These are my cracked out e-mail compositions, sent to various ppl, in chronological order....
As you can see, I have bahd speling. All of this was pulled from my mind, it is mine!
The first few of these are written when I had whooping cough and couldn't leave the house....
8-3-00
Hey Everyone. How's your summer going? Wait a minute!!! You're not Everyone!!! What have you done with him? And how did you get his e-mail address?!!! Well. I still want to talk to Someone. But you're not Someone, either! Oh well. I'll just talk to You. You're You, aren't you? Yes. I think we can all be sure of that.
I'm bored stupid. No, that was not a typo...
Hey Andrew, I think I might atempt to draw that sloth eating a pancake.
I must get out of the house and spread my disease!!!Everyone (if you are there) e-mail me back, k???
Bye for now.Heidi Cordsen
8-13-99
Just got back from the Symphony of Fire! Spain rocks. They made a
hamburger firework.
Our country is great and all (all these Chinese immigrants seem to think so
too), but our little presentation had no BIG booms. The Benson and Hedges
Finale had SO MANY HUGE booms. yay! There were a few losers sitting beside
us (front row, right on the sea wall) smoking and drinking sunny delight,
only I think they added something else to it to make it even more
"sunny"... But, all in all, it was cool. Just wondering, what is
everybody's opinions on the Chinese immigrant fiasco?
8-13-99
And I'm presuming most of you have seen that new GAP commercial with the pan
around of 'everyon ein vests'? Well... I've had that song*** from it stuck
in my head ALL FRIGGIN' DAY LONG. I like the song, but...
I'll dress you up in my love... All over all over. I'll dress you up in my
love... From your head to you toe. I'll dress you up in my love, in my
love ....and so on..... Anyone know if that is an actual song, or just a
commercial jingle? Know where I can download it?thanx!
***(that, and "why do birds, suddenly appear..." and (which I might add has
the exact same first 3 notes as...)
"What the world, needs now. Is love, sweet love..."Heidi Cordsen
8-13-99 (again!)
Hey all. Just thought I'd send this 'round again... anyone who suspects they have a cold or cough, see your doctor. A certain individual (cough-coughcough) has been around in public while still contagious with Pertusis, or whooping cough. It's pretty bad, and lasts for 100 days. So check it out if you are at all suspicious.
Bye!
COUGH!, pewk.
Blaeh!
damnit.
8-14-99
Ah! The good vibes are interfearing with the vibes of the TV!!! That's
really all I've been doing for the past month, watching TV and movies. And,
by the way, it's not Andrew Thibadeaux (or however you spell that) who has
the Whoop. It's Andrew Hogg. and, umm... I kinda gave it to him. oops.
MWA-HAHAHAH!!!!!! ha. Got any good movie recomendations? It sucks, cos I
can't do anything. Any phisical activity and I have a coughing fit. ewww.
so I am a recluce now. yay. I'm not really bored, just, umm.... bored. I
made lemon bread. And pizza. garlicy pizza. Mmmm. Well, I hope you don't
come down with it. Disasterous. Lotsa ppl already have it. We all got it
at the Music Man. and before ya know it, other ppl start coughing too. I
have a movie recomendation of my own... Outbreak! That's a cool movie.
Anyway, write me back too, k? Then I won't go insane...Bye!
8-14-99
I am just playing around with the different options. You guys get the new phone book? can you say PROPAGANDA???? Holy Moly! What do they think they can do to our brains to get us to buy dried computers? Little shriveled up things... Man. They just cram in whatever will influence us. I mean, what why would I want to pump my body full of fattening Ice cream like... like... Such as... We're not THAT gul.......... gullilib... hsgiutthbjbn
Gotta go!
