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This space is going to be used to help me update visitors on what is going on in my life.

9/23/04 

I guess i should really try and put these things up on the web (not that anyone reads them) but i have like a bunch written and none of them are posted.

ok so last weekend we went to the Thames River Festival. we just wanted to go for the fireworks but once we got there it seemed really cool and decided that we would "run" to see the parade that was comming along the banks of the river. My word i'm glad that we did it cause it was the neatest parade i had ever seen. there were so many people dancing and dressed up in costumes. It kinda reminded me of Martis gras but without the huge floats, instead that had huge animals and things that they made. there was lots of drumming and colors and the people where just out having a good time. When we first got there it kinda reminded me of musikfest cause they had some music tents but wow it was nothing like it. so then we found a spot on the river Thames to watch the fireworks, i expected a lot more, but i couldn't complain b/c how many times am i gonna get to see fireworks over the river Thames. (as a side note everytime i write River thames I get the uncontrollable urge to say "we're a river let it flow" i think i listen to brother too much sometimes) 

so this week has been blah, didn't really do too much. the highlight was def, going to the parade. classes are going well so far, it still seems like i'm bogged down with work but i'm trying to do it. I think i may already be a little behind in my history class but oh well. all of my new london peeps are pretty cool too, it's funny how u can just meet a group of people and get along. Kinda makes me want to contemplate the human brain. ok i won't cause then if i did i would be a nerd. but it is very very wierd to me, since i'm so used to long term friendships i mean really i've known my girls now for 10 yrs. and i know it's really hard for me sometimes to open up and let people into my life since i'm always afraid of getting hurt. (so all you friends of mine be happy that i've let you in cause it is really hard for me). I always have that sort of nagging voice that says in the back of my head "Don't let them know too much they'll only use it to hurt you" but i'm trying to shut that voice up or atleast not listen to it. 

I'm also so excited cause Lucas is gonna be here soon. I can't wait to go and visit him. but he has to return my emails for that to happen cause i need to know when i can visit him. but it should be a blast. i'm thinking of taking him out and getting him real drunk...cause he can drink here and he won't get arrested, well atleast not for  drinking. he's gonna have the best 4 yrs here i can see it now. 

And Jamie is thinking of visiting over thanksgiving! YEY more friends to visit me. i'm trying at the moment to work out when i can go on my trips and how much they are going to cost me. I know i want to go to scotland that's a def, I mean i'm already going in Oct, but i want to go back again, especially if it means i get an extended time to see lucas. and i'd really like to go to Paris, and i know that's 55 pounds to go on the chunnel so i'm thinking i might just go for the day or something. and then i would love to visit jamie in rome, sometime in nov, but i can't seem to find a cheap flight to there, or atleast something that won't break my budget, which is cheap. I would love to go to dublin and amsterdam  too, but i just don't see that happening.  I think i might try and take some day trips though, to liverpool and manchester, maybe Canterbury, and bath. Those are only a train or a coach ride and i know that my friends are going to Briton this weekend and it's only 15 pounds. But that's all for now I think i'll try and post this and see if i works out.

Laterz on

Jen  

9/14/04

So it's been a week since I last wrote in this...even though i haven't posted it. that's what happens when the res hall can't decide if they want the internet to work. so I've begun to settle in a bit more. It's kinda weird because it feels like home here more so each and every day. not to say that i don't miss home or want to go home, but that i feel that this is where i should be right now. classes have started, and i'm a little overwhelmed but then again i usually am the first week or so of classes. I know that it's not going to be a walk in the park this semester and that i'm going to have to work for my grades, but i think i'll be fine. So i started to read for my classes. I'm about 70 pages into Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolfe and i'm soo confused. I'm not a stream of consciousness kinda person unless its me who is writing. the fact that the book is 200 and some odd pages of rambling and switching in the minds of the characters doesn't  really help. Hopefully there will be lots of going over the reading in our 2.5 hr class. for that class we get to go to the farm house where the bloomsbury group got together and did their thing in their hayday. kinda cool looking forward to that even though it is a saturday that i have to give up. For 2 of my business classes we're going to the European Bank, so that should be some fun. I'm going to scotland at the end of october i couldn't be more excited for that. I'm definitly going to bring angus and have a bit of fun YEY. Oxford was sooo awesome. We each had our own room at Wadham College. I learned that oxford is comprised of 39 colleges all together. and more importantly i got to see the locations from harry potter. like the courtyard, the great hall, the library, the staircase. we ate at a pub called the eagle and the child where tolkien and others  wrote in their days. I'm glad that i've met a good group of people here because if i hadn't i would be completely bored sitting in my room, not that i don't do my fair share of that anyways, but atleast i'm not here ALL the time. i'm going to try and get all my work done during the week so as to leave my weekends mostly free, or for the use of writing and researching.

