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I thought I'd
start this week by thanking all those folks out there who care about me so
much. I never knew just how many there were before the internet and e-mail.
Why I've got folks who, apparently realizing just how old my work truck is,
tell me that with a little know how, I can get a totally free car! And they
can even show me how to get paid to drive the thing. Or, there's that guy
who told me I could try his marketing system, for a nominal investment of my
money, who guarantees I'll be making $50k to $250k per year in my spare
time. What is that, by the way, 'spare time?' How about the people who would
like to take away all my debt, providing I sign my house away. Then there's
the friend who wants me to choose between my new free computer or my free
vacation if only I'll give them my credit card. Don't have a credit card?
Got that covered too, cause I've got lots of friends who send me low or no
interest credit card offers every single day! Then, just when they think
I've got too much of that dirty old money, they invite me to enjoy all the
online casinos where I can loose my shirt 24/7.
Many tell me that if I'd
just buy and take their various pills or other treatments, all sorts of
changes would occur to my body including reducing fat, lower my blood
pressure, reduce my cholesterol, remove my wrinkles and cellulite, improve
my skin tone and texture, improve my heart functions, improve my kidney
function, improve my sexual drive and performance naturally, improve my
sleep, vision and memory, restore my hair color and growth, improve my
immune system function, prevent or reverse any osteoporosis, repair my cells
and metabolic functions, strengthen my immune system, increase my energy and
cardiac output, turn back my body's biological time clock 10-20 years in 6
months and, get this, grow various body parts bigger or longer (I don't
think I want some of those parts bigger) and women would go wild over me. My
wife will love that. And, after she leaves me, dating should be no problem
since there are millions of eligible singles out there online who are,
according to my mail, just dying to meet me.
Once I've proven I have absolutely no common sense and fewer brains by
believing any of this, I can get new brains in the mail with my new
university diploma (delivered in mere days with no outlay of tens of
thousands of dollars and thousands of work hours involved), which will allow
me to "obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration
of all." Imagine. And if I try to use that lovely document, I may end up
needing this next one that tells me I can read my FBI file, though I figured
in this day of hijacked jets and blown up buildings they'd have something
better to do with their time.
And I love how most of these e-mails start with subject lines like
'Getting back to you...', or 'Did I get the right address?', or 'About your
commission...', or 'Here is my home phone number...' as if I've already
known them for years. Yep, you can't beat friends like these, or can you?
I know I've mentioned this before, but I can't stress it enough. NEVER
use your main e-mail address to buy, sell, get information from, chat, get
free stuff, enter contests or basically ANYTHING ELSE I haven't already
mentioned. Go get a FREE e-mail box from Yahoo or Hotmail or any of the
hundreds of other companies that offer it and use that address. You won't
regret it. Promise.
One of my real online friends sent me a puzzle site that has taken up way
too much time having basically replaced solitaire as my main quick 'get away
from it all' type game. Go to
http://www.jigzone.com. Great puzzles, great pictures, all sizes and
levels of difficulty, even for kids. I like it.
Think your neighbor is a bit odd? Check out
Redneck Neighbor (http://www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm)
for a blow-by-blow account this urban episode complete with pictures.
Well, in the 'you knew it would happen' dept., someone has found pictures
of the 9-11 tragedies in the current twenty dollar bill. To find them
yourself, go to
http://www.allbrevard.net.
For those who remember bellbottoms, pet rocks and Farrah Fawcett hair, or
any of the other strange fads of the last 100 years,
The Bad Fads Museum (http://www.badfads.com/home.html)
will be nostalgic. For the rest of you, simply amusing. But, keep in mind,
your fads will be here soon enough.
Think you know what KY Jelly is for? If so, you can add your submission
to the KY Jelly
Instructions Contest (http://www.csclub.uwaterloo.ca/u/wwiewior/ky.html).
No, really I was amazed at all the uses. Same company must have made duct
tape.
Don’t you plan your summer vacation without checking out
The Bureau of Atomic Tourism (http://www.atomictourist.com/).
From development to implementation, it how you can go, grow, glow in
America.
No time for pets, huh? Or, have the kids been bugging you for a bow-wow
and you’re running out of excuses? Get a
Virtual Dog (http://www.virtualdog.com/).
I kid you not.
Ever get the urge to stalk William Shatner? Not sure? Take the test at
http://www.apeculture.com/shatner.htm.
You know, I’m beginning to think being the leader of the Palestinians is
a lot like being the owner of a cemetery--you've got a lot of people under
you, but nobody's listening.
Well, ok, The Blizzard of Oz iz back and you can check out this odd
phenomenon at The Osbourne’s MTV net spot,
http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes. You know, According to the Nielsen
ratings the number of households it reached recently was 4.32 million,
followed closely by the number of swear words it used which was 4.17
million. Also on a musical note, you may have heard that former Van Halen
front men David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar will kick off their "Van Halen
Sucks" tour beginning May 29 in Cleveland. You can find concert tickets,
dates, and touring information at
http://www.consumerdownlow.com/concerts/hagar.html.
Well, until next week friends, may your mouse guide you to many wonderful
places. Heck, it’s bound to be safer than driving through Lexington. As
always, you may find these and all the new and improved links we’ve found on
the website at
http://surf.to/nethotspots (which is a whole lot easier than trying to
type it in your browser) or send me some e-mail at
[email protected]. Take care. |
