ever-loving father:-

Dad - 'Rich, you are unemployed!'

Rich's brain - 'Shit! He noticed!'

Dad - 'You need to get out and do something while you're looking for a job, y'kno, some training or something'

Rich's brain - 'Oh crap. I think I see where this might be going. And I think I'm going to dislike it immensely.'

Dad - 'I've arranged for you to come to my place for a while to do some training! Isn't that GREAT??'

(It may be worth noting that, at that moment in time, my father was just seeping enthusiasm. Which is good, because I had none. I was like the black hole of enthusiasm. I was giving him NO... I repeat NO, positive emotions regarding what I had just heard him say... And it continues...

Dad - 'Good then, you start on monday!'

I then lapsed into a wild, freakishly long bout of denial motivated spasms, from which I have only recently recovered. Attempting to inform my ears that, although they may have been material witnesses, they actually had NO proof whatsoever that I had just witnessed that display of acute parental insanity. And through immense will-power on my part, I went a whole week attempting to ignore my dad and skirt round the whole subject alltogether, hoping that this feverishly perverse idea would leave my life forever. And I'm here!! So. Suffice it to say that it didn't work then. Eh?



Well. That's that over then. Funnily enough, I think I may have actually learned something. Not sure what though. Nevermind. Something's more than nothing isn't it? Yes, well then. I have actually applied for a job at the place (yes! The place where my dad works... WHAT? It's money isn't it? STOP MOCKING ME!) so I may continue being baffled by wires but (and this is the big BUT. In fact, I think I'll italisise it... Yes BUT) get paid for it! Because I think this whole NOT being paid for work concept leaves a lot to be desired. In fact there's no desire involved, it's just plain dumb. Oh well... Let's see if I get a job out of this whole pullava then? Shall we? I can see you all on the edge of your seats.

Bite me.


So. I got a job then. That was considerably un-expected. I mean, obviously Im a highly evolved super-genius who possibly uses more than 50% of his brain capacity, but for that to be recognized? I have therefore come to the conclusion that I am dreaming this whole thing. And the as soon as Drew Barrymore takes off her shirt, this whole strange world will collapse, and Ill probably wake up in something related to the amount of alcohol I consumed the night before. Keep it on Drew. Keep it on.


This is relatively unnerving. I have been working here for a while now. And Im actually LEARNING things. Yes! I know! This is a concept which had previously eluded me and instead of learning new and important things. I was actually channeling information into a tiny black-hole inside my head. Kind of like the one in my sock drawer, which takes once of the socks in the pair, and leaves the other. This was all very confusing for a while. Especially when I forgot how to walk. But that could have been the beer. Come on Drew. Make my day.


Okay, so I know it's been a helluva long time since I actually updated this page. This is largely due to the immense responsibility involved in being me. The time I have had to myself lately has been very thin on top, and I have been spending most of my free seconds feeding small orphans and doing charity work for the needy. I'm just such a selfless person. I have also been spending prolonged amounts of my spare time contributing to the better health of the general population by single-handedly attempting to drink the worlds supply of alcohol. Greatly reducing the amount of young minds that are tainted by this appalling habit. Yes, yes.. I know.. 'but rich, when are you going to think of yourself?' I hear you all saying. Well my children, I just am THAT nice.

On a lighter note - I broke up with Becca about 6 days ago, which contributed largely to my new found patriotism in beer consumption. It sucks, but she was too far away. And NO, I don't want to talk about it. And SyMn2001, I am getting a bit tired of you e-mails. So please just stop doing it OK? No no no. I'm fine really'. No, that's just something in my eye..


Has anyone else noticed (just out of interest) that when things go wrong - they seem to go *resoundingly* and quite fantasticly, tits up. This, it appears to me, seems to be be even more the case when the situation involves females. Now don't get me wrong, i loke women. A lot. And at times, too much. But why does it seem to me that they actually THRIVE on problems? Why does your life have to resemble an episode of Eastenders in so many ways? Why do you have to drag other people down with you? In an attempt to answer these questions and more, I have concocted a detailed script using my advanced knowledge of computer science, which run calculations at an astounding rate, which are intended to resemble the inner workings of the female mind, then convert the whole scene into a GIF image so it can be interpreted by human eyes. And so, using my new found technology, I have run several tests, diagnostics and come out with the answer. Which is too (by fay) horrible and disturbing to disclose. But since i know none (or, indeed, hardly any) of you. I have little trouble in sending your body into everlasting convulsions. And so:

What? You are now sitting there thinking... "What? Where is the point? There's NOTHING THERE!"

Yes - now you SEE the point.


Even more troubles. Far too much for me to be interested in typing for now. Just MORE females and their arid desert-resembling minds fubling around inside my overburdened and incredibly intelligent head. This whole situation has led to even more patriotic alcohol consumption, and im starting to believe that I should probably slow down on the drink. Then I slap myself for thinking it and get drunk, and forget that i said anything. I would say that it's one big vicios cycle. But the cycle is quite small. And not really that vicious. Kind of bunny sized actually. Furry. And craps everywhere. I'm off down the pub.

Hosted by

v class=Section1>


None of you will believe this.... But things are actually going *well* for me at the moment! I know, I know! So at any given moment I am fully expecting something resembling a herd of about 23,5578,423 elephants to paraglide through the office and take turns at kicking me in the bollox. This is odd... To say the very least I would have been less shocked if i HADN'T ended up with the girl I really liked. And if I HADN'T ended up on the good side of a fairly dire situation... So I have come to the conclusion that fate is dealing me yet another unsuspectingly cruel hand. As soon as I turn my back... SNAP! Wellllll not THIS time buster! I have it good! I am now seeing a girl called Hannah... I won't bother any of you with the intricate details of how we met and why my best friend now hates me because of it (No - she wasn't seeing my best friend... HER best friend was seeing MY best friend - and then it all went tits up in a way that only pamela anderson can mimic, by lying on her back and asking if anyone wants a ride... And even then only loosely) because they really don't concern you and you don't deserve to know. That and I honestly can't be arsed to write it all. But I am with her. And untill the next monster balls-up, I intend things to stay that way. She is really amazing (faithfull yet remains to be seen, but I haven't really known her long enough to judge! HOPEFULLY she will stay with me!) and yadayadayada. <----- There follows all the usual gumf people usually say about their new found romance. Bottom line, is that she doesnt mess around, and she always tells the truth - which is always a bonus! I would just like to thank all of my friends (you know who you are! Craig - Goul-D - Li'l G - Ford AND Liesbet) for working me through this!!! Cheers guys! And so... Now in the presence of myself, and faced with undeniable finger-ache. Im going to stop typing now. Only to resume again, when I feel the urge...

Hosted by