Unhealed Wounds
Goku watched Vejiita fly away, pressing his lips
together and cursing himself. What in the hell had he been thinking?! He felt
like smacking himself, his eyes still on the fading point of light that was
Vejiita.
When he’d seen the prince’s tail, he’d truly
been curious, and he’d asked Vejiita if he could see it before he’d realized
what he was saying. But then Vejiita’s fear had surprised him, and he’d sneered
at him for it, knowing that it was the surest way to goad Vejiita into allowing
him to touch his tail. And sure enough, the proud Saiya-jin had placed his tail
in Goku’s hand. The furry appendage had been trembling. Moved, Goku had held
the tail very gently, stroking the soft fur just to see what it felt like. And
then he had noticed Vejiita’s reaction.
He remembered, from when he was a child, that
tails were very sensitive, and that it was quite easy to cause great pain by
handling them carelessly. He hadn’t known about the... other... affect that
touching the tail could have, if one was gentle.
Still, he shook his head at himself, swallowing.
He should have released Vejiita immediately once he’d realized what he was
doing to the other man, but he hadn’t. Instead he had ruffled his fur, stroked
him more fully, teasing the prince to the point that the man’s knees had gone
weak and Goku had had to hold him up. But even then he hadn’t ended it,
Vejiita’s moan echoing in his ears as he had slid his mouth up the man’s
shoulder and neck. He had felt the smaller man’s arousal pressing against him
as Vejiita had held onto him, and then, when he had fully stroked Vejiita’s
tail, the man had arched into him, gasping.
Goku closed his eyes briefly as he turned and
began walking slowly back to his house. What the hell had he been doing?
Instead of listening to reason and breaking off their contact, he had kissed
him. Kissed Vejiita.
He breathed shallowly through his nose,
remembering the sensation of their tongues sliding together, of Vejiita’s tail
slipping from his grasp to wrap around his thigh. Vejiita’s hand had tangled
through his hair. And then it had seemed that the prince had realized what he
was doing, what they were doing, and he’d choked. Then he’d run.
Goku walked stiffly into his house, shutting the
door with a little more force than was necessary, a strange tightness in his
stomach. He could not believe he had been so stupid as to touch Vejiita like
that, to... to actually kiss him. He knew he hadn’t been thinking, that
he had simply acted on what he was feeling, but he should have had more control
than that. Now... he had probably ruined everything.
He sank down at his kitchen table, staring ahead
of him blankly. He wondered what Vejiita would do, once the shock of what had
happened had worn off. Either the man would avoid him like the plague, or he
would come looking for him to try and kill him. He had no reason at all to
believe that Vejiita was anything other than straight. Of course he understood
how Vejiita had responded to him only a few minutes ago, but that meant
nothing. The prince had been distressed, emotionally unstable and extremely
insecure. And then Goku had touched him in an area that was clearly an
erogenous zone. Anyone might have reacted the same way. And as soon as Vejiita
had understood what was happening, he had broken off in horror.
Goku bit his lip, nervously picking at a faint
scratch on the table, wishing with everything in him that he could undo what
had just happened. The idea of Vejiita ever wanting to become involved
with him was ridiculous, but he had at least hoped they could be
friends...
A soft sound to his right made Goku look up
sharply, muscles tensing, then relaxing again.
His son stood in the doorway, blinking at him
sleepily with dark, tired eyes.
Despite himself, Goku found himself smiling
affectionately.
Goten’s hair was rumpled and even more wild than
usual, stray strands sticking out from all over his head. The loose pajama
pants he wore to bed were long enough to half-cover his bare feet, his toes
poking out of the ends. For a moment he looked much younger than his seventeen
years.
Goten rubbed his eyes blearily. "What’s
happening, Dad? What was that noise? What time is it?"
"It’s only four o’clock in the morning,
Goten, go back to bed. Everything’s fine, I just couldn’t sleep, that’s
all."
"Unnn," his son mumbled, looking like
he was thinking hard about what his father had just said. Obviously, he wasn’t
completely awake. Finally, the boy shrugged, his desire to sleep clearly
winning out over his curiosity. "Okee. G’night, Dad."
Goku smiled. "Goodnight, Goten."
Goten shuffled back to his room and his father
continued to grin in the direction he had gone for several long minutes, until
he remembered what he had been thinking about before the boy had come. His
smile faded.
