{Concentrated Nonsense}
 - words from Eggy.

The Rebirth of Something Beautiful- by Eggy
Wednesday, June 26, 2002 07:16 PM

Representing lovely across Vancouver to the Philippines.  A [writers block] production letting you inside his life, culture, and family.  (Click here for links.)
Pic One (left) - mafia
Pic Two (right) - mobb deep
[taken during UA&P freshman hell week 1999]
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UA&P Freshmen Hell Week 1999

Tuesday June 25, 2002 10 17 PM
In the Deck: Jack Johnson - "Flake", Incubus - "Are You In?", Chemical Brothers - "Where Do I Begin"
It all happened in slow motion.

Like a butterfly flapping it's wings, her eyes blinked ever so slightly.  She stood upright, her chin hoisted in the air proudly, almost defiantly.  She turned away in a swift mechanical-like movement, not wanting to allow her eyes the moment of recognition.

Time and movement returned to its natural frenetic pace, and like a rocket shot into space, she disappeared, weaving herself through the galaxy of people in the corridor.

How could someone once so warm turn so cold, so distant?  Why and how did she decide to forego even acknowledgement?  Like pollution in the air, these questions clogged his lungs, and made it difficult to breathe.

* section omitted because well, no one else needs to read it.

Monday June 24, 2002 10 47 PM
In the Deck: Jack Johnson - "Flake", "Inaudible Melodies", "F-Stop Blues", "Bubble Toes"
 - entry by Paolo Sia

(Part I)

I open my eyes
still waiting for the sun to rise
minutes to hours, hours to days
everything remains still and in disarray.

Numbers on my calendar paralyzed,
voices of truth incoherent amidst the lies.
My heart slithering onto the cold, receptive floor,
my succumbing body unable to take anymore.

My vision intact, yet I still cannot see
because Monday continues to prevent me.
So I guess I'll just sleep through the day
hoping the clarity of Tuesday finally comes my way.

(Part II)

I close my eyes
anxiously awaiting life's demise.
Tears trickling down my conquered face,
perplexity fast becoming my commonplace.

Then a voice whispers to me faintly
speaking against weakness and frailty
offering reassurance that she will stay
and with her will, I'll eventually find my way.

No time to recall, no time to grieve
just enough for me to acknowledge and believe.
This time I arise, eluding Monday's harm
welcoming Tuesday with outstretched arms.

June 23, 2002 01 23 AM
In the Deck: Jack Johnson - "Flake", "Posters", "The News"

Nonsense #1
She moves. pauses. doubles back.  For that faint instant, that .01 second, you believe with all your being that your eyes meeting was not simply by chance. (you put no currency in fate, only in the reality of intent).  That her look was an intentional and not accidental encounter. that you were a destination and not simply part of a journey.  You want to comfort her solitude when you know she isn't alone. you want to blanket her in warm embrace when you know she isn't cold.

But, like the words restraining themselves on the tip of your tongue in arguments with your father, like the beckoning of slumber on a night of cramming, maybe ours is a moment not meant to be consummated. an instance wherein the distance between what the mind wants and what reality dictates should never decrease to a point beyond out of reach...

Nonsense #2
Their names alone shook him.  It happened every time.  They sent a hundred thoughts and a thousand images flying through his mind.  Creeping down a crevice in his neck and diving slowly down his spine, they caused a throbbing electric numbness to vibrate ever so slightly throughout the surface of his body.

Why, you might ask?

They got under his skin and pinched a nerve in his soul.  They served as inspiration, as reminders of things that were created with a pure heart.  We live in a compromised world, where the video has ushered in the demise of the radio star.  Where an image and a pretty face sell 2 million records, and true artistic expression is relegated to an indie label and an impoverished group of die-hard followers.  A world where record companies support the fine tuning of your image more than they care to support the fine-tuning of your craft.  These names served as an escape, a liberation from the bulls#it.

He scribbled them often.  On his notebooks, on the back of course syllabus', on the white spaces of old tests.  They served as a contrast to the passionate-less teachers (a title he questioned if they deserved) that stood babbling on before him. 

