A blur. That's what it has been. After moving and moving again and again all over the country with my father's job, I ended up here in Orlando, Florida. I never really was able to go to public school since we didn't live in a town for more than 4 months at a time, so my mother took the job of tutoring me. My father got transferred from job to job, temporarily traveling overseas, to deal with his job. I wanted to have a normal life, live in one town for a while. I missed out on a lot of my life while I was traveling.

Settling down was my dream.

I had been in love since I was 3 years old. We had lived in Pennsylvania then, in 1986, and the nice boy down the street, Chris, and I became fast friends. Well, not technically. He was my babysitter cause he was 11 years older than me. I was only able to stay there for 3 months, but I promised him I would see him again, with all the words I could speak at the time.

And I did. But it wasn't for another 10 years.

We finally moved back to that small town in Pennsylvania and I got to see Chris again in 1996. He had grown a lot into a handsome young man looking for a career in music. I could tell you, he had a real knack for it. When he wanted something, he would be determined and stubborn enough to get it. 24 years old, and all male.

But then again, I was so young, he wouldn't even think about considering a relationship with me. I was only 13.

I know you're thinking, how could we be friends at such a young age? Well, he wanted to be friends with me, teach me things about my future, like dating and such. And he was a pretty good teacher.

I can't believe he couldn't tell I had a crush on him. I was old enough to tell that I liked him in some significant way. But it didn't last long. We moved about 4 months later again and I parted with Chris. I haven't seen him since or heard from him, but his mother, Beverly, occasionally writes letters or calls my mom to check up on us and tell us how Chris was doing.

After we left Pennsylvania, he had left to form a band they now call *NSYNC. So it's good I get to turn on the television and see him. Damn, he got even more handsome! With that short hair and his brown eyes, he's just irresistible to me.

Now I know I'm in love with him.

Like I said before, we now live in Orlando and I know they're on break from touring and everything. He might be temporarily be working on his clothing line, FumanSkeeto, which I have been keeping a good collection of, but he should be free most of the time.

Perfect.

I got into my car and started driving down the unfamiliar roads of Orlando, wiping some sweat off my brow and turning down the heat. Damn, it's hot down here for winter. Too bad we didn't get hit by that winter storm. We need it. I looked down at the address on the dashboard and smile to myself. I was on the street.

Only 3 more houses to go.

I pull into the driveway of a huge, expensive house, similar to the ones me and my parents just moved into. I know y'all are thinking, I'm 19 years old, why don't I move out? I'm close to my parents, and they need me more than ever.

But I'm going to move out soon. I guarantee it.

I walk up the sidewalk to the front door, taking a deep breath before I knock on the door. A guy answers that I am familiar to.

"I'm here to see Chris," I told the taller guy in front of me and he didn't reply, just escorted me into the house. He grabbed my jacket after I had taken it off and hung it up. I walked through the unfamiliar halls with him, wondering where Chris could be.

"He's on the patio," the guy replied like he read my mind, "down 2 doors on the left."

I walked down 2 more doors and looked outside the glass doors leading to the patio and just look at Chris. 6 years of being separated from him just make me want to jump on top of him.

"So, aren't you going to go out and talk to him?" the guy asked suspiciously, he obviously not knowing who I was.

"Yes, thank you JC," I replied and opened the glass door. The rest of the guys looked at me strangely as I walked over to Chris and didn't say anything, just grabbed him by the shirt and drug him inside the house. I was determined to get this out in the open even if it killed me.

"Who are you?" he asked me a little fearfully and I could have slapped him at the moment. Well, maybe I had changed in 6 years...more than I thought I had.

"I can't believe you don't remember me," I stated to him, watching as JC finally took his seat again by the patio by Justin and Joey, and then redirected my attention back to the guy I was in love with.

Chris put a thoughtful look on his face, inferring my voice I think and then exclaimed, "Nica! I haven't seen you in such a long time!" he wrapped his arms around me tightly, lifting me up while he was giving me a hug. I clung onto him for dear life as he slowly lowered me down, "Man, girl, you got breasts!"

"Very funny, Kirky," I reapplied his old nickname to him, slapping him lightly on the back, making him smile.

"Monica, you haven't changed one bit," Chris replied, starting to walk in the kitchen. I didn't want to forget my purpose of coming here, but seeing him was just a dream. It was hard for me to remember that I actually had to tell him when I already felt that he knew in some way.

"Look who's talking," I replied smiling, looking over the features of his face like I had done 6 years ago. I can't believe he can't read my expression. I'm head over heels for him.

"So, what have you been doing for the past 6 years?" he asked me, looking into my eyes and smiling. How can I ever resist telling him when that beautiful smile is lingering in my mind?

"Nothing much, just moving around with my family," I replied, sighing internally. Why was this so fucking hard? I asked myself as we sat down in the kitchen.

"Did you come to tell me something or to look at my pretty face?" he asked me, smiling a shit grin my direction. God, he is so ornery. But I love him.

"Both," I replied, feeling like being a smart ass back for once, "Um, I wanted to tell you something."

"Shoot, girly," he replied, putting his chin in his hand, putting on his 'I'm listening' face. I guess he was trying to fool me or something. I have never seen him think in his whole entire life.

