When I was about 1 1/2 years of age, my father and mother (my brother was yet to be born) moved to
Fresno, California. I was born in 1984, so it had to be around in 1986 when I began my life here in Fresno,
California. In August of 1988, my brother (Eric) was born. Our family environment was NOT what you would
call a "happy" environment >_< But it had its' upsides to it also. Well, anywho... getting back to the point...
our family (mainly my parents) were always fighting all of the time. And believe me... it literally SCREWED
me and my brother out of a chance at having a "normal" childhood. Not to mention the fact that, when I was
6 years old... my great grandfather (my grandmother's dad, whom, has been passed away now for about 12 years) sexually abused me... but God willing, I was not penetrated. Heh... so yeah... THAT also screwed me up mentally
and emotionally later on down the road (even as of today... even though I'm turning 20 Dec. 15th this year [2004]).
But yeah... about WHAT happened when I began my "poetic" journey. . . it was in December of 1998. It was
before Christmas. Needless to say, my grandparents ( on my mom's side ) were very torn by this little action by
my mother's so called "good intention." My mother had found her "real" father after 31 years and decided to
drag my father, my brother and I to Minnesota (which is where he lived at this point). As far as I was concerned,
being 14, I was taken away from the city I had lived and the friends I had met within thirteen years. Was I pissed
off? Um, wouldn't you be? Yeah, well, heh...that's another story.... I was FOURTEEN, remember? I couldn't do ANYTHING about it. Well... moving on... we moved to Minnesota. In "MinneSNOWta" (and believe me, it was snowing when we got there...an upside, considering I had never had a "snowy" Christmas), during my little
four-year visit... my parents fought even more while we were out there, which ended in their divorce. I was
burdened with having to be somewhat of the "loving parent" to my brother (whom was 10 yrs. old at the time)
at again. . .FOURTEEN! A lot of nights, I remember cooking for us because my mom came home when it was convenient for "her" (a word that, if said correctly, has the word "selfish" written all over it). Four words; God,
music, a pencil/pen and paper. If I didn't have my Bible, music to listen to (all of which I've gotten rid of), a
pencil/pen or paper... I would have.... I'm sorry to say.... committed suicide. And let me tell you something...
I take no credit for pulling "myself" through, okay? It was God... that's all I have to say. This opened the door
for my interest in poetry. Most of my poetry was just writting to get "bad feelings or emotions" out in the open (rather, on paper). But as the years progressed...my poetry (and my need and interest in it) became MUCH stronger. Well, I had to get used to my surroundings when we had moved to Minnesota in '98. Just as I was enjoying the "scenery," yep... you guessed it... my life was screwed over again. My mom took my brother (and attempted to
take me) back to our hometown (Fresno) in August of 2001. I went against what my mom wanted, telling her that I wanted to live with my dad (in my mind, knowing he was going to stay in Minnesota and considering I was 16, I had that choice of who to live with). I was able to get away with that, obviously. But just as satan gets off on seeing
God's children hurt... on December 10th, 2001, my father spoke these very words, "I know you want to stay here,
sweetheart, but you have to move back to Fresno with your mom and brother." Did I take this lightly?
Considering, that night, I was going to spend the night at my best friend Mandy's (whom I met at the Junior
High when we first moved back there)... NO! Of course I DIDN'T! I knew there was nothing I could do about
it now. Well... basically... this is the ending... on December 15th, 2001 (yes, my 17th birthday), I spent it with
my best friend and her mom (Debbie Nelson... whom are both currently as of 11-8-04 still very close to me and
whom I keep in touch with). Then, after packing my bags the night after my birthday, I flew back home to
Fresno, Cali on December 16th, 2001. A lot of things have happened since then. But writing poetry for 6
years has made me strong as a woman of God and as an individual in general. When I graduated from Clovis
High School in Clovis, Ca. in 2003, I had moved in with my grandmother and grandfather (whom passed away
on Sept. 28th, 2003). I give no other person in my life credit for helping me grow stronger and independent
except for one person... and that is Amanda Nelson (my best friend in Minnesota). When my life went smoothe,
she was there by my side. Through my tears, through my laughter, she was there. When she herself was going
through rough times, she was there. When she had enough burdens on her shoulders, she carried mine. If you
read this Mandy... I LOVE YOU GIRL!!! And may God continue blessing yours and my friendship...+T+
I still live with my grandmother and thank God for her everyday for supporting me
financially. But as for my poetry... it's a work in progress. Please continue praying for me as everyone on
Earth needs prayer. God bless... and DON'T hold in your feelings... if you have anger, hurt, sadness, or
despair... LET IT OUT! I'm sure a pencil or pen and a piece of paper would be WAY more than willing to listen
=^_^=