Helen’s Sight

Warning: This fanfic contains medical practices and descriptions of childbirth that some people (I don’t know who) may find offensive.

Helen yawned and stretched, pulling herself out of the all-too-small land of sleep. She pushed the covers down the bed and slipped her feet into her slippers, then got out to shower. She sighed as she looked at Jake, her oblivious-yet-caring husband, and the father of her girls, despite the fact that he knew they weren’t his.

Helen didn’t believe her luck in finding a husband who didn’t care about her burnt-out-hippy views on sex and love and marriage. She knew, of course, that he had “cheated” on her, too, but she forgave him. Love, to her, was like the little dish at the counter in the gas station. “Give or take a penny.” She giggled at the unromantic comparison and let her pajamas fall to the floor.

Stepping into the shower was like stepping out of the corset she wore for the play of Gone With the Wind that she did in ninth grade. Nothing but vast relief. She took the bottle of honey-scented Winnie-the-Pooh shampoo and conditioner in one and squirted a good-sized dab on her head. Working it into a lather, she remembered that the only reason she used such a childish shampoo was that, in a bout of romantic eloquence, Jake had compared her hair to the delicate scent and color of honey. That was one of the sweetest things Jake had ever said to her.

After her shower, she had no choice but to put on the power-suited façade of controlled and calm authority that overlaid an anxiety that rotted and festered, near the bursting point. This specific anxiety was one that she’d shared with no one, a new anxiety that ate away at her soul. No one except her doctor knew that she, at age forty-seven, was pregnant.

She herself could hardly believe it, but there it was. A five-month-old fetus that Helen thanked God did not yet show. She was concerned about how Daria and Quinn would take this news. And Jake! His first biological child would be born in time for his forty-fifth birthday. She smiled sadly and patted her belly gently, putting on the jacket of the black power suit she’d bought. She tried to tell herself that it was because her mother was about to die of breast cancer, and this was her way of mourning, but she knew better. She just didn’t want anyone to see the baby.

“Maybe I should wear a white power-suit instead. I could tell anyone who dared ask that I looked bigger because white makes things look that way.” She thought to herself, and then abandoned it as a silly and far-fetched way of trying to bring attention to the baby so someone would guess, and she wouldn’t have to tell. “Oh, the hell with all of this.” She said aloud to her bagel and cream cheese. Daria, Jake, and Quinn looked at her, concerned. She realized, embarrassed, that she’d just said that aloud.

“Family meeting. Now.” She said, and ushered them into the living room. “I have an announcement to make.” She said, tentatively. “I’m… I… I’m pregnant.” She blurted out. No one spoke for a full five minutes. “Mom,” Said Daria, cautiously. “No offense, but aren’t you just a little bit old to have a baby?” She asked. “Well obviously NOT, Daria.”

Jake pulled her aside and whispered his question into her ear. “Is it mine?” He asked, almost dreading her answer. “It is.” She whispered back, seductively. “WHA HOO!” He shouted, and pumped his fist. Then they all looked at Quinn, who had yet to say anything.

Quinn paused, reflecting. “I spend a WEEK following you around to make sure nothing like this happens and half a year later you’re pregnant?! I can’t take all this pressure!” She shouted, and ran out of the house to the bus stop.

“Maybe she’ll crack and you’ll still have two children.” Said Daria in an amiable way, as she headed out the door herself. Helen peeked out the window and watched them both head to the school, then turned to Jake.

“My first biological child. Wow.” Said Jake, still amazed. Then he added, “Is it a boy or a girl?” “I didn’t have that checked. I didn’t know how you’d feel about knowing. All I do know is that I’m five months pregnant, and the baby is healthy.” Helen replied. Jake thought a second. “Well, I think we SHOULD get that checked. I want to decorate the baby’s room before it’s born, and it WOULD help to know the gender.” “Maybe you’re right, Jake.” She said. “Well, time for work. Love you!” They said in unison, and then headed out the door. Helen decided to make an appointment that afternoon.