His eyebrows would often meet at the in the middle of his forehead, and his hands drift halfway to being extended in front, palms exposed at an angle leaning toward center.  If someone was with him he'd ask them, if he was alone, he'd ask himself.  'Why do they do it?" he'd say, his voice trailing as he mumbled in a frustrated tone of incomprehension, "I just don't get it.  Forget the the people with no talent, because, well, we just can't do anything about that, but the real artists, the people who deserve the title their given, why do they do it?  Why do they toss to the waste side everything they once believed, their whole reason for doing what they're doing."  Becoming less animated and more calm, his tone would mature and conviction pour out from his lips like stream from a river.  "You know how you can tell the legitimate from the bulls#hit right?  It's simple.  Ask yourself this question: if he/she/they didn't have to answer to a record label, if they didn't have to answer to anyone else at all, would they still be making the same music they're making today?".  There are few that can do it.  Be caught in the stranglehold of their label demanding music, demanding hits, and still be able to make something beautiful, something pure.  It takes a stubborn kind of fellow I'll tell you that much.  You want an example?  Marvin Gaye is a prime one.  Marvin was in the shits man, depressed as hell facing lawsuits and court cases and all that came with him and Anna's separation.  To be honest, he didn't even want to make that record.  He was way too sad and depressed to even get in the studio.  But the court decided that since Marvin was broke, as part of the final settlement, royalties from his next album would go to Anna.  So what did he do?  He went internal and searched his soul (they don't call it soul music for nothing), and put to paper all his feelings, all his fear, all his anger, all his questions, and produced one of the most honest and heartfelt records ever made.  He infused every fiber of his being into that record, pouring out his heart and letting his soul spill.  Listen to his voice, please!  Just take four minutes, make that six for "When Did You Stop Loving Me, When Did I Stop Loving You", and feel this man.  Witness the earnest pain of a man doing all he can do deal with his situation.  It's one of the most painfully beautiful records ever made, and the embodiment of everything true artistry is about."

That's why I write this crap down all the time.  I get excited just thinking about, about what artists and tracks to put together on a mix tape to listen to that day.  About what it would have been like to be alive when "Here My Dear" and "Let's Get It On" first came out.  I get a kick reading liner notes and thick ass booklets  Jimi Hendrix of Miles Davis albums.  Surfing the net for bio's on Elliot Smith, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson.  Grabbing a copy of XXL to re-read Scoops' articles and pieces  on Curtis Mayfield, D'Angelo, Richard Pryor.  It's an escape.  I love it.  It takes me to a place of purity, where people do things to satisfy their inner yearnings, and not their outer greed."  (I'm picturing Jimi Hendrix torching and smashing his guitar right now).

Friday March 29 2002, 01 23 AM
No music or quote today.  Just a big hug to my Mom. *hug*  I hope everything goes well Momma.  Miss you so much.
- your Kapi

Tuesday March 5 2002, 10 23 PM
Sometimes I feel so happy/sometimes i feel so sad/sometimes i feel so happy/but mostly, you just, make me mad/baby you just, make me mad.  Linger on...your pale blues, linger on, your pale blue eyes ..."
In the Deck: The Velvet Underground - "Pale Blue Eyes", Ben Harper - "Walk Away"
It hurts, it hurts a lot. 

It hurts seeing friends in pain.  It hurts not being be able to help them. 

It hurts believing in a hopeless reality...that you mean something to people who obviously don't care.
It hurts holding on to a past that bears no relevance to the present.

Would people react differently if they knew this?  Would it matter?

It hurts not knowing.

"Oh no, here comes that sun again
that means another day, without you my friend.
And it ... hurts me to look in the mirror at myself
and it hurts even more ...  to have to be with somebody else.

It's so hard to do ...  and so easy to say
but sometimes ... sometimes ... you just have to walk away ...walk away ...

so many people, to love in my life
why do, i worry, about one?
but you ... put the happy, in my ness
you put, the good times, into my fun

It's so hard to do, and so easy to say
but sometimes ... sometimes ... you just have to walk away
walk away ... and head for the door ..."

February 7 2002, 10 52 PM
-entry by Paolo Sia
In the Deck: Toad the Wet Sprocket - "Something To Say"

My body’s in a coma, mind in temporary paralysis. 

My heart has gone heavy because comprehension has ceased to exist. 

Nevertheless, I am still the luckiest man alive.

Irony?  No …

The truth.

