B l o g
***
"Our actions are merely ripples in the mighty river of Time"
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January 4, 2005
Tuesday
10:15 PM
Song: Linkin Park - My December
Mood: Tired of everyone and everything
---
That's right folks, Sara is currently in her completely antisocial moods with a dash of depression on the side. Well, not really depression but more like some sort of strange melancholy that refuses to see the sense of humor in anything.
Maybe it's because people like to kill each other on random. I just read an article about the governor of Baghdad being assassinated along with his bodyguards. Alot of other people got hurt too but I can't remember the exact numbers. These sort of incidents make me wonder if AIDS is the disease to keep the human population from getting so big so the Earth isn't overpopulated with big stupid apes like us. Doesn't matter anyway, everyone likes to kill everyone else it seems.
Pessimistic? Cruel? Probably, but I don't care. Being murdered for some senseless cause really isn't fair either now is it?
I don't understand people sometimes and I'm ashamed to call myself a human. Power, money, sex, and drugs. That is truly all we care about isn't it? I would just be happy if everyone that I loved was happy..but I guess my hopes and dreams are a bit too lame for the rest of the world.
Oh and it's terribly sad that the rich and powerful - the people that can actually make a difference in the world - don't give a flying fuck about other people.
So fuck humanity and me and everyone else. Atleast we're all going to die someday <3.
***
January 2, 2005
Sunday
7:37 PM
Song: Aria 3 - Sogno
Mood: Happy..and impending bathroom break XD
---
Wai! My sister, Jennifer, has been showing me more Korean shows that she downloaded onto her laptop through her super fast college ethernet connection. AHHHH! She's making me fall in love with this one Korean music grouped called: "Shinhwa". It has six members (Eric, Andy, Hye Sung, Jun Jin, Min Woo, Dong Wan) and they're all RIDICULOUSLY HOT XDD. And it doesn't help that they've all got the greatest personalities in the world and even though they're uber hot and sexay...they're all really goofy and shy. And the close brotherhood among them is SO CUTE X33. I <3 them to death.
But anyway, out of all them, I had to painfully choose my favorite and he is...
JUN JIN [X] [X] [X]
Isn't he beautiful, folks? And he's a superb dancer~ *Melts into a cute lil asian puddle* And he's so shy and he's got the hottest gangster face on the planet >_> I would hate to be the one that pisses him off XDD.
Actually, I really do like all six of them so here are the rest of the members' pictures ^^.
Dong Wan [X]
Min Woo [X]
Andy [X]
Eric [X]
Hye Sung [X]
Group [X] [X]
Oh! And don't make the mistake of thinking that I've JUST heard about them I've known about Shinhwa for a while but I never really liked them till now. When they first came out, they seemed like the same plastic, shallow Korean group that I'm used to but they aren't. :33 (Thank the lord XD)
Side Note: Oh yes, Andy is missing from the second group picture :(
<333
***
December 28, 2004
Tuesday
2:47 PM
Song: Linkin Park//Jay Z - Dirt off your Shoulder/Lying from You
Mood: DDRed out to the wazzoo
---
Christmas has gone and passed us...and a new year is slowly rolling toward us. WTF?! XD Nnnoo! I don't want my Christmas Break to be through so soon! I have to go back to school on January 4th and it's going to SUCK ASS to the MAX -_-. I seriously don't want to see my peers again. Actually, I don't think I want to see them EVER AGAIN. X3 I'm sorry, I'm being anti-social again, ehehehe >).
My sister bought the new Collision Course: Linkin Park // Jay Z CD/DVD and it's fucking awesome. I don't know who came up with the idea for meshing these two artists together but they need to be kissed. Jay Z's voice and LP's beats just go so well together that I'm surprised no one has thought of this sooner. ^^
I've been DDRing myself out to the hieta and my mum told me that she thinks I've lost some weight XD. YES! My plan is working >_> I mean, it's fun and hard and sweatiful all at the same time so it's a great mix. I just hope I don't break a leg doing some crazy dance move those crazy Japanese people want me to perform (XD - Back off holier-than-thou people! I'm Korean, man. I have the f'in right to make racist Asian comments) Anyhoo, moving on...
I'm growing my nails out and I can't keep my mouth away from them. I mean I'm doing fine...but I just have to nibble on them - not bite - but nibble o_O.I'm trying to grow them out for prom cause I want pretty nails at the dance. Pretty vampire nails! AHAHAHAHAHaa! Yes, I am going as a vampire with a few of my friends to prom. We're going to look so hot no one is going to be able to make fun of us. They're just going to look at us and stare. X3 THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES! >DDDD
Now I'm just rambling so I'll stop now. Goodbye~
<3333
***
December 20, 2004
Monday
3:04 PM
Song: Crazy techno music from Jacob >D
Mood: Tired from running
---
Whoo! It's my first official week in my Christmas break ^^ I'm so excited that school is out that I shall do a small jig. Today has been a really slow day which is fine because yesterday was super busy.
Yesterday, I hung out with one of my best friends, Megan, and wandered around the mall. I got to buy her her Christmas present and she bought me mine. ^^ Of course it took forever because she said she didn't need anything and I was like: "WTF? Of course you do! What am I going to do huh? Stand here and accept your presents like a jerk and not get you anything?". She finally conceded and I got her the most adorable Hello Kitty hat EVER at Hot Topic. Megan got me a messenger bag from Spencer's and an awesome necklace. I had to pet my presents all day long just because they were KICK ASS ^^. Anyway, I've needed a messenger bag for the longest time since my other one was lost/stolen (?).
I also bought myself a five dollar shirt at Hot Topic. It was actually made for a guy but it was so cute that I had to buy it. (The price was also a steal). Whenever I wear it, I look like a cute, little, asian punk boy XDDD. (Which may serve to be a good thing...>_>) Eheheheheee!
Anyway, that's basically what's happened so far. It was terribly fun ^^
I <3 Megan
***
December 13, 2004
Monday
9:51 PM
Song: Ian Van Dahl - Castles in the Sky
Mood: Apprehensive yet happy?
