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"The Adventures Of SatAM Man and The Nique" is © Sonicus Prime. Sonic The Hedgehog and other related characters are © Sega, DiC and Archie. Ben Hurst, Ken Penders, Alison Scharlemann, J.F. Gabrie, Pat Allee and all the FUSers are real people, but the events in this story haven't taken place in any real life events. I can’t believe I write this shit! What’s more, I can’t believe your reading this shit! Anyone caught stealing my stuff will make me very upset and extremely pissed off. If you wish too put this on your site, please Email me first so I can decide if you can. Email address is [email protected] .
The Adventures of SatAM Man and The Nique 3: The Return of Archie Man... Again.
Written by: Sonicus Prime
CHAPTER 1:
"Blast those fools SatAM Man and The Nique, making a complete ass out of me!" Archie had freed himself from the box as he walked around Archie HQ.
"Yes, and me too!" J.F. Man had too freed himself.
"Silence J.F. Man! Just stand there and think of a new plan! I'LL do all the talking here! Well, they will NOT get away with this! Soon I shall destroy them... with my latest plan! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Archie Man looked to his sidekick "Well?"
"Well what Archie Man?" J.F. Man looked at his boss.
"Tell me the latest plan dammit!" He slammed his fist on the table.
"You’re going to set the SatAM Crew free!" Sonic tried giving out a crap impression of J.F. Man.
"Yes! Excellent plan J.F.!" Archie Man walked over to free them.
"But I didn't say that!" He pointed to the cage "One of them said it!" Archie Man then walked away from the cage.
"Do you really think I'm that stupid that I'd fall for something like that?" He said pointing to the SatAM Crew.
"Yes!" Sally said rather smug with a smile on her face.
"SILENCE FOOL!" He walked back to J.F. Man "Well, what's the plan?" J.F. Man whispered the plan into Archie Man's ear, then a big shit eating grin appeared on Archie man's face "Ohhhhhhhhh I like that! I like it alot! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!"...
Back at FUS, The FUSers along with Alison, Ben and Pat were watching the "Chair War" tape, but Ben and Pat was falling to sleep. "OK, now here’s the bit were Dominic, Tristan, Shychick and Koatix tried to jump me from behind, but I kicked their asses!" John then pressed the rewind button and showed them the sequence in slow motion, the chair he used against Koatix smashed apart when it hit his face.
"Errrrrrrrr, that's great John." Alison said looking at Koatix's face on video, then she looked at him, felling sorry for him, but trying not to laugh at the same time. The doorbell rang and Prime went to the door.
"Special Delivery for a Mr. Ben Hurst." The guy at the door said.
"Yeah I'll take that." Prime said looking at the box.
"Sign here, and here, and here, and here." Prime signed out the form and took the box inside, slamming the door in the delivery guys face.
"Heeeeeeeey Ben! Ya gotta Package!" He handed it over to Ben, and Ben opened it, ripping away at the brown paper.
"Oh cool, it's my new costume!" He pulled out the new SatAM Man costume with delight "But wait, I didn't pay for it."
"Oh don't worry, there was a bit on the form where it said "Payment for item to be made by..." and I signed Ken Pender's name on it."
"Good idea Prime! Now that I have my new costume I don't need this one anymore!" He threw the SatAM Boy costume to the floor, Prime picked it up.
"Hey, can we like... burn this now that you don't need it?" he asked.
"Sure, go ahead." Ben said looking at the new costume, all happy that this new costume was clean and perfect in everyway.
"ALRIGHT!!! Comeon guys! Let's burn this thing!" Everyone apart from Alison, Pat, and Ben scrambled out of the room within 5 seconds.
"They’re an odd bunch aren't they?" Pat looked at the door that the FUSers had just used.
"Yeah, but I love 'em." Alison said with a smile. Suddenly, the SatAM Phone went off, so Ben picked it up.
"Hello? Yes? Yes... No wait, you've got the wrong number... Not at all. Bye." Ben put the phone down, but it rang again, so he picked it back up. "Hello? Yes... Uh-Huh... Ok, we'll be there!" He slammed the phone down and turned to Alison. "Alison, we've gotta move out! We've got trouble, that was the Mayor of Sonic Land... its Archie Man and J.F. Man! They said they'll kill the SatAM Crew if we don't stop them!" Ben and Alison started to run towards the SatAM Poles.
