Hey!!!!  This rug has handles on it!

Coupla weeks ago, my station was thinkin' bout coverin' the Crashman Truck and Indy cars in Ft. Worth
this weekend.  But knowin' little about racin', the sports director didn't wanna show up all alone, unaware of who's who, and lookin' like the one & only idiot out there.  So he asked me if I wanted to tag along. 

The plan was to go west (old men) in our saddle-like truck and do live shots from Texas Motor Speedway on both days.  I'd be his researcher, lookin' up stats, spewin' out trivia....And re-searchin' around for some more coffee.  I'd also be his speech coach, helping him with "Andre Didier" and "Shigeaki Hattori" and "Eliseo Salazar".....And "Greg Ray", "Billy Boat", and "race car".  And I'd be his hunting dog.  A pointer, sniffin' out the fastest birds at the track.  He promised to bring treats....I spun my nose west, lifted a paw, and locked on.

Then it happened....Swipe!!!.....Like one of those tablecloth tricks, 'cept with a THUD.  A metaphorical yank and my feet are higher than my hopes.  I much prefer gettin' the rug pulled out from under me at home. I've gotten used to those hardwood floors.  The floors at work are so hard.  What is that? Steel?

ESPN owned the airwavin' rights.  And I was gonna hafta work that Friday night for a vacationeerin' coworker anyway.......(sigh)  "Alas!" I lamented.  "All that knowledge....Gone to waste."....Okay, technically I never actually exclaimed the word, "Alas" aloud......But I did sigh....and lament.  Oh baby, I lamented my egotistic 'Alas' off.

Then, a coupla days ago, the sportster tosses me an envelope containing a pair of tickets to both races.....THWACK!!!  When I came to, I wasn't sure whether I'd fainted with joy, been beaned by his freebie frisbee, or if someone had just meta-floored me with a REAL rug-tuggin'.

No, it was true.  The truck race I'd hafta miss, but I could still catch Shecookin' Hitachi and Andy DDT in the IRL Saturday.  I could zoom over there, catch the race, zoom back, and still spend a get in a good 10-15 minutes of quality time with my family...Oh this is gonna be great.  I'll leave early Satur-

"Jim...Phone....It's your sister."


She popped in Friday mornin'.  And by Saturday night she was gone.....Okay, yes it was great seein' her again...And after all Jim, it was only an IRL race.  And she did get us a nice gift for all our hospital-ality.....A fluffy little throw rug for the bathroom.

...That's tile in there, isn't it?

Michigan.  8 lanes.  2 miles.......Yaaaaaawn.  Wake me when Rusty makes that hard left and up the ramp. 

Doc - Geoffro Bodine has phoenixed his ash back into a Busch car....You thinkin' what I'm...fearin'?

Doc & Jeff - Stewart's not worried 'bout Bodine.  He's got somethin' better;  A bird in the hand...I think I've seen it before.  I know the media has.  3rd

Mollie - When AJ ain't yankin' rugs out from underneath folks, he's adjustin' his.  Hornaday dreams a 32nd.

Stacy - Gordon's hoardin' another pole....And slidin' down it.  At least that's what we're all waitin' patiently for.  Miss it.  Noonan!.... 2nd

Ted - Another runner up finish last week at Dover....Steve's got more seconds than that polygonist guy in Utah.  A 6th today.

Parker - And Earnhardt's 3rd last Sunday gives him a triple triple...Dale's tasted a third more than....more than....(Sorry, I got nothin' else)...more than Lovey Howell.  Junior's thirstin' for a 4th. 

Andrea, Loria, an' Tonio - Michigan....Rusty's niche again.  He checkered back at Cali (.....Damn, I'm hip!) and had the happiest hour here.  A Califichigan victory....A Michifornian 1st. (...Damn, I'm lame.)  A win.

Kim & Paul - Big track....Roush motor.....Nope.  Your Cat in the Hat leaves Mark in the dark again.  28th.

Dave - After the whoopin' the Vols took in that Omaha ping fest, any ceasefire you may be lookin' for is long gone.  Your billy of the hill is swingin' a wooden bat this week.  Sterling 11th.

Pam - Even this close to the dairy airs of his home state, Matt is un-wisconsive today.  Kenseething an 18th

And Michael....at Michigan?...A miss again...24th....(sigh)

...and "Alas".
K Mart 400
What Did I Mich-again?....
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