(Taken from The Freedom of Forgiveness by David Augsburger)
Forgiveness is not an act - it is a process.It is not a single transaction - it is a series of steps. Beware of any view of instant, complete, once-for-all forgiveness. Instant solutions tend to be the ways of escape, of avoidance, or of denial, not of forgiveness. Forgiveness takes time - time to be aware of one's feelings, alert to one's pain and anger, open to understand the other's perspective, willing to resolve the pain and reopen the future. The steps of forgiveness are:
1. Restoring the attitude of love. To love another is to see that person as full of worth and precious regardless of any wrongdoing. This is not forgiveness, although most writers and pastors call it such. It is the prerequisite step. Forgiving cannot begin until love has been re-extended to the offender. Love is possible when we see the other's value once more, recognize his preciousness, and choose to be understanding, even of what is beyond being understood.
2. Releasing the painful past. To accept another is to meet him or her now, as the person he really is. To hold the past between us as if it can be undone or to demand that what was done must be redone is fantasy not reality. To come to terms with reality is to accept the past as past. Obviously, what has happened has happened, but emotionally it is still taking place. In anger we struggle with the illusion that we can turn time backwards and run it all through again, that we can make the other undo what he or she did. I am not my past; I am a person capable of repenting, changing, and turning away from past patterns of behavior. You are not your past; you are equally free to change if you accept the freedom that is within you. To affirm that freedom is the first step of forgiveness.
3. Reconstructing the relationship. This is the real work of forgiveness. To review the pain of offense within each of us and between us is not easy, but it is the way to healing. As we work through our anger and pain in reciprocal trusting and risking, at last we come to recognize the genuineness of each other's intentions. Our repentance needs to be authentic, honest, and as complete as possible at the moment. That is the central work of forgiveness. "If your brother wrongs you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and comes back to you seven times saying, 'I am sorry' you are to forgive him," says Jesus in His most succinct and clear description of essential forgiveness(Luke 17:3-4,NEB).
4. Reopening the future. As we begin to cancel our angry demands on the present in the previous step, we begin to drop our demands on the future. The demand for ironclad guarantees that will fix all future acts permanently and securely and insure our safety from any future pain must be canceled. No one can offer such assurance and go on living as a truly human being. Such promises of perfection are possible only for saints or statues, and neither are desirable in a relationship. In the future we will be spontaneous together. We may fail. We may act hurtfully again.
5. Reaffirming the relationship. Reconciliation must end in celebration, or the process has not ended. We must touch each other as deeply as is possible in our release of the pain and celebrate the mutual recognition that right relationship has now been restored or achieved. This bonding of renewed acceptance and mutual affirmation allows us to meet with a new meaning to our relationship. To end a reconciliation negatively - "May God help us that this never happens again"-blocks our growth as persons. It is fascinating that the words of mistrust and suspicion Jacob and Laban set between them-"May the Lord watch between you and me, when we are parted from each other's sight"; (Genesis 31: 49,NEB)- have been transformed in following generations into a benediction of love and a celebration of relationship.

Discussion on pp. 51-52 - Freedom of Forgiveness by David Augsburger.

Discussion on pp. 70-71.

Discussion- end of page 44.(Corrie Ten Boom).