Thursday January 24 2002, 07 50 PM
"A line of peace might appear,
if we restructured the sentence our lives are making,
revoked its reaffirmation of profit and power,
questioned our needs, allowed
long pauses . . ." -
Denise Levertov

The following are excerpts taken from the great Russian director Andrei Tarkovsky's book Sculpting in Time.  Much like Darren Hughes, creator of long pauses- the website from where I got it, I was inspired by his words.  To quotes Hughes:
"how refreshing it is to read a filmmaker speak of his craft using terms like "truth," "love," "sacrifice," and (especially) "beauty." Tarkovsky writes, "We have almost totally lost sight of the beautiful as a criterion of art". 

How poignantly true.

The goal for all art, unless of course it is aimed at the 'consumer', like a saleable commodity, is to explain to the artist himself and to those around him what man lives for, what is the meaning of his existence. To explain to people the reason for their appearance on this planet; or if not to explain, at least to pose the question"
"The aim of art is to prepare a person for death, to plough and harrow his soul, rendering it capable of turning it to good."
"My function is to make whoever sees my films aware of his need to love and to give his love, and aware that beauty is summoning him."
Finally, I would enjoin the reader — confiding in him utterly — to believe that the one thing that mankind has ever created in a spirit of self-surrender is the artistic image. Perhaps the meaning of all human activity lies in artistic consciousness, in the pointless and selfless creative act? Perhaps our capacity to create is evidence that we ourselves were created in the image and likeness of God?"

January 24 2002, 11 48 AM
They tell me you know the poetry of the street."  "Can you tell a story...?  Can you make us laugh, can you make us cry, can you make us want to break out into joyous song?"
I can't study.  There's some work I have to do but I can't get a damn thing done.  My heads in a million places at once.  There's things I want to do that I can't get started on, there's thing I have to do that I can't get finished, and then there's things that I do that serve no real purpose.  La Bella Confusione.

Wednesday January 23 2002, 10 53 PM
Every day I wake up and it's sunday/whatever's in my eye won't go away/the radio is playing all the usual/
what's a wonderwall anyway."

In the Deck: Beck - "MTV Makes Me Want to Smoke Crack", Travis - "Writing To Reach You"
On the Tube: nuttin...
Being that I am an insane movie geek, I must share with you the following, which I stumbled upon some time ago.  It was taken from the autobiography of legendary Japanese director Akira Kurosawa, Something Like an Autobiography.  This will be the first in an ongoing series of movie-related pieces, both from myself and outside sources.

"What is cinema?  The answer this question is no easy matter.  Long ago the Japanese novelist Shiga Naoya presented an essay written by his grandchild as one of the most remarkable prose pieces of his time.  He had it published in a literary magazine.  It was entitled "My Dog," and ran as follows: "My dog resembles a bear; he also resembles a badger; he also resembles a fox, . . ." It proceeded to enumerate the dog's special characteristics comparing each one to yet another animal, developing into a full list of the animal kingdom.  However, the essay closed with, "But since he's a dog, he most resembles a dog."
    I remember bursting out laughing when I read this essay, but it makes a serious point.  Cinema resembles so many other arts.  If cinema has very literary characteristics, it also has theatrical qualities, a philosophical side, attributes of painting and sculpture and musical elements.  But cinema is, in the final analysis, cinema.
There is something that might be called cinematic beauty.  It can only be expressed in a film, and it must be present in a film for that film to be a moving work.  When it is very well expressed, one experiences a particularly deep emotion while watching that film.  I believe it is this quality that draws people to come and see a film, and that it is the hope of attaining this quality that inspires the filmmaker to make a film in the first place.  In other words, I believe that the essence of cinema lies in cinematic beauty.
With a good script a good director can produce a masterpiece; with the same script a mediocre director can make a passable film.  But with a bad script even a good director can't possibly make a good film.  For truly cinematic expression, the camera and the microphone must be able to cross both fire and water.  That is what makes a real movie.  The script must be something that has the power to do this.
In order to write scripts, you must first study the great novels and dramas of the world.  You must consider why they are great.  Where does the emotion come from that you feel as you read them?  What degree of passion did the author have to have, what level of meticulousness did he have to command, in order to portray the characters and events as he did?  You must read thoroughly, to the point where you can grasp all these things.  You must also see the great films.  You must read the great screenplays and study the film theories of the great directors.  If your goal is to become a filmmaker, you must master screenwriting.