At work, Marianne kept giving Helen strange looks. Helen looked puzzled back at her, and then realized that she was being far less the legal eagle and far more the caring individual. “Helen, are you… alright?” Asked Marianne, almost scared of getting a reply. Helen smiled and answered her. “Yes. If you’re wondering, the behavior is just hormones.” Marianne nodded. “Ah ha. The change?” She looked away, embarrassed at her own frankness. “No, actually. I’m pregnant.” Helen said honestly. “What!?” “Pregnant. Preggers. With child. Carrying a bundle. Expecting. A client of the stork. What part of pregnant don’t you understand, Marianne?” She asked, her “normal” ruthless streak showing through again. Marianne cringed and went back to her work. Helen sighed to herself, realizing that she shouldn’t have been so mean.

“Pregnant?” Spoke Eric, startling both women. “Yes.” They said at the same time. “Which one of you?” Helen, busy with legal briefs, snapped her finger and raised her hand, a signal created by the company to inform a witness if they’d said too much. Eric understood that it meant Helen was pregnant. “Are you sure this is a good time to be pregnant, Helen? I mean, you’re about to make partner…. Your daughter Daria will be graduating this coming spring… When’s the baby due, by the way?” Queried Eric. Helen slammed her pen down.

“Four months exactly.” She snapped. “And it’s not like I had any choice in the matter, Eric. I mean, if I DID have the choice, I’d still choose to be pregnant, but not to be due four days before Jake’s fourty-fifth. But I’m rambling, and I need to get back to work.” And with that, she picked up her pen and started working again. Eric left without another word. Marianne smiled.

When Helen got home from work, she called her doctor to schedule an examination. She’d be going in the next day right after work. She kicked off her shoes and looked down at her swollen ankles. “I forgot about that part of pregnancy.” She murmured to herself. “I didn’t know pregnant women talked to themselves.” Said Daria dryly as she came in after school. “Aren’t you home a little early?” She asked. “Eric insisted that I take the rest of the day off.” She said quietly, and hobbled into the kitchen to get herself a wine cooler. Then she remembered that whatever she drank, the baby drank, and picked up a cup and made tea instead.

When she went back to the living room, she found the remote poised on the arm of the comfy chair, the footrest extended, a lamp table nearby, and pillows arranged comfortably around where her head and feet would be. She smiled as she saw Daria’s boots heading quickly upstairs. She knew Daria didn’t like praise, but she called out “Thanks a bunch, Daria!” up the stairs anyway, and then sat down, dog-tired from a long, but still short day at work.

Jake came in an hour later while she was watching The Simpson’s and eating pickle slices and banana chips mixed together. He smiled. “Honey, why are you home so late?” Asked Helen. He waved off her concern with a flick of his wrist. “I’m just getting in extra hours and more clients. I’m determined to see you take a month of maternity leave before the baby’s due, and a month after. Then, if you like, we can get a nanny, or take her to the nursery at your office.”

“But Jake, I’m about to make partner. If I take time off, I may lose the partnership.” She tried to sound worried, but it came out tired. “You’re tired, honey. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.” And with that, he led her upstairs. Helen realized with a sad smile that this would probably be his only biological child. He wanted to do right by it. She knew it would probably come crashing down around his ears, but she was determined to let him try. Helen undressed and Jake helped her into bed, tucking her in and stroking her forehead until she fell asleep.

The next day, Helen left work early again and headed straight for the Lawndale Medical Arts Partners building at the Lawndale Community Hospital. Inside, she checked in with her obstetrician, Dr. Anne Melbruck. “How are you today, Helen?” Anne began. “Fine.” “I understand you’d like to know the baby’s gender. Is that right?” Helen smiled and nodded at Anne’s caring tone. Anne was in her sixties. She’d raised eight children. Anne slapped the cold clear gooey substance onto Helen’s stomach, and placed the instrument against it, moving around gently and slowly to get a look at the baby.

