This is kinda like my public journal, but I know I'll never say what's really on my mind. If I did, people would hate me more than they do now. But check back every day to see what's on my mind, I'll try to update it every day and I'll leave my entries on for a period of a few weeks. Be warned, occasionally I'll use strong language. You can't handle it, tough, I'm expressing my thoughts here.

18:10 - On the plane - Still Jotting Notes
I must be insane. I'm playing the events of last night in my head and I find myself laughing. Not at how I turned evil and hurt people. And I know I didn't have any fun after the shit started hitting the fan. But I imagine my people back in Cuba talking about what happened and the things I said and laughing their asses off. Then I realize that I would be laughing too if it happened to someone else, and that's why I laugh. I laugh at my paranoia and inexperience and child-like naivete. So am I insane? Possibly.

22:20 - Airport Hilton - Notes
Now I'm at the Airport Hilton, memories of last night are getting choppy now and I lost that feeling I had in my stomach. All the weirdness I felt last night and this morning is fading. But now I'm going into shock. It's starting to hit me that my Cuba life is over and I have to return to Jersey and switch back to the hostile bastard I tend to be up there. That bastard came out last night for a bit. Worlds collide.

48 hours after last note - Jersey Trailer
I still feel a little weird. But most of it has gone. I know accept that it is in the past and everything is 3000 miles away and I've already changed characters within a few short hours of getting into Jersey. I hung out with Corey last night and we went to see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. My buddies in Jersey say the same thing as my buddies in Cuba did: "Don't Sweat It, No Worries". I know they're right now. I don't think I did anything wrong (except cracking the skulls of two people I was friendly with) so I will be ok. But this chapter in my life I will always look back upon with some weirdness. It was 48 hours that sucked, and was over way too quickly. Too many people were involved and that's never good. I know I'm very cryptic with this but I gotta be. Ask me about sometime if you got about two hours to spare. Peace.

Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, except for the people I already bothered, just had to get that unbelievable load of a lifetime bullshit that changed my life off my chest.

Monday, September 10, 2001. 19:45.
I'm at school now and so far so good. I'm back in the dorms with the same crew and I'm enjoyin it. I'm totally out of Cuba mode now and have switched back to Jersey persona and lifestyle. Classes are good, especially this Management class that is now only once a week instead of twice and done all on computers. In the weeks that I have been back I've seen more people, watched American Pie 2 and went to Great Adventure for the first time in my life. That was a blast. And of course there was the Voll hottub party celebrating my return. There are still some more places to hit and more people to see but time is sparse now that I am back up in Union,NJ. I still want to go to TGIFridays. I'm not sure what I will be doing with my weekends. I don't have to work but I might want to. I went into business for myself with 2by2.net. Check out my link to my shopping site on my front page or in my links section. One thing I don't like about this year is that it is hot as piss. I'm about to melt. And Kean is really screwing people with cable modems. I hate that, they make you buy this $275 piece of shit that will only work here and it is the only modem you can use. Fucking pricks. Oh well, that's life. This weekend should be a good one with John's birthday. Hope to celebrate in style.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Wednesday, September 12, 2001. 19:05
This is one of those entries I'll always look back on with grief. Yesterday was the attack on the World Trade Center. Being in Union I am less than 15 miles from the city. I could see the smoke from my apartment but was not prepared for what I saw when I drove out to Newark. The cloud of smoke covered the skyline and the Twin Towers were no longer there. I could smell the smoke from the city and see the fighter jets patrol the skies above. There were customs agents with loaded M-16's on the streets closing off the exits. Classes were cancelled for 24 hours. All of the New York stations except CBS are out of service. Even now, some assclown is blasting his stereo with the bass to high and it makes me a little more alert cause I don't know what the sound is initially. I went to bed wondering what life would be like when I woke up, if something worse would happen during the night that would stretch all the way to where I am. Luckily I woke this morning still alive. Others weren't so lucky. Yesterday people would get off their phones and start to cry and you could tell they had just lost someone. New York television stations are off the air, cell phones were off for six hours. I still have a hard time believeing what has happened. I wish things would get back to normal soon. It's hatd being so close and wanting to help so bad. But it is still hard to get around. I know that things will take care of themselves in the long run. I'm sure I'll add more thoughts on the subject later.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Wednesday, October 10, 2001. 21:55.
I went through one of those periods where I just can't write anything because everything's too jumbled. I spent the past month running back and forth between Washington Twp and Kean. I even took the past 6 days away from Kean to clear my head. Seems no matter where I go there is a load of bullshit waiting for me. Right now I'm working on this Psychology paper that I have to friggin redo, not to mention the other paper which I forgot about entirely. Some interesting news from last week though, it seems my parents will be staying in Cuba for another two years at least. My dad took another job with Public Works just six weeks before he was scheduled to come back to Jersey. In a way I'm glad cause I get to hold to to my Cuba life but I was looking forward to having them back here in Jersey with me. I still haven't figured out what I am going to do. With war in full blast I'm being pulled between the Navy and keeping in school. It's a rough decision. Hopefully I'll figure it out by May. In sad news a close friend of my family, Dr. Mike Wagner passed away recently. He was my former gym teacher and neighbor and our families became friends and stayed in touch over the past thirteen years. He's in a better place now among the honored in the afterlife. Peace and love for the Wagner family.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

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