Vejiita landed unsteadily on the beach, staring
blindly out at the ocean as the waves rushed up to embrace the shore. Heat
suffused his body, and his limbs were trembling faintly. He closed his eyes,
slowly dropping to his knees in the sand and clenching his teeth against the
aching want inside him, hardly able to believe what had caused it. He
could feel the blood still bright in his cheeks, sense the lingering warmth
where Goku’s body had pressed to his.
A particularly aggressive wave rushed up the
shore, managing to lap at his knees where they were pressed against the sand,
the water cool and dispassionate. Staggering to his feet, Vejiita splashed into
the salt-water, trying to use its coldness to shock the heat of desire from his
body. He moved forward until the ocean stroked against his waist, water
crashing together and spraying up to shower him in a fine mist.
Moaning, he pressed the heels of his hands to
his eyes. What had happened to him? What had he.... What...?
Goku’s lips pressed against his and he opened
his mouth, moaning as their tongues stroked together....
Vejiita winced, sliding his hands over to cover
his ears, as if he could muffle the phantom sounds of his desire. Then he
closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around his chest and bowing his head. It had
happened so quickly... he hadn’t even known it was coming... When Goku had
touched his tail so gently... The pleasure had been shocking, spiraling through
him to coil deep in his belly. And then when the other Saiya-jin had begun
kissing him, all he’d understood was that he wanted it.
God, what was wrong with him? How could he have
reacted that way to Kakarrot, to his touch, his kiss? He couldn’t be....?
No. He shook his head. No, it was a mistake, it
was nothing. The shock of his tail coming back, the fact that he hadn’t known
touching the tail would affect him like that... It had been a mistake. It
didn’t mean anything.
Sighing, he lifted his head and nodded. He was
being ridiculous.
Uncrossing his arms, he began to walk back
toward the shore. There was certainly nothing between... between Kakarrot and
him. The idea was laughable. They had been rivals for years.
Kakarrot was feeling sorry for him. His lips
curled at the thought. Or maybe he was mocking him, silently sneering at him
for what had happened between him and Frieza.
Vejiita’s lips tightened. Kakarrot was laughing
at him, teasing him, suggesting... what? That... That he had actually enjoyed
it when Frieza had touched him? That he had wanted it? Encouraged it?
Vejiita’s mind traveled down paths that, had he
stepped back and viewed them logically, he would have known were ridiculous.
Goku would never do the things he was suggesting. But too much of him had been
abused, crushed, beaten. He could not understand a relationship without pain.
Now he trembled with anger, with rage that he
had allowed himself to respond to Goku, with disgust that he had
actually responded that way to Goku. He had let the other Saiya-jin lead him,
let him touch him.... Shame flooded through him. He had no other experience to
tell him what he felt was not wrong. For him, sex and everything to do with it
had always been pain, shame, and control. Except once.
Once Bulma had kissed him, and he had let her;
let her show him what it meant, this human custom of pressing lips and tongues
together. And just for a moment she had touched something inside of him, made
something inside of him tremble, but then he had gone. He had fled, horrified
at his weakness.
So now he was shaking with rage, longing to
pummel Goku, but at the same time afraid to face him. Tugging angrily at his
hair for a moment, he cursed, then again flew off into the night.
Vejiita stayed at home, silent and brooding,
spending long hours in the gravity chamber, training madly in hopes that the
activity would ease his tension. Days had passed since he and Goku had kissed.
He tried not to think about it. Each time he did, the memory alternately
brought him shame, anger, fear, or, worst of all, desire. The desire was faint
though, buried beneath his stronger emotions, and he was able to convince
himself that it was nothing.
He could not admit, even to himself, that at the
root of everything was fear. Fear of what he felt. Fear of Goku’s intentions.
Fear of being close to someone. Fear of being alone. He both yearned for physical
intimacy and was terrified of it. He could not think of giving someone else
control, giving them power over him.
There were too many times when he came close to
weeping, strung to the breaking point on the torturous rack of his emotions. He
always swallowed the tears angrily though, disgusted at his own worthlessness,
his weakness. There was nothing for him to cry about; he should not care about
such things.
But there were still times when he wanted to
die. He was so incredibly weary, so tired of putting up with another day of
unhappiness. But he could not give up, would not give up, for one reason.
He could not abandon Trunks. Not again.