Saturday January 05 2002, 10 33 AM
In the Deck: Mary J. Blige - "My Life"

-entry by Paolo Sia

“There is no tomorrow quite ready
When yesterday still resides in our being…”

There are times when I can’t help but look back and reminisce about all the wonderful memories I’ve been blessed with the first 21 years of my life.  From my childhood years until this very day, it truly has been a remarkable journey.  Sandwiched between these unforgettable events, however, lay images of emotional distress and pessimism.  Good or bad, these are my experiences, and they will forever be instilled in my embarrassingly minuscule cranial capacity.

“…Until our ghosts are complete
We will drown
In our fathoms of subdued tears…”

My personal history has an obvious impact on the way I currently live my life.  We all act a different way towards certain situations because of our past experiences.  Now, more than ever, I’ve been saddled by this phobia that has prevented me from going forth and doing things that I’ve been wanting.  ‘Are those days of doing shit on my own terms over?’  I’ve been asking myself that question for a while now.  After weeks of mental torture, I’ve come up with a definite answer:  Hell no.  It’s merely time to let go of the past and start making decisions based solely on my personal preference and not fear.  For the past few years, my decision-making has been hindered by fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of not being accepted, fear of fucking up, the list goes on and on.  I’ve had enough of this bullshit.

“...Old fears not fully answered
And the Truth only half way undressed
Will be our shadow
Awaiting the crackle of sunrise...”

 I’ve decided to take a stand and not let my anxieties play a role in the future choices that I desire.  I may never know the answer to all the questions that I’m constantly faced with, but I sure as hell won’t ever find out sitting on my ass and letting opportunities pass me by.  My past experiences will always have a special place in my heart, no doubt about that.  I’ve merely recognized the need of not holding on to these experiences too tightly.  It ain’t going nowhere.

 You may probably find no logic in this inner monologue that I’ve created and externalized; I respect that.  Nevertheless, my thoughts may be disorganized, my heart may be traumatized, but my mind defies the odds to reward me with a certain sense of happiness and complacency.  Peace. 

“…All you gotta do, 
is take your time
One day at a time 
It's all on you
What you're gonna do…” –Mary J. Blige
(Credit where credit is due: all other quotes derived from a poem “Untitled” by Kristen Dansby)
 - Paolo Sia

Wednesday October 17 2001, 12:42AM
They f-cked me over.

Just read my article online for today's Inquirer, a review of the film "Requiem For a Dream". They butchered it.  The task of an editor is to improve on the article by making minor changes, not to change its entire trajectory by translating it into their own words, and "editing" it so it comes out the way they would have written it.  What a sham.  F-ck, this is frustrating...

click here to read the article as it was intended.

Tuesday October 16 2001, 11:06PM
In the Deck: Jimi Hendrix - friggin' everything
"Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things just don't seem the same
Actin' funny, but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

Purple Haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Help me
Help me
Oh, no, no

Talkin' 'bout heart 'n'...s-soul
I'm talkin' about hard stuff
If everbodys still around, fluff and ease, if
So far out my mind
Somethings happening, somethings happening

Ooo, ahhh
Ooo, {click} ahhh,
Ooo, ahhh
Ooo, ahhh, YEAH!
Purple haze all in my eyes, uhh
Don't know if its day or night
You got me blowin', blowin' my mind
Is it tomorrow, or just the end of time?

Help me
Ahh, yea-yeah, purple haze, yeah
Oh, no, oh
Oh, help me
Tell me, baby, tell me
I can't go on like this
You're makin' me blow my mind...mama
n-no, nooo
No, its painful, baby"

Friday September 28 2001, 05:03PM
On the Tube: DVD, Enemy At the Gates
In times of turmoil and distress, we turn to Huey and Caesar for guiding insights.
Huey and Caesar break down the news
check out the strip

Note: added a gusetbook.  Click here to view/sign.

Saturday September 23 2001, 11:40PM
"I ain't no perfect man...I'm trying to do...the best that I can...with what it is have..."
In the Deck: D'Angelo - "Send It On", "Feel Like Makin' Love"
On the Tube: Conan O'Brien

Click for larger image

a collage of stuff...coherence?...hmm...