"YeeeeeAAAAAAAAH, WATCH THAT SUCKER BURN!" A yell came from the other room. Alison looked towards Pat.
"Say, could you keep an eye on the FUSers for me? Make sure they don't fuck the place up or anything?"
"Sure!" Pat said, and then Alison went down her SatAM Pole...
"BURN BABY BURN!"...
In the SatAM Cave, SatAM Man and The Nique stood there looking at the SatAM Mobile, "Are you sure you filled it up while the FUSers were watching that stupid "Chair War" tape?" SatAM said looking at the SatAM Mobile.
"Yeah, and I gave them a canister full of gas for them to play with." She said, then a sudden load explosion happened above them.
"Excellent work my little sidekick! Now... TO ARCHIE HQ!" They jumped into the SatAM Mobile and set off towards Archie HQ...
They soon arrived at Archie HQ. "OK, so this is the plan, we go in and kick their asses again! It's so simple, it's classically brilliant!" SatAM Man said as he parked the SatAM Mobile...
"And I'll kick them in their balls!" Nique said with excitement. They jumped out and headed towards Archie HQ. SatAM Man threw the doors open.
"NOT SO FAST ARCHIE MAN! STO..." Suddenly, a net fell on top of the two heroes, and Archie Man and J.F. Man walked out of hiding.
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can't believe you fell for the old "I'm going to kill the SatAM Crew if you don't come and stop me" bit! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Shut up Archie Jerk!" Nique said as she shook her fist at him.
"SILENCE! Now that I have you trapped, I'm going to destroy you in the greatest way ever! I'm so glad I came up with this plan!" Archie Man smiled.
"But wait Archie Man, I came up with the plan to destroy them!" J.F. Man was kinda pissed off with Archie Man.
"Yeeeeees, well... It's my plan now! Now, take them to the room with the really nasty thing that is part of MY plan! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!" J.F. Man along with several Archie character's grabbed SatAM Man and the Nique and took them away.
CHAPTER 2:
SatAM Man and The Nique were left tied up in the room with the "Really Nasty Thing" that Archie Man was talking about, except it was covered. They struggled against the ropes but it seemed the struggling didn't set them free. "You figured a way outta this or are we in big trouble?" SatAM Man asked Nique...
"What the hell are you asking me for? YOUR the Superhero, I'm just the loveable sidekick!" She looked at him, and SatAM Man gave her the sad puppy dog eyes "Fine! No I haven't. How about you? You got a plan to get us out of here? Or are we up shit creek without a paddle?"
"Errrrrrrrrrr, I think were up the creek." He replied back.
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!" Archie Man, followed by J.F. Man entered the room "Soon, I shall be rid of the two of you, giving me the chance to rule all of the Sonic Universes! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!" Archie man looked at the 2 heroes, but they didn't seem interested, "Didn't you hear me? I said I'm going to rule all the Sonic Universes!"
"We heard you." SatAM Man said looking at the wall "But to tell you..."
"We don't give a shit!" Nique finished off.
Back at FUS, Pat watched the FUSers burn all the stuff that they could get their hands on. "Now comeon guys, I don't think you should do that!" She said trying to tell them what to do...
"Pat, it's a well known fact that whatever you say, we're gonna do the opposite!" John said as he threw a pile of magazines onto the fire.
"OK then! Burn all you want!" Pat smiled knowing she had them now.
"Hey thanks! Comeon guys, you heard the lady, we can burn all we want!" Dominic yelled with excitement as the others yelled "ALRIGHT!" to what he said. Pat rolled her eyes and walked outta the room closing the door behind her.
Hey wait a second... This day next week is the day when the new Sonic issue comes out!" Shychick said looking at the calendar that Nightweaver had just thrown on the fire.
"Oh yeah! Hey Reese go camp outside the store and wait till next week to get it man!" Tristan pulled out a few bucks.
"Why the hell is it always me that has to get it, huh? Why doesn't Prime get it, huh?" Reese turned away from the others and crossed his arms.
"Because I camped out last time! And if you don't, then I'm gonna burn your copy of "Stoners World" that I have yet to give to you! AND it was the last copy in the store!" Prime pulled out the magazine, holding it over the fire as Reese's eyes widened.