Helen’s eyes were glued to the screen. “What if the cord is around it’s neck?” She thought to herself. Then she realized that at four months, the baby was probably okay. She chided herself over silly anxieties. “When am I going to learn how to relax?” She asked, not aloud but to herself.

She didn’t know what to look for, but was overjoyed when Anne said “It’s a girl. She’s healthy, and she’s due in four months.” Helen couldn’t thank her enough, as she washed off her stomach. “Before you go, I want to do an amneo synthesis, okay? This just helps check whether or not the baby is healthy. It’s standard procedure in pregnancies in women over thirty-five.” Helen looked uncertain, but nodded. Anne did the amneo synthesis, and then gathered her coat and purse, payed the receptionist, and bounded joyfully home in her SUV. When she got there, Daria, Quinn, and Jake were sitting anxiously at the kitchen table. She walked up to them. “Well, honey, what is it?” Said Jake. “Is it a girl?” Said Quinn. “Is it alive?” Asked Daria. “It’s a girl.” She said simply, and headed to the fridge for some fish sticks and peanut butter. Daria almost smiled, Quinn swooned, and Jake just grinned from ear to ear. Helen smiled, too, happy that her family was so easily adjusted to this pregnancy.

The next morning, Helen woke up and went through her usual empty routine of getting ready for work. “Shower, power suit, bagel, briefcase, drive, work, go home, sleep, and do it all over again.” She sighed. “Monotony.” She didn’t know when she’d get out of this rut. “Maybe this baby is just the cure I need for the anxieties. Maybe I just need to get out of the house.” She got into her car and headed for work.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months. Then Helen took maternity leave. She spent her days in the former guest bedroom, painting it a pale lavender, and adding mint green trim and carpeting. She felt more alive than she ever had as she picked out a crib, a cradle, a walker, and all the other furniture a baby needs. She giggled and smiled as she pulled tiny sleepers and booties off the shelves. “Two months to go.” She said to herself. The calendar was marked, and Helen was happy.

As Christmas approached, everyone let their sentimental side show and bought gifts for the baby, to put under the tree. Even Daria let her walls down and bought a mobile to hang above the crib. Quinn bought stuffed animals, and Jake bought posters to hang on the walls that showed the alphabet, colors, shapes, numbers, money, and more. Helen added a blanket that was passed down from generation to generation of Barksdale women. Even Jane gave her six paint-by-number kits for when she got older. She didn’t tell anyone her grandpa had given them to her for Christmas when she was around eight.

On New Year’s Eve, the family took a ride in a sleigh. Helen had a dreamy, oblivious, detached feeling. It was as though none of this was here. It was like watching a silent movie of herself. Everything passed, and she didn’t hear a thing. Not the carolers on the corner, not Quinn’s happy shrieks. Not even Daria’s sarcasm, or Jake’s childish laughter. Pretty soon, all she heard was her own breathing. Then the pain. It was gentle, and she passed it off as too many candied figs. It went away for awhile, but it came back, stronger, more forceful. Then again, later, and again, and again. The sleigh headed for Lawndale Evangelion Church, for a midnight mass similar to the one at Christmas.

When the pain came every ten minutes, she realized with horror that this baby was coming now. “Stop the sleigh!” She shouted. Everyone looked at her funny. “Take me to the hospital. NOW!” “What is it, mom?” Asked Daria, not a trace of sarcasm in her voice. “The baby!” She gasped, as another contraction hit. They sped off as fast as four horses would go.

They pulled up, and people looked at the sleigh in confusion. Helen was taken immediately to the Maternity Ward. The contractions were every five minutes, and she was dialated at seven centimeters. She was scared, but it didn’t show. A nurse came in to ask her questions. “When is the baby due?” “Four days… Owww!” She shouted, as another contraction hit. This one more powerfull than before. The nurse left, and a doctor came in. “Would you like painkillers?” “Yes!” She shouted, glad someone had finally thought to ask. The doctor administered the epidural, and after awhile, Helen was finally relaxed. Upon looking, the doctor discovered that she was fully dialated and ready to deliver. “Okay Helen, when the next contraction hits, take a deep breath and push as hard as you can.” The contraction came, and Helen gasped and pushed as she was told.

