Say you're attracted to men. Got it? Good. Now take this test.
a) We'll play tug-of-war with them, fighting over who gets to have the most status. b) Me. As if he'd be competant enough to be dominant! c) We're mature enough to share power equally. d) Him. I want to be swept away. e) Neither of us will be wearing anything as restrictive as pants. *bow chicka wicka pow*
a) He dozes off so I can grab his cash and booze and get the hell out of his tent. b) We manage to great each other politely before ripping off our clothes and skipping to the good part. c) A full-fledged, heated debate! d) Candelight, wine, and kisses. e) We don't actually do anything, but he goes around telling everyone we've been at it like rabbits... until my dad comes round with an angry god and a 5-foot arrow of pestilence, that is.
a) "Taunt me not!" b) "By father Jove, boasting is an ill thing." c) "Check your glib tongue, and babble not a word further." d) "Do not provoke me or it shall be the worse for you!" e) "A great sorrow has befallen the Achaean land. Surely Priam with his sons would rejoice, and the Trojans be glad at heart if they could hear this quarrel between you two, who are so excellent in fight and counsel. I am older than either of you; therefore be guided by me. Moreover I have been the familiar friend of men even greater than you are, and they did not disregard my counsels. Never again can I behold such men as Pirithous and Dryas shepherd of his people, or as Caeneus, Exadius, godlike Polyphemus, and Theseus son of Aegeus, peer of the immortals. These were the mightiest men ever born upon this earth: mightiest were they, and when they fought the fiercest tribes of mountain savages they utterly overthrew them. I came from distant Pylos, and went about among them, for they would have me come, and I fought as it was in me to do. Not a man now living could withstand them, but they heard my words, and were persuaded by them. So be it also with yourselves, for this is the more excellent way. Therefore, Agamemnon, though you be strong, take not this girl away, for the sons of the Achaeans have already given her to Achilles; and you, Achilles, strive not further with the king, for no man who by the grace of Jove wields a sceptre has like honour with Agamemnon. You are strong, and have a goddess for your mother; but Agamemnon is stronger than you, for he has more people under him. Son of Atreus, check your anger, I implore you; end this quarrel with Achilles, who in the day of battle is a tower of strength to the Achaeans blah blah blah blah blah..."
a) He has a cute little ego problem, and likes to think he can order me around. b) The poor thing can't fight worth shit. c) OLD and FAT--oops, did I say that aloud? d) He's so cute when he's "aggrieved"... which is all the bloody time. e) He procrastinates for, like, 19 years, and makes up these epic excuses which are delightfully amusing.