One more thing, I have fell in love with the tube, forget the damn bus at PSU the tube is the way to go, except when you have to go the long way because that is no fun at all. I love the tube performers, maybe one day when i'm all successful with my record company i'll produce an album called "sounds of the tube" and have all the struggling artists get money and stuff from making the album. Now, Simon cowell don't u steal my idea i had it first u lollygagger. 

new british phrases
lorey="interstate truck"
dodgey="bad part of (town/pub/etc)"
Nutter="Crazy person"

jen

9/7/04

Welcome to London, England! So I've almost been here a week and it still kinda feels surreal. My roommate seems nice, but she doesn't really talk to me all that much. It's ok though cause I don't really anticipate spending much time here in my room. The City is soooooo beautiful. My second day here i walked from chelsea to buckingham palace, westminster abbey, big ben and parliament. The walk was probably about a mile, mile and a half. and the architecture of the old buildings is magnificent. My neighborhood is  very rich. Across the street is a house where the director of Oliver used to live, and he was good friends with Bram Stoker. And just last week our tour guide told us that Prince William had been seen at a club here in Chelsea, when i was riding one of those cool double decker buses the guy next to me said to his family that he saw john malkovitch walking down the street last week too, so i'm on the look out for celebrities every time i go out.  OH and the british guys....wow sooo many cutes ones....so little time. I'm pretty sure that most of them that I see are swinging for the opposite team, but damn its fun to look at them. I met a group of very nice people the other day and have been hanging out with them. but the only thing is that when i'm talking to the kids from the other schools i feel very out of sorts. They all come from big cities and most of them are filthy rich. well at least compared to my standards. They all talk about shopping at gucci, and louie voutton, and all those sorts of places. They talk about how their parents pay their way for everything, and their lexus's and mercedes. I feel out of place. I'm just barely supporting myself through school. I'm thinking of how i'm going to pay the rent when I go back to school. I'm wondering if i'm gonna have to take on a third job just to eat next semester. I'm worried about how i'm going to eat this semester. I have to watch what i spend because unlike them i can't go crying to mommy and daddy to help bail me out of my own mess. I guess what i'm going to have to do is play their game. Find my loop holes and make it seem that I am one of them. But I've also been doing that for more years than I can count. I guess that's why i'm a good candidate for being a business major, because i can market something that is completely not what it seems to be, in this case it's myself. Iguess if they ask what my parents do i can say my dad's retired, and my mom is a secretary. not too much of a fib there. I live off my trust fund aka i trust that there might be money in my bank account. hahaha. ok so i'm thinking too much into this. but it just doesn't seem like my luck to be able to associate myself with such a different group of people. What if they find out what a fraud I really am, I guess it really doesn't matter, but I don't really hold myself in a high regard when it comes to how other people see me. Until next time

jen

7/9/04

Well see lets recap my summer thus far. I've done a whole bunch of nuthing. well except sit around and contemplate life. work has been a joke this summer. i think i might pull 2 days a week. But that being said it's now my last week and i'm both excited and sad at the same time. excited cause i don't have to go to work anymore. sad because i won't have any money for about 6 weeks or more. Hopefully i'll be able to find some work while i'm in london cause i can't be broke when i come back!

on the bright note here though this means i get to go home for a few weeks and spend some quality time with the "cult"They all don't realize it but this is truely my last summer with them and it sucks b/c i'm not going to be around next summer like they will be. I'm going to graduate in May and probably move away from home, most of them will be going back to school that fall. So They will probably have at least one more summer all together. This has me a little concerned. I know our friendships have lasted all of us going away to college, but this is different, I don't know where i'm going to end up, East coast, west coast, another country. The girls have been my best friends for half of my life.  I don't think i would know how to function without them. We have kinda made the plan to go to the beach next summer, kinda like how we did after we graduated high school, making it something of a rite of passage i guess, but I really don't know if i'll be able to go with them. I'll (fingers crossed) have a job by then and i know that if that happens i won't be going with them. I wish i could have spent more time with them this summer. I guess i'm just going to have to make these last couple of weeks the best and enjoy them while i still have them.