"OK, OK!!! Just... Don't do anything-rash man! I'll get the comic!" Reese grabbed the money, and the sleeping bag from the side, then he ran for the exit.
"I hope he gets a copy." Ladymecha said.
"Yeah! So we can BURN IT!" Prime yelled throwing his arms in the air.
"No! Don't be stupid Prime... We'll burn it after we finished reading it and see how much Archie has fucked up this issue." John said as he ripped off a wooden table leg and whacked Chief over the head, then he throwed it onto the fire.
"OW! What was that for?" Chief yelled at the Aussie.
"I don’t know? Cause I wanted to! And it was funny..." John said back
"NO IT WASN'T!" Chief snapped back.
"Yeah it was!" Prime said as the others laughed at Chief.
Back at Archie HQ...
"But you don't get it! I'm going to RULE all the SONIC Universes dammit!" Archie Man really wanted them to reply with something like "You can't do that!”
"But we don't care! Nique said.
"FUCK IT! Well anyways, I'm going to rule the Sonic Universes, and you can't stop me!" Archie Man poked his tongue out at the heroes.
"Yes we will. We always beat you, because frankly Archie Man, your a crap villain!" SatAM Man said looking at his arch enemy, "In fact, your sooooooooooo crap that even a 2 year old kid could outwit you!"
"SILENCE!!!" J.F. Man walked over to the "Really Nasty Thing" and took hold of the rope. "The "Really Nasty Thing" will put an end too the 2 of you!" He pulled the rope and the cover fell off the "Really Nasty Thing" to show a giant machine called the "Really Nasty Thing".
"Yes! For we have cancelled the recent issue of "Sonic The Hedgehog", and with the help of our new partner who is standing over there!" Archie Man pointed to the corner where a person was covered in a sheet "We will use the "Really Nasty Thing" to put the 2 of you into the comic! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"
SatAM Man and The Nique stared at the "Really Nasty Thing" and yelled at the top of their lungs, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
CHAPTER 3:
J.F. Man powered up the "Really Nasty Thing" as Archie Man stood there all-proud at the machine. "So, how the hell does this thing work to put us in the comic then, Archie Dumbass?" SatAM Man asked. Archie Man smiled with joy.
"Well, this is how the "Really Nasty Thing" works. It."
9 hours later of Archie Man talking complete shit...
"And that is how the "Really Nasty Thing" works! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!" The 2 heroes just looked at him oddly.
"So in other words, it works in a completely stupid way that nobody understands. Much like EVERYTHING that happens in your gayass comic then?" Nique said.
"Sort of... I guess. Shut up!" Archie Man turned to the Archie characters "Put them into the "Really Nasty Thing" now! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!" They grabbed hold of the 2 heroes and threw them into the machine. They closed the door as J.F. Man activated the "Really Nasty Thing"...
1 week later, outside in the streets, Reese was camping outside one of the stores sleeping. His alarm went off waking him up, he rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch. "Hehehe, Score! 1st in line! And not a single thing went wrong... Except that I smoked all my weed for the week within a few hours on the 1st night!" He doors of the store opened and Reese dived into the store.
"Huh? Ohhhh FUCK, I'm in the wrong store! This is 'Weed 4 U'! I gotta get the issue!" He ran out of the shop, then he ran back into the store and went up to a Clerk "Gimme about $10 worth of Weed man!"...
After getting his drugs, Reese ran into the comic store and ran over to the Comic Book Guy, "Quick! Gimme the latest issue of 'Sonic The Hedgehog' now man!" the fat Comic Clerk looked at Reese.
"Well I have to say that the latest issue of 'Sonic' is the worst issue ever!"
"I don't care! Just gimme it man!"
"I can't. We only got one copy and we sold it to that little nerd over there." The Comic Book Guy pointed to a little kid, dressed like a nerd, who was holding the issue "He was so desperate for it, he brought it for $150".
"Oh man! If I don't get it, then the guys will kick my ass! But more of all... They'll burn my 'Stoner's World'!" Reese ran over to the little nerd "Hey, little nerd! Gimme that latest issue of Sonic!" the nerd looked at Reese.
"No! Fuck off! It's mine!" He flipped off Reese.