---
Yeah...tomorrow I officially start my winter semester exams. It's completely going to suck ASS (to the max). Arg, hopefully I won't be getting sick because my throat is already a little itchy. I can't get sick during test time! That would be terrible! I'm already doing pretty bad in Physics...I don't need a cold to help me flunk my semester exam -_-. ANYWAY! On to the more optimistic things of my day...
Whoo! I <3 the winter holidays because I get to give and give and give. I don't know about you but I love making people happy/laugh. I had this really cute idea where I bought a whole bunch of really nifty wine bags and put chocolate-filled champagne glasses in them. Everyone like the whole glasses idea ^^.
Of course, I had already asked Jacob of he liked candy and he was like: No. I was like: ^^;;;;;; Hahaha. So, I had to sorta personalize his gift so I gave him two charcoal pencils with a blender stick. He seemed really happy to get them :3. Here is some dialogue~
Jacob: ...This must have taken you some time to wrap
Me: Nah, not really ^^ It just rolled them up in the tissue paper like sushi.
Jacob: ....>_<;; I don't want to tear the pretty wrapping paper!
Me: ^^;; Just rip it open, Jacob >D
And yeah...I got a hug from him afterwards. WAI, I nearly melted into a little, cute, asian puddle on the art-room floor XDD. JACOB, STOP BEING SO DAMN CUTE!...DAMN IT! >_>;; *shakes fist at him*
But now I must prance off and study...Poor poor Sara u_u. So many chapters to read yet only a few hours to sleep.
*SIGH*
***
December 10, 2004
Friday
10:25 PM
Song: Ian Van Dahl - Castles in the Sky
Mood: Happy!
---
Wai! Sorry! I know I know, I haven't updated in ages but I've just been too busy/lazy to touch my website till now. I have SO many things to relate. Lets see...I need to make a list X3.
1) Jacob wore his hair in a different style today and I wanted to rape him right then and there XDDD. So fucking hot..he just really needs to stop before I do jump him one day.
2) I finally got to dress up my good friend Erik as a gothy J-rocker >D. I have the pictures too!: [X] [X] [X] [X]
3) I had to make a CD cover and a postcard for my Interactive Multimedia Design class. And strangely enough, instead of choosing Dante, I chose Gackt as my theme for both projects XD.
CD Front: [X]
CD Back: [X]
Postcard: [X]
4) Semester exams are only in a few days! AHH! I'm completely stressed out. Stupid teachers -_- Stupid school. But that's all that happened. Not very interesting no? Oh wait! I found out that Jacob likes Korean food today >_>
FIN!
***
November 27, 2004
Saturday
11:47 PM
Song: Rain - Track 02
Mood: Happy and Korean-ified
---
HAHAHAa! I love Korean men. They are so open to do things that American men would NEVER, EVER do. (The "Suck & Blow" game? Ehehehehee) And they were all ridiculously hot so that helps too X3.
STFU! I know I'm shallow XD.
I'm going back to my roots man ^^
***
November 16, 2004
Tuesday
7:44 AM
Song: Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home
Mood: Emotionally worn out
---
I've fallen head over heels for a dream. Too bad he wasn't real. Too bad he wasn't the real image of the person that I think of. He told me that he loved me but I didn't answer. I think a part of me understood that the Jacob that I dream of is a fake. To answer would have been painful.
I said 'I love you' to a ghost
Funny. It seems that I always bleed for those that don't even know my name.
***
November 14, 2004
Sunday
1:29 PM
Song: Sarah Brightman - It's A Beautiful Day
Mood: Worn out but happy
---
Wow...so much happened yesterday. It was lots of fun and something to be remembered. I would have written yesterday but I was too tired. Lets see, where to begin?
Okay, I woke up around 7:45 AM, took a shower, cleaned around the house, and then got a ride to school at 9:00 AM. Saturday was Olio (Battle of the Bands) day and I still hadn't finished the huge-ass billboard sign that was supposed to hang behind the bands. Soo, here I was at school at 9:00 in the morning painting up the rest I hadn't finished. Christina (my friend who gave me the ride) kept me company and helped me out.
Around 11:00 AM my friend Kate came and brought me lunch (Subways! wo0t ^^) Of course I paid her back XP. After a nice little break, I helped with a few set-up things before I could go back to painting. Around 12:30 PM guess who shows up? JACOB. AH XD. And what do you know? He keeps me company for the entire afternoon. He's so cute, arg, makes me want to nibble on him. Nothing new happens but I finally finish up the billboard around 4:00. Whoo! It looked great and I'll put up pictures of it later.
Everything after 6:00 is a huge blur cause that's when Olio officially started. I met up with the band members and all of them were really cute and nice. (Especially this one guy named Tim. He so rocked my socks on keyboard X3) All in all, it was totally fun and it was even more fun with Jacob around ^^ Yeah..you could say I flirted with him >_> SH! No talking XP
Whhee, I love his eyes..so pretty~ And I finally got to see him laughing. He's even cuter when he's laughing ^^ Wai, I'm completely obesssed x_X This is really not good for my health.
Okay, so I was at school from 9:00 AM to 1:00 AM which is about 15 hours. GODDAMN, that's a fucking long time isn't it? Oh well. It was completely worth it and I can't wait for Olio #2 which is in May or something ^^ I'm excited.
I am ART GOD(DESS)! BOW BEFORE ME AND BRING ME OFFERINGS OF HOT, YOUNG MALES!
***
November 9, 2004
Tuesday
11:21 PM
Song: LOTR OST - Evenstar
Mood: Depressed
---
I'm quite sure that my demons are going to kill me one day. I don't know how and I don't know when..But I don't think I will die a natural death.
***
November 8, 2004
Monday
8:01 AM
Song: Trapt - Headstrong
Mood: Monday-irritation
---
Gah...another Monday and I'm off at school. I just managed to scribble up my AP Government homework. There's nothing to really look forward today..except an assload of Physics homework. x_o
Hahaha, I didn't do a lick of homework over the weekend. After the SATs on Saturday, I was like SCREW THIS, I'm going to have some fun XD.