Well i've been packing up all my garbage up here at school and have realized that i have too much junk. so i think when i go home it's gonna seriously be time to pack up the kiddie stuff in my room and have a yard sale. I think i've finally realized that i'm ready to grow up I'm ready to have an adult life.  Not that i want to abandon all things youthful and fun, but just be more mature. I'm not the same person I was 3 yrs ago when i graduated high school by far, i'm not even the same person i was when i moved to state college last year. I'm independent, stronger, and happier with who i have become. I still don't know what i want to do when i "grow up" But I still have 10 months to figure that out.

so all summer i've been hoping to hear from steve. well that hasn't happen nor do i expect it to anymore. I'm not sure if i really even care anymore. What happen, well happen, and there's nothing more that i can do to change it. The proverbial ball was put in his court and he choked when he could have made the game winning point. that's not to say that i didn't kind of expect it. I don't know what's worse now, that i'm a stubborn fool because i refuse to talk to him,, or that i lost a good friend.  Well maybe it's both.  I still don't regret that I told him, it's how i felt and he had the right to know. I guess it just means that i'm off to bigger and better things.

Other exciting news, I have moved one step closer to my dream of playing with Brother!! Over memorial day we saw them in the pocconos and being the volunteer that i am got to sit on stage holding up Dalbo's kick drum and play with the shakey thing during "how do you feel," which appropriately was PRETTY DAMN GOOD! and i finaly got Gus to believe me and REMEMBER that I play the bagpipes. that is a miracle in it self.  Well next month I get to see them so far a total of 5 days in a row, go to musikfest see the red elvises, hang out with the bhoys one last time. And in 10 days I'll be 21 oh the possibilities!!

 Unitl then
jen

5/10/04

Summer has officially started. Ok maybe not officially yet but as far as school being over and that it has started. Finals went well I guess. I did a lot better in my classes this semester compared to last semester. I think I may have gone insane cause I did spend almost all day everyday in the Library. I realized there's only so much library a person can take before it starts to drive you mad.

I almost can't believe that it's almost time for me to be a senior. This has to be the scariest time in my life right now. I have one year left of school before its time to actually time to get the hell out of the little box of school and step out into the "real world." In all honesty I have no idea what I want to do with my life. This time next year I'm going to be expected to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. And that right there scares me to death. What if I don't know what I want to do. What do I even want to do. I will have spent four years learning information and spent close to $40,000 and I don't know what it has gotten me. I'll probably end up working at some store as a clerk or something. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Where do I want to work. I can't see myself at a regular company.....I don't really fit in the J&J or the Merrill Lynch category. Sometimes I feel like this might have all been for nothing. Maybe London will give me some focus.

Oh yeah if you have been out of the loop, come September 2nd I will be in London England for 3 months. I don't really have any expectations, I know I have classes and stuff to go to, and I know it's going to be hard. But I think if let myself worry about it it'll freak me out. All I know is that I want to have a blast. I want to do everything and not come back with any regrets about not have done anything. I mean really when am I ever going to get the chance to do this again?

Since I came back to State College in January I've been trying to do something new. I know I've said this over the years but I've actually been doing it this time. I'm trying to live like there is no tomorrow. I'm not worrying about the future other than the long term goal that I'm going to graduate, I'm taking care of what I need to do right now at this moment and I'm making sure that there is no way that I can regret anything. And I think I've been pretty successful so far. I've done so many things this semester that are out of character for me. I've actually gotten to know people, for those of you who really know me that's a big thing, I'm usually the person who will just watch everyone else and not be involved. I told someone that I liked them! yeah it was when he was leaving town but still it was something I wouldn't have done two years ago or even a year ago. I don't know what will come of it and frankly I don't really care. It just felt good to get it out there and have it known.

 I think I've grown up. I'm not the same person I was when I came up here last august. This year has been one of the hardest I've ever had to deal with. It's hard not to see my family for months at a time especially since I know they needed me so much this past year. It was hard not to see the Cult. Manda I know you feel now being so far away. But I don't think I could have grown up without the people who were around me this year. You all let me learn about myself while keeping me grounded. I'm so glad that I've gotten to meet a great group of people....who can basically all get along with one another. And I'm glad that I've gotten to know some people a little bit better. So to Melle, Chris, Minh, Vince, Jamie, Lindsay, Janelle, and Steve thanks for being there for me, you don't know how much it meant. I'll see you in the spring

JEN

A special note to Melle: You've been there for me for 3 years now. And you've seen me grow up and I've seen you grow up. I'm so glad that I've meet you. Have a super fun summer in Chicago and an awesome Fall semester. I'll see you back here in January.
Love your roomie Jen

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