Thursday September 20 2001, 11:33PM
"It was a surreal morning, surreal because of its beauty.
I laughed with a friend, realizing how wonderful it is to be alive." - Lea Sio

In the Deck: Ursula Rucker - "7", Lenny Kravitz - "Heaven Help", Lifehouse - "Hanging By A Moment"

The truth?

"...you have to realize that not too many people can touch our lives the way certain people do ... and when they do, never let go of that person... i'm serious man ... i know it's probably cheesy that i said that, but f-ck being cheesy ... don't give a rat's anus what people think ...  all i'm saying is, people like that... they don't come around too often ... and when the opportunity's there, don't wait too long to do something about it ... it might be too late ..." (Paolo Sia)

that's the f*$~#!' truth...


Monday September 15 2001, 08:07PM
In the Deck: Miles Davis Quintet - "My Funny Valentine"
It is 8:07 in the evening.

Four days after the September 11th tragedy.

I'm watching the audio commentary of Rushmore: The Criterion Collection.

Terrorists presumed to be associated with Osama bin Laden, hijacked planes flying two of them into the two World Trade Center buildings causing there collapse, flying one into the Pentagon leaving one-third of it damaged beyond use, and one other into a field in Pennsylvania, though intended to hit the White House.  The number of people that have died as a result of these actions is unknown.  But the media estimates over 10,000.  This is said to be equal to the number of people that passed away in Omaha Beach during World War II, over 10 times the number in Oklahoma, and significantly more than countless other infamous tragedies.   Inhumane- in the most brutal essence of the word, is all I can use to describe the events.

I hear the stories and see the faces of those that mourn the loss of a loved one.   And cannot help but feel my eyes well up and my gaze un-focus.  A man who died was the beloved fiance of a charming young woman.  Another was the husband to a wife who would soon be telling him that he was to be a father.  There are 10,000 of these people.  And at least 100,000 stories like this.  As hard as my feeble mind might try, I will never be able to comprehend the magnitude of what has taken place.   The media said that America, maybe the world, would never be the same, a sentiment I believed at first to be pre-mature, echoes  as close to an understatement now

Call me a cynic.  Right now, we may take a minute or two to pause and reflect.  For a day, we may even forget the clutter that we work so hard to surround ourselves with, but soon, perhaps even tomorrow, our banal routine will continue.  The world will change, but will we?

Understand that no distinction is meant between myself and the we that I speak of.  For I am no better if not worse than the rest of the world's citizens.  Today I lament, tomorrow I forget.   Should the fact that I am watching a comedy movie whose wits I admire bother me, or am I to accept this as simply a means of achieving a break from the impounding fist of reality. 

I have never been able to reconcile questions regarding my character, I guess that's my downfall.


Wednesday May 23 2001, 05:59 PM
In the Deck: Mos Def - "May-September", "Umi Says", "Climb"
by Alexis Tioseco

It is the color of my world.

The shade that consumes me.

The shadow of uncertainty.

The tint of doubt that throws off the hue of my life.

It's not light, but neither is it dark.  It is the prolonged instant in which all around you freezes, animate objects stand still, letters don't form words, mouths open but no words escape from them.

A figure stands.  It's shape indistinct.  The left side of the body immersed in radiant light.  The right side cast in dim obscurity.  It's feet are firmly planted on the ground, almost touching, with only an indent of illumination separating them.  A majestic candle provides the light and shadow that divides the two sides.  The left side of the figure stands erect; it's body like a pillar, the epitome of strength.  The right side limps bleakly; it's body like an aged tree, the epitome of a defeated warrior.

Strange how one simple candle is all that distinguished the divide.  All that defines the line between the light and the shadow, the animate and still, the song and the silent.

Strange?  A little.  But plausible?  Definitely.

You see what the light doesn't tell you, are the unspoken words written on the crest of the lips of the figure.  The words that keep its feet firmly planted.  The reason why the figure stood in its place, and the reason why it stands in its place.  The words that sustain.



When the candle isn't looking, the figure dreams.  It dreams of the glorious day the candle falls.  The day its light spills over the darkness, and illuminates the world.

"But what if it burns?" An onlooker asks.

The figure's lips silently speak only the same two words.  But the message is clear.  You have to be vulnerable to the chill of darkness, in order to feel the warmth of light.  You have to lose the fear of getting burned, or burning, in order to fall.

