This week I face off against my NFC conterpart, the LA Rams. Being a battle against two teams in the same city, you'd think I'd be excited. In fact, I'm I've been putting this game off for awhile because I know watching my neighbor mow his lawn would be more exciting than this slop-fest. Not that I watch my neighbor mow. I don't even care about my dumbass neighbor. Okay, now I'm getting into another tangent...

1st Quarter Not surprisingly, Bo gets the ball on the first play from scrimmage and picks up 32. He follows that up with another not-so-surprising 35 yard run to paydirt. On the Rams' first possession, "Grover" Cleveland Gary run for 9 yards and a first on 2nd and 8. Scott Davis smothers Jim Everett on the next play, but after a puke-tastic incompletion for Curt Warner (not to be confused with current Cardinals QB Kurt Warner), Grover runs 20 yards before one of my defenders realizes he actually has the ball. Howie Long gets his shot at Everett, followed by two more jailbreaks, one resulting in a Greg Townsend sack. After the ensuing punt--if clobbering their QB wasn't bad enough--I run Jackson again and he goes 80 yards at somewhere between the sound barrier and the light barrier for a touchdown. Raiders 14, Rams 0

This picture doesn't even need a description.

That is just...beautiful.

2nd Quarter By now I have Everett fearing for his life as he scrambles for 10 and a 1st down. After a 12 yard run by Gary, Everett fires one over the middle to Pete Holohan short of the marker. I picked the next 2 plays, and the Rams settle for a missed field goal attempt. On the next play, Jay Schroeder bombs his first pass to Gault, who takes part in the legendary "double-jump" cutscene. This results in a catch in the endzone for another score. Gary catches a screen and goes 18 yards on first down. Two plays later, Holohan catches another over the middle and falls forward for another 1st down. In a rare Tecmo appearance, Aaron Wallace records yet another sack for the Raiders. Flipper Anderson catches a pass in coverage and 3rd down, but immediately coughs it up for a Raider to fall on it. With 11 seconds left, there's not much for me to do other than to let Schroeder throw an ugly pass to Ethan Horton.

Halftime; Raiders 21, Rams 0

Despite my long commentary, this is a pretty awful contest. If you were here to see it, you would have that gut wrenching pain that I have now. I mean, I'm glad I'm kicking ass, but...ugh, ow...now my head hurts.

3rd Quarter After two plays, the Rams go 15 yards before Grover does his usual fumbling routine. At my own 30, Jackson and Marcus Allen combine for 19 yards and a new set of downs. However, Schroeder takes matters into his own hands as he runs 12 yards before practically handing the ball over to the defense. But after a bunch of garbage plays, Keith English stumbles onto the field for another punt. And then, in standard Bo Jackson fashion, he runs 77 yards for yet another TD. Warner runs for 19 yards on the next drive to end the 3rd. Raiders 28, Rams 0

See the ball? See the massive conglomeration of black and silver around it? Yeah.

Okay Holohan, there's your touchdown. Don't let door smack you on the ass on the way out.

4th Quarter On 3rd and 2, Warner puts the Rams closer with a another 19 yarder. Everett once again gets sacked by Davis, but Gary and Warner each get in a big run to put the Rams at 1st and goal at the 9. After 2 stuffed runs, Flipper makes a diving catch in the endzone, ruining my hopes for a shutout. Mervyn Fernandez picks up the onside kick and runs it down the Rams 19 yard line. I'm so far ahead at this point that I decide to mess around and pick pass plays for the hell of it. After two shot at the endzone, Schoeder tosses a pass to Gault as he waltzes into the endzone. Grover pulls out a huge run from somewhere on the next play and the Rams are at the Raiders 25. And, wouldn't you know it, Holohan catches one over the middle and scampers to the endzone as time runs out.

Another pounding courtesy of Bo and my defense. Even though they couldn't stop Gary and Warner, they forced 2 fumbles and inceasantly beat Everett into the turf. I'll take any win I can get.

Bo delivers another unbelievable game. What's even more unbelievable is that he averaged 45.5 yards per carry. Yes, Nester the Great is pretty good at math...at least I got something out of my college education.

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Rest of the Week

CLE 23, SD 21 CLE: QB Browns 50% for 215 yds 0 INTs SD: Caravello 6 car 56 yds (Butts injured)	DEN 13, KC 10 DEN: 96 yds allowed 2 INTs KC: 129 rush yds
MIA 28, HOU 24 MIA: Marino 68% for 350 yds 0 INTs HOU: Moon 66% for 286 yds 2 INTs	NE 10, MIN 35 NE: 176 total yds, 8 first downs MIN: Walker 12 car 114 yds, 2 rec 50 yds
CHI 21, GB 13 CHI: Anderson 12 car 157 yds, 2 rec 34 yds GB: Sharpe 5 rec 128 yds	PIT 17, SEA 28 PIT: Brister 57% for 231 yds 2 INTs SEA: 230 total yds, 11 first downs
PHX 28, ATL 31 PHX: Proehl 4 rec 123 yds ATL: Rison 6 rec 178 yds	IND 24, JETS 17 IND: George 64% for 238 yds JETS: Moore 5 rec 110 yds
DET 7, SF 28 DET: 0 1st half points SF: Craig 12 car 145 yds	BUF 34, CIN 24 BUF: QB Bills 83% for 278 yds 0 INTs CIN: Esiason 68% for 304 yds 0 INTs
TB 31, NO 14 TB: 304 total yds, 15 first downs NO: 216 total yds, 9 first downs

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Raiders' stats

Offense: 2166 total yds (9th), 726 pass yds (28th), 1440 rush yds (1st)
Defense: 1490 total yds (1st), 671 pass yds (1st), 819 rush yds (21st)
Individual
Passing: Schroeder 21/42 (50%) 726 yds (17.2 avg) 7 TDs 4 INTs 131.6 (NR)
Rushing: Jackson 107 car 1252 yds (11.7 avg) 16 TDs (1st...in every category)
Receiving: Fernandez 7 rec 326 yds (46.5 avg) 3 TDs (NR)
Defense: Ellison 13 sacks (T-1), Anderson 4 INTs (T-3)
Returning: Brown 12.3 KR avg (30th), 8.6 PR avg (9th)
Kicking: Jaeger 2/6 FGA (T-26), Gossett 51.5 punt avg (T-3)

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Week 8 Standings

Los Angeles Raiders 7-1
Buffalo Bills 7-1
Miami Dolphins 5-3
Houston Oilers 4-3
Cincinnati Bengals 4-3
Pittsburgh Steelers 4-3
Kansas City Chiefs 4-4
Seattle Seahawks 4-4
Cleveland Browns 3-4
New England Patriots 3-4
Denver Broncos 2-5
New York Jets 2-6
Indianapolis Colts 2-6
San Diego Chargers 1-7

Chicago Bears 7-0
New York Giants 6-1
San Fransisco 49ers 5-2
Philedelphia Eagles 4-3
Atlanta Falcons 4-3
Minnesota Vikings 4-4
New Orleans Saints 3-4
Green Bay Packers 3-4
Washington Redskins 3-4
Detroit Lions 3-4
Phoenix Cardinals 3-5
Dallas Cowboys 2-5
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2-5
Los Angeles Rams 2-5