In a poker game, no man discloses the content of his hand to the other players. Instead, he tries to dissemble and bluff…(and) in a society which pits man against man, as in a poker game, people do keep a poker face; they wear a mask and let no one know what they are up to

We are said to be a society dedicated, among other things, to the pursuit of truth.  Yet, disclosure is often penalized.  Impossible concepts of how man ought to be…which sadly enough are often handed down from the pulpit…make man so ashamed of his true being that he feels obliged to seem different.  Yet, when a man does not acknowledge to himself who, what, and how he is, he is out of touch with reality, and he will sicken and die; and no one can help him without access to the facts.”  Sidney M. Jourard – “The Transparent Self”

Genuine relationships are needed to help each of us to reach his or her potential.  This is a game where everyone must win….everyone must come out on top.  The way this is done is by enabling.  The word enable means to pull forth from, to call forth, to allow to emerge, to realize the potential of.  This is what relationships are all about.  Most people realize about 10% of their potential.  The other 90% lies beneath a pile of fears, failures, broken dreams, painful childhood memories and guilt feelings that add up to make it hard in any thing we do.  And with that kind of outlook, we definitely will not overcome.  This is where relationships comes in.  In the company of sympathetic, caring, loving people, we are able to open up talk about our hang-ups and fears as well as our hopes and dreams for the future.  Instead of getting negative feedback from others, we get positive feedback – affirmation. I affirm you in this venture…I affirm this gift…I affirm this task in life…slowly, the affirmation form those we have come to love and trust overcomes the negative feelings we have fed into our computer over the years.  And we are able to say, I am worthwhile….I have unique gifts….I can accomplish the thing…I will try again…..

I’m sure all of us yearn for fellowship where we can feel a oneness and call forth the best in each other.  In other words, to minister to one another as the Body of Christ.  Before this can happen, however, we must run at the risk of being known – and this is scary.  We are afraid that if people find out who we are inside, they will reject us.  So, to cover up the real person inside, we talk about the weather, about football, about the latest joke in town.  And all the while, down deep inside, we are crying out for love.  But love is the result of knowledge, and knowledge comes when we are willing to let another person know us as we really are.  One of the best ways to bring relationships face to face with ones level of commitment to each other is to ask them to evaluate their experiences according to these three levels of sharing – Mouth to Mouth; Head to Head; and Heart to Heart.  The mouth to mouth is sharing conversational doodling – the weather, football, etc.  The head to head sharing is more serious in what it is exchanging – ideas and concepts. But the exchange is strictly as ideas detached from the persons.  The heart to heart sharing, on the other hand, lets the other person know where you stand in relation to ideas and how you feel about them on the inside.  The heart to heart sharing might be referred to as communing – and communing is the stuff from which relationships are born.  A relationship can very easily sit and play verbal volleyball with each other.  But don’t expect real Christian relationships in this atmosphere.  Relationships happen when one person dares to say, “This is the way I feel – In all honesty, this is where I am – This is me – See me – Know me – I want you to know me.  I want to know you – deeply.  When this starts to happen in a relationship – Watch out!

Here are some tips to consider when beginning a relationship with another person:

When one person in a relationship takes a leap and decides to let the others in on his life, the person is under a real obligation as the Body of Christ to be ministering servants to this person.

Don’t Interrupt – Keep your mouth shut, and let the person talk.  The chances are that he or she has never had anyone in his life to really listen to him.  The greatest thing we can offer is our ears. Many times this is all a person needs….and wants.  Remember, the greatest counselors say the least.  This may mean dispensing with other agenda we may have wanted to talk about.  We also need to be sensitive to the persons sharing of his life to us.  Questions you may consider asking may be – Have you said all that you have to say about this? Or Are you trying to tell us something?  These questions are enabling questions that let a person go a little deeper in his sharing.

Don’t Probe –There is a thin line between listening and probing, but it is a very important one.  To listen is to enable a person to say all that he or she wants to say.  To probe is to make a person share what he does not want to say – and should not reveal at this time.  A probing question takes the initiative away from the person who is sharing – and this is bad.  If a person does start to probe, the other person may say, “Please let me tell it the way I see it”, or “Please give me a chance to finish what I have to say”.

Don’t Give Advice – The cheapest thing in the world is advice.  Very often, the person with the least information is the most free in his advice – and the results are disastrous.  If someone has had a similar experience, he or she can share his experience – without telling the other person what he ought to do.  If someone starts to give advice to you, you may want to say,  “Share what you have to share, and please let me make my own application to what you have said”, or you could say, “Please hold off on the advice for now, and just stick to what you have to say about your experience”.

Don’t Judge – There will probably be some disagreements in lifestyle, theology and outlook, and other sensitive areas when talking to a person.  This is where love is going to be put to the test.  When a person violently disagrees with another person, are you willing to give him the right to his own viewpoint?  Can you not only affirm him, but release him to be himself to think as he must?  This does not mean giving in or making concessions.  This means telling him, “I cannot see it the way you see it…but I love you and I accept you just as you are and with what you believe.