Friday May 4 2001, 11:55 PM
"History is hard to know, because of all the hired b-llsh-t, but even without being sure of "history" it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time---and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened." - Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp), Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
In the Deck:  Clarance Carter - "Slip Away", Cat Stevens - "The Wind"
On the Tube: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Strange vibes today.  The day itself was quite conventional, but all of a sudden, at this hour of the night, all of the events that took place seem so surreal.  Like everything happened in third person.  Strange, strange, strange.  Oy vay.  Strangeness for today.  Tagaytay for tomorrow.  Hunter S. Thompson forever.

The On the Tube header is just to let y'all know what I'm watching, in the event that there's something glaring on the TV.

Wednesday May 2 2001, 08:45 PM
"I'm in love/with the world/through the eyes/of a girl..."
In the Deck:  Bilal - "Sometimes", Elton John - "Tiny Dancer", Maxwell - "Get To Know Ya"
Happy Anniversary.  It's exactly six months today since the last time I updated the site, and in twenty days it will be one year since its inception.  That's wild.  Hopefully we can get things rolling before that date comes around.  

Amidst the chaos and tribulation that surrounds me, writing maintains my equilibrium.

I have the yearning to just type forever and make up for lost time...but I always hated the phrase "talking loud but not saying anything".  On that note...


Thursday November 2 2000, 02:48 PM
"If you can talk you can sing, if you can walk you can dance..."
In the Deck:  Prince - "2045 Radical Man", Musiq - "Just Friends", India.Arie - "In My Head"
Whoa nelly, that was quite some time.  Almost three months.  Sometimes I spend too much time trying to find time for myself that when I have it I forget to enjoy it.  I tell yeah.  That'll change.  There are a few things I wanna do...hopefully I'll get them accomplished.   Check back for updates.


Thursday August 10 2000, 10:37 PM
"I ignored your aura but it grabbed me by the hand, like the moon pulled the tide and the tide pulled the sand..."
In the Deck:  Amel Larrieux - "Sweet Misery", Cree Summer & Lenny Kravitz- "Mean Sleep"
Arrite...there's a few topics I'd like to speak on.  They're just some words/terms/ideas that intrigue me.  The next update will include the first installment of this little series, which I like to think of as "concentrated nonsense".  Just a little something to manifest the thoughts brewing in my head in a constructive way.  Very big thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it, it is appreciated.  Anyway, I got 7:30am class, so I gotta retire for the evening.  Night y'all...


Monday August 07 2000, 01:51 AM
"Time to move on..."
In the Deck:  Jill Scott - "Love Rain" (Mos Def Mix), Elliot Smith - "Somebody That I Used To Know"
Ties with http://crc.w3site.com have been terminated.  Why?  I'm not the one to ask, nor do I care to expend my energy answering that question.  As the title says, it's time to move on.  I'll leave it at that.  Okay player?

We here at the site (um...me), may be introducing some new permanent columnists within the coming week.  I'm hoping to expand my very humble abode to include the thoughts of a few other beautiful souls whose ideas, opinions and views I hold with the utmost regard.   I gotta jet for the night, but I'll be back tomorrow, promise.  Love and peace out to everyone with relationship problems.  Just remember that through the most pain comes the most joy.  I'm praying for y'all.  Peace. 


Oh yeah, before I bounce for night, check out this link for a very dope interview with artist/poet/soul singer,  Ms. Jill Scott.  Her answer to the first question, I couldn't have said it better myself...

Sunday August 06 2002, 05:51 PM
"I don't know..."
In the Deck:  Mos Def - "Umi Says", Elliot Smith - "Say Yes"
An Excerpt from Sandman #65
by Neil Gaiman

Have you ever been in love?

You might say that.

isn't it?

In what way?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something
dumb like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.  So a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way to your heart.

How picturesque.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body-hurt, a real-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain.
Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.

I hate love.

Monday July 24 2000, 10:06 PM
"Take a good look at my face!"...
In The Deck: Smokey Robinson - "Tracks of My Tears", Bilal - "Soul Sista", D'Angelo - "Cruisin"

Dear 166,
  (a letter to my old computer)

How are you? Hope you're surviving.   Well, I got a new computer and it's going pretty good so far.  It's pretty fast.   But you know I miss ya though.  We were together for three good years.  You were one of my closest friends in my new country.  Well, don't wanna get too sentimental on you, but I just wanted to let you know that you were appreciated.  Thank you...