"If you gimme it, I'll give you..." Reese pulled out all the stuff in his pocket, and put his Weed back into his pocket "$3, a bit of string, a melted action figure, a pencil, and. something that looks like... an old bit of cookie!" Reese looked around and stuffed the bit of cookie into his mouth and ate it. "Hmmmmmm, vintage 1996!"
"I said Fuck off you prick! It's mine!" The nerd started to run off, but Reese grabbed him and pinned him against the wall.
"Look you little cock smoking sonvoabitch! Gimme it or I'll stuff it up your ass!" Reese's threat didn't scare the nerd, he could see that.
"Right... You know how bad eternity in Hell with Satan is?" the Nerd nodded "Well, let's just say that eternity in Hell with Satan will be a party, compared to 5 minutes alone with me and this pencil!" Reese held the pencil up to the nerd's face, and suddenly, the nerd shitted himself, he dropped the comic and started to cry. Reese dropped the kid and he ran off as Reese picked up the issue "Sweet man", then Reese started to walk off back to FUS...
Back at FUS, most of all the stuff they had was burnt to ashes. "Sweet! That was the last chair! Now... what else can we burn?" Tristan started to think.
"We could burn Forest!" Lena pointed to Forest.
"Nahhhhhh, we'll save him for last! What else?" Nightweaver started to look around.
"How about Mistress Ali's collection of 'Topless Snively Monthly', that'd go up in flames great!" Prime said pointing to the stack of magazines.
"NO!" Mistress Ali dived on top of her magazines to protect them, "NOBODY IS BURNING MY CHILDREN!" Odd stares from the others looked towards her.
"Well what then?" Shychick also started to look around for more stuff to burn. The Reese came through the door.
"Hey guys, I got it. It was the only copy in the store the guy said, it cost some nerd $150 and we got it free!" He held the comic up "Now gimme my issue of 'Stoners World'!" Prime threw him the issue and Reese handed the 'Sonic' issue to Tristan.
"Hmmmmmmmmm… A $150? For just one issue? Hey you guys, this could be the only copy made! You know what that means right?" Tristan said looking at them.
"That we can burn it?" Prime said about to grab it from Tristan, ready to throw it into the fire.
"NO! This could be worth a for... Hey wait a second!" Tristan looked at the issue's cover "Isn't that... Ben and Alison on the cover?" He showed the others.
"Holy ass fudge Tri! Your right!"
CHAPTER 4:
"BLAST! We could only make one issue! Well never mind, we can destroy them in the next issue! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Archie Man walked over to the "Really Nasty Thing" to see SatAM Man and The Nique's bodies, he turned to face someone who was hidden by the shadows "Now, I want you to start on the new issue so I can be rid of them once and for all! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!"…
Back at FUS, all the FUSers and Pat were reading the latest issue, "My GOD! How the fuck did Ben and Alison get in the issue? I mean, they both royally hate Archie with a passion man! I don't like it? What are we gonna do? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?" Tristan ran around the room going crazy, but Prime grabbed him and slapped him across the face.
"DAMMIT DUDE! CALM DOWN!" He yelled to Tri, but Tristan slapped Prime back, then Prime slapped Tri once again causing the two of them to fight until John and Trans pulled them away.
"Look, there must be simple answer. Alison and Ben were off to fight Ken, what was it... a week ago?" John looked around to see most agreed with him "Sooo, maybe they've been captured by.... The Muffin Man!" Odd stares looked at John.
"Don't be stupid man! It's gotta be Ken fucking Penders! His captured them and use the "Really Nasty Thing" to put them into the comic and plans to destroy them by the next issue!" Prime said to the others.
"Wow man! How did you know that?" Shychick pointed to him.
"I read it on the back page where Penders left his plan. Kinda gay why he did that though." He showed the others the back page, which showed them Pender's plan.
"Crap! What do we do now?" Reese said looking at the others.
"Well, I say that we... BURN the latest issue!" Prime was about to throw the issue onto the fire.
"STOP DUDE! You gotta remember, that's the only issue made, if you burn it, you might kill Ben and Alison!" Dominic grabbed the issue off him and locked it away in a safe.
"You guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Pat looked to the others.
"Going to the local supermarket, pissing in the frozen food section and watch it steam up?" Reese said with excitement.
"NO! We're gonna have to save them before they get killed!"