“Okay, do it again.” She did. Again and again, breathe, push, breathe. She sighed. “When is this baby going to come out?!” She finished the sentence in a startled gasp as another contraction hit. “The head is about one good push away from coming out, and after that, she’ll slip right on out.” Said the doctor, and Helen breathed and pushed as the contraction hit. Suddenly, she felt an outside force, and the baby moved fast out of her womb. “Aaaaah! Aaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhnnnn!” Screamed the tiny girl. They cut the cord and removed the placenta, and the baby was put into Helen’s arms. “My sweet, tiny little girl!” She whispered reverently, as a nurse came and took her away.

“We need to put her in an oxygen tank for a few days. She’s premature, but she’ll be fine. Meanwhile, you need to stay here. Birthing is a more complicated and involved process as you get older, and we want to put you under observation as well.” Said the doctor. She went on to explain the more technical things, but Helen wasn’t listening. “My baby. My own baby. Jake’s baby.” She breathed a relieved sigh and laid back on the bed.

“Hey, what should we name her?” Jake’s voice startled her out of her reverie. She looked around to find herself in a hospital room. A calendar on the wall read January sixth, 2001. She smiled, looking down at the tiny girl in the cradle next to her. “That’s right! We didn’t pick a name.” Added Quinn. “As long as you don’t name her Penelope or Gertrude, I don’t really care.” Put in Daria sarcastically. “Ewww! What made you think of such icky names?!” Shouted Quinn, oblivious to what Daria had actually said. Daria shook her head and Helen smiled.

“Well, let’s see. Her last name is Morgendorffer. I want her to have a middle name, so what do you think for that?” Helen started. “Helen.” Said Jake, sentimentally. “Why would I want my baby’s middle name to be the same as mine?” She thought to herself. “Druidia.” Said Daria, sarcastically. “Alexis.” Said Quinn, dreamily. Helen paused. “Alexis it is. What about a first name? It has to go with Alexis Morgendorffer, and it should sound pretty. Mariel?” Asked Helen. “Brianna.” Said Jake, hopefully. “Eww! Dad! That is SO eighties. Erikha?” She asked. Daria thought a second. “Tia.” She said, decisively. “Hmm. Tia Alexis Morgendorffer. I like it. What do you think?” Helen asked of the group. “Sounds nice to me. But if Quinn named her middle name and Daria named her first, what do we get to name her?” Jake sounded insecure. Helen cheered him up right away. “Morgendorffer, of course.” “Oh. Right.”

“Well then, no objections?” No one said anything. “Tia Alexis Morgendorffer she is.” They all looked down happily at Tia, who looked up at them and blinked with her big blue eyes. Helen stroked a stray lock of her baby’s reddish brown hair. Daria, Quinn, and Tia had all been born with that color. Helen hoped that Tia’s never changed as Daria’s did, to red, or as Quinn’s did, to strawberry blond. Just pretty reddish brown would do. Jake took the birth certificate from the clipboard at the end of the bed and filled in her name. They checked out that very day.

On the way home, Helen reminded Daria and Quinn that this would mean that they would both be doing a bit of baby sitting when school started again. “I know Jake wanted me to take two months of maternity leave, but a month and a week is fine with me. I’ve been assured partnership, and Eric thinks that this new baby will actually help me seem more of an all around, caring, motherly figure.” She saw Jake shake his head from the corner of her eye. Helen strapped Tia’s car seat in the back of the SUV, and got in the front seat. Daria and Quinn were squished on either side of Tia, and Jake drove them home.