Shoutout of the Week:
My boy Ryan Chong up in Chicago.  You're remembered and missed dude.

Wednesday July 05 2000, 11:06 PM

"I give up..."
In The Deck: Slick Rick - "Mona Lisa", The Roots w/ Common - "Love of My Life"

Boondock3a.JPG (9309 bytes)I give up.  Some people just really don't listen.  How hypocritical, my teacher doesn't even listen to my explanation, and he tells me to be open minded?!  Even if I do end up wrong, which I don't think will happen, this frustration will remain.  Pucha.

Anyway, schools school, and my bro needs the 'puter.   Gotta bounce. Oh yeah, almost forgot, my phone line sickness has been cured.   Yay.  Till tomorrow...


Special love out to:
Big Happy Birthday shout out to Yvette Santos and Risha Alcazar! =)

Sunday July 02 2000, 02:45 AM
"My restlessness is my nemesis, it's hard to really chill and sit still..."
In The Deck: the subtle sounds of silence...
1st and foremost, Happy 23rd Birthday to my sister Paola!  Hope you have a dope day, you deserve it.  Miss you...

Gotta keep this short because sleep is calling...the CRC freshmen party is shaping up to be pretty hype this year...just hit me up with an e-mail ([email protected]) if you want any of the details.  There's gonna be some pretty big DJ's and guests...it's looking nice.  School went by pretty quick this week, I almost missed it.  Me and Rolo were just cruising around everywhere today.  Saw some pretty funny things along the way.  Hopefully we can get the cam going, and record some footage of our offbeat encounters.  Ah, everyday's an adventure.  Well, my pillow beckons. 'Till tomorrow...

Special love out to:
My sister Paola.  You've influenced me more than you'll ever know.  I aspire to live/love the way you do. Happy 23rd Birthday.

Saturday June 24 2000, 07:15 PM
"The Next Movement..."
In The Deck: Mista - "Blackberry Molasses" (repeat)
Schools in full swing, and my ass is tired.  The curriculum is a lot more interesting this year and I'm really getting into it...(disregard the fact that I've fallen asleep a few times in class).  The topics we're taking are a lot more mature this year, and seem to advocate creativity and expression (of the mind).  I'm liking it...so far at least.

Due to phone troubles, I've only been able to use the net at night, around midnight or after. So I was forced to a decision, I had to sacrifice either:
1) my net time, or 2) my sleep.  I chose the later, and the rest is history, or falling asleep in history.  Anyway, I don't got much to say, or too much to say that doesn't want to come out cuz some some people will get offended by it.  Oh well. Till tomorrow...peace.

Special love out to
Louise Villanueva

Monday June 12 2000, 02:32 PM
"The best things in life are free..."
In The Deck: Al Green - "Let's Stay Together", Eric Benét - "True To Myself"
I spent 250 pesos for entrance to a party yesterday, and the most fun I had was chilling after the party playing cards at Anna's place from 3:00am till the sun came up. Go Figure.

Saturday June 10 2000, 11:32 PM
"If you could buy friendship, my crew would be priceless..."
In The Deck: D'Angelo - "Lady", "Cruisin' (Live)", Eric Benét - "Lamentation", "Dust In the Wind"
First and foremost, Happy Birthday to my Mom! =)
Been a little busy of late doing this and that, which is a good thing considering that the last few days of summer break are quickly whittling away.  Just incorporated Rolo's In the Deck to my column, I like the idea of y'all knowing what I'm listening to while I write.

I was in a small fashion show at school for the freshman orientation yesterday.  The other people in it were pretty good, but the clothes I was wearing (just one outfit) was a little too baggy for my taste and I was a bit uncomfortable as a result.  Oh well, it was an experience and I had fun at the practices.  I was given my schedule for the upcoming school year the other day and I have Saturday classes!  That's a situation I need to rectify as soon as possible.  I have no classes on Mondays though, which means if I don't get to change my schedule, I'll have to start a Sunday night hang out crew.  Do y'all like what Rolo's done with the interface of the crc site?  I'm impressed.  For those who don't know, hover your mouse over the boxes, and the name of link shows up in the menu window, click on them and the link will open within our page.   It's pretty stallion, much respect goes out to Rolo for that.  Well, I don't really have have anything else to say, or I have too much to say and too little patience to sort through it, so I'll let you go.  Everybody please re-read the quote at the top of the entry, and before I hit the sack, couple shouts to the people that made me think that lately: 

Special love out to
: Mia (good to have you back), Knox (hurry back), Anna & Marlo (my end of summer click, its been dope), Matt Ricordi, Joe Olalo, Ms. Bay (thanks for the letter), Jojo (design and conquer baby), everybody down with the fashion show, and last and most especially to my Mom (miss you).