Within the Comic's pages, SatAM Man and The Nique were being chased by the Archie characters, "GET THEM! THIS'LL TEACH YA BEFORE YOU PUT ME IN A WHEELCHAIR AGAIN YOU BITCH!" Mina chased after Nique with a baseball bat that had a nail in it.
"Fuck off! You'll be sorry when we get outta here you slut!" Nique and SatAM Man ran as fast as they could. But then SatAM Man suddenly dropped to the floor.
"It's no good my little sidekick! I'm finished, you go on!" He looked at Nique.
"OK!" She turned around to run off.
"HEY! You’re meant to go "NEVER!" And drag me along to save me!" Nique grunted to herself but dragged SatAM Man along the ground. Soon they reached Sonic Sally and the other members of SatAM...
"Oh great! Listen guys, you've gotta save us from those Archie bastards! Nique pointed behind her to show them the Archie characters, but the SatAM Crew just stood there.
"Well, we'd love to help ya... but ya left us in the cage, twice! Sonic said.
"And we've got no choice but to kill you thanks to that cunt Archie Man!" Sally suddenly pulled an Axe from her back and swung it at Nique, just missing her by an inch.
"FUCK! Comeon SatAM Man, RUN!" Nique ran off leaving SatAM Man behind.
"Wait, your meant to drag me along! That's what the sidekick is meant to do!" he yelled to her.
"Well if you don't get up and run, then you'll be fucked by having an Axe up your ass!" Her voice started to fade. Seeing that Nique wasn't coming back, he got to his feet and started to run off to catch up with her...
Back in FUS, Pat stood there looking at the crazy slackers that were Ben and Alison's only hope, "Well, not the greatest bunch in the world, but some of you will do. OK..." She started to point at some of the FUSers "Tristan, Prime, John, Reese, Shychick, Dominic, annnnnnnnnnnnd Lena. You guys go and get changed into your superhero costumes!" But they all exchange looks then looked back to Pat.
"We don't have superhero costumes." Prime said.
"OK screw it, just comeon, we've gotta save Ben and Alison!" She looked at the other FUSers. "You guys wait here. If we're not back by next week, then come for us!" Then Pat along with the other 7 headed towards the SatAM Cave.
"So what do you guys want to do? Underwear party?" Kaotix said, then the others threw their arms into the air and yelled with excitement, "UNDERWEAR PARTY!!!!"
CHAPTER 5:
Within The SatAM Cave, Pat, who was in a Superhero costume looked on at the bunch of Slackers in front of her, these Slackers were the ones she picked to save Ben and Alison. "Maybe they'll be alright. It's not like we're gonna lose; it's like 8 against 2" Pat was thinking to herself. "Alright guys, all we gotta do is go in and sav..." Reese put his hand up "What is it Reese?"
"I need to go and take a shit. Really, really bad! I'm touching cloth here Pat!" He begged.
"Errrrrrrrrrm... OK. BUT be quick about it Reese." With her saying that, Reese shot off to the toilet like he had a stick of T.N.T. up his ass. 3 hours passed and Reese hadn't returned, so pat sent Prime to look for him. Prime opened the toilet door to find Reese lying on the floor passed out and stoned outta his head. It looked like he smoked enough pot to fill a Coke can.
"Jeeeeeeeeeeez Reese! Ya could have saved me some you bitch!" Prime dragged him back to the main room in the cave. Pat looked at him odd...
"What’s wrong with him?" She said.
"He smoked enough pot to embarrassed Jay and Silent Bob. But he'll be fine in about 2 hours... if we're lucky." Prime kicked Reese in the balls to make sure he was still out cold, in which he was.
"Hey, let me try!" John rammed his foot at full speed into Reese's nut sack. Soon all the others were kicking Reese's balls with delight.
"OK, OK, that's enough! Look, we've got a job too do!" Pat yelled at the FUSers, and they all spotted kicking Reese's joy department. "Now let's go!"
"Wait. What about Superhero names?" Tristan said.
"Screw names. You guys are 'Team FUS', and I'm 'SatAM Woman' OK?" The FUSers agreed with her. "Now let's go! And bring Reese along will you Prime?" Without questioning, Prime grabbed the stoner's leg. When SatAM Woman's back was turned. John kicked Reese's balls again.
