NewEngland300

Ya know, Mike ain't the only Nelson out there that's ever been on a Sea Hunt. There are lots more of us Baby-Faces in this world. And each with our own little episodes of misfortunes. Take...ummm...uh....okay, me.

I've been living in a sauna all week. Seems I over-valved a freon condensing coil unit and blew a circuit on my compressor fan pipe. (Least that's what Clark, my "service technician" with the suspiciously high-waisted blue jeans, said.) And because my air conditioning has been out, I've spent very little time in front of anything that might increase my home's core temp....That includes stovetops, televisions, & this old Gateway 2000 BTU computer of mine.

Thus, I'm low on info. I knew we were allowed in New Hampshire today, but I've missed out on all the NASCARnal buzz for this race. I got nothin' to offer but a perspirant tale of woe, and a few predictions that may or may not be mirages this week. So until I get my full wits back, here's a half wit's attempt at A/C Hunt...Starring Jim Nelson.

(.....Let's wait for Dave to catch up.......)

We lost our "life support system" early Tuesday morning and by...well, early Tuesday morning, only Dante himself could give directions to my house. Outside it was in the mid to high 90's (Centigrade, I think.) And inside, my kiln's thermostat was pegged at 95. Factor in the heat index, and the only way to accurately measure the temperature was with one of those oh, what are they called?...Those little turkey cookin' popper-outer thingies. (.....Anyone?...Anyone?)

Luckily, we'd bought one of those Home Service Shield of America contracts. Kinda like a triple A policy for your house. (Yes, I've the towing option.) If the fridge stops fridgin', they take care of it. If the D/W stops washin', they'll replace it. And if the A/C stops conditionin', they'll fix it.....Soon as all the paper work is processed. 4...5 days, tops.

An Asuntal assault ensued. And soon- (...Okay! Okay!...) She vowed to make 6 calls an hour until it was fixed. Tuesday, she talked to the local reps. On Wednesday, she talked to home offices; "It...is...July!!! We have two young'ns that have to sweat it out in their little beds each and every 90 degree night........Do you realize how much more laundry that creates?" She threatened to, and did make calls to most every tri-syllabically abbreviated organization out there. She called the BBB, the ABA, our CPA, the NFL, and the FAA...(Apparently, I had so many fans goin', the house sounded like a hangar full of Piper Cubs.)

By Thursday night, I was seein' them 'Saharan' heat ripples whenever I'd glance towards the kitchen. My cactus had died. And according to that call from NORAD, my house was showin' up on some sort of satellite thermal imaging. The rest of the family spent the night with friends, while I toughed it out....And eventually lost 42 lbs.

Friday mornin'....Yes, on Day 4....A big dude named Boudreaux waddles up in his hip-huggin' 501's, carrying a freon condensing coil unit compressor fan...pipe...circuit valve. And in less than 30 minutes, he and his reassuringly exposed butt-crack fixed my air conditioning. 30 minutes. "Oh yeah, and Mr. Nelso'. Som' fella from da Home Sheel says he comin'." A customer service rep would be stoppin' to try and "smoo'd t'ings over" with us......Perfect!

Sure enough, shortly after my house finally disappeared from our government's prying eyes, Mr. Home Shield came a callin' with a smile and a handshake.....And a dark suit & tie. He asked if we could step inside to talk. I told him I didn't really feel like puttin' the dogs up. Hell, it was only what, 95...96 degrees tops! We could talk out here. On the porch.

I put on my best confused face, and watched him bake as I asked him the same questions over and over for 45 minutes.

(Just-want-to-make-my-point-..) Loudon, clear to begin with, today. But a slight chance for scattered thunderstorms creepin' into this part of NH around mid race. Dew point'll be 60 degrees. Winds from the SW at around 9 mph. Temps in the mid-80's. Humidity around 45%, and a heat index of oh, say 86 degrees....(That's 30, Celsius.)

Eh..How bout that? Seems I've developed me a little obsession.

Stacy & Carl - They put a new sealant on this track, and Jeff ran over to put his initials in it like a kid on a fresh piece of sidewalk. It's only a sealant, Gordo. And besides, this track's already got your name all over it. 3 wins. 7 top 5's. Today's pole. Hey Jeff, Carrier ass home with a 4th.

By the way, for those of you who don't know him, Carl is the new guy. A french-speaking longshoreman outta Laramie, Wyoming. He also fries French, toasts French, curls French, and although I'm not up on his kissin', I have heard he's partial to one particular brand of mustard. And so naturally, Carl is gonna hitch his wagon du band to the Du Pont car.

...Du Pont...Hmmm...'Of the Bridge?'....Le weird...

Kim & Paul - While we're still pardoning my French, Marque Martinique is tickled to start 2nd. He stays near the front all day, and finishes third via great pit work.

Ted - Steve Park launches next, from the 5th startin' spot. He'll stay hot for a while. But cool off faster than a roomful of-......faster than a-....Someone help me. I can't seem to think anything you can use to bring room temperatures down....? Steve parks it back in a shady 19th at the finish.

Mollie - Hornaday goes next from 11th...11TH!..Hey that's not bad for the Foyt team....What's bad for the Foyt team is his 25th place finish. AJ's gonna kill Ron for givin' up all those positions. Course, he'll be freon bail tomorrow.

Michael Waltrip gets a Ruud awakening, when his top 20 start, turns into a tepidly temped 23rd at the end.

Pam - You'll need more than an A/C's breeze to Wisconseth and that Roush powered Ford Tortoise of his to the front. Matt's gonna need a hot, dry wind. And a VW Sirocco. Kenseth 20th.

Andrea, Lori, & Tony - Rusty starts from the middle of the pack, but Rheems his way through the pack to the front. If he wins, I'm tellin' ya, there won't be any dry ice in my house. A cool 8th. .

Jeff & Doc - Stewart has been TOO cool lately, droppin' a couple spots in points, and a fluffy 25th for today's grid. But he weathered a win here last year, and he's Happily fast in practice. Getting hotter, but "Tonly" manages a 9th.

Pablo Parker - Junior's sweated his way into the top ten in the standings. Now he can kick back like a Lennox in Winter. And he does. 16th.

Kathy - Kurt's Chicargoed fast last week, and Busch topped his first ten since Talladega. That Jack Roush sure can Trane 'em, can't he? Too cold this week. 22nd.

Reagan - Wipe that Smirnoff your face. Your "ICE" ride ain't here yet. And Bobby's thermostat is set a little low this week. Lazy Labonte rolls to an 14th.

Dave - Sterling confuses his qualifyin' runs for cool down laps and has to use a mulligan. And at this, big 1.058 mile flat top, that provisional should have him startin' oh, from a spot in SE Vermont. Attaboy Dave. 27th.

Wow...I'm done. I actually got this thing done before the race....Hmmm..Was there anything else we needed? Any comments?...Questions?

So I guess were all cool?

Lloyd Du Pont