Okay, well, I do have one thing to look forward too ^^ Jaaccoobbb..AHAHHAHAaa >D I'm completely obsessed, I know! I can't help it. He's so cute and uke it's not even funny. If I was a guy, he'd be under me in a second.
Well, the bell just rang. I better go and prance.
***
November 6, 2004
Saturday
4:39 PM
Song: Nickleback - Someday
Mood: The most peaceful and happiest day ever
---
I will officially call this day the most peaceful and happiest day of my life. It seems like all the depression I suffered and all the crap I went through was thrown at me to prepare me for this; to make sure I would appreciate all the beauty of it.
I woke up early to a beautiful morning and a gently cold house to take my SATs. I first thought my day would be ruined from this one test but it turned out that the test was extremely easy. My mum was really happy to hear this and took me out to lunch to a Chinese buffet.
I then came back home, hung out, and then went out to test my new bicycle out with my father on an eight-mile trek. By this time, it was three o'clock and the sun was just beginning to set. The air was cool and the sky was startlingly blue and clear. The landscape was breathtaking and the biking was very calming.
What really makes my day is that my relationship with Jacob has grown alot..and I have a small suspicion that he likes me as much as I do. Then again, I shouldn't get cocky or over-presumptuous. I really do like him although I should be careful. I don't want to care about someone too much too fast..unless I'll get hurt again. I don't want to be depressed for seven months again.
Life has never been this beautiful and calming.
P.S. - Jacob's favorite ice-cream flavor is Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough X3
***
November 2, 2004
Tuesday
8:40 AM
Song: None
Mood: Happily tired
---
Hehehee, I'm in school right now and I am using their ultra fast computer connection >D. Multimdedia and Design! Wo0t ^^
Currently I'm waiting for my teacher to hurry up and explain the next project to us. Oh well, I shouldn't even be on here XD I better log off before she yells at me.
P.S. - Had the loveliest dream about someone >D
***
October 25, 2004
Monday
10:22 PM
Song: Silent Hill 2 - There Was a Hole Here
Mood: Happy
---
Arg! I finished Silent Hill 2! Crazy man, what a sad story o_O But I loved it and now I can say I have officially gone through a "Silent Hill" experience X3. (Now I have to go back and get all the other endings XD;)
I went to the Student Presidential Debate held at school. It was really fun ^^ I enjoyed it..which sorta surprised me because I thought I was going to hate it, but everyone kept their cool and stuff. (I had a bag of animal crackers and a Diet Vanilla Coke o_O I was all set man)
I think the Kerry Campaign had the better agrument X3.
***
October 24, 2004
Sunday
9:02 PM
Song: None
Mood: Peeved about politics
---
What the fuck is everyone's problem with gay people? They're fucking humans too! Here's a common arguement:
"Oh, I don't mind gay people..But I don't think they should get married"
Uh...okay? What kind of message is that? We're going back 50 years with that kind of attitude. We want PROGRESS, not MEDIEVAL. Okay, so its your religious belief that gay people shouldn't get married. Fine. Keep it. I don't want anything to do with it. But putting a constitutional ban? Let me give you reasons why it could never work:
1) Religious motivations + government = disaster (i.e. - Salem Witch Trials, Spanish Inquisition) You moderate religious matters such as marriage, what else can the government start regulating? Who you can fuck on the side? Yeah..okay
2) Putting a constitutional ban on marriage against gay people will add even more to their "taboo". It degrades the image of gay people and that isn't right. There have been vicious hate crimes against gay people just because of who they are. I will NEVER tolerate that kind of thinking.
3) It's not a crime is it? Most gay couples are trying to get married because they LIKE EACH OTHER. WOW! What a concept. If you ever read John Locke he says that the only time humans should be punished is when they harm another man's life, liberty, and right to property. Does gay people marrying each other violate ANY of those? No, I didn't think so.
GAH! I hate talking politics but I will not be walked upon like a door mat. I will stand up for what I believe in and that is all I can do. I know I probably can't open up a closed mind, but atleast I know mine will never be that way.
***
October 22, 2004
Friday
7:17 PM
Song: None
Mood: Happily dizzy
---
Wow...I still feel a little phased from school today. Lol, you know that little note that I wrote Jacob? Yeah..o_O That was a COMPLETE FIASCO XD. Here let me explain.
Okay, Jacob has art sixth period while I have it seventh. So, in the morning, I dropped off my note to Mrs. Huffstetler (my art teacher) and asked her to give it to him during sixth.
But lo and behold, she completely forgets @_@! I usually get out of my sixth period class a little early so I can talk to him and Meg. So here I am, walking down there thinking that Jacob has read my note..Until to my horror Mrs. Huffstetler says:
"Oh! I almost completely forgot. I have a note for you, Jacob..from Sara"
I think the color to my face drained a little bit and then flushed slightly XDD. Jacob sorta glances over at me and then back at Mrs. Huffstetler. Of course by this time I wish I had a paper-bag over my head and was going to be shot. ^^; So I did the reasonable thing..I escaped! XD
After the bell to change classes rang, I sorta sneaked back in there and freaked out to Mrs. Huffstetler (I wasn't angry of course, it was funny anyway). Oh, but it gets better. She ended up not being able to FIND my note..so she told Jacob to come back after seventh period. AAHHHH! XD
After getting over my complete embarassment, I asked her what he said when he had a note from me. Mrs. Huffstetler said that he was really curious and wanted to see it. (That made me feel a little better >_>;;)
Ah well, to make a long story short, we end up finding my note and finally giving it to him. Jacob didn't take it at first because he said that he didn't want to embarass me by reading it infront of me. (That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside X3 Atleast he cared about what I felt XD)
Wow, that was fun..o_O I'm NEVER asking Mrs. Huffstetler to pass on something to someone EVER AGAIN, lol j/k ^^. I <3 Mrs. Huffstetler, she's so awesome :).
