I wonder about a lot of things on my computer. I've made the mistake of thinking I have a clue what it's doing. But on those mistaken moments, life (or Bill Gates) finds a way of bringing me back to Earth. For instance, I believed that Winblows 98se was about as good as Microsloth would ever get to managing my system. Which is to say that it would, at various times - most likely when I need it most, quit running programs I depend on daily and that ran fine the day before. God help you should you try to run more than two applications at once. And I, like most of the world, would be ecstatic enough when it did work, to accept this without argument. But, of course, I was wrong. Next came Winblows ME (for More Enormous). Microsoft so loved this product that they've been trying to disavow any knowledge of it since it's release. Finally, XP came out with much fanfare. So far, I've found it to be a lot more stable than the others. Well, as stable as any other Winblows product. Of course, with each major OS change, one has to learn how to switch off all the ridiculous default crap Microsoft saw fit to enrich our computing time, and of course, to simply fill our day with loads of small victories so that we’ll forget the otherwise overwhelming urge to switch to another OS. Trouble is, there aren't that many other options out there. There is Mac, of course. But that only works on the multi-colored, oddly shaped Macintosh computers and they are still trying to get more programs to work on them. I've been working with PCs so long, and therefore, have so many spare parts laying around my basement, that I just can't force myself to start completely from scratch again. There's Unix. It's been around a long time in various versions and it's been basically useless in most of those forms. I don't know any living persons who even know what to do with it, some have even suggested that it got it's name from men who were a little less than men. Linux has always been stable, so they say. I wonder, since almost no programs will run on it, how anyone arrived at that conclusion. I never got around to using Windows 2K (the next generation NT version, later to become XP Pro which was big on security). I was told it worked pretty well, at least until the day came that it decided to hide your passwords so well that neither you nor your repairman could get into it. I heard the same thing about XP, though I haven't been unlucky enough to experience it. Yet.

I tend to think of this like the days when televisions were still young, and it wasn't that unusual to see lots of wires coming out or going in to the back of it where dad was trying to fix it. Now, you simply buy the box, plug it in, hit the remote, & throw it away when it quits. Maybe we're just too close to the infancy of this beast and someday, Bill Gates willing, we'll have a stupid proof computer like that. Or, given Microsoft has already bought Apple in order to keep themselves out of anti-trust land, at least for that reason, maybe they should go ahead and buy Linux. That way, if ole Bill were to take an extended vacation, the Oompa Loompas that live down in their developer's dungeon could put together an OS that had the ease of use of a Mac, the stability of Linux, with the marketability of Windows. Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly...

For you Microsloth lovers out there, here's a page of Spoof Songs (http://www.linux-firewall-tools.com/Sounds/MS.shtml) you can download.

Here's one I know you've been wanting ever since the Christmas you gave your dad / friend / boss the Billy 'Big Mouth' Bass. How about the 'Hack Your Big Mouth Billy Bass' (http://www.rant-o-rama.com/gary_indiana/billybass.html) site, containing detailed and illustrated guide to changing those annoying sayings and songs. The heck with that broken water heater your wife just kindly reminded you about as she screeched from the shower, THIS IS IMPOTANT!!

In the 'Where are they now file', check out the Former Child Star Central website (http://members.tripod.com/~former_child_star/index.html). They have all the latest sightings of these tiny troublemakers from 'Ralphie' on 'A Christmas Story' to the kid that turned blue in 'Willie Wonka.' Ah, entertainment at it's best!

Tired of all those 'Here's the information you requested...' type e-mails you receive? Go to 'The Make Money Fast Hall of Humiliation' and read a collection of articles on spam. Should be at least as interesting as the original spam you deleted just this morning.

At the Cult Construction Set site (http://www.fadetoblack.com/cultkit/), 'you too can start your own Cult in the comfort of your own home!' With a few simple clicks, you too can fool some of the people all the time AS WELL AS defraud your government. Ain't America great?

On that note, keep track of your favorite murderers at the Cults R Us web page at http://www.mayhem.net/Crime/cults.html. You got it, from Manson to the Mexican Witch Killers, there's all the mayhem to make your hair stand on end (mine does that anyway).

Ok, so this very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replied." "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.".

As always, you can tell me off at [email protected] or view this and all the Hot Spots fare at surf.to/nethotspots. Till next time... Take Care!