He had started to spend more time with his son,
doing little things that had nothing to do with sparring or combat. At first it
had seemed forced, awkward and contrived as he had reluctantly dragged himself
into Bulma’s workshop to talk to Trunks about his inventions, to let his son
explain them to him. But the longer he had stayed, the more something inside of
him had started to treasure the time. He only half-listened to Trunks’
explanations of how he thought the time machine might operate; he didn’t care,
quite frankly. But he did care about the flushed look of pleasure on his son’s
face as he talked to him with quiet eagerness. He did care about the happiness
in the boy’s voice, and he realized how much his attention meant to Trunks.
There had been no more mushy sharing of feelings
as there had been the night he had come home, but their relationship was
dramatically changed. And even though it made Vejiita feel faintly
uncomfortable, he would not go back to the way it was before, given the choice.
He and Trunks still sparred each day, but the
even feel of that had changed. Vejiita was still more than willing to slam his
son into the walls and make him fight hard, but somehow it was lighter now.
The times he spent with Trunks were the few
bright spots in his day. The rest was spent brooding. He rarely left Capsule
Corporation, and when he did he quickly returned. He worked out inside, not
wanting to risk being out-doors.
It took him a while to realize that he was
avoiding Goku. When he did, he cursed out loud, his lips curling into a snarl
as he sneered at himself, disgusted by his cowardice. He had not spoken to Goku
in nearly two weeks, hadn’t so much as looked at him. And, he thought, Kakarrot
probably knows it. He knows I’ve been hiding from him.
Cursing again, he slammed the cup he had been
holding down on his table and stalked out of the house, trying to force down
the fear he felt building in his chest. He would go and find him, and show him
that what he had done had not touched him.
What if he laughs at me? something deep and hidden whispered. What if he mocks
me? What if he knows... knows that I’m afraid? I can’t live if he laughs at me.
Hissing, he pushed the half-formed thoughts aside.
The moment he left Capsule Corporation he
launched into the air, flashing over the treetops as his senses pinpointed
Goku’s ki, keeping his own energy suppressed. He followed the beacon of Goku’s
ki to the woods near his house and descended softly, alighting on a tree branch
and looking down at the other Saiya-jin.
Goku was in the middle of a tension-filled kata,
all his muscles taught as he flowed through the motions like a dancer. The
shirt of his orange gi had been tossed aside and lay in the grass several feet
away. His chest glistened with sweat and strands of his black hair clung to his
forehead and neck as he continued his workout. Vejiita watched the muscles in
his stomach and chest flex and move beneath his skin, creating ridges and
valleys that rippled away like water with each new position.
Beautiful.
The thought came unbidden, and when he realized where his mind was going,
Vejiita stiffened, cursing himself.
Trying to focus again on his rage, the prince
lept from the tree branch, descending toward the ground to land several feet
away from Goku, falling into a graceful crouch, then rising.
Goku jumped backward, his eyes widening, and
nearly stumbled, flailing his arms for a moment to keep his balance. When he
had recovered he stood motionless, his jaw gaping slightly as he stared at
Vejiita, shock written across his face, along with something that almost looked
like fear.
Vejiita stared back at him, his expression hard
and closed.
Goku’s throat worked silently for a moment and
he seemed to have gone faintly pale. Then he whispered, "Vejiita, I-"
Forcing himself to remember his anger, Vejiita
said nothing, flickering up to SSJ3, his golden aura making leaves on the ground
skitter away from him and the grass billow wildly. I will make him realize
what it means to mock me. How dare... how dare he make me feel... like that...
"Vejiita, listen to me..." Goku began,
stepping backward and circling warily.
"Kisama," Vejiita whispered,
his aura flaring as he remembered his shame, "How dare you do that to
me?"
"No, Vejiita, stop, I-"
Vejiita gave Goku no time to finish, his muscles
bunching as he pushed off the ground and launched himself at the other
Saiya-jin. Goku cursed, ducking out of the way, his hair, too, flashing golden
as he made the jump to SSJ3.
Vejiita twisted, following, his gloved hand
extending to grasp a handful of Goku’s glowing hair, jerking him forward and
smashing his other fist into the Saiya-jin’s face. To his shock, Vejiita felt
angry tears begin to burn his eyes.
"How dare you mock me?!" he
screamed.
Goku’s head snapped backward with the force of
the blow and he grunted, then brought his hand up to slam his palm into the
hollow of Vejiita’s elbow, forcing the prince to release his grip on his hair.