There are two things that came out of this:
1) Jacob is being moved out of sixth and into seventh. He apparently didn't like his sixth period very much o_O
2) He gets to read my lovely note and I hope he replies XDD
Optional: He seemed happier than yesterday. ^^
***
October 21, 2004
Thursday
11:11 PM
Song: Seether - Broken
Mood: Sad? o_O
---
Man, I don't know what's up with me nowadays. I just spent an hour decorating a note that I'm going to give to my <3, Jacob. (It's not all flowery mind you XP)
Why do I care so much about what he's feeling or what he's thinking when I don't even know him that well? I can't help it. He just seems so sad sometimes and when he smiles, it's the most beautiful thing that I've seen. He's extremely shy and doesn't talk very much so I was completely stunned when he suddenly talked to me one day. (Stunned and pleasantly surprised X3)
I don't know. His mood was crummy today. It brought down my mood too. Jacob is just someone that I don't want to see hurt.
I want to see him smile or even laugh. I love making people laugh. It is my joy in life. If I couldn't, my life would be very pointless indeed.
Falling in love too fast
Head over heels in a flash
Guess that's why it hurts so much
when all is done
Because there's no one to catch me
After love's course is run
***
October 16, 2004
Saturday
8:20 PM
Song: FFVIII - Liberi Fatali Overhaul (OCRemix)
Mood: Happy
---
Oh yes, for all you care, my life is back to normal. Of course, I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all this, because the only person that seems to care is Claire..o_O
So FUCK YOU TOO, YOU SHIT-FACED BASTARDS!! >D
I don't care about what happens in your life either. ^^ Anyho, moving on...
There's a vampire in my school. Oh, and he's a pretty one too. His name is Jacob and he rocks at charcoal. o_O He's got the prettiest fingers I've EVER seen on a man. I just want to take pictures of them and draw them XD. Oh yes, he's a vampire because he's got long pretty nails, he's super skinny, pale, and has black hair. That sounds like a sexay vampire to meh >D.
Anyway, I asked my friend Meg to take some pictures for me since he's in her art class XD. Mmm, can't wait >_>.
End Note: Prince Of Persia 2 is HOT AS HELL. GODDAMN. #$%%&*3%!@. >> Psychobabble ranting/drooling.
***
October 10, 2004
Sunday
8:56 PM
Song: Korean song
Mood: Frozen
---
Let me tell you a sad story.
I had a dream where my whole family ended up hating my guts and wanted to disown me and throw me out on the road. I thought it was just a dream, but it was a warning, because you know what? It just happened. Currently, no one in my family wants to speak/look at me. And the chilling part is that my family members started to hate me in the order dictated in my dream. Coincidence? I think not.
The veins around my eyes are all broken so my eyelids are still puffy and red. I haven't felt so alone like this. So, tonight, my fast begins. And I won't stop fasting until my body is buried six feet under.
Hey, I'll be killing lots of birds with one stone.
1) I get to disappear and become forgotten like I've always wished to be.
2) My mother has always nagged me about my weight.
3) My dad doesn't have to worry about paying for college when I'm dead.
4) My sister will be happy, I'm sure.
Logical? Oh yes, you better believe it. I already have my suicide note written out (in both English and Korean). Now, all I have to do is waste away. It'll take a while, I guess, but let me take this time to apologize to: Claire, Lauren, Emily, Scott, Emma, Daniel, Robbie, Sara R., Steven, Katherine-Anne, Kate, Cara, and all of my other school friends. (Oh yeah, Daniela too if she still cares about what happens in my life)
I'm sorry. This is just the way it has to be.
***
October 9, 2004
Saturday
8:43 PM
Song: Korean song
Mood: Mesmerized
---
Okay, so I go to my eye exam at Target and I expect it to be a complete drag. But instead my eye doctor turns out to be sex on two legs o_O I was like: "Wa-bam!" XD
He was beautiful and the fact that he was super nice and open didn't help. I felt like a giddy school girl XD. Anyway, I only felt uncomfortable when he had to adjust the eye exam machine. Yeah...basically he sat down infront of me with his legs open and his crotch was like an inch away from my knees. This is me: o_o;;;;;;;
XD
But lo and behold! As he reaches over to get my glasses I see a golden band on his LEFT HAND. I was like: DAMN IT ALL! @_@ My hopes were completely dashed but you know..I can still think about him can't I? >D
Now I have two reasons to lose lots of weight. One is for Claire and the other is for yours truly because I have two more appointments >3.
***
October 1, 2004
Friday
8:52 PM
Song: Firebird OST (Korean drama)
Mood: Happy and full of <3
---
It's the first of October!! My favorite holiday is coming up in a few short weeks! Wo0t! Yay for dressing up like slutty vampires and getting candy for it (and not stones X3).
Oh! And also, I don't have to go to school for a whole fucking WEEK. *Rolls around in extreme happiness* And it's a Friday! And I got a 77 on my Physics Test! (4th highest grade in my class!) WHHEEEEEE!!!!
Anyway, I chick-flick movie-fied myself >_>:
1) Cruel Intentions
2) Bridget Jones's Diary
I <3 Colin Firth
(But still single and LOVING it ^^)
***
September 22, 2004
Wednesday
11:30 PM
Song: Sarah Brightman - Eden
Mood: Sad
---
Cried for the first time in about a month.
Why? Oh, same old same old. Thinking about the past and unnamed subjects that are mentioned in previous blogs.
***
September 19, 2004
Sunday
11:15 PM
Song: The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
Mood: Wishful
---
I went on Yahoo!Personals today and I pretended to be a gay man searching for his soul mate. Damn, check out this hottie >_>.
I wish I was a gay man u_u *sigh*.
***
September 17, 2004
Friday
9:20 PM
Song: The Postal Service - Recycled Air
Mood: Comical
---
Rejected Toys:
Name: Answer-your-questions Barney plushie!