(later) Mmmmmmmm Haggendas... What? What's that you say Haggendas? You're full of rich natural strawberry flavor? Oh! You'e genetically enhanced with Ico-Flavons? And Berry-nutra-health-enhancers? and, despite what the National Health board of Canada says, Haggendas has no cancer causing agents* in it.. Also, our qualified scientists, known as "DAS SCIENTISTS" have found it encases your chances of not getting AIDS, and decreases your chances of "having a bad day"**. So, why not ENJOY life, and have a Haggendas? You're all my friends, right? Well, you'll have a new friend, when you meet Haggendas.
*"cancer causing agents" meaning that no men with black attaché cases and wires will come to your house and inject you with cancer.
**"having a bad day" is copyright 1999 Haggendas co.s manager, who is currently dealing with the National Health Board of Canada.
How's THAT?!!! Beat THAT, Bryers!
(man in black Armonte suit runs up to Heidi, hands her sack of money with small note attached)
Well! Seems Haggendas causes cancer, causes your hair to fall out, makes you sterile, and causes small woodland animals to find themselves strangely attracted to your fly zipper. Where-as Bryers has only a few ingredeance, and is made with REAL FRUIT!!! WOW!!! Well, by gosh darn golly, I'm sold. Smart people like myself know that a healthy treat, is a good treat. Don't give in to Haggendas' propaganda, and rush to your nearest grocer to pick up lotsa BRYERS!!!
THIS is what the media is doing to us! Seriously, WHY??????? And what's with that Gatorade (sounds like a deodorant for crocodiles) commercial... "IS IT IN YOU???" It's something off The X-Files!
Scully- "Mulder! Come quick! No! I mean, come over hear and, EWWW!!!! Quit it! Just look at this!" Mulder- (zipp)"Well, it appears to be some sort of... Some sort of Alien entity! It's leaking out of this mans eyes and sweat glands!" Scully- "There you go again, Mulder. Really, though, this doesn't look like and Extraterrestrial entity to me. There's a much MUCH more scientific than that. It looks to me like some sort of protein. Like liquid vitamins. The best thirst quencher out there Mulder, and we've finally found it!" Mulder- "Hey look Scully! This man isn't dead., he's just dead tiered! And look! It's the most famous basketball player of all time, Michael Jordan!" Michael- "Hello, Sculders. I have found something so advanced, it might as well be given to us from another life form." Mulder- "Wow! Vitamins A, B1, and C! And pumped full of Sudafed to keep you going longer. (quietly and off to the side of the set) What's that? Was I not supposed to say that? Dang. I demand we re-locate and wreck the shows ratings." Director from side stage- "David, this isn't The X-Files, it's a Gatorade commercial. Cut!!! Take twenty-three!"
And so on. Anyway, DON'T GIVE IN!!! I can't believe I just wrote ALL that. Wow.
So! Talk to you all later... Hope my antics didn't anoy you. Bye 4 now!
Heidi Cordsen
8-22-99
My internet is going to be cut off soon. AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully, I'll be able to get cable. yay!
I was wondering, does anyone realize that I type properly? Like, not like
this:
so then the other day i say somefish tehy wer kinda neet then..... like
some poison ivy league college dropout... But, hey. Never mind!
Haven't heard from a lot of you in a while, hope your summer is not as
boring as mine!
Bye 4 now.
8-22-99
Women's T-ShirtsWomen's T-Shirt Sayings: Don't tick me off! I'm running out of places to
hide the bodies.
Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
Please don't make me kill you.
And your point is...
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Remember my name~~ you'll be screaming it later.
You KNOW you want me.
Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and tick you off at the same time.
You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
9-8-99 (this sent after I said "Hi" to someone, prompting a responce of "what the hell is this?")
Ah. You are bewildered. I will attempt to explain. I will break down and carefully analyze my message to you, so you can better understand it."Hello" - A homosapian greeting, shortened, it is pronounced "Hi."
"Brendan" - A name, referring to a homosapian. Could it be the recipient of this message?
As you can see, my message to you was a greeting. I hope you are not further confused and vexed with my next phrase, and, if that be the case, I will give another detail description of the phraze.
How are you?