He shoved Vejiita backward, putting space between them and wiping blood from
his lips. As Vejiita prepared to charge him again, he met the prince’s eyes.
"I don’t want to fight you, Vejiita,"
he whispered, his voice oddly strained.
Sneering at him, Vejiita launched another punch
at his face, all of his power going into the movement. Then, a millisecond
before his fist was about to connect, he watched Goku drop out of Super
Saiya-jin, not moving to avoid the blow.
With a short cry Vejiita struggled to pull back
his momentum, horrified. Oh God, no, no! He managed to check his fist,
but the speed he had gathered still managed to send him flying forward,
crashing hard into Goku’s chest. The impact sent both of them to the ground
where they lay sprawled in a heap, arms and legs tangled together as Vejiita
trembled in shock, releasing his SSJ form. For long moments neither of them
shifted position at all, Vejiita draped across Goku’s chest, his chin hanging
over the other Saiya-jin’s shoulder so that Goku’s cheek brushed his ear, one
of his legs shoved between Goku’s thighs and his arms twisted at odd angles.
Vejiita gazed ahead blankly, the terrible fear clinging even as he felt the
rise and fall of Goku’s chest beneath his.
Anger quickly rose to match it.
He jerked his head up, rising enough to glare
down into Goku’s face, his black eyes harsh with fury. A near-animal growl tore
from his throat before he roared, "What in the holy fuck were you
doing!?"
Shaking more violently as he realized what could
have happened, Vejiita slammed his fist into the ground beside Goku’s head,
creating a sizable dent and causing the larger Saiya-jin to flinch slightly.
"Wha- What- What-...? I could have killed you, you stupid bastard!"
he nearly screamed. "What in the fuck were you thinking?!"
His eyes glazed momentarily. If he’d hit
Kakarrot with the kind of power he’d thrown into that punch and Kakarrot had
dropped all of his defenses....
Feeling suddenly weak, Vejiita’s head dropped
forward and he closed his eyes, hardly aware that he had moved so his forehead
rested against Goku’s chin. For long minutes he sagged limply against Goku’s
body, neither speaking.
Finally, Goku broke his silence, almost sounding
like he hadn’t meant to speak at all.
"You would have cared, Vejiita?" His
words were barely audible.
Vejiita stiffened. His immediate instinct was to
laugh in Kakarrot’s face, to sneer that of course he wouldn’t have
cared, he didn’t know what had come over him. But he couldn’t seem to get the
words out. Because he found another part of him wanted to say something else.
At the same moment he finally became aware of
how they were lying. Suddenly he was all too-intensely conscious of the fact
that his thigh was between Goku’s legs, that their chests and stomach’s were
pressed together, and lower...
Vejiita was unable to stop the sudden flush that
heated his cheeks. He almost lept to his feet immediately, but then realized
that that would only serve to let Goku know how unsettled he was. Cursing
mentally, he stared down into the other Saiya-jin’s dark eyes, trying to think
of some way to get out of this situation and still maintain an air of
confidence. Then he noticed that Goku’s cheeks were also turning red, the color
slowly brightening his face and creeping down his throat. Neither of them
looked away from the other, as if each were waiting for the other to make the
first move. Suddenly Goku bit his lip, closing his eyes briefly as Vejiita
watched an expression that almost seemed like pain cross his face. Then he
looked at him again.
Very slowly, Goku raised his hand, extended it
toward Vejiita’s face. Vejiita stopped breathing, muscles tensing as his eyes
widened slightly. He couldn’t move. Then Goku’s fingertips lightly brushed across
his cheek, slid down to trace the line of his jaw.
Vejiita opened his mouth to speak, but no words
came. He only sat very still as Goku gently traced his eyebrows and the bridge
of his nose, brushed over his eyes and forced him to close them briefly. He
kept telling himself to get up, to screw appearances and leave, but he didn’t.
The gentleness in the touch held him captive. What is he doing to me? I...
Oh, God...
He opened his eyes again as Goku lightly touched
his lips with his fingers, caressing them slightly. He slid his hand around
until his fingers curled over the back of Vejiita’s neck. He looked at him
steadily, though Vejiita felt a faint tremor shake the body beneath his. Then
Goku pulled his head downward, at the same time lifting his own.
