|Wait a second. Are you tellin' me they built this track on an old peanut farm?....Pardon my paranoidal superstitchin's, but somebody best dig up that frumpy little Poltergeist lady's phone number.
Peanuts are a no-no in NA-NASCAR. And it goes back to the early days of racin'. WAY back. Back to when they invented the wheel and started racin' em round the fire. Torak, a veteran on the NASCRO Magnon Cup circuit, once sprinkled a few peanuts beside a competitor's wheel just before a race. When the green pelt dropped, the other guy couldn't get traction and just kinda hovered there. Like Fred Flintsone when he punches it. (Matter of fact it WAS Fred.) Anyway, once he got outta the slippery shells, his feet hooked up, he broke a left rear ankle, and rolled his wheel right into the path of AJ Foyt....Big collision. Big explosion. (...?) Pebbles flyin' everywhere.
...Bam Bam too.
...Bam Bam too.
Test! Test! Can ya'll hear me in the back?.....
Okay, so maybe I'm not real sure where this peanut thing came from. I do know it's been around forever. I know a lot of drivers take these kinda superstitions seriously. And I know that Darlington is built on top of a peanut graveyard. It's got all the makin's of a scary race......If I could find my remote, I'd be flippin' over to watch it now.
......Carol Anne, would you go change the channel on the TV?
It's the Southern 500 this week, my salted and unsalted friends. And no matter what dry-roasted spirits lie beneath the track, this is still one of NASCAR's Crown Jewels. You can trace the DNA of every race out there to this event. Darlington paved the (oblong) way, hosting NASCAR's first 500 mile race on its first super-blacktop. And though steadily losing it's luster to the likes of the Brickyard, and Vegas, and Texas, this race is still one of the "majors." From the cross pollenatin' of pavement and showroom rubber, to the hybriddin'ization of long and distance, the Southern 500 has distinguished itself as the George Washington Carver of stock car racing...
C.mon, Carol Anne. Hurry up and change it to TNT.........Carol Anne? Carol Anne?...Wonder where she's run off to?
Kathy has silly-seized the moment, tradin' her old driver in for a new driver....or vice versa. The 97 car for the 88 car. Good choice, Miss Cleo. DJ is paranormacally plummeting, while Busch is takin' his first
pole(tergeist.)....DJ 13th....Right behind Busch's 12th....(Is that a bird in your hand, Kathy?...For me?)
Sue - Jerry wasn't lettin' superstition ruin his chance back when he piloted the #13 around these tracks a coupla years ago. He let the #25 car do that. 11th on the grid. 11th in Happy Hour. 11th car to crash. 34th.
Stacy & Carl - Gordon once made a deal with these Polter-peanuts and won 4 straight Southerns...Rudd's made a deal with pit road security and is shakin' a can of Planters around Jeff's stall. A 3rd for Skippy.
And no, Granny, that don't mean that old Rickity Rudd will do any better. (8th.)
Ted - The unshelled spirits interrupted Steve Park's race yesterday with a loose steerin' wheel, a left turn, and a T-bone from a lapped car. All while under the yellow. He'll be out of the race car until he recovers....Or at least until he remembers his own name. Kenny Wallace steps in today.....And does nuttin'. A 24th.
Deshanna & Parker - Junior finished this race just outside the top ten last year. And just inside the top 40 this spring. Hey you got 11th on my 38th....Hey you got 38th on my 11th. Junior buttercups a 9th.
Dave - Sterling has posted 3 top tens in the last 4 races. Another top ten? Us seers gotta say no. 13th.
Lori, Andrea, & Tony - Wallace has lucked into a couple of seconds here over the years, but hey...Rusty's gettin' old and tired...And this place eats old tires. Rusty Walnuts a 7th.
Mollie - Foyt is thumbin' his nose at a coupla superstitions....Runnin' a green racecar for one. And the salaries he's payin' his crew to keep Hornaday out there everyweek:...Peanuts. A Foyt-ieth today.
Jeff & Doc - Last week, Stewart passed Rusty, Jeff, Charlie Brown and the rest of the gallery to pick up his 3rd win of the season. But Lucy's holdin' the ball, so don't look for his 4th here....'Less your talkin' bout his finish.
Paul & Kim - Back in 1993, Mark had to rub a rabbit's foot to make his way up and win this race. This year, his sponsor can do all the work.
(Yes, I'm sayin' a 1st for Martin.....But it's a pity pick.)
Reagan - Bobby snuck out of a late pit stip ahead of everyone and won this race last year without ever havin' to break into the triple digit speeds. This year he'll break 100 miles per....Then he'll break a motor. Labonte 32nd.
Pam - Matt's the only one of our little group of drivers to NOT have a top ten start this year. So Kenseth's polterguessin' that a bag of circus peanuts might reverse the curse. Say hi to Carol Anne for me, Matt. 21st.
and Michael Waltrip -...at Darlington?
.....What are you, nuts?