Desc.: Press Barney's belly to get the answer to all life's questions.
Test kid #1: "Barney, why is the sky blue?"
Barney plushie: "Cause you're my bitch"
[REJECTED]
***
August 27, 2004
Friday
9:24 PM
Song: Depressing song
Mood: Angry
---
I FUCKING HATE LIVEJOURNAL.COM!! GAH! I don't know WHY but everytime I go there, it makes me want to FUCKING KILL SOMEONE.
No longer who I was. Broken but happy. I'll never be able to give away pieces of me anymore. I've already lost so much to the people I trusted (but was betrayed). Oh well, I'm happy here. I'll never truly love, but that's okay. I've never expected someone to love me anyway.
***
August 24, 2004
Tuesday
10:43 PM
Song: Kanye West - Jesus Walks
Mood: Inspired
---
The named song above is super good. o_O I like it alot. I'm usually not into Christian music, but this song is very powerful.
I beat the last game in the "Legacy of Kain" series. T_T I LOVE YOU RAZIEL!!
School sucks.
I feel better now.
I like Robby and Steven.
I kick ass with colored pencils XD.
***
August 22, 2004
Sunday
11:07 PM
Song: Silent Hill 2 - There Was A Hole Here
Mood: Haunted
---
How do you save a friendship that - in your eyes - seems already dead?
What do you do when the friend you had is no longer the person you loved?
How fast must I run to get away from these memories that haunt me so?
Where can I find the solace which I desperately seek?
All these questions..they burn in me today. I remembered the past in the most painful way. I know a part of me is already dead, for when I my friend died, so did I. I find no comfort in the friends I have today. They are merely mirages that will fade as soon as the light extinguishes.
What are friends for? All they do is drive a pain in me. The only peace I find is within my room, away from life and away from existence.
Play, Cello, and speak to me. Weave my sorrow and let the people see. Let them marvel at the darkness held so close to God's light. I am forgotten. Left here, with no wings to find salvation.
***
August 20, 2004
Friday
9:31 PM
Song: The Matrix Soundtrack - Clubbed To Death
Mood: Happy!
---
School sucked ass...
But this sure did cheer up my day!! XDDD
Click Me! >> SNAPE IS TOO SEXAY
***
August 18, 2004
Wednesday
10:39 PM
Song: Beastie Boys - Ch-Check it Out
Mood: Happy, tired, and sick + a mild headache
---
Rawr...School..2 weeks already. AH! The first day of school felt like any normal day in my second semester junior year. o_O Loads of homework with only 2 hours of sleep afterwards. WTF, man? I had the worst headache on the second day. But now, it isn't so bad. (Although I HATE Physics right now. Gr >_<)
And THEN - naturally - my body decides to get sick towards the end of the first week of school and I'm just now starting to recover. Arg, my head still hurts alot though :(. Damn you, Fate! *Shakes fist*
Ah well, atleast the worst part is over. (Yesterday, I felt like some bacterium oozing its way across the ground. Yeah...I didn't feel pretty >_>;) Here's a regular school day for me this year.
Senior 2004-2005 Schedule
1) Interactive Multimedia Design (Mrs. Douglas)
2) AP Government (Mrs. Bailey)
3) AP Physics B (Mrs. Ormond)
4) Pre-Calculus (Mrs. Matthews)
5) Classical and Contemporary World Literature (Mrs. Moore)
6) SeeD - Literary Magazine (Mrs. Vaughn)
7) AP Studio Art (Mrs. Huffstetler)
The multimedia class is basically where you get taught how to use: Adobe Photoshop, Dreamweaver, Flash, etc. It's really, REALLY boring at the moment because all we're doing is taking notes -_-. (Comatose x_x) But we should be going into photoshop soon. (Yay!)
I'm Art Editor for our school magazine, SeeD, this year! Wo0t! ^^ (I was technically the art editor last year..but we didn't do anything last year >_>;) I actually feel productive and I really enjoy the atmosphere. ^^ People get to do what I say! MUHAHAHAAA. And instead of designing the cover again, I get to work on other misc. art such as: advertistement posters and signs. I've already got an awesome idea for a few SeeD t-shirts we can do ^^ Whhee! This year is going to be MUCH better than my junior year. Why? Here, let me show you a mathematical equation...
Senior Year = junior year - (AP History + Angst + Depression caused by other people) + New friendships + Being able to pick on lower classmen >D
Yay for new school years!
***
July 31, 2004
Saturday
11:25 PM
Song: Some Korean song
Mood: Happy and tired
---
Went to the first annual "Happy Birthday, Harry Potter!" Birthday Bash held by Barnes & Nobles! Wo0t! It was so awesome :3 They transformed their cafe into the Three Broomsticks and served butterbeer, pumpkin juice, and the like.
All the employees were dressed up like Harry and one guy had a "Sirius Black" Azkaban prison shirt! ^^ I wanted to jump him and take it..but stealing is illegal. (Darn X3)
They also handed out House badges and I got the Gryffindor badge ^^. They also had free cupcakes so I got one of those as well >_>..It was so nice to be surrounded by HP fans! I got to talk to lots of people and I took lots of pictures. There was this one couple, husband and wife, that had dressed up like Professor Snape and Madam Hooch. Their costumes were KICK ass o_O It turns out that the wife had sewn ALL of it. (The outfits are almost identical to the movie clothes. It's almost...freaky o_O)
Don't worry! I took lots of pictures, so I'll post them here soon!
Total items collected: Gryffindor badge, Harry Potter glasses, and lots of pictures :3
***
July 30, 2004
Friday
9:22 PM
Song: Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe
Mood: Deeply happy
---
IT'S MY 17TH BIRTHDAY!
Wo0t! But I sure don't feel like my age o_O. I still feel like I'm 12 or something, haha. (And I act like it too..-_-;)
*Sigh* This year's birthday was the best I've ever had I think. I mean, no one threw a huge birthday bash for me or showered me with gifts. But, I can definitely say, this has been the best birthday so far in my life.
