The Herc/Iolaus Scrolls

By Euphonius

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pacific Renaissance Productions, Universal Studios, or MCA. Yes, I'm using them without permission, but I'm writing this for love, not for money, so I trust no one will get uptight about it.

Then there was the time when Hercules came back to the campsite proudly carrying the huge fish he had caught for supper only to find his partner avidly reading a rather beat-up-looking scroll, with a number of others piled up next to him.

"Iolaus, what are you doing? You were supposed to be making the fire," Herc said somewhat grumpily.

"What does it look like I'm doing? " came the distracted reply. "I'm reading."

Squatting down beside his friend, the demi-god laid aside the fish and picked up one of the rolls of parchment. "Where'd you get these?"

"A used scroll dealer in that town we just left." Iolaus glanced up briefly with a decidedly snotty look on his face. "She said they were stories about our adventures, and I'm in every one."

"Oh," Hercules replied, clearly not impressed. He began scouting around the clearing for firewood as his companion picked up another of the scrolls and continued reading.

The fire was beginning to catch when Iolaus finally looked up and announced, "This is ridiculous. We never did all this stuff."

Herc shrugged. "That's what happens when you're a legend. People make up stories about you."

"I suppose." The blonde warrior opened another one and glanced at it idly. Then he did a double-take and started reading in earnest. His eyes went wide as he shook his head in disbelief, then held the offending scroll out to his friend.

"Just look at this one!" he exclaimed. "Why, I've never screwed this many women in one night in my entire life."

Hercules smiled and gave a cursory glance at the parchment. "Never?" he asked gently.

Iolaus kind of shrugged, then grinned. "Well - even if I did, it wasn't quite this spectacular," he finally admitted. Setting the scroll aside, he picked up another. "Wonder what sort of nonsense they've written in this one?" he mused.

Hercules chuckled and leaned closer to the fire, wishing his companion would get over his current bout of foolishness quickly so they could get on with supper.

"Oh now, just look at this!" Iolaus announced, an expression of horror crossing his face. "I've been totally trashed and you just spent half a year nursing me back to health!"

Finally overcome by curiosity, the big man took the scroll and perused a couple of paragraphs himself. "Yuck!" he finally concluded. "Gross."

"Yeah," Iolaus agreed emphatically.

This time it was Hercules who pulled another scroll from the pile. "Let me read one of those. I want to see what kind of lies the bards are spreading about us."

It wasn't long before a blush crept over the handsome face. "Uh -- Iolaus, you're really not gonna believe this one."

Iolaus looked over the other man's shoulder, wondering what could have gotten such a reaction from his partner. His eyes went really wide this time.

"We've certainly never done that!" he protested.

Fascinated, they continued reading. Iolaus was the first to offer a comment on the salacious story spread open before them.

"Uh -- Herc, we seem to be having a lot of fun here, don't we?"


The demi-god looked up from the parchment and into his friend's face, barely a hands-breadth away. Their eyes met, and both men grinned simultaneously.

"Maybe we ought to try it?"

"No time like the present, huh?"

The End

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