Have you ever watched the Miss America pageant?  A lot of girls that do look at this show look at Miss America as the model or ideal woman don’t they?  For many the ideal woman is young, single, sexy, and sophisticated. 

In contrast, the ideal woman of Proverbs 31 is quite different.  The woman in Proverbs 31 is of course married.  We are not told what her age is however, and whether she is pretty or not.  The most important quality of the Proverbs 31 woman is that she is godly.

According to Proverbs 31, this woman is truly remarkable.  She does everything well, maybe too well, in that she might come close to being a woman workaholic.  I believe that a man that is looking for a wife that measures up to the Proverbs 31 woman will likely never marry.

Those women who compare themselves with the woman of Proverbs 31 may be overcome with guilt and feelings of inadequacy.  If this should happen, then let me make a few observations from some research I did which was very interesting concerning the description of a Proverbs 31 woman -

The description of the woman in Proverbs 31 is one that is carefully composed.  It was not written by a husband who had forgotten it was Mother’s Day and hastily penned a few words of praise after picking up a dozen roses on a street corner.  This happens to be a piece of Hebrew poetry in an acrostic fashion, a poem in which the first letter of each verse begins with the next letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  Quite interesting research isn’t it?  I might also add that Psalm 119 is another acrostic in which all the lines of each section begins with the same letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  Proverbs 31 or Psalm 119 are very carefully constructed literary masterpieces.

The woman described in Proverbs 31 is an ideal wife and is not necessarily intended as a goal for every woman.  A model is to be imitated, but an ideal will never be reached.  So we might say that the wife of Proverbs 31 is not necessarily a standard by which a man should measure his bride to be.  Neither is this woman a pattern for every wife to strive to follow.  We see that she is a godly character, and this is in itself reason for men and women to follow her example. She is depicted as a wife, a mother, a businesswomen, an investor, a farmer, a manufacturer, etc.  I don’t think there are too many women or men for that matter who can do all these things well, and I doubt that the author intended for us to try to succeed at all these various things she did.  This means that we shouldn’t feel guilty because we fail to do everything well which this woman did.

This piece of poetry was written for men as well as for women.  This poem is about a godly woman written to men.  This passage does however provide young men with guidance in the choice of a godly wife. Its main purpose is to exhort married men to appreciate the worth of their wives and to give them the freedom to function in accordance with their gifts and talents and in keeping with their God-given role as a wife.  This role, I believe, is much broader than most men are accustomed to accept.

So really this passage was written more to instruct men to become better husbands than it was to help women become better wives.  We do however find an example for wives to follow here, but much more than this we find instruction for the man who would be a more godly husband.

I would like to review the qualities of the ideal wife again here –

The ideal wife is a godly woman – she is praised not for her charm or beauty, but for her fear of God(v.30).

The ideal wife is a woman of unusual character – In the NIV version she is said to be a “wife of noble character”(verse 10), and in verse 25 NIV she is further described as being “clothed with strength and dignity”.  A woman of her quality is rare.  One has to search for a wife like this, as they are in such short supply.

The ideal wife is a woman who is completely trustworthy – Proverbs 31: 11-12

The ideal wife is diligent and hard-working – Proverbs 31: 13, 15, 18. Unlike the sluggard in Proverbs 6:6-11 she prepares for the future(verses 21, and 25).  In our society she would not sit around watching soap operas, for she has no idle time(verse 27).

The ideal wife is wise – she speaks with wisdom(verse 26).  She makes wise investments(verses 16, 18).

The ideal wife is marked by her  generosity – she has concern for the poor and the needy, giving her income to minister to their needs(verse 20).

The ideal wife is gracious in what she says – Verse 26 – the teaching of this woman is called the “teaching of kindness.”  I believe this means that she instructs in a gentle way, and that her teaching is encouraging and edifying.

The wise man, woman, husband, wife, or single person, adult or even child should consider these character qualities put forth in Proverbs.

So, what are the responsibilities of the ideal wife?  (I will also touch on the ideal responsibilities of a husband later on).  Is a wives ministry confined only to doing  the housework? 

The ideal wife is a purchasing agent for the family – Proverbs 31 :13-14.  She looks for quality and economy in her purchasing for the family.