This time Vejiita knew what was happening,
realized what was going on, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Goku
moved very slowly, giving him time to resist, to escape, but... he didn’t...
want to.
Vejiita’s lips parted and his eyes closed as
their mouths touched. Goku’s lips were soft and warm against his, caressing,
and he felt a shudder sweep him.
For long moments they kissed almost chastely, a
tentative exploration. Then Goku’s tongue flicked lightly over his lips, almost
like he was asking Vejiita to let him deepen the kiss. He was asking,
Vejiita thought, painfully touched by the realization. With a quiet sound, he
opened his mouth, allowing Goku’s tongue inside, shivering again as heat
flushed through him. He thought dimly that this shouldn’t be happening, but he
didn’t care anymore. All he knew as Goku’s hands lifted to begin gently
stroking his back was that it felt right.
He groaned low in his throat as a shocking spasm
of desire shook him, making his body tighten as he unconsciously arched his
hips into Goku’s in an instinctive rocking motion. Goku made an odd sound that
was muffled by Vejiita’s lips, sliding his hands downward to grip Vejiita’s
hips tightly, holding him still.
Some distant part of Vejiita found it hugely
ironic that he was sprawled on the ground, locked in a passionate kiss with Kakarrot,
but the thought was deeply buried, the greater portion of his mind unable to
concentrate on anything but Goku’s tongue mating with his, his lips moving
against his, his hands caressing his body.
He stiffened slightly, muscles tensing when he
felt Goku’s fingers slip hesitantly beneath the hem of his shirt, lightly
brushing the small of his back. Then Goku’s palms flattened against his back,
sliding upward, and he closed his eyes, any fears forgotten in the feel of the
other Saiya-jin’s rough and gentle hands against his skin.
Their kiss broke, though their lips still
touched, leaving them both gasping for breath as Goku continued to caress the
smooth skin of Vejiita’s back.
"Vejiita," he moaned into the Prince’s
mouth, then moved suddenly, twisting so that Vejiita was laying beneath him.
Oh, God, what am I doing? Vejiita wondered frantically in a moment of clear
thought, What is this? I never thought that I... That this.... Then his
thoughts were cut off and he hissed, pressing his head back into the ground as
Goku’s hands slid beneath his shirt again to cover his chest. Oh, God...
God...
He felt Goku’s lips, warm and moist against his
neck, the Saiya-jin pressing open-mouthed kisses to his throat, and fought to
suppress the low moan rising in him.
No... This is wrong... what I’m feeling...
Goku’s hands smoothed over the hardened muscles
of his chest, sliding up to brush the hollows of his shoulders before moving
down again, tracing his ribs. The contact sent fire through Vejiita’s body and
the moan escaped him as he pressed upward, hardly aware of what he was doing as
he struggled to bring Goku more firmly into contact with him.
But... God, please... when he touches me....
Goku kissed him again and Vejiita responded to
him immediately, despite the faint embarrassment he felt, opening his mouth and
drawing the other Saiya-jin’s tongue inside. Goku cooperated willingly, sliding
deep into Vejiita’s mouth and rubbing their tongues together.
Then Goku’s fingers found his nipples and
brushed over them, teasing him gently.
Vejiita gasped, breaking the kiss as he twisted
his head to one side and squeezed his eyes closed. He felt Goku kiss his cheek
as he lightly traced circles around his nipples. Vejiita’s breathing was hard
and fast, his chest heaving beneath Goku’s hands as the larger Saiya-jin’s lips
brushed his ear.
"K-Kakar-r-" Vejiita choked, unable to
finish as his hands moved to clench desperately in Goku’s hair. Goku rubbed his
cheek against Vejiita’s in an oddly reassuring gesture, a soft sound in his
throat, then placed his thumbs firmly against Vejiita’s nipples, gently
massaging them taut.
Vejiita’s body tightened like a bow, his back
arching as a harsh cry escaped his lips. He kept his eyes squeezed closed,
unconsciously undulating his hips in an attempt to relieve the painful
tightness in his loins.
Goku kissed his jaw. "V-Vejiita..." he
gasped, his voice trembling.
Vejiita couldn’t think, he only knew as Goku
continued to touch him that he longed for completion, was desperate for
Kakarrot to touch him more deeply. A whimper eased from his throat as Goku
gently squeezed his nipples, again arching his hips into Goku’s and gasping at
the sensation the friction caused.