“Goo!” Said Tia, as she looked around her room with eyes that Helen knew only saw about a foot and a half in front of her. She smiled, and took Tia over for a diaper change, and Daria and Quinn went to their rooms. “They’re probably going to talk on the phone.” Helen told baby Tia. Jake smiled at them from the doorway and came over to tickle Tia’s tummy. Helen was happy that Jake loved Tia so much. She took Tia into her room for a nap in the cradle. They had both agreed that Tia should sleep in their room for the first week or two.

“Okay, Jakey, here’s a problem. She’s so young that I don’t want her in the nursery at work. Daria and Quinn have to go to school. I have to work. That only leaves one solution. I think you should take a month or two off from consulting, and I’ll put in some extra hours at the office. When Daria or Quinn comes home, you can have her baby sit, and you can go back to consulting then, and on the weekends. Okay?” Suggested Helen. Jake looked skeptical, but nodded. “Okay.”

Helen went off to work in the mornings and Jake stayed home. Helen could only hope that he was doing a good job. But now that the pregnancy anxiety was gone, some new thoughts arose. Raising the baby, making partner, Daria’s graduation, Quinn’s night life, these were just a few of them. Marianne started staring at her more and more. Finally, she spoke up. “Helen, not to sound rude, but I think you should take some time off, or visit a counselor. You’re looking really stressed lately.” “I’m a forty-eight year old woman with three kids, one of whom is a newborn, a shaky marriage, an impending partnership to a top law firm, and a troubled childhood. So WHAT if I look a little stressed?!” Helen immediately regretted her outburst as she saw Marianne cringe and turn away, shaken.

“I’m sorry, Marianne. It’s just that people pointing out that I’m stressed stresses me out even more. Just like my husband.” She apologized, and a sufficiently scared Marianne went back to work. Eric paused outside the door, having heard all of this, and then knocked and came in. “Helen, I’d like you to take a month of vacation before partnership committee meetings commence. You ARE stressed out, and I don’t want you to crack and go insane. Here, just pack up your laptop and head on home for a month. Marianne, head downstairs to room 3B. Sarah Ericsson is looking for a new secretary.” And with no butts, Eric ushered Helen out the door.

Jake was extremely surprised to see her walk in the door at noon, and rushed over. “Is anything wrong, Helen?” “No. Eric insisted that I was too stressed and should take a month off before the partnership committee commences.” “Oh. Does that mean I should go back to work?” “It doesn’t have to. Eric is paying me as though I was working there, so it doesn’t matter either way.” “I’ll stay home for a week, then.” And then Jake took off for the store to buy more formula, and Helen cuddled a very sleepy Tia in her arms.

Soon, the phone rang. “Hello?” Helen answered. “Hello. We’re from the New York times. I’m Rick, and we’re happy to inform you that Tia is the New Year’s baby, 2001!” Shouted the enthusiastic young man. “What?” “Tia was born at 12:01 and four seconds. That beats Shelly Williams of San Jose, California by three minutes. We just need your permission to post this information and Tia’s name in the paper. We’ve been trying to reach your since she was born, but the phone’s been unhooked.” Helen thought a second. “Oh that. Jake unhooked the phones so he could focus on Tia and not his clients all day.” “Oh. So we have your permission?” “You do.” “Thanks!” Rick hung up and Helen smiled. “A miracle in more ways than one.” She said aloud.

“C’mon, Tia! C’mon! You can do it!” Spurred Helen. “No!” Said Tia, almost a year old. She shook her red head fiercly. Helen sighed. “Do it for mommy?” “No!” “Do it for daddy?” “No!” “Do it for Quinn?” “Noooo!!!” Helen sighed, knowing the only negotiation left. “Fine. Do it for Daria?” “Dah-ree-ahh!” Tia squealed, and then pulled herself to her feet, walking towards the stairs where Daria, on vacation from Yale, sat waiting with a smirk to see what happened. Daria thought a second, then nodded decisively. “Yep. She’s a keeper.”