10-8-99
So here I am... Sitting at my computer (which I have not done for a while)
and e-mailing lots of ppl. While eating Swedish Berries. And half a Zero
Bar. I have a question for all of you... And you don't have to answer if
you think it's too personal, just pretend like you never got it and no words
shall ever be passed about it again..............What is YOUR view on God?
I am in the midst of trying to decide for myself if the vast ever-expanding
universe is the result of particles mixing together causing a 'big bang', as
it were, or whether we are here on this Earth, created by a higher power
(AKA God).PS If you are religious, do not see Stigmata. It freaked me out during it,
but a few days later I had forgotten about it.
10-10-99 (after recieving reply to the above message)
AHH!!! I am being stoned for heresy!
Ok. Here's the deal with me....
Right now, God and the devil are playing chess with my soul. God can so
very easily beat satan, but he won't until I let him. But I can't! Big
bang, evolution, and science in general are poking the part of my brain
responsible for thinking! AHH!H!!!! I have no idea how to solve this
dilemma.
Heidi
10-12-00
Sorry 'bout the title. MusCLe spASmmmmm. Ok. Here's what I think.
DO YOU HAVE A LOLLEY FOR ME???
Umm... Ya. So. How is... everyone?
I found out today that my math teacher is frightened of us (us being myself,
_______, and ________)*names blocked to protect the "inocent"*. He-he... He ran down the hall whimpering after
class ended after we all were like...
MR..DREXEL!!!!!!US???
All the grade 12's gave us the VEIRDEST loooooooooooook. he-he.Humina humina humina. I just had the stRANges urgE to wrITE
that...>>>>.....
DamN thEASE MuSCLe Spasms.
Regards,
Heidi Cordsen
10-22-00
So, I have news. As I said, stuff is going down in the wes psyeeeed. Stuff
being my family, our van.... actually, we're going down south!!!!!
DISNEYLAND!!!!!!! We're leaving November 11th, Remembrance day, and we'll
get back the following Sunday, the 21. And I only miss 6 days of school!!!
YAY!!!!! We might even go to the Sandiago Zoo!!!!!!!!!!! That will be
almost as good as Disneyland for me... I'm gonna take SO MANY PICTURES!!!!!
And if I manage to get some good ones in the zoo, I'll keep a little file
for future sketches! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! YAY!!!! My stomach flu (if in
fact, it was a stomach flu and not some alien organism attaching itself to
my spleen and sucking bile from my liver while controlling my nerve system,
possibly causing muscle spasms (AHHH!!!!: note my message sent 10-12-99) and
hallucinations of ducks being chased by Bob Dole and that Charmant guy....
little bastard (oops! bad word) probably told Them where I am. Oh well,
I'm better now. So it, being the 22nd of October, is only 21 days till we
leave. Counting today.... So. Yup. Here's the countdown.
The countdown will not include the day of which the e-mail is sent!!!!2.85714285714285714285714285714286 weeks, 20 days, 480 hours, 28800
minutes, 1728000 seconds.Yay. So e-mail me ppl!!!!
Oh my dear sweet pastry puffs.... That is hilarious! But frightening... very, very frightening...
Almost as much as me (on coffee or massive amounts of sugar, or just sleep deprived)... AHH!!!!!!
Hahaha... My madness is spreading!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! oops... did I unfurl my
evil plot to take over the world via chewed gum and many many rubber bands? No? Good...
You didn't see me, I wasn't here.
Bye!
PS... If life gives you lemons, throw them at people to unleash your anger!
Heidi
This is my signature: See my cool signature??? Isn't it cool? Yup, I think so too. Life is like a big big big big piece of asparagus. You figure it out...
Pretty odd, huh? YOU can be the recipient of similar cracked out e-mails if you send me a creative cracked out e-mail to get my cracked brain started!
[email protected]And I am damn proud of it. Ya, YOU heard me. Oooooohhh Caaaaanadaaaaaaa.