"Hehehehehehe... Classic!"...
Meanwhile, upstairs at FUS, All the remaining FUSers were standing around in they're underwear.
"Well now what do we do at an underwear party?" Meta asked.
"I dunno... But errrrrrrrrrrrrr, I guess we could... Burn some more stuff!" Nightweaver said.
"We can burn Forest!" Trans grabbed Forest and dragged him to the fire.
"WAIT! Why burn me?" Forest asked as he pissed himself.
"Because Forest fires are the best types of fire! And your Forest! So shut up and burn will ya?" Trans along with Meta grabbed him and threw him into the fire. Forest went up in a blaze and he ran around screaming. But the others looked on in delight.
"Hehehehe, look at that Forest burn!" Mistress Ali looked on with a smile on her face.
In Archie HQ...
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Soooooooon SatAM Man and The Nique will be no more! And finally I'll be able to rule all of Sonic fandom!" BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Archie Man was so excited, he nearly pissed himself.
"And what about me Archie Man?" J.F. Man asked his boss.
"Weeeeeeeellll errrrrrrr... I'll... give you theeeee... Fleetway Universe to rule JF!"
"But I don't want the Fleetway Uni..."
"SILENCE JF!!! You'll get Fleetway AND like it! Now to phase 2 of my latest plan! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA" Archie Man looked over to his hidden ally "Now get going with it!" And the hidden ally started to draw the new issue...
Within the comic pages, Nique and SatAM Man were still running from the Archie Gang. "Comeon SatAM Man! We can hide in here!" Nique pointed to a near by building "Maybe we can lose them in here!"
"Good thinking my little sidekick! Those dumb fucks won't even think of looking in here for us!" Quickly, the 2 heroes dived into the building and locked the door, and the Archie gang ran past.
"Sweet! They didn't spot us!" Nique wiped her brow but SatAM Man was in shock.
"Oh SHIT!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.
"What’s wrong SatAM Man?"
"You've led us into the Roboticier Room!" SatAM Man pointed to the big machine "Now we are fucked beyond help! You smeg head!"
"Well how the fuck was I meant to know? I don't read Archie!"...
Meanwhile, outside Archie HQ, SatAM Woman and Team FUS arrived after a long 7-hour walk. "Man, why the hell did it take so long to get here?" Shychick asked as she gasped for breath...
"Because we didn't have the SatAM Mobile." SatAM Woman answered.
"And that we had to drag Reese all the way here!" John said looking at the passed out stoner.
"AND because YOU kept kicking him in the balls every 5 seconds!" Tristan said as he pointed to John.
"And because Prime was being a complete dick and wouldn't change into his Car mode and give us a lift here!" Lena gave Prime a pissed off look.
"Yeah? Well I didn't see anyone else change into they're Car modes!" Prime yelled back to Lena.
"That's because we can't change into different modes! You’re the only Transformer in FUS!" Dominic yelled.
"Yeah Whatever! That's what they ALL say!" As Reese started to come around, Prime dropped him to the floor. Reese was completely sober from the aftermath of his "One man smoking more pot than a hooker sucks cock" party. He looked up at everyone and checked his pockets.
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"Hey, where’s my pot?" Reese became worried as he checked all his pockets "WHERE THE HELL IS MY POT MAN?!?!?!?!?!"
"Right here!" SatAM Woman pulled out the baggie containing his pot, "AND your not getting high again till we rescue Ben and Alison! You got that?"
"But that's my last bit of weed man!" He went on his knees and begged SatAM Woman for his pot.
"I don't care! Just remember if you want it back, we've gotta rescue Ben and Alison!" All the others pointed to Reese and laughed. "OK, now get in there and pull our guys out!" the others looked at her with smiles.
"Let's do it to it!" They all yelled together as they headed towards the building to save the day.
CHAPTER 6:
SatAM Woman and Team FUS ran up to Archie HQ and pressed themselves against the wall "OK, this is gonna be simple! We all know what we gotta do right?" SatAM Woman looked at the FUSers.
"Errrrrr what DO we do SatAM Woman?" Reese asked rather confused.
"I know what we do!" John said, "We.... Kick Reese in the balls again!" He span around and planted his foot into Reese's happy sack, causing Reese to fall to the floor in a heap as John laughed.
