Pak skool Alain Jokes and funny incidents

Our Pak.studies teacher was dictating us notes and when he said....."when Arabs came from mideast to south asia they brought" .........a guy chimed  in . ..."VISAS WITH THEM!"...

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The other day our Pak.studies teacher asked us the umpteenth time to name the 1st President of Pakistan, following were the replies to it.

"Quaid-e-Azam!"

"Liaquat Ali Khan!!"

"Maulana jauhar Ali Khan!!!"

"Nawaz Sharif !!!!"

"Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan!!!!!"       

                         The office going students

On the 1st day of Ramadan many  guys of our class reached the school grossly late .During the first period guys kept trickling in after every few minutes. Sir Waheed whose period was in progress  joked   that "Yaar Aap log daftar main aayein ho ya skool mein "(U guys are  coming  to an office or a skool) .

            Will the real slim shady please stand up

 The other day one of our teacher wanted to ask a guy to stand up he ended up blurring "KHARRA UP" instead of Stand up.                        

           

                Three or four, it keeps delaying more

It was somewhere in September that  some guys of our class (12th) went to the Principal for registering complaint of a teacher ,when the Principal assured them that the new teacher will be arriving in Alain within three or four  days .It the end of October now ,three or four weeks have lapsed and we are yet to catch the glimpse of that teacher ,so this morning a guy joked that teacher was walking his way from Pakistan to Alain and like Marco Polo it might be a while before he reaches Alain....lolzz

 

well if u wanna have hearty laughs that will blow your mind just attend our pak.studies class.FUN GUARANTEED or "nothing" back.

Ten signs that you are an Alainite or an Alainer(as this cool

"badi" of mine likes to put it. )

1. Your list of kool recreational spots starts from A of Alain mall

 

and ends at Z of alain Zoo

 

2. You have to implore your mobile/stereo to catch an FM radio

 

during daylight hours.

 

3. Your first date was in Public Garden!!!

 

4. Your cousin from neighboring city laughs when you brag her about

 

the newest hangout in the town.

5. The four "different" hangouts of yours during the last month

have been... "Alain Mall","Alain Mall","Jimi Mall"and "Alain

Mall"

6. You think that Pakistani school(s) sucks (and only �dumbos� and

stick-in-the-mud sort of guys get schooled there).

 

7. Your city overflows with Cyrus B wannabes like M Atif who have

 

got nothing better to do than concoct such inane jokes.

 

 

 

8. You are a loyal customer of Lulu Center.

 

9. The last concert you attended was of Sonu Nigam et al in an

 

amusement park.

 
 

10. You�ve had enough of the stench, which emanates from the

 

freshly manure-laden wayside greeneries in the wee hours of morning

 

while you commute to your Alma mater/work place.

 

11. The skeleton in your closet is that the much-talked about

 

much-hyped kool pant of yours was in fact purchased from Welcome

 

Traders.

 
 

12. Every time you go to your favorite computer and/or electronic

 

items retailer s/he greets you with comments that s/he will have

 

to order your desired product from d***I and it will take only

 

�three weeks�.

 

13. The word �Beach� arouses in your mind the images of Miami Beach

 

scenes from Baywatch, rather than the images of your nearest local

beaches.

14. One of your friends thinks that Burj-ul-Arab is the Arabic term

 

for Clock Tower.

15. You�ve rarely or never been to the airport in your city

 

16. You haven�t mastered yet the art of pastime while struck in

 

traffic jam.

 

17. You get stares and raised eyebrows from your relatives abroad

 

when you mention to them the name of your city and they inquire you

 

if your city is near D***I.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Before the release of the movie RAAZ a guy asked me if I knew its

 

>>storyline. I replied to him positively joking to him that I came to

 

>>know all about the Bollywood flicks even before they were

 

>>released. The guy inquired �Woh Kaisay�(how come)�I told him ..�its

 

>>simple ..Most of stuff Bollywood churns out is copy of Hollywood

 

>>movies�so if you have watched the original Hollywood movie..u come

 

>>to know about its c loned Indian version�

 

My funny experiences

Did u guyz came across this most famous msn display name of mine�it was like this�.. Breaking news! Matif is back...

 

While in a cab ,the driver took my attention to the cow on the ad of alrawabi milk which was painted across the sides of the company�s refrigerated truck and said �do u know this one�s from Pakistan��.(he meant to say that the company imported cows from pak)

 

There resides an Arab in my building who is way too fond of greetings. In the early days of my aquiantance with him he used to bid me wa-alaikumussaalam when passing me by, when I didn�t even used to say him asssalamualaikum in the first place �in the beginning I thought I was mistaken to hear him utter wa-alaikumussaalam but later my ears confirmed that that the exact word he used to state was wa-alaikumussaalam. One day as I was standing on near one  end  of my building , he cried assalamualaikum from other side ,provoking a man passing by who got puzzled if the gesture was directed unto him�.

 I could no less sympathize with that man.

(Laugh out aloud all u people�.laugh plz (I beg u)�..i spent 7.3 minutes typing it��.LOL)

 

If u haven�t come across those funny pitures u r surely missing a big deal..i came across one which showed usama BL in high school depicting bin laden with braces on his teeth��� or the one which showed a perfect world��the image showed WTC towers bending outwards as soon as any plane approached them.

