MEN: HOW TO BE A GREAT LOVER

When the world talks about a great lover, it usually means
someone who expresses passion during sex. God calls a great lover
one who loves with commitment.

A husband's responsibility in marriage is to love his wife just
as Christ loved the church. Here are the four ways Christ loved
the church as a model for husbands.

1 Unconditional love. Long before we were knit together in our
mothers' wombs, when all we were was an idea in the mind of
God, He loved us. God's first act of love toward His new
bride was to establish our destiny, choosing to adopt us as
His own children. God's love for us has nothing to do with
how attractive we are, physically or spiritually, or on how
we will perform. It is based on the kind intention of His
will (Eph. 1:5-6). God chose us as His adopted sons because
He wanted to. Pure and simple.

2 A husband who would love his wife as Christ unconditionally
loved the church will begin by understanding that his love is
a choice, made in spite of (not because of) his wife's
actions, attitudes, performance, or appearance. He must love
his wife no matter what, not on subjective factors such as
appearance or performance.

3 Covenantal love. Having chosen us in Him before the
foundation of the world, God announced His intent, pledging
to us that He would fulfill what He had purposed to do. He
made a covenant with Abraham - that He would possess the land
that God had given him, give him an heir, and that his
descendants would number more than the stars in the sky. The
covenant made it clear that God's faithfulness was not based
on human response but on intent that He would do what He
promised.

4 On his wedding day a husband stands before God and witnesses
in a covenantal ceremony. He makes a vow to love, honor, and
cherish his wife - no matter what. This is no trivial matter.
In the same way that God invites us to see His character on
display in His faithfulness to keep His covenant with
Abraham, so a man stakes his personal integrity on his
faithfulness to his wedding vow.

5 Incarnational love. God stepped away from the throne room of
heaven and stepped onto a fallen planet, clothed in human
flesh (Phil 2:6-7). He willingly laid aside His right to
reign and rule, and become a bondservant instead.

6 A husband who seeks to love his wife incarnationally will be
characterized by setting aside any claim to privilege and
stepping into her world, learning to sympathize with the
challenges his wife endures. He will embrace her life and her
world as his own, loving her by choosing to live his life
alongside her in all that she faces.

7 Sacrificial love. Christ not only gave up the splendor of
heaven, He showed His sacrificial love for us by willingly
facing physical torture, shame, and humiliation - and
finally, by becoming the object of divine wrath as He gave up
His life on the cross.

8 For husbands, it requires dying daily to their own desires
and dreams. It involves a willingness not only to prefer his
wife as more important than himself (Phil. 2:3), but a
readiness to lay down everything he holds dear to care for
her. It is a decision on the part of a husband that nothing
will supersede his marriage covenant. It's the kind of love
that never gives up.


Bob Lepine is co-host of the daily radio program
Family Life Today, heard in more than 200 cities
nationwide, and a frequent speaker at FamilyLife
Marriage Conferences. He lives with his wife and five
children in Little Rock, Ark.

From The Christian Husband by Bob Lepine, (c) 1999.
Published by Servant Publications, P.O. Box 8617, Ann
Arbor, MI 48107. Used with permission.