2:13
“Do you want to know my secret?” The girl with no name was grinning.
Elizabeth shifted her weight to the other leg. The floor was making her sore, “What?”
“I found a way to beat them. Wanna know how?”
“I don't know what you mean.”
“Look, all of the others are crazy now, but not me. They didn't know the secret.”
She was rocking in place again, her hands wrapped around the bars. The banging and crying continued down the hall.
“What is it?”
“I outlasted all of them. I've been here longer too, but they didn't know what I know.”
“What?”
“It's this,” she held out two little rolled up pieces of cloth. "Make sure to clean the wax out of your ears every day and wipe it on. That way it makes a better seal.”
“What are those?”
“Homemade earplugs. Cool, huh?”
“What for?”
“It's the screaming that will drive you mad. Block that out, and you'll be like me.”
Elizabeth thought about what the girl had said earlier.
It's the most terrible thing you'll ever do.
She was completely nuts. They all were.
There had to be a way out of that place. And she was going to find it. She could only hope she could escape before he came back. She got up and ran her hands along the back wall of the cell. She was feeling for a hole, or a vent, anything that might lead her to freedom. What she didn't realize was that they were already coming.
It was too late.
2:14
Jack lay in bed quietly, staring up at the ceiling. His wife had been asleep for a few minutes now, but he waited a little longer just to be sure.
She rolled over onto her side, facing him. The dim moonlight shining through the window reflected off her face. Jack studied the little lines at the corner of her eyes. He saw the way her hair gently rested across her neck and over her shoulder. He listened to her breathing. The rhythmic little tufts of air moved in and out of her slightly open lips. In that light it was impossible to see the dark red lipstick that remained. The mascara lining her eyes was all but invisible now too. The blush that was on her cheeks had been wiped away hours earlier.
It was the makeup she had put on just before he got home from work. It was the makeup that had been put on for him. It went completely unnoticed, as did the silk blouse with the small white flowers. The top three buttons had been left undone. Jack was sitting not more than five feet away when she bent down to pick up the magazines off the floor. Anyone who had been paying attention would have seen the black lace bra underneath.
He was not. Almost anyone at all would've picked up on the way she looked at him across the table, the seductive glare and the little grin. Anyone but Jack, that is. His mind was not at the dinner table, nor was it anywhere in the house. He was in the heavens, soaring among the stars.
He only glanced back at earth once, when his son spilled his milk. Stacey got up to get a towel and Jack's imagination immediately took off again. After dinner he stared blankly into the television.
She even went as far as to sit next to him on the couch and kiss the back of his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair softly. Jack looked over at her and gave her a short kiss and went back to his staring, and thinking.
Like so many nights before, her futile efforts left her crying in the bathroom. She pushed the towel across her face, looking at herself in the mirror.
What's the use?
After a couple of minutes she dried her eyes and checked them closely to see if they were still red. She didn't open the door until she was sure the signs of her crying were gone. She didn't want his pity. It was his passion she longed for. It had been months since they had made love and months before that since he had spent more than five minutes talking with her.
They didn't share anything anymore. She missed him more than she had ever missed anyone. She hoped that he would come back to her and love her the way he did when they first met. She didn't know what was bothering him. He wouldn’t talk to her. He wouldn’t talk to anyone. It was like the fire that used to drive him had burnt out. Something inside of him had died, and even he didn't know what it was or where to begin to fix it. And yet, he did not want her help or support. He was determined to do it his way, in his time.
If he hadn't been so overwhelmed with himself and everything that was happening, he might have seen his wife across that table. He might have noticed that she was sitting there all alone.
As he laid there in the dark next to Stacey, he wished he could tell her how much he loved her. He wanted her to know that his feelings for her hadn’t diminished. He still cared as much as he ever had. He had just lost himself somewhere along the way. He needed to find out who he was and where his life was going.
He remembered a time when they could sit and talk for hours about anything. It didn't matter what, as long as they were together. But things change in six years. She didn't seem to understand him anymore. The anything they used to talk about had turned into nothing. Most of the time when they looked at each other they just couldn't think of anything to say.