"Dammit John will you stop that shit! We're not here to kick Reese in his balls! You can do that when we're back home! We're here to see if Ben and Alison are being held captured by Archie Pussy and rescue them!" SatAM Woman looked at him.
"Wait... so we ani't here to get Pepsi right? You mean I came all the way to fight that tosser Penders and NOT to get Pepsi? YOU TOLD ME THERE WAS GONNA BE PEPSI!!!" Prime yelled pointing to SatAM Woman with psycho eyes! "I ANI'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT A PEPSI IN MY POCKET!" He crossed his arms and looked at her.
"Oh god! There goes Prime with his god damn Pepsi addiction again!" Shychick had seen Prime in this type of mood, and she dived behind a trashcan for cover while screaming at the same time. And SatAM Woman just looked on at him.
"OK, I've got a Pepsi right here!" She pulled out a can of the stuff and held in front of Prime, who began to clam down "BUT if you want it you've gotta kick Archie Man's testicles right into his mouth."
"Errrrrrrrr... OK I can do that." He just stared at the can as if in a hypnotic trans, and seeing that it was safe, Shychick came outta hiding.
"Good. Now all we do is go in there and beat the poop outta Archie Twat and J.F. Man and free Ben and Alison. You all got that?" All the FUSers nodded. "OK now lets do it!" SatAM Woman threw the doors open and ran into the building. "HOLD IT RIGH... Huh... Oh god dammit!" They all saw the building was empty with a sign hanging on the wall saying "MOVED TO BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET"
"Errrrrr SatAM Woman, its over there." Dominic pointed to the new Archie HQ building.
"I knew that!" She said grumpy. They headed off to the building.
Back at FUS, all the FUSers were still hanging around in they're underwear, "OK, so now that we've burned Forest to a crisp what do we do now?" Nightweaver said looking at the burnt body of Forest who was twitching. Getting ideas about raping the little guy.
"We could always burn him again" Meta grabbed Forest, about to throw him on the fire
"Nahhhhhhhh. Comeon guys we've gotta do something fun. Lets just have a party and get drunk." So with that, they all started drinking they're asses off...
In the Comic pages...
"Hmmmmmmmmm, it's kinda odd that they haven't found us yet my little sidekick." SatAM Man was hiding behind the Roboticier in case the Archie characters suddenly bursted in.
"Yeah! Well I ani't surprised, I mean, the Archie characters are as dumb as shit, so I don't think they're gonna find us." Nique looked glad that they weren't found.
"HEY! THEY MUST BE IN HERE! QUICK GET THE DOOR OPEN!" A yell came from out side as the door was being knocked down.
"Awwwwwwwww FUCK BEANS!" Nique yelled....
In the new Archie HQ...
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! Soon it'll be all over! Those stupid heads SatAM Man and The Nique will be no more and I'll be ab." Before Archie Man could finish, SatAM Woman and Team FUS busted into the building.
"HOLD IT THERE ARCHIE MAN!" They yelled at him.
"Who the fuck are these guys?" said J.F. looking at Archie Man, who just shrugged.
"I'm SatAM Woman and this is Team FUS! Now your gonna give up and hand over SatAM Man and The Nique, or you and your gay ass partner over there are gonna get your asses kicked!"
"You gotta be fucking kidding? I'm almost about to get rid of them, and I ani't gonna have a bunch of dumb doo doo heads stop me! Quick my creations GET THEM!" Archie Man pointed to the replacement heroes as the Archie characters slowly advanced on them.
"Oh poop!"
CHAPTER 7:
With the Archie Characters advancing on them, SatAM Woman and Team FUS knew that they were in deep, deep, DEEP doo-doo. "What the hell are we gonna do? These poor excuses of ass fudge are gonna kick the crap outta us!" Shychick looked on, as the Archie mob got closer.
"Never fear man, for I have a plan!" Tristan turned to John, "JOHN! Do your special, secret move man!"
"Errrrrrr, are you sure about that Tri?" John was confused about doing his special secret move, and all the others expect Tristan were saying "No! Don't do it man!"
"I'm sure John, do it!" Tristan stood there all smug and happy.
"Tri, don't make him do it!" Prime pleaded to his higher up.
"Shut up Prime! As long as I'm the first most respected Moderator of FUS and what is it you are?" Tri held his hand to his ear.
