My name is Netty. I have been mostly bulimic for 13 years now. It started when I was 18 shortly after my fist boy was born. And what a dayto start. Thanksgiving Day 1994. I think that day I probably weighed in at around 150-160 and that was just disgusting especially at 5 feet 5 inches tall. My weight has been up and down quite a bit. But I never really stayed to heavy. my average weight has always stayed around 120. wich was ok. Well, sort of ok. I always wanted to go lower and sometimes I did. Hehe, At one point my therapist told me that if I lost anymore weight she would not see me anymore. I was around 100 pounds then but she had two anorexics die on here recently so I don't really blame her. I like to say I'm from two places. Utah and Georgia. I prefere Georgia over Utah anytme. My Husband or Ex- Husband is in Georgia with my 3 beutiful boys Austin, Nolan, and Gabriel. They are the most perfect boys in the world. wel behaved, smart as hell, and beutiful. I want to badly to go back home to Georgia. but for now I'm pretty much stuck here in Mormonville. I don't really want to go into the reason I am here and they are there. Everyone there thinks I'm a nut case. Maybe I am sometimes. Heck I don't know. I just want to go home. Without my Boys I am nothing! Absolutly Nothing! If I can't be with them, I don't want to be period. But somehow I am still here. Dont' know why. but I am. Don't know for how long though. I recently got out of the Utah State Hospital. I do not recomend that to anyone. lol I am now here in an appartment of my own living off Social Security at the moment which I am not at all proud of. But I won't be on it for long. I think social security just makes people lazy. Most people anyway. I'm pretty embarrassed about it so I don't talk about it. I am going to a place they call the Clubhouse. It's mostly for people with mental illnesses. I am not mentally ill. I'm just different. lol Anywho, I go there because it gives me something to do and somewhere to go during the day. It's not really safe for me to stay home 24/7. But it sucks because I have to pretend that I am good and happy or atleast doing somewhat ok. I can't always act as I should, but I try. I don't need people checking up on me. Though my family tries. Mostly my Mother, Grandmother, Brothers and who ever else decides to get nosey. But I just keep my door locked and don't answer my phone. I'll probably die that way. No one will hear from me for a few days or more, then break in somehow and find me dead. lol Kidding. well Kind of.I am kind of a loner. I prefere to be by myself as much as possible. Iscolating is what you might call it. My life is going nowhere. I'v started going back to school again, To find out I'm much smarter than I thought I was. Big surprise. But it does me no good to go to school or anywhere for that matter if I'm not going to be here long. I know I Shouldn't talk like that, but I have no where else to express my thoughts so they are stuck here in my site. For now I am just surviving. Trying to loose this weight I was forced to gain in the hospital. (DAMN THEM) It's taken me alot longer to drop this weigh than ever before and it SUCKS.. I am a Fat Frickin' Cow!!!!! I'm trying, I really am. I hate being fat, just as anyone esle would. My whole family is overweight and I don't want to be like them. Wow I'v had this site up since 1999, that's a long time. I intend to make it better than it used to be. Well looks like I'm just rambeling on here. So I will end this now.
Take care and enjoy
Netty |