And then he realized what he was doing, heard
himself whimpering, on the verge of begging Goku to do anything he
wanted to him. He froze, abruptly paling and then flushing scarlet as shame
flooded through him.
God, no, what kind of a disgusting slut am I,
to feel like this?? Kakarrot is probably laughing at me even now, knowing what
he’s doing to me. God dammit, I am Prince Vejiita! I don’t... I don’t... A sob threatened to tear from his throat. Look at me,
whimpering to Kakarrot like a mindless whore, reacting like a wanton when he
touches me... WHY?! Why is Kakarrot making me feel like this?! How can I let
myself feel like this?! Why is he doing this? He’s showing me his power over
me. He’s dominated me everywhere else, and now he’s showing me he can control
me here, too. But then why isn’t... why doesn’t... why isn’t he hurting me?
God, why do I want him like this?!
Vejiita began shaking for a different reason
now, wanting to scream in rage as he felt tears begin spilling down his cheeks.
He was crying again. What a pathetic weakling he was.
Goku had paused, still lying on top of him, and
Vejiita could feel him looking down at him. "Vejiita, what-"
Cursing, Vejiita struggled, pushing the other
Saiya-jin off him and trying to stagger to his feet, falling back to his knees
once before he was successful.
Goku stumbled up beside him.
"Vejiita, what’s wrong with you?! What’s
going on? Did I do som-"
Vejiita twisted to glare up at the taller man,
quickly backing away before Goku could touch him. Tears glazed his black eyes
as anger, shame, and pain warred on his face.
"Do you think this is funny,
Kakarrot?" he whispered hoarsely, trying unsuccessfully to still his
trembling. His body ached, screaming that it needed to have its desire
sated. "Do you think it’s funny to do this to me? Fuck you, you stupid
bastard," he rasped, hating the weakness of his voice, "Is it kind of
a laugh to know that you- you did- what you-"
He couldn’t finish, too humiliated to face the
other Saiya-jin any longer. He didn’t understand why he reacted to Goku the way
he did and was horribly ashamed of himself. His experiences with Frieza had
twisted him into thinking that sex always meant pain if you weren’t in control,
and he had somehow convinced himself that to feel anything else meant he was
disgusting and unnatural. Like many victims of rape, on a subconscious level he
felt like he shouldn’t feel pleasure, like it was something not allowed
to him. Nor could he trust that Goku didn’t mean to hurt him, it hardly crossed
his mind that the other Saiya-jin might actually want him, simply for
who he was.
Vejiita turned sharply, gathering his ki as he
prepared to return to Capsule Corporation. For a moment Goku simply stared
after him, gaping, then ran several steps toward him.
"Vejiita, what are you talking about?!
Stop, where-"
Vejiita ignored him, feeling a mild twinge of
satisfaction at Goku’s flinch as he let his power explode out of him, launching
him into the air at top speed. Only once he was sure he was out of the other
Saiya-jin’s sight did he pause, wrapping his arms around himself and hunching
forward in the air as he sobbed.
Once more, Goku was left to stare after the
prince as Vejiita ran away from him. His hands hung limply at his sides as he
watched the energy trail left in Vejiita’s wake slowly fade, vanishing against
the blue of the afternoon sky. Then he winced, running his hands through his
hair and trying to ignore the very real complaints of his completely
unsatisfied body.
Forcing his breathing to even out, Goku leaned
back against a tree, struggling to understand what had gone wrong. He’d been
completely shocked to suddenly find himself laid out on the forest floor with
Vejiita on top of him in a very compromising position. For long moments he
hadn’t known what to do. He wasn’t going to throw Vejiita off of him, thereby
angering the prince further. Besides, he certainly hadn’t been unhappy to have
Vejiita laying on top of him with Vejiita’s thigh between his legs. He’d wanted
to do anything but move him. But he had been afraid to touch him as well, not
wanting to upset Vejiita as he had the other night. He’d been waiting for
Vejiita to make some attempt to get off him, and he’d been very surprised when
Vejiita had suddenly screamed at him for dropping out of Super Saiya-jin during
their fight. Then something had tightened in his chest as he realized that the
prince was implying that it would have bothered him if he had injured Goku.
