What we live for sometimes is not what we live...
The day the hollowness fell Collapsed down Filled with its own emptiness A bowl, waiting to be filled By rain or snow Something other then the cold wind Swallowed. 6-19-04 In your Company I shouldn�t be jealous but I am Hints of you Nothing solid� never to be I wish to break into your shell I want to reach you But our time is short Our situation is improbable The chances are slim And it makes me sad I want you The first person who makes me smile You only need to walk in the room I am uncertain Something that doesn�t happen often Smoke and mirrors is how we function Truth hidden Lies in play You have someone back home I am certain You are in pain I am only a temporary salve It makes me sad But I will live as I do Moment to moment A piece of you is mine For now And what can I do You�re irresistible to me It happens My heart breaks The lack of emotion It hurts But I can deal For just a few more happy moments In your company Cravings Moments like this, you pull me close Surprise me with your emotion Moments like this, you touch my hair and back and arms Love me, if only for a breath Moments like this, it is shocking You and me, heartbeats synchronizing Wrapped up in the early morning light Sheets around us Your breath on my neck and back The soft touch of your lips Your hands gentle and soft Moments like this� I crave them, for they are rare 7-1-04 Honey Bear You missed it Somewhere along the line you missed The absence wasn�t the point It was the response The telling me that I am not But its alright This is nothing lasting Its not forever Things happen We must let them pass But thank you for the thought It was with good intention You must think I am� Much younger Much sillier then I really am But you won�t let yourself see me In Bed I see you lying there� Resting restlessly My thoughts are too loud They keep you up at night They keep me up at night There is much comfort though In laying next to you In the act of it Your breathing Your heartbeat There is life in them Life that I do not feel in myself I could stay here with you forever But it wouldn�t make you happy Or I don�t think it would So I try not to become attached So I can walk away Like a thousand times before You don�t like emotion So I will spare you And leave you lying there 7-3-04 Haha Italian Stallion Yeah, It looked like a horse bit my neck 7-7-04 Feeling Your forgotten mistress Your lonely friend You ignore their bantering You ignore me My presence gives you shivers My presence gives you pain Me and my wantings Me and my incessant brain It is not my fault I can�t get organized It is not my fault you don�t feel Questions hang in the air Questions about where we are and were What changed? What are we? People Joke Everyone jokes that I exhaust you They joke that it is my fault But it is no joke I don�t mean it I can�t stop it I wish you were strong enough To handle me To handle emotions You are everything I�ve wanted But quirky in everyway that could ever keep you from me We are too connected We are bad for each other We don�t like to talk about us Or are too scared to� People joke that I exhaust you I wish it was a joke Why? You say we are all connected in this This grand thing called life You�ve been here for thousands of years Here you�ve stayed Why I wonder? You seem so tortured, so sad sometimes when you think no one is looking Your Essence I remember what you said to me Every word, I can still feel All I have to do is close my eyes I�ll catch your scent on me days hours later Feel your touch Remember things The difference in our skin How soft and firm your hands can be The way you look at me sometimes 7-10-04 Day Off What a day Woken up with a kiss Well Rested Hours of talking without a thought No need to move from bed Talking about old loves How to be the best The rest of life It was comforting What a day Going off to the store Befriended Driving with music low Content to talk Childhoods and friends Full baskets The rest of life Content to be What a Day In the kitchen together Sharing ingredients Trading recipes Watching your hands at work Happy memories made and shared Taste tests The rest of life The day almost gone Never Never in my life have I felt so Scattered Unsure Things change day to day Broken Fixed All I can do is be compassionate All I can do is care I can�t stop it There are just some things They require caring It is almost a afterthought Something that with what is happening can�t be helped But even without You are someone I am attracted to It is amazing how that works