Why?
Well, lets just say, my birthdays have always been quiet and family oriented. However, this year, so many people remembered (And I didn't even mention it) and congratulated me. For me, the knowledge that people actually remembered and cared enough to say: "Happy Birthday, Sara!" is probably the best gift I have ever received.
I did get some gifts though :3 And for all the people that gave me stuff, thank you! I love you lots!! <3
1) Jai (My oldest sister) - Birthday lunch out at Chilis, $50.00 gift card to EB Games (Teh SQUEE!~), drink + cookie from Barnes and Nobles
2) My Parents - $40.00, a beautiful birthday card, an icecream cake X3
3) Grace & Ben (Kids I babysit) - A homemade chocolate birthday cake, a fuzzy beany baby ^^
4) Daniela - An awesome man-sex birthday card XD, a strong friendship
5) Meg - A hand-drawn birthday card, a fairy pendant
Thank you so much everyone! You've made me so happy and made this birthday the most special that I have ever had!
P.S. - I wish you were here, Blinded dear. If you were here, you would have made my happy day complete. Love you lots sweetheart and thanks for being there for me! ^^
***
July 13, 2004
Tuesday
12:43 PM
Song: Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending
Mood: Depressed/angry
---
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall..
And letting me know we were done
Thanks for fucking up my life. Too bad I can never bring myself to hate you. Damn you. Damn you to fucking Hell. I wish I could show as much thought for you as you do for me.
Then every time I talk to you I wouldn't want to cry.
I wouldn't want to slit my wrists.
I wouldn't feel like a failure.
I wouldn't feel like throwing myself off the roof of my house.
I wouldn't make myself bleed.
I wouldn't beat the shit out of myself.
I wouldn't feel like stepping infront of an oncoming car.
I would be able to finally get rid of this emptiness lingering in my chest.
But you don't know any of this, because I love you too much to hurt you again. I don't want to let you know what goes through my mind. You wouldn't care anyway. Maybe I'll just let you think nothing is the matter. Let you smile and laugh like you always do while I, hidden behind my words, scream till my throat bleeds.
All of the memories close to me fade away...
So much for my happy ending.
***
July 12, 2004
Monday
9:33 PM
Song: Jars of Clay - Flood
Mood: Tired -_-
---
Watched Band of Brothers today. Or atleast, a few more episodes of it. My sister got the whole series on DVD for $70 which is certainly a steal since there are six discs in all. Band of Brothers is an accurate series that illustrates real men that lived and served in WWII. I <3 war movies. There's something very touching when men come together and help each other through dark times. You get to see the worst and the best of men.
There are some parts that made me cry. In one episode, they come across a concentration camp. One of the prisoners walks up to an American soldier, kisses both of his cheeks, and hugs him while he cries his gratitude. Gah, that part just tugged at my chest.
Well anyway, after that I had to study and then go to piano lessons (YUCK). I wasn't feeling too happy because I was thinking about the person that fucked up my life. So, after lessons, I went out and ran three miles to vent out my frustrations. It worked..because now I am tired as hell, haha.
Nothing else interesting. Yay.
***
July 10, 2004
Saturday
12:21 AM
Song: Some classical Chopin song
Mood: Disgruntled o_<
---
This plague consumes me like a fire
Is love truly pure?
Then why does my heart burn with hate as I stare at your pretty face..?
Your beautiful red lips are growing paler
My nails rip into your flesh
I should have warned you
But now it is too late
You should have known before I fell in love with you
If you are not mine and mine alone
Then I will kill you...
Before I see someone make you their own
Beware of the "Jealous-Friend" Syndrome! o_O
***
July 2, 2004
Friday
9:39 PM
Song: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
Mood: Blood Omen 2-ified! :D
---
I passed my Driver's License test!
Kain is a sexay biznotch!! XD *Huggles her Blood Omen 2 game*
And I'm feeling better! ^^ Yay for anti-depression days~
***
July 1, 2004
Thursday
5:43 PM
Song: Evanescence - Bleed
Mood: Depressed..again
---
EDIT: Writing down my feelings is good therapy. I feel better now.
*Sigh*
I cried again for probably the umpteenth time this week. Feeling like a worthless piece of shit doesn't feel too pretty.
I really need to stop crying..My parents know there's something wrong with me, but I don't want to tell them anything. Last time I ever spilled my guts out to someone, I ended up hurting them and now they don't really care about my problems anymore. Anyways, I would feel ashamed to tell my parents about my petty problems. They were kids during the Korean War. They had to worry about staying alive and what they would eat the next day...not about stupid emotional shit.
I've already asked God to let me die quietly and just waste away. Maybe my prayer is working because I haven't felt very good lately. I've asked for an incurable disease, so then my family won't waste their money to save me.
Am I selfish? No...committing suicide would be. If I die slowly, my family and friends will be able to soak in my eventual death instead of being shocked by a sudden one.
Get a grip, I say to myself. But it's so hard. It's so hard when you've got an emptiness that keeps you down.
***
June 30, 2004
Wednesday
11:26 PM
Song: Jewel - Standing Still
Mood: Encouraged (^_^)
---
Yay for avators for everyday of the week! ^^
To Blinded Rhapsody: Thank you. Just talking to you make my depressions lighten. :)
***
June 29, 2004
Tuesday
6:34 PM
Song: Britney Spears - Everytime
Mood: Depressed
---
There are times when I wish I wasn't me.
There are times when I wish that my life was a written story. Then I could erase all the hurtful things that I did to the people I loved..Say all the things I should have said before it was too late. Then.. I could wake up and find that they still loved me too.