Right about then Vejiita had appeared to realize
the position he was in and Goku had watched his face flush a deep red. He’d
felt his own cheeks heating as an awkward silence fell. And looking into
Vejiita’s eyes, he’d wanted to cry, he loved him so much. And he’d lifted his
hand, unable to stop himself, and touched the prince’s face.
He’d been expecting Vejiita to pull away
immediately, but to his surprise the smaller Saiya-jin had stayed, unmoving, as
Goku’s fingers outlined his features. Then he’d expected Vejiita to laugh at
him, to spit some kind of crushing remark into his face that would tear his
heart to shreds. But he’d said nothing.
And Goku hadn’t been able to keep himself from
kissing him. But he’d forced himself to go very slowly, not to rush Vejiita, to
make sure the prince had enough time to escape if he wanted to. He
hadn’t.
Vejiita’s response had shaken him to his core.
When Vejiita had started kissing him back, he’d been so astonished he’d nearly
jerked back from the contact, unable to believe he wasn’t imagining things, so
his kiss had been tentative and almost uncertain at first. Then he’d dared to
touch Vejiita’s lips with his tongue, asking the prince to let him deepen the
kiss. And Vejiita had complied.
Goku closed his eyes, drawing a shallow breath
as his mind replayed what had happened from there. When he’d known for certain
that he was pleasing Vejiita, that the prince wasn’t about to run, he’d slid
his hands beneath the other Saiya-jin’s shirt. He’d had to touch him, had
to feel Vejiita’s skin under his hands. He couldn’t have stopped himself if
he’d wanted to. And he’d trembled inside when Vejiita had let him.
If the prince had resisted any of his touches he
would have stopped immediately. The thought of forcing the slightest thing on
Vejiita made him feel faintly ill. He wanted Vejiita to want him, he
would not have it any other way. He loved him too much for that.
Goku slowly straightened from the tree, rubbing
his hands over his face and biting his lip as he remembered the feel of Vejiita
responding beneath him, once they’d switched positions. The sensation of
Vejiita’s body arching into his, the trembling joy he’d felt that he was
able to affect the prince that way, the feel of Vejiita’s hands gripping his
hair.
And then Vejiita had pulled away again.
He sighed, bending absently to retrieve his
shirt from where he’d dropped it after taking it off to exercise.
Why had Vejiita run? He knew now, he knew
that the prince had wanted him, that he’d responded to his touch. He knew
Vejiita had been fully aware of what was happening. So... what? Had he done
something wrong?
Goku wracked his brain trying to think of
anything he might have done to frighten, offend, or disgust his prince. There
was nothing. One moment Vejiita had been moaning beneath him, arching into his
arms, and the next he’d been pushing Goku off him, cursing him as he’d stumbled
to his feet.
He frowned, remembering what Vejiita had said to
him.
‘Do you think this it’s funny to do this to
me?’
Goku stopped again, unconsciously biting the
inside of his cheek. Did... Vejiita think he was playing with him? He must.
Somehow, Vejiita thought he was mocking him, throwing what had happened to him
with Frieza in his face.
He doesn’t trust me.
Then he frowned again, beginning to walk once
more. Well, of course he doesn’t, you dumbass. Good God, he was raped repeatedly
as a child; used as... as Frieza’s personal plaything. Did you expect that he
wouldn’t have any emotional scars left over from that?
In fact, it was likely that Vejiita had more
than scars. The mental trauma caused by Frieza’s actions were still unhealed
wounds, they had to be. When had he ever had a chance to recover. Who had ever
wanted to be there for him so he could recover? The damage caused by
rape was always worse psychologically than physically, and the physical was bad
enough.
Goku swallowed, awash in furious anger on
Vejiita’s behalf, longing to wish Frieza back to life just so he could kill him
again, slowly and painfully. The other part of him was trembling with tender
love, with longing to help Vejiita.
Drawing his shirt over his head, he began
walking back to his house, wanting more than anything to go to his prince and
take him in his arms, but knowing that Vejiita would have none of it right now.
Maybe not ever. Maybe the prince would curse himself for ever responding to
Goku’s touch like he had. But... as long as he could help him, it didn’t matter
whether Vejiita would ever love him or not. It brought an ache to his heart
just thinking about it, but the possibility was very real. Just because Vejiita
could respond to him physically didn’t mean he really felt anything for him; it
was very likely he was disgusted with himself. And Goku as well. Still, he
would give Vejiita everything he had.
Because I love him. I’ll do whatever it takes.
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