The ideal wife is a manager – She is capable of being a leader and administrator – verse 15, and verse 27.

The ideal wife is a provider of income – verse 16, verse 18, verse 21, 22.  I did some research on the word “scarlet” which could mean the emphasis on expensive clothing or a word that means “double” or the stress on the warmth of the clothing.  I think she would be sensible in getting warm, suitable functional clothing at a reasonable price.  In other words, everything would be in balance as to the income provided. 

The ideal wife is a producer, a manufacturer of goods – verse 24

The ideal wife is a charitable provider – she invests wisely the money that is provided in the family, and provides for her family as well as being generous to the poor and needy. – verse 20.

The ideal wife is a teacher – verse 26.  Most of the teaching would be directed to her children.  Check out verse 9 of Chapter 31 on this also.

The ideal wife promotes her husband’s standing and leadership in the community – verse 23.  I think it is very important for a woman to stand behind her man with encouragement and prayer.

What about the ideal husband?  Or we can say the man behind the woman!  The freedom a woman has to function in so many different aspects of life must be attributed to her husband.

The ideal husband truly appreciates his wife – verse 10.   A husband cannot expect to be the right kind of husband until he first comes to appreciate the qualities of the wife God has given him. 

The ideal husband has complete confidence in his wife’s faithfulness and confidence – verse 11

The ideal husband expresses his faith in his wife’s abilities by giving her the freedom to function without unnecessary hindrances – a man needs to give the wife some freedom without so many rules and guidelines that would bog a person down, and not to be able to do anything well.  A man needs to let a woman go about her business without constant supervision or needless restrictions. 

The Christian life, the life of faith, is not one that is regulated by countless rules.

The ideal husband not only appreciates the value of his wife, but gives her the praise she deserves – verses 28-31.

Some warnings -  a person may use these scriptures in Proverbs as a way to justify their sinful actions.  Here is one way that this passage can be abused – an overly aggressive wife that is frustrated may use this text to justify her autonomous attitudes and actions, and do whatever she pleases without consulting her husband or caring what he thinks.  This text urges husbands I believe to give their wives more freedom, but it does not teach the wives to take it if it is not given them.

Another warning to the passive husband who would love for his wife to take care of his obligations for him.  This puts a burden on the wife.  A wife is a help mate, but she does not do all the work for him.  Men could get into a laziness by delegating the work entirely to the wife and live an easy life at the city gate.

Another warning is to those who are not married – Single Christians are free to serve God from Proverbs 31 without feeling that they are somehow second-class citizens in God’s kingdom because they are not married.  The single woman is as free  to serve the Lord as the woman in Proverbs 31 is to serve her husband and family.

For parents, we are not helping our children develop character when we give them perfectly shaped dolls with beautiful faces.  This is not a realistic goal. Character is more important than charm. 

Men have to get it in their heads that putting restrictions on what the wife can do to enhance the husband in his work, etc. will hinder the husband in his relationship with his wife.  A husband sometimes may feel inferior to the woman because of what she knows, and tries to fence off these areas, even if his wife desires to serve the husband in a particular task and would do a better job.  A man must learn to utilize the abilities of others to the fullest possible degree, but yet the wife has to approach her husband in a loving meaningful way as not to degrade the husband’s ability, and put him down.  If the husband is a good manager, then the authority given to the wife by her husband will allow both man and wife to flow in complete confidence with each other to do the right things. 

In our spiritual life we are given freedom and responsibility by our head which is Christ.  Just as God does not direct us in all the particulars, but gives us principles to guide us, so the husband should exercise his headship over his wife, and the wives should feel no more stifled under a man’s leadership than we do under the headship of Christ.

Another thing is that men should recognize what a woman does.  Women get frustrated because they are given very little recognition for what they do.  Men need to show appreciation to the wife for all the things she contributes to the home.  In other words, men need to praise their wives in public and show gratitude and sincerity in what their wives do.

What about the working wife?  Any employment the wife may have which is detrimental to the spiritual and moral well-being of the family is wrong in my estimation.  This principle I believe also applies to the husband.  There has to be a balance.

We need to seek and serve God, giving of ourselves in the process, and doing it to the glory of God and by His grace.