   

 Miscellaneous jokes

Joke no. 1

A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."........Tahab my bench mate at school was quick to recommend this joke for posting on this website as soon as I cracked it to him...Shukria Tahab

Ek ladka aur exams

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten legs on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species. The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got. Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?" The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"..............Almost half of  my classmates have heard this joke from me and they have enjoyed it too....

                  The world's funniest joke....from nyt

LONDON (Reuters) - After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world's funniest joke was revealed on Thursday.

In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people's offerings.

More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques later, this is it:

``Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: ``My friend is dead! What can I do?'' The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: ``Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.''

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, ``Ok, now what?''

Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.

People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:

PATIENT: ``Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum.''

DOCTOR: ``I've got some cream for that.''

Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.

TEXAN: ``Where are you from?''

HARVARD GRAD: ``I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.''

TEXAN: ``OK -- where are you from, jackass?''

Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:

A patient says, ``Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'

``But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'''

Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:

``A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

``He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

``The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'''

Death earned big laughs in Scotland:

``I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.''

The survey revealed other fun facts:

-- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.

-- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.

-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: ``What's brown and sticky? A stick.''

Researchers said no one ever found it funny.

The findings can be read at www.laughlab.co.uk

                                              

                                             College rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students to point out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be off limits for all male students, and the male dormitory to female students. Anybody caught breaking these rules will be fined AED40 the first time, AED90 the second time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the third time will be fined a hefty AED200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

Diving in the pool   

An elderly economics professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing at the deep end taking pictures. She suddenly drops the camera into the pool. Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to retrieve the camera. He agrees and dives in and retrieve its. Upon returning he says to her, "Why did you ask me to retrieve the camera when there were many younger and more athletic males closer to her?" She replied, "Professor you seem to forget that I'm in your Econ I class, and I don't know anyone who can go down deeper, stay down longer and come up drier than you."

                                                        huh!

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

Parent notes  

The following is a list with actual notes from parents (including spelling) to school offices: *My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. *Please excuse Anne for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. *Dear school: Please ekscuse Joe being ansent on Jan. 28, 29, 39, 31, 32, and 33. *Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. *Sally win't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. *My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines. *Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps

A Polish Man's Lunch   

There were three construction workers who ate lunch together everyday at the top of the building they were working on. One was Italian, another was German, and the third was Polish. One day they were all grumpy and complaining about their lunches. The Italian guy says, "If I get stromboli one more time, I'm gonna jump off the building!" The German guy says, "And if I get bratwurst one more time, I'll jump off the building, too!" The Polish guy says, "Yeah, me too, I'm sick of kilbasa! I'll jump, too!" The next day, the Italian guy says, "Oh, thank God, I got pizza!" The German guy says, "Hurray! I got schnitzel!" And the Polish guy says, "Damn, I got kilbasa again! I'm jumping!" And sure enough, he jumps off and dies. The two others have to call his wife and give her the grim news that he's committed suicide. Crying, she says, "That's strange, he was so happy when he left this morning...He had made his own lunch!"

Bicycle   

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was "two-tired."

                                               

 

           Yeh hai chalaqi

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $20.30 in Interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away. "Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $20.30?

 

Former Doctor   

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $800. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

 

Please  drink....sirf  ek jam

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. �Aren�t you going to have a drink yourself?� asked the doctor. �Sure, after the police leave,� replied the attorney.

Dulhe raja!!!!!!

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

                            

        Sound like our  country's  state-run airline...eh!

"This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
"That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

Patni no.1

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I think it is? It's so beautiful! Did I make it into heaven?" St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you may enter." The woman was very excited, of course, and she asked St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked. "Any word," St. Peter answered. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is 'love.' 'L,' 'O,' 'V,' 'E,' 'love.'" St. Peter congratulated her on making it into Heaven and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he ran a quick errand. "I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you're gone?" St. Peter reassured her and instructed the woman, "Just have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates spell a word as you did." So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when lo and behold, a man approaches the gates. She's shocked to realize it's her husband. "What happened?" she cried. "Why are you here?" Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I'm here? Did I make it into Heaven with you?" "Not yet," the woman replied, "First you have to spell a word correctly." "Which word?" he asked. The woman replied, "Czechoslovakia."

                                                Identity crisis

                                                       
 kachora spoke frantically on the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!"  kachora shouted. "This is her husband!"                       

                        Aqqal badi ya bhains

Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. kachora was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then machora tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too. machora thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

                              One of the  most famous joke on net

Once kachora is out for a walk. He comes to a river and sees machora on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" He shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" kachora looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

                                                    Kya jawab hai!!

A man went to London. According to the British law you have to have a licence to keep dog. One day the newly migrated man was strolling with his dog.A policeman came to him and asked about the dogs licence. The man innocently replied excuse me sir! My dog has not learned the

driving yet.. ..This one comes from Sinan's jokes collection sinan will be shelling more jokes in future so if you wanna discover the jokes behind sinan's round-the-clock smile  you can surely do so.

 

My brother has made an utra kewl site to keep u laughing click below and laugh all your way to this joke bank.

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