|"Jim? Why do all our clocks say 4:15am?"
"It's that Daylight Saving Time of the year. Remember? This is the weekend that we're supposed to set the clocks ahead...Gotta light?"
"What are you doin'?"
"I'm gonna smoke a battery."
"I think we're supposed to do that too."
".......Jim, the clocks say 4:15, but my watch says it's 9:30."
"Well, by the time I got home from work last night, I was tired and forgot to do our clocks. So I set 'em to 3:00 when I