***
June 23, 2004
Wednesday
9:48 PM
Song: Good Charlotte - Boys and Girls
Mood: Sad? (-_-)
---
EDIT: I wish people had the same amount of regard for me as I did them. It would save me alot of heartache and needless depression spells. >(
I went to Gametrailers.com today and I found a trailer with a beautiful song on it. Everyone click on Fate of Ages and listen to it. If you can tell me what the title of the song is or where it comes from, I'll love you forever. ^^
Anyway, I created a new RP character today. Well, not exactly new...sorta recycled I guess? His name is Rhyathen Hikane ^^ He's a weird sorcercer dude that has a fetish for the macabre and for blood. I like him already >D. He also has a pet birdy named Velos that likes to eat dead rats and peck eyes out of humans. They're a lovely pair, don't you agree? ^^
Tried RPing on Neopets.com today and...just isn't cutting it. Arg, so bored >_<.
...
Where are you, Blinded? :(
***
June 22, 2004
Tuesday
4:14 PM
Song: Some Korean song
Mood: Content (O_o)
---
Hullo my pretties >3 I got to see The Stepford Wives last weekend. I have to say, that movie was really funny. It had a dry sense of humor that I enjoyed very much. (And the gay guy was AWESOME! XD).
The Stepford Wives: 8/10
Whew, besides the movies, I've been on a Harry Potter rampage. I started with Book Three 2 days ago and now I'm starting the fifth one today. Yes, I've been doing some fast reading >D. However, I'm not sure if I really want to read the fifth one because it's SO DAMN DEPRESSING. Rawr. I would pick up The DaVinci Code, but the family that I babysit for owns it and its currently lying on the couch in their home u_u. *Sigh* We need some more good books in this house.
ACK! June is almost over! Nnoooo >_< *Leeches on to it*
***
June 19, 2004
Saturday
7:13 PM
Song: Richard Marx & Donna Lewis - At the Beginning
Mood: Dreamily happy (^_^)
---
Just woke up a few minutes ago. I've had a headache and a dizziness that has not left me all day. Rawr >_< Sometimes I think there's something really wrong with me, but I don't want to check. So then if I'm really sick, no one will know until I die! Ehehee ^^ *Runs away from the impending bricks from her morbidness*
Well anyway, I must type up this dream before I forget it because it was so weird and sweet at the same time :D. I can't remember all of it but its coming back to me in fragments. So..here it goes.
Funky Dream >>
I basically start out as an orphan and this really rich lady finds me out in the snow one day. She takes me in and treats me really well. The time setting is New Orleans in the 1800s with a few modern flares. At the lady's house, I have a childhood friend named Timmy who is the son of the gardener. And so I grow up into a young lady and I wear the typical corset dress thing. Timmy grows up too and he ends up looking like Gary Oldman from Dracula. (XD)
I have other friends too who I was introduced to because of my social rank collected by being adopted by the woman. There's two guys and two girls. One of the guys looks like my friend Brian and I can't quite place who the other guy looks like. One of the girls looks like my friend Teresa and the other Maurissa.
I can't quite remember why, but we all go out and have an early dinner at a fancy place. Gary Oldman/Timmy comes along too because he's supposed to be my escort back home. He's all dressed up in a tux and top hat ^^. Well we finish eating and we're going home when Gary Oldman/Timmy starts gasping for breath. At first I thought he was playing around until he gasps out: "Someone help me!". Then Gary Oldman/Timmy falls to the ground. I start to panick slightly but the other two girls are in hysterics. The two guys don't stop to help though and keep on walking.
I roll Gary Oldman/Timmy upon his back as I furiously tried to remember my Health Class CPR lessons (XD;;). I was measuring out where I was supposed to put my hands for CPR when I remembered I had to check if his heart was beating. It was, but he just wasn't breathing. So I shut off his nose, placed my lips on his, and gently breathed into his mouth. Teresa is telling me to give him more breaths but I say: "No, we have to give him steady amounts of oxygen". (By the way, Gary Oldman/Timmy had super soft lips XDD I was surprised >_>)
I suddenly realize that I'm not tilting his head back to open his air passage more and I try to do this, but this is about the time when he comes to. He says:
"Ow, that's uncomfortable". Of course I'm happy he's talking and alive again but I tell him: "I have to. We have to open up your air passage". And strangely enough my DREAM self (*coughhackgag*) gives him another puff of breath, but this turns into more like a soft kiss with Gary Oldman/Timmy. (>_>)
Apparently, Gary Oldman/Timmy has fallen in love with me and I with him over the many years. After the small kiss, Gary Oldman/Timmy comments on the art on the wall. Haha, and I call him a stupid idiot for noticing such things when his life was in peril. He jokingly says he's offended at my attitude. I get up and walk ahead of my friends and Gary Oldman/Timmy. However, he catches up with me, reaches out, and takes ahold of my hand. He smiles at me when I look over at him in surprise. I think I smiled back too ^^.
But that's the end of my dream because I can't remember anything else (and my mother told me to wake up -_-;; *Shakes fist at mum*). Ehehe, weird dream, no? ^^ But not surprisingly, it made me happy when I woke up. :D
***
June 15, 2004
Tuesday
12:29 PM
Song: Hoobastank - The Reason
Mood: Melancholy but happy (^_^)
---
Song Dedication!
To: Dr4gOnf1r3
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you..
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something that I must live with everyday
And all the pain that I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
I just want you to know
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you..
Hoobastank - The Reason
***
June 13, 2004
Sunday
6:33 PM
Song: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
Mood: Cynical/psycho ant-killer (-_-)
---
Well, since my mood has partially recovered, I shall finish up my interrupted/segmented Sunday blog post. I got the chance to visit Gametrailers.com and watch a whole bunch of previews for upcoming games ^^. Here are a few titles that caught my eye:
Super Cool Game List >>
Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines (Activision)
Crimson Tears (Capcom)
Resident Evil 4 (Capcom)
Viewtiful Joe 2 (Capcom)
Blood Rayne 2 (Majesco)
Under the Skin (Capcom)
Shadow of Rome (Capcom)
Legend of Zelda (Nintendo)
Silent Hill 4 (Konami)
LOTR: Battle for Middle Earth (EA)
Fable (Microsoft)
Halo 2 (Microsoft)
Xenosaga: Episode II (Namco)
The Saga of Ryzom (Nevrax)
Guilty Gear Isuka (Sammy Studios)
King of Fighters: Maximum Impact (SNK Playmore)
Prince of Persia 2 (Ubisoft)
Yeah, a few...>_> (Shet up, I kill you) But check these titles out, my friend. They all look beautiful and/or cool.
