WatkinsGlen

I assume that this has been National "Ass outta you & me" Week. Not only because I saw my picture
on the poster, but I've also noticed plenty of folks steppin' into shoes they thought they could fill. And
then steppin' into somethin' else. Let me explain....-after I get done scuffin' a hole in my welcome mat.

Due to a Terry Labontian stretch of consecutive vacations on the schedule, I've been fillin' in for different folks at work. And tryin' on some Reeboks far bigger than mine. Thought I could handle it, but spent
most of my working hours destroying, apologizing, and then answering the same question over and over. "He'll be back on Tuesday." "Tuesday." "He's back Tuesday.".....I wished they'd all get off my a-....butt.

Sure, my a-...ssumptions may have wasted a hard day's week or two, but Asunta did assumptin' even worse. She cut the grass. She cut MY grass. With 15 to 20 yanks, a quick check of the label, 3 short squirts on the primer, and 1 last pull, she took up my landscapular duties and mowed our lawn. Didn't ask. Didn't put it on some schedule. Just assumed that she could do it......(sigh.)

We didn't go to school together, so I can't be sure where along the lines her geometry skills went awry, but the square that she concentrically attempted, wound up lookin' more like a Etch-a-Sketch doodle. She'd forgotten to put the mulchin' thingy in. Two of the wheels were a half notch off. And she apparently pushed the mower at a brisk jog, judging from the cornstalks I could still see when she was done.

I may hafta leave her.

Oh, but it's not her fault, really. It's my yard. It's my mower. I've been doin' this all season, and I know the blade height of every stump out there. I know where to "rabbit," and I know where to "turtle." It's my job. Besides, she hasn't had to cut the grass in a long time. Ya can't expect her to just jump back in & get it right the first time.

Ain't that right, Wally...

Darlin', back in my day, they called this race the Bud at the Glen. Now it's the Global Frontier of Crossing at the Glen?...The Crossing in Front of a Globe at the Glen? Aw, to hell with it. I hate these 'sponsor du jour' names. Watkins Glen! Last race of the season with right turns, Clyde. And of (road) course, here come all the specialists. Wally "Fallin-Back" blew his Buckshot at a chance to race today, but Scott Pruett's back. So's Brian Simo. Boris Said he would be here, too. And if ya need help spottin' any of these "today only" road racers out there, just look at their feet. The substi-tutors are the ones runnin' around bare-footed, huntin' for a pair of Cinderellic racin' boots to fill.

I assumed anyone but Jarrett to be sittin' on this pole. DJ road hard and put up wet blankets for the usually fast qualifiers here. Ricky, Jerry, Robby, Rusty and a Fellows named Ron, are known for their road work, but they'll all be starin' at Dale's right blinker when the green flag drops. Lap two?...Oh, I'm quite sure that'll be a different story. You can take it for granted that someone else will be leading by then. I'm 99% positive.

Let's assume the positions....

Ted - Park got some bad brakes in qualifyin' and will have to defend last year's win from a provisional 37th startin' spot. Steve gets his car fixed and "rotors" to a 9th.

Stacy & Carl - Gordon firsted this long and winding road three times in a row, before Steve Parked it in victory circle last year. And though he's one of the favorites, he's also one of the marked. Tony may be in trouble, but he can still hide a little vengeance in those right handers. Jeff 3rd.

Jeff & Doc - Stewart's double secret probation ain't gonna stop him from tryin' to Pinto that DuPont car. And I'm sure he'll have plenty of juicy soundbites after the race....Too bad nobody has any tape recorders left. Tony a 7th

Paul & Kim - Marky Mart did the same thing as Jeffro, three peatin' here a while back. But the 6 car did it from the pole all three times. Oh, he's good; You'll get no Viargument from me. But can he get it back up, like in the old days? Mark 8th.

Sue brings her Nadeau'well driver back onto this list, after I tricked her into rejoinin' us. I sorta led her to presume I've gotten better at this predictatin'....Never presume, Sue. It makes a 'pres' outta 'u' & 'me'..... I'm bettin' my pres on a 15th for Nadeau.

Dave - Time's runnin' out, Groover. Sterlin' has gotten a handle on these Dodges, but it's a little late to be assumin' he'll victoriously circle any dates this year. Marlin could be completin' a season winless...Again. 16th.

Kathy - Get a good look at the 97 car during the driver intros. That's about all you'll see of Busch today. A 23rd, and that's bein' Kurt-eous on my part.

Mollie - Ron's car has been looking a little faster in qualifyin' and happy hours lately. The 14 team has either gotten luckier, or Foyt has made a deal with the devil. Oops...You can scratch off the latter. A.J. IS the devil. Hornaplenty happy finishin' 24th.

Michael road his boat a-short of a top twenty start. He launches from the 23rd spot. After paddlin' to a 26th in happy hour, Waltrip will run aground in 30th.

Pam - I like Matt's fancy new paint job. The one with the cordless drill and saw blade. So rather than bore you with a buncha cutdowns, I'll skip right to the badgerin' bout his finish. Kenseth DeWaltzes in 21st.

Reagan - Labonte started this race from the pole here last year, but that was only because qualifyin' was rained out and he was reignin' in points at the time. Weather was clear this Friday, so Bobby's view won't be today....The 18 car starts 14th and LaPonti-aches a 10th.

Paul Parker - Earnhardt, Jr. had tranny problems last year, and only made it through 2/3 of the race. The transmission's fixed for this race, but now Dale's lookin' at 2/3 of the field's bumpers at the start. Jr. kills 2/3's with one, stone-faced 6th today.

Lori, Andrea & Tony - Rusty may choke every now & then, but he's no strangler to Glennin' a win in NY. He's won twice here, but that was probably before any of you were born. A 5th on the grid, and the same result in practice, makes him a contender today. And I can only assume he'll win another for you & me.

Or make an ass outta the four of us.