"Not the Dolon method, Diomedes, please! ...two hours."
Now, almost anyone who knows me (especially Archon) is all too familiar with my sudden obsessive adorations of various dead/fictional males. Recently I have been trying to think of a way to incorporate my unhealthy love for the likes of Senator Palpatine into O MUSE! Then I remembered long trying to find a movie version of the Iliad, and being unsuccesful in my attempts to locate "Helen of Troy," sinking into bouts of depression. Well, why not make my own film? At least I'll get the Dramatis Personae organised in my head, populated with people whom I consider to be the hottest ever. Anyway, here goes!
The first order of business is casting my favourite character, Menelaus. That's easy: Peter Lorre. With his tragigollem, headlight eyes, his tragedian eyebrows, his infinate expression, and his trademark brush of melancholy vulnerability, I say he'd make an excellent cuckhold. Just look at the longing and regret in his eyes! Awww. How could he NOT be Menelaus?
As for Agamemnon, I think it would delightful if he were played by Penguin. No, not Danny Devito! Agamemnon could really use Penguin's oppressive sense of humour, and this would add a Rocky Horror-type element to the relatively unbawdy epic.
Hector needs to be played by someone who can be menacing, strong, quiet, and kind. Naturally, this is Willem Dafoe. Seriously, this man has Range. His Norman Osborne role alone displays so much. I can't think of a better person to play the multifaceted Hector--dangerous but honourable, frightening but gentle, and so forth.
John Cameron Mitchell needs to be the Goddesses. All of them! I couldn't decide which would be best, so he gets them all. After all, Hera, Aphrodite and Athena have a sort of "faces of the same woman" thing going. He could sing rock songs to defy Zeus and rally the Achaeans!
And Helen? I think the lovely Governor General of Canada, Adrienne Clarkson, would do splendidly. She has such feminine grace... such seductively secret eyes... such an allure of power... Ergh, snap out of it, Ephor!
Hecuba--Queen Elizabeth II, naturally! No one else is adorable or regal enough to assume this position. Does this mean King Priam will be reduced to the rank of Prince? (Incidently, I DO realise that my monarchism as at odds with my socialism. I'm painfully aware. To be honest, though, I only support Queens. Kings are obviously dumb and a waste of time/money/power. Queens are cute and fun to keep around.)