Random Internet Find >>
Reactions: WTF?, Hahahaha, That's great!, Uh-- gross?, HOT
Author: Megummi_chan
Oh by the way, I've been doodling Dracula from the movie, Van Helsing. ^^ I'm planning on making him my doodle comic hero~ Cause come on, you have to admit, although the movie wasn't that hot, Dracula just kicked ass >_>.
And does everyone enjoy my new BlOG AVATOR! XD It's Eclipse from Demon Diary ^^ He's so hot >D.
***
June 13, 2004
Sunday
2:47 PM
Song: Jewel - Standing Still
Mood: Manga/yaoi-fied (n_n)
---
EDIT: ANTS SUCK GODDAMN IT!
I'm not really sure how I'm awake at the moment ^^;; but I went to bed at 3:00 AM and got up at 7:00 AM to get ready for early church. I actually felt pretty...energized? o_O; Although I was cranky through most of the morning and was #1 Anti-Social Biatch XDD. But that phase passed pretty fast >_>.
Anyway, one must ask: "Why did you stay up that late anyways, fucktard??" XD Well, I had been yaoi deprived for like 6 months so basically I went on a yaoi doujinshi binge for 5 hours XDD It was so hot X3 I luva it. I would show you a picture (and no it's not dirty) but the Yaoishrine.com is down at the moment and I can't get to it. It's some really attractive guy that reminds me of one of my friend's RP characters. ^^ It made me happy.
Erg, I don't feel very good anymore. My good mood has been squashed by something. Ah well, I shall write once I'm in a more uplifted mood.
***
June 7, 2004
Monday
10:09 PM
Song: Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
Mood: Not all there (o_x)
---
Woot! I blew $50 on four items yesterday! ^^
DN Angel Volumes 1 and 2 (Dark is extremely attractive:DD)
Demon Diary Volume 4
Beyond Good and Evil (PS2)
I would just like to say..that it was steal ^^~ Although now my wallet is alot lighter now x_x; (Come back! T__T) Rawr, my debit card came in today ^^ Now I can buy stuff online, woot! I just have to activate it >_>. Gah, by the way, today was definitely a Monday. It sucked XDD;
Note to self: Must find some decent RPers. The people that I am currently RPing with are making my eyes water.
Oops! I was complaining right there ^^;; *Hates on self* Rawr, it's just that the RP boards are dead tonight. And one of my characters, Shinra, had just dragged himself out of a river and 5 billion people flocked to him. It's just not realistic, you know? Ah well, what do I know? I'm a stupid sixteen-year-old XD.
***
June 4, 2004
Friday
1:16 PM
Song: Evanescence - Missing Me
Mood: Blah (o_-)
---
Rawr, just finished my SAT math practice! Woot~ I improved 10 points. Yeah, shet-up, I kill you -_-;;. It went from a 640 to 650 (just math raw score ^^;) Must..improve..for future's..sake!! >_<
Dude, that was really gross. I just got down on my hands and knees and picked up a handful of my own hair on the carpet. I'm going bald! AAHH! x_X Actually, I think I am. It's been falling out really easily ever since AP History. Damn that class and damn that man. -_-
Anyways, I'm an avid RPer now on the site: Neopets.com. Overall, the people there are okay but there are a few fun/good people out there ^^. The people that complain about how other people suck really really annoy me. But I try to keep my mouth shut cause I know I'll blow up on them ("WTFALLYOUDOISBITCHWHINECOMPLAINRAWR" XDD;;). And then..my nice little account will get frozen and I'll be sad u_u.
EEE! I want a X-Box now! XO I went to Gametrailers.com yesterday and watched a 10 minute demo on this new game called "Fable". Dude, it sounds awesome :DD. It has very indepth play where you are basically God and create your character into what you want (good or evil..can I be inbetween? Like an anti-social heroic bastard? XDD). Somewhat Sims-like though placed in a broad, beautifully rendered Fantasy/Medieval environment (I mean come on! Any game that lets your character develop into a cross dresser HAS to be fucking awesome XD). ^^ Actually the 3-D engine looks alot like "Blood Omen 2". The game is only coming out on X-Box and not on any other platform. I'm upset! X(.
Still keeping an eye on "Devil May Cry III" XDD though! Woot! Yay for awesome action games with hot characters in it ^^
***
June 2, 2004
Wednesday
3:10 PM
Song: Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains
Mood: Amused (^_^)
---
EDIT: Must..find..friend..who needs me as much..as I do them @_@.
Yeah, I went to bed around 2:00 AM. So you can say I felt like a truck had smashed my head against a brick wall when I woke up at 6:30 AM. I had to wake up that early so I could drive around with my pops and not have to deal with heavy traffic. This is all to get ready for my driver's license test. (Scream) It was a bit mind-draining as usual, but not as bad as yesterday. I had konked out for about 2 hours because I was so tired from the stress. (You have to understand, I haven't driven in like a year ^^;;)
Other than that, I'm just chilling out. I have been practicing SAT math lately because it kicked my ass the first time I took it. This is the second and last time I'll be taking the SAT and the ACT. Since in 2005, they're changing the whole fucking format of the SATs. Yarg, damn test makers. (Watch it be easier. Damn, I'd kill) Anyway, that's about it in my on-the-edge life ^^;;
Drew a very amusing picture not 5 minutes ago though XDD. I'll post it up here when I get the chance.
***
June 2, 2004
Wednesday
12:06 AM
Song: Blink 182 - I Miss You
Mood: Tired (-_-)
---
Finally..got..stupid iframe to stop..moving around whenever you resized your window! XO Terribly happy that I fixed it though ^^
Special thanks to: Dr4g0nf1r3