Jack couldn’t help thinking that maybe everything that was happening now would change things for them. If he could just find meaning it all somehow. He'd had no luck in this world. It was possible that he would find himself in the stars.
He considered waking her up right then and there and telling her everything. But she wouldn’t believe him. They would just get into another fight. No, he couldn't tell her just yet. He had to find out more himself first. Waking her up in the middle of the night was not the answer. But he knew that he would have to talk to her soon. He had to find a way to communicate with her. She was losing faith in him quickly.
Jack squinted up at the clock on the dresser. It was eleven forty-eight. He took in one last image of her peaceful face and carefully got out of bed.
Jack went to the spare bedroom and closed the door. He laid down flat with his back against the carpet. The cold chain and stone were once again in place on his chest. The buzzing in his ears got so loud it felt as if his head was vibrating. He took a deep breath into his lungs and tried to stay calm. His eyes were fixed on the rough textured ceiling above. The blood inside the glass swam faster. The heat entered him and centralized just as it had done before. Jack remained still. The watery swell pushed out through his chest and his consciousness went with it. He watched himself pour out of his body like mist. He could see each breath the soulless flesh took in. With closed eyes it lay there sleeping.
Jack's matter flew down the hallway and into the bedroom. His wife's spirit was mostly contained inside her unconscious body, although a slight edge of her light showed just above the covers. It was a brilliant blue haze that lit up the whole room. It was stunning. Jack thought that it was like looking into the very heart of beauty. He felt its warmth all around him.
But then he saw floating in the center of it, a sadness. It was a darker blue just above Stacey, spinning hard against itself. As the smoky light collided in mid swish it created a kind of unfulfilled circle that made Jack feel afraid. The brilliant color of beauty soon faded into the darker, and the entire room fizzled and boiled.
Jack's soul felt empty. He couldn't stand to stay there a moment longer. He shot up through the ceiling, into the open air. The darkness had a frigid bite to it that would've made his mundane body shudder. But it was no less comfortable to his ethereal self than the temperature inside the house.
He focused most of his attention on the full moon high in the sky. He began racing toward it. A small part of him kept his home below in view as it got smaller and smaller. It just took a few minutes for it to be out of sight completely.
Other astral bodies soared and danced all around him. The higher he climbed the more of them there were. Up ahead in the distance he saw a blazing white storm. Lightning popped inside the enormous exploding cloud. As he got closer he realized that the explosion never ended. Smoke just kept piling out and circling around, feeding back into itself. As he hovered next to it, he saw huge patches of color drifting inside. Florescent reds and blues and greens crashed into each other, creating new colors. It was beautiful.
He saw souls entering through the cloudy haze effortlessly. When they crossed its billowing white border they would turn bright yellow, bright as a sun.
Mortal eyes would have been blinded, but Jack's vision stayed with them. The spirits immediately went limp and floated inward. With unhindered faith they all willingly went inside and fell into a kind of trance like state. Jack was amazed. He stretched out into the storm. The white fog took him in and surrounded his energy. Everything in his being became peaceful as the color embraced him. His fear washed away. All of his mortal cravings and curiosity disappeared. His life no longer existed. Nothing did now, except the calm caress of love. It was a more complete and satisfying love than he had ever felt. It came with no confusion; there was no doubt. He was swimming in a universe of perfection, surrounded by bliss.
Just as he decided that he wasn't going to leave, that he could never leave that place, it spat him out. He was shot away from its euphoria in a jolting wave. His spirit was clear of the exploding storm of piece and all of his confusion and desire fell back into him like thunder. It was an emotional comedown like nothing he’d ever felt. The bliss was gone and Jack's withdrawal was devastating. He bolted toward it but he could not get back inside. It was pushing him away. It was telling him that he did not belong there. All he could do was scream. His ethereal cries echoed across forever in darkened red flashes.
To touch Heaven was the superlative of everything the human spirit strove to become. Being rejected by it felt like emotional drowning. The life giving substance was so close and yet he was helpless to rise into it. As he took in desperate gulps of reality, the pain washed in all around him. End over end he drifted back toward earth.
His soul was crying.
