Song Playing "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer"

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !

How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !

Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !

How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !

Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !

Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !

What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer !

I can lift a reindeer with one hand
I bet you can't
Well you find me a reindeer with one hand
and I'll lift it !

If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a
new one ?
A retail shop !

Why do reindeer scratch themselves ?
Because they're the only ones who know where
they itch !

What is the wettest animal ?
A rain-deer !

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the
snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !

Where do snowmen go to dance ?
Snowballs !

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !

What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your
bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do you get if cross a snowman and a vampire ?
Frost bite !

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ?
Because a little water ends both of them !

What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
I'm going out tonight !

How long does it take to burn a candle down ?
About a wick !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a
Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for
Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?
Platform shoes !

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have
in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Santa suffer from if he gets
stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on
Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delivers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Santa go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !

How many chimney does Santa go down ?
Stacks !

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

The story of how the Angel ended up atop the Christmas Tree:
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual
trip... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys
as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of
being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.  This stressed
Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about
to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows
where.  MORE stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the
toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot
of whiskey.  When he went to the cupboard he found the elves
had hit the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration,
he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of pieces.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw
it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great
BIG tree.

The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friend is how the little angel came to be on top
of the Christmas tree.


Christmas Main


Nettie's Place

Trailing word script by Peter Gehrig

Song from Krypto's Den

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