|"Good afternoon, Gentlemen. On behalf of the counselors and staff here at Yellowbrick Roads to
Recovery, I'd like to welcome you. My name is Dorothy Gale, and I'll be your guide down a whirlwind
path to anger management."
"If you don't mind, I'd like to start by running through this list of names. We've a small group today.
Only three of you, so this shouldn't take too long. Let's see. Which one of you is Ricky Rudd? Ricky,
it says here you've come to us because you're scared of losin' your temper. Says, you've had a couple
of angry run-ins over the past few weeks and you're scared of gettin' into a fight. You're scared of
turning into a 'pit bull.' You're scared of tarnishing your image. You're scared of gettin' suspended and scared of losing valuable championship points."
"......You wouldn't be lyin' to us now, would ya Ricky? C'mon. For a 'pit bull' needing anger management, you sure are awfully 'scared.' Did you really come to try and take control of that temper? Or did Mike Helton send you here.....You don't have to be scared. And you don't have to lie to us. All you need is the courage to tell the truth. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and you don't seem to be the cowardly, lyin' sort."
"Now let's see. Is there a Rusty Wallace here? Ah, it says here that you too, have shown your temper off and on throughout the season. You admit to having had a few run-ins with competitors in the garage. And quite a few more run-ins with bumpers on the track. You say you've lost the will to win. You've slowly fallen in the points and realize that you're in danger of not making the awards' banquet. You believe that you're frustrated and taking it out on the other drivers. And you've come here to learn how to deal with this anger.....Plus, Mike Helton told you to."
"Thank you for your honesty. And don't worry, Rusty. We're gonna deal with this frustration thing. But the will to win is your department. If you wanna stay a top-ten man, you're gonna have to put your heart back into it."
"Okay and last we have....I'm sorry, I can't read this name. You, in the back; What's your name?"
"Hi. My name is Jim Nelson...."
"Oh, okay. I see. And it says here that you're angry because-...because-...because-...because-...because-...I'm sorry I can't read this. Why are you angry, Jim How can I help you? What can I teach you? Why did you come here, and what is it you need?"
"....Hi. My name is Jim...."
"Is that straw comin' out of your sleeve?"
"......My name is Jim."
Okay, so I really didn't get much outta the seminar. But let me throw out these thoughts I've been thinkin'....
Mollie - I've a feeling you're not in Kansas anymore. That's alright, 'cause neither is Hornaday. The Foyt team Did Not Q for this brand new mile & a half twister. So Ron and AJ are back home havin' their own little anger seminar.
Jeff & Doc - The Stew-man has been handlin' his temper pretty well lately. He's not bangin' into folks out of anger anymore. He's just bangin' into 'em. Tony's been flyin' like a winged monkey 'round this track all weekend, and finishes 4th.
Reagan - Last week's dent-athon at Dover cost Bobby, bigtime. He was sittin' pretty at 6th in the points, but dropped like a house on a witch by wreckin' early. The Labobby-pop Guild rebounds to a 5th this week.
Dave - Damn. Your Tennessee Vol's won their football game yesterday.....Hmmmm. Penn State lost. And LSU lost. And so did Baylor.....Oh, my Wildcats lost too. So will Sterling. 9th.
Kim & Paul - Wanna know the great and powerful odds that Mark don't make the banquet? A 15th for Martin today.
Stacy & Carl - Gordon bent some sheetmetal on a few cars last week too, and will need to manage that angry crowd if he wants to keep his 15,000 points lead in the standings. They'll get you, my pretty boy. And your little dog, too. 24th.
Parker & Deshanna - Junior's been sportin' the ruby slippers for the past two races, finishes 3rd and first. But the magic wears off once ya cross the Kansas state line. There's no place like 8th. There's no place like 8th. There's no place like 8th.
Pam - The 17 team is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead. And there's not munch-Kenseth can do about it. A 19th.
Michael Waltrip - 31st....Next!
Kathy - Jarrett's supposed to be drivin' a "horse of a different color" today. No, not the truck. It's still the car, but it'll have flames painted all over it. Least I hope that's paint. By lap 140, you'll be wonderin' too. DJ wrecks in the first half and comes in 32nd.
Lori & Tony & Andrea - Oz never did give nothin' to the tinman. Eh, so what. Whatever "heart" Rusty may lack, he'll just hafta make up for with his brains and courage......Uh oh. Quick, someone snatch them ruby reeboks off of Junior. Rusty a 6th.
Sue- Jerry qualified 25th in a brand new race car, but crashed it in practice and will have to start the race from the very tip of the yellow paint. But if ever oh ever a whiz there was at surprisin' folks, it's Nadeau.....But I wouldn't take a whiz this week. Jerry 18th.
Ted - Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Rusty's little brother Kenny is still scrubstitutin' for Steve Park. And doin' lousy. "Straw" for brains finishes 23rd.....I straw you not.
And Granny - This new track looks fast enough to actually require a little anger management. So your boy, Rooster may get off easy this week. He may even strut in 7th at the finish. But my driver's gonna 'Russell' some feathers once we get to Martinsville. "S-u-r-r-e-n-d-e-r Ricky or die."
Rusty and Rickity....A new rivalry? That's somethin' I never thunk before...
|Protection One 400
I Could Be Another Lincoln...