Sunday June 04 2000, 03:19 PM

"Give me the beat boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock & roll, and drift away..."
I don't know what it is.  Music has this way of possessing you.  It's intoxicating really. For me personally, I have to have music playing, all day every day.   My stereo wakes me up in the morning, my headphones walk with me through my day, and my stereo comes back to tuck me in and put me to sleep at night.  I love music.   I love it to death.  After a while, songs change and they aren't just songs anymore.  They begin to take on a higher meaning.  They get embedded in our sub-conscious, and start to define moments and times in our lives, and soon all our memories are associated with the lyric and beat that we heard at that instance. 

I'm reading a book called High Fidelity by Nick Hornby.  If it sounds familiar, it's because they've made it into a movie starring John Cusack.  The novel revolves around Rob, a young (mid thirties) rare-vinyl shop owner and the plot is about his obsession with records, and his reaction to the break-up with his long time girlfriend.  This book is essential for anyone who either has an inane affinity towards music, or who is a hound that endlessly hunts down the one album that will complete his/her collection (or is complete him/her?).  I belong to both of those groups. 

Shout out of the week:
-Belated Happy Birthday to Eunice Garcia (hurry back!).

Wednesday May 31 2000, 11:56 PM

"Just keep all faith in me, don't act impatiently, you'll get where you need to be..."
In Due Time.  There's so much I wanna do and say...so much I wanna change...so much I want to be inspired about...so few hours in a day...so few people to listen.

Monday May 29 2000, 03:30 PM
"Schools out and there's sort of a buzz..."
Summer classes are finally over and it's time to get things straight.  Been slacking as of late, renting/watching a lot of videos (Fight Club, American History X, Shakespeare In Love, The Thin Red Line, City Hall, Citizen Kane, North By Northwest, Donnie Brasco, Raging Bull, and a bunch of others), and playing a lot of cards and ish like that. This week will more than likely see the rise of new sections like the movie reviews section and the timeline. Expect the daily journals to become more daily and and to contain more substance.  Rolo is hard at work on the graphics and layout of the site, expect a slight overhaul on the presentation of the site in the coming days. I'm ghost.

Shout outs of the week:
-Happy 19th and 17th Birthdays to Melodie Pangan (luv you) and Anne Rose Elicaño, and a welcome back to Ms. Anna Castro.

Monday May 22 2000, 10:59 PM

Wassup? Our direction is being found and the foundation is being laid.  The site is going to have have a plethora of content, on a vast range of subjects.  We're going to post what we feel like posting.   We'll have regular columns that will updated by both Rolo and I, concerning things that interest us and captivate our minds.  Things such as film, books, design and technology.  Other articles will be posted by us, by our circle, by you, and as links from other sites.  Some current projects are- online: the timeline, just fixing up the scanner detail and it'll be done within the coming week. offline: working on our movie. It's still in the developmental stage in regards to the plot, and we're still gathering equipment, but due to my fixation with movies, this is something I'm extremely excited about.  The possibilities are endless.

Before I bounce, shout outs to our immediate fam in CRC: Wassup and love to: Knox, Chan Sik Park, Anna Castro, Mia Sebastian, Vienn Tionglico, Erika Chang, Lianne Flameno (and Cholo), Nikki Bermudez, Helen, Marlo Ongpin, Gino, Chris (my l'il big bro), l'il Paolo, Bob (Eddie) and Kookie from Biznet, and whoever else we kick it with...sophomore year's gonna be hype.

And to the the Foreign Tribe: Ramonna, Luis, Yvette, Risha, Joffy, Michelle, Louise girl, Rhea, Lydia, Carla, Nicollete, Anton, Vince, Debs...distance can't divide us...love y'all. any questions, pics, e-mails to say wassup or that you love me, send to [email protected]


additional notes: support music piracy...it's a good living. Custom CD's available soon.

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