For this the month of August, we have yet another son of Priam--Paris! Yes, we all know Paris barely qualifies as a hero, but if we could do Deiphobos, surely we can do him. Paris is the character we all love to hate--who couldn't shudder at a wholesome shepherd who grew up to be the whiny pretty-boy annoying Trojans and Achaians alike? Here, then, is the one and only (thank the gods) PARIS!

(NB: We're slowly working our way back up to the great heros. Next month we promise someone a little less irritating, lest this should become Ijit of the Month! ^_^)

Name: Paris Priamson
Hair: Glam-rock blond
Eye Colour: Limpid blue
Height: About 5'4. Not particularly tall, but no Odysseus, either.
Build: Slender. Paris is an archer, not a swordsman, and it shows in his duel with Menelaus.
Blood Type: AB-. He just takes and takes and takes...
Weapon of Choice: His Bow 'n' Arrow!
Archnemesis: Menelaus, the son of Atreus he cuckholded.
Best Friend/Sidekick: You know, if I were to be absolutely honest, I would have to say he doesn't have one. Nobody likes Paris--for a good reason!
Family: Raised by peasants, Paris was welcomed back into Priam's large brood when he was a young man and no one knew just how freakin' annoying he was.
Curses: Witlessness and lack of (moral, physical, mental) strength.
Personality Traits: Paris whines until he gets his way. He can play the lyre passably. He's absolutely atrocious at anything other than that: he spends his time in battle running away from Menelaus, tugging at Hector's sleeve until he gets backhanded, and shooting his arrows from behind large objects. His recreation time consists mainly of whining for Helen to come to bed. Hector has this to say about him in Book III:

"Paris," said he, "evil-hearted Paris, fair to see, but woman-mad, and false of tongue, would that you had never been born, or that you had died unwed. Better so, than live to be disgraced and looked askance at. Will not the Achaeans mock at us and say that we have sent one to champion us who is fair to see but who has neither wit nor courage? Did you not, such as you are, get your following together and sail beyond the seas? Did you not from your a far country carry off a lovely woman wedded among a people of warriors- to bring sorrow upon your father, your city, and your whole country, but joy to your enemies, and hang-dog shamefacedness to yourself? And now can you not dare face Menelaus and learn what manner of man he is whose wife you have stolen? Where indeed would be your lyre and your love-tricks, your comely locks and your fair favour, when you were lying in the dust before him? The Trojans are a weak-kneed people, or ere this you would have had a shirt of stones for the wrongs you have done them."

Wow. Burned.
Also Known As: Alexandrus. As for cognomens, well, Hector calls him "Evil-Hearted Paris"...
Zodiac Symbol (probable): At first I thought of Sagittarius, the Archer, but then I realised I needed something lamer. So he's Aries, the blithering sheep.
Hobbies: If his annoyed and unwilling comrades-in-arms tell the truth, they consist of a) combing his hair, b) twanging on his lyre, and c) shagging Helen.
Life in Brief: Paris was sent away at birth by King Priam, who heard he would be the downfall of Troy. He was raised by shepherds and married Oenone, a pleasant peasant girl--or, according to some, a woodland nymph. His major achievement in life was judging a royal cow contest fairly... so fairly it attracted the attention of King Priam, who recognised him and reabsorbed him into the family. He was also noticed by three squabbling Goddesses (Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite), who demanded to know which of them was most beautiful. He chose Aphrodite and her sexy bribe, and soon found himself in Sparta, where he kidnapped Helen with the aid of Aphrodite and ran away back to Troy. The rest is history.

Can't get enough Hero of the Month? Away to the Archives, ho!