Relationship

What is relationship?  God’s word tells us a lot about relationship.  In fact God is the originator of relationship.  It says in God’s Word that He is looking for a bride, children and friends.  Since we are made in the image of God our qualities and standards should be on the same level as God.   So my question is, why are we always settling for less instead of God’s best? 

How can we as God’s people ask Him for a responsible mate, responsible friends, and responsible children if we ourselves are not willing to be in a proper intimate relationship with God.

It says in scripture that God called Abraham His friend (James 2:23 – And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend).

So we see here that God is also looking for friends whom He can communicate, and have relationship with.

It also says in John 15:14-15 – “You are my friends, if you do what I command..  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

As we can see, it is a high calling to be God’s friend., for then God brings us into His plans, a deeper spiritual walk, and an intimate relationship with Him. 

In God’s word we find that He is looking for children.  In 2 Corinthians 6: 17-18 God says, “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.  Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.  I will be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.

Here we see that God has a desire for children, and wants to be in a loving father, son and daughter relationship.

In scripture we also find that God is looking for a bride.  Revelation 19: 7 says, “Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready.  Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints).

In Revelation 21:9 – “One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, “Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.”  In Revelation 22:17 – “The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” and let him who hears say, “Come!” whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes let him take the free gift of the water of life.

As we can see, GOD is definitely looking for a bride – a beautiful bride; one that He will love, cherish, and spend eternity with.  What a great awesome wonderful calling to be God’s bride.

As the word plainly states, God does not take relationship lightly.  He does not demand a relationship from his friends, children, and bride that He will not keep Himself.  God is true and faithful, and will not disappoint us.

Proverbs 8: 10-11 says – “Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious that rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.  In Proverbs 8:17-21 it says – “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.  With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity.  My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice, bestowing wealth on those who love me in making their treasuries full.

I believe if we are willing to walk with God in a proper relationship (that is being that trusting friend, obedient child, and that beautiful bride) bringing pleasure and delight to Him, I am sure that He would see us come into proper relationships with others in this life.

If you find yourself going around the mountain again and again in dead end relationships, whether it is with friends, children, or spouse; stop and examine your relationship with God.  Are you demanding something from God that you aren’t walking out in relationship with God yourself.  If this is the case, only a right and proper relationship with God will put a person’s life in order.   Remember that God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt, but because of their rebellion and disobedience, that generation did not enjoy the pleasures of the Promised Land, and therefore missed out on God’s great and mighty plan for their life.

If your life is not what you think it should be, then read Jeremiah 17: 7-8 (Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its root by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought, and never fails to bear fruit).

Jeremiah 29: 11-14 says – “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and bring you back from captivity.”  Captivity means that I will restore your fortunes.

Is it any wonder why there is so much heartache and pain in our society, families, nations, and worldwide?  Where does God fit into the picture of the lives of His people?  Good Question!

Hope this gives you encouragement and direction in seeking a better future in the days to come, for yourself, and those involved in your life.  God Bless You!

As I mentioned in the above article, if we would learn to come into proper relationship with God, and let Him teach us how to hear His voice, and be led by His great awesome plan for our lives, I believe our lives would have greater peace and joy.

Think of the story of Joseph. Though things seemed to be totally outof control in his life, and made no sense at all; just look how God put everything in perfect order, because Joseph was willing to let God have His perfect way in his situation.

Remember, God's time, place, and hour is absolutely perfect.  He is never early, and He's never late. Our problem is that we are trying to tell God what's important. 

Think of the story of the Prodigal Son. He thought he had a better plan than his father. He found out that he was better off in his ather's protection, than slopping with the pigs. The greatest thing that happened to him was that he came to his senses, and got back in the arms of his loving father, who was waiting eagerly to help him get back on track.

So what does this all boil down to, if our relationship is not right with God, how is it ever going to be right with others? If we do not come to the place where we realize that God is absolutely perfect, regardless of the way we think, or how are lives seem to be going, we will never have the faith or the trust to let God work out His perfect plan that He has so perfectly designed and created for each one of us personally.

Think of the classic story of Ruth and Boaz; two people with great noble character, and how God put them together when the time was right and perfect. A fantastic story that teaches us that God's people do not go unnoticed, and that He is always working behind the scenes for a tremendous outcome and victory for the welfare of His people.

My greatest concern was to be able to give some hope and encouragement to those that are very serious about getting into right and proper relationships. It is very easy to compromise and to drag God's name into our own plan, and then blame God when things go all wrong.

It says in Proverbs 21:30 - "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord." Proverbs 9:9 - "Instruct the wise man, and he will be wiser still. Teach a righteous man and he will addto his learning."

Please take time and thought for your life. Remember, you were born God's original, don't live someone else’s copy. People are like snowflakes, there are no two the same. Each person is the one and only, that ever was or will ever be. What an awesome thought.