"President of FUS." said Prime not paying attention.
"THIRD most respected Moderator, then you'll shut the hell up and do as I say! Now do your special secret move John!", then Lena got closer and whispered into Tristan’s ear. "Wait, THAT'S John's special secret move?!?!" Lena nodded. "Oh dear God! JOHN, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
But it was too late; John had already started to lick his nuts like a dog. Everyone stared on at John with wide eyes as he licked away at his nut sack. "My God! You sick son of a bitch!" J.F. Man ran outta the room to throw up in a near by toilet.
"Man, that's some fucked up shit!" Archie Man tried not to look at John, so he turned his attention to his creations. "OK boys and girls, beat the poop outta them! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!"
"Holy ass crumpets SatAM Woman! What the do we do now?" Prime looked at her.
"Wellllllll, we.... FIGHT! CHARGE GUYS!" And with those words, Team FUS charged on to fight the evil forces of Archie when...
46 seconds later...
"Well that was a fucking pointless attempt to rescue SatAM Man and Nique!" said Reese as he was tied up to a nearby pipe.
"Too true mate. Too fucking true. Welllll Mr. First most respected Moderator, you got a way outta this?" John looked on at Tristan.
"Man, why do you guys always come to me for all the plans of escape huh?"
"Keep clam guys..." SatAM Woman was doing a good job at that, "We'll get out... some how."
"JESUS CHRIST, WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Dominic started to go crazy.
"Shhhh, Dominic, shut the hell up!".
Back at FUS...
"Hey guys check it out! I found a shit load of booze in Ben's room! Now we can drink till we puke out our guts!" Mistress Ali carried a big box full of JD, Beer, and many other things.
"ALRIGHT!" Rudeguy grabbed a bottle of JD and smashed it over Light's head, and then threw a lit match on him causing to go up in flames. Light started to run around, panicking.
"Dude! Why did you do that?" Koatix was shocked at Rudeguy’s action.
"Because it was funny!" then looking at Light burning to a crisp, the others agreed and laughed...
"Hmmmmmmmm, it's taking them along time to get into this place, isn't it my little sidekick?" SatAM looked at the banging door for what seemed like 4 hours, and it hadn't done much.
"Yeah. The funny thing is that I forgot to lock the door! So they could just turn the knob and then they'd be in here." She replied back.
"Really?"
"Hell yeah! Man, thank god that the Archie character's are a bunch of fucking retards." Nique smiled with delight, but then a voice came from out side.
"Hey! Has anyone tried turning the door knob to get in?" Suddenly, the knob started to turn.
"AWWWWW GOD DAMMIT!"...
Back at Archie...
"BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! Soon, your stupid friends SatAM Man and Nique will be no more! And for the hell of it, I'm going to do the same to you lot aswell! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Archie pointed to the helpless team FUS.
"You don't scare us Archie pansy!" Prime yelled, he would shack his fist if he could.
"He scares me." Dominic said quietly.
"Shut up Dom." John looked at him, if he could, he’d smack Dominic over the head.
"How do you plan to destroy us then Archie bitch?" SatAM Woman looked on at him, playing it tough.
"By using 2 things. The first thing is the "Really Nasty Thing", and the second is my new partner in Sonic crime..." Archie Man walked over to the hidden person and took the sheet off him "SPAZ MAN! THE GREATEST SONIC ARTIST IN THE WORLD! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
CHAPTER 8:
Team FUS looked upon the evil Archie Man, J.F. Man, and their new ally, Spaz Man. "Guys, I think this is deep trouble for us!" Dominic looked up at the evil villains as he pissed himself.
"Look at it this way Dom, lets say that there's a huge shit sandwich and we're all gonna have to take a bite." Prime also looked at the cock suckers.
"Sooooooooooooo, whose gonna take the first bite then?" Tristan said.
"You should, because your great plan to have John lick his balls didn't work!" Lena then looked to John, who was still licking his balls. "Stop that John."
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Spaz man! Go and start working on the new issue! I'll deal with these fools!" Archie Man instructed his ally, who walked off to start work. "Now, instead of waiting, I'm gonna just do my stuff now and get rid of you all! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!! But first... I gotta take a shit!" He walked off, and then turned back, "Don't go anywhere! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!"
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