Hell, it's always time for a change in his life.

"Well, you don't realize how hard it is, Kirky, it might change our lives forever," I swallowed to get that out. God, if it was that hard to get that much out, it would be hell trying to tell him I'm in love with him.

"I can handle it," Chris replied confidently, putting his feet up on the table and crossing his legs, "It's not like you're in love with me or anything like that."

That just hit the damn nail on the head. He thought I was incapable of loving him! God knows why he would think that but it still hurts me.

He could tell it was something of the sort when he saw my face fall, "Oh my god, Nica! It is something like that, isn't it? What is it?"

"God, Chris, you just said it, how could you not tell?" I spat out angrily to him and he immediately went into defense mode, "I've been in love with you, for certain, at least 6 years. I really needed to get that out, thank you."

Chris looked over my face with a thoughtful expression, "I thought we were friends, Nica..."

"We can still be friends, Chris! But please, don't tell me you don't feel anything when I say I love you."

"Nica, I'm sorry to sound narcissistic, but I'm too good to be with you. I mean, you're 19, you've got your whole life ahead of you. I'm 30, I don't got many years left."

I couldn't believe this was actually what he was saying! I sure as hell thought he was being narcissistic when he said he was too good for me just because he's 11 years older than me.

"Fuck 11 years! God, why do years matter to you? Just because I'm 11 years younger than you doesn't mean you can't love me! I didn't think you were that type of person, but I guess I didn't know you that well anyway. Thanks a lot for the wasted years, Chris. I'll be seeing you in hell," I spit out to him in one breath and storm out of the house. If I ever see that narcissistic bastard again, it'll be way too soon.

I start to drive away from the house, my eyes starting to cloud with tears. Why was I still in love with the guy? He loves himself too much. He would never make room in his heart for me. But that just made my love stronger for him. I started driving down the Orlando freeway as fast as my car would go, wanting to just wreck and die. That would be the only way my heartbreak would ever go away. Chris would never love me. The pain would never go away.

Suddenly, I see flashing lights behind me. Fuck!

I pull my car over and see a cute guy with dark sunglasses on and a haircut like Chris', including the cute goatee I have come to love. He walks up to the side of my car and kneels down, "License and registration, please."

I dig out my license and registration and hand it over to the officer, smiling like I was completely innocent of speeding at least 30 mph over the speed limit of the freeway. He looks over my license and then looks in my car, "Well, Monica, I'm afraid I have probable cause to search you."

"For what reason, officer?" I ask curiously.

"I see you're under the legal age of drinking and you are in possession of alcohol."

"I am not-"

"Please step out of the car, Monica," the officer smiled at me and for some reason, I felt strange. I stepped out of the car silently and he said, "Put your hands on the car and stand still." I did as he instructed, placing my palms on my car and spreading my legs slightly. He started to run his hands up and down my sides, tickling my stomach a couple times. Then his arms quickly wrapped around my waist and I gasped, "Is this routine, sir?" I turned around quickly as he was smiling at my surprised expression.

"Yes it is, now turn around," he stated simply and I sighed. I turned back around and his hands continued to roam down my hips. I felt his lips nearing my neck and his hot breath tickled it before letting his soft lips caress the skin underneath it. I started to breathe heavily, thinking this was sexual harassment.

"Just because I'm an officer of the law doesn't mean you can't handle casual flirting," the officer whispered into my neck and I gasped.

I turned around and felt the officer pushing me against the car, his hips lightly grinding mine back farther. I removed his glasses carefully to reveal the familiar warm brown eyes I've come to love, "Chris?"

"Officer Kirkpatrick to you," he smiled at me warmly and let his lips lean in and leave a sweet kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to taste him for the many years I had dreamt of being with him. He kept me trapped in his embrace by keeping me pinned up to the car. As the cars went zipping past us, I wrapped my legs lightly around his torso and he removed his lips from mine, lightly starting to kiss his way down my neck slowly. I moaned as he moved his way down to my collarbone and I clung to him, digging my fingernails lightly dig into his thick brown hair as he kissed me lightly. I didn't know if this would lead to sex, but I was pretty sure it wouldn't.

We finally separated from our embrace and I looked into his eyes, "How did you change so quickly?" I looked down at him, afraid he was going to let me go out of his strong hold.

"I'm warming to you," Chris smiled up to me as he let me down finally.

"And where did you get the get-up?" I asked, starting to laugh.

"Stole it," he joked, "No, I just had it in my closet, hoping I could perform a little sex dance for a lucky woman."

"Yeah, uh huh," I started to laugh again and my head collapsed onto his shoulder. I started to cry casual tears of happiness as I asked him with my head still down, "Are you still a narcissist?"

"Yeah, kinda," Chris lifted my head lightly and gave me a quick kiss, "But I'll let you in. There are reservations in the heart of Chris."

"Good," I replied as I stroked my hands through his hair, "I'm glad it doesn't matter with the stupid age difference anymore."

"Just because we're friends doesn't mean we can't be more someday," Chris smiled down at me and we hopped into our separate cars. I was determined to get back to the house and spend as much time with Chris as I could, since all those years apart made me love him more.

No, and it's not just because I've wanted sex from him! We're friends too.