OPPOSITES ATTRACT:

What wives object to most about their husbands
Part one of a two-part article on the differing temperaments of
husbands and wives.

Men and women are different: anatomically, sexually, emotionally,
psychologically, and biochemically. In spite of these
differences, God planned for men and women to live together in
marriage. A comprehensive study conducted by Dr. David M. Buss at
the University of Michigan identified the sources of conflict
between men and women.

What wives object to most about husbands:

1 He is too aggressive sexually. A woman likes romance with
multiple expressions of tenderness and love, even kisses and
touching over the course of the evening. Then she delights in
climaxing a romantic evening with lovemaking. A loving
husband may want to accommodate her, but his emotional motor
can zoom from zero to 60 miles per hour in less than five
seconds. Unless he is willing to practice self-control, she
feels that she is fighting him off all evening. The
difference must be dealt with unselfishly. Sometimes the wife
should submit to his instant flash desire, but most of the
time he should cool his jets and learn to be a romancer.

2 Study the subject by reading at least two books: The Act of
Marriage by Tim LaHaye and Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed
Wheat. All couples need to know about their own sexuality and
certainly that of their partner.

3 Communicate honestly and frequently with your partner about
your sexual needs and feelings.

4 Out of unselfish love, try to accommodate your partner's
needs. Your most important sex organ is your brain.
Selfishness not only destroys love but kills its expression -
for both of you.

5 He won't help around the house. A survey in USA TODAY
reported that 82% of the women whose husbands helped around
the house would marry the same man again - which is 33% above
the national average of women who would select the same
spouse. That is awesome evidence that such a gesture has a
profound effect on a woman. He demonstrates that she and
their home are important to him. The husband needs to act
thoughtfully in this regard.

6 He is not the spiritual leader of the home. Women tend to be
idealists more than men, and a Christian woman usually dreams
that her husband will serve in the role prescribed by
Scripture. Few wives object when their husband leads in
family devotions, church attendance as a family, or prayer
together as a couple. Many are disillusioned when he does
not.

7 He doesn't show respect for me or my views. Women are more
emotional and intuitive, whereas men tend to be logical
thinkers whose emotions don't dominate when decisions are
made. That does not mean a man's decisions are better than a
woman's. They often clash, however, because of the means by
which they arrive at their decisions. A wise man finds areas
in which he can brag about his wife's intelligence and
abilities, enhancing her confidence.

8 He doesn't discipline the children properly. Some husbands
leave all the effort of child correction to the wife, but the
objection may apply to the angry father who disciplines his
children in wrath. Discipline done in anger is dangerous.
Discipline (training) should be a joint venture in which
partners agree on the rules and their enforcement. They
should not allow children to play one parent against the
other.

9 All he ever thinks about is his job and sports. Men often
are preoccupied with vocational thoughts, partly intuitive
since a primary function is for him to be the provider for
the family. The wife tends to be the nester, the natural
result of her maternal nurturing intuition. In love, they
need to learn to share their honest thoughts and feelings
about both home and vocation. The more areas of commonality a
couple can create between them, the more time they can spend
talking and sharing. Wives need to join their husbands in
following sports. Learn the basic rules of the game, ask
leading questions, and enter into your husband's center of
attraction.

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Tim LaHaye is author of Left Behind, Tribulation
Force, Understanding the Last Days, and The
Spirit-Filled Family. He is a minister, counselor,
and television/radio commentator and is the founder
and president of Family Life Seminars.

From Opposites Attract by Tim LaHaye, copyright (c)
1991. Used by permission of Harvest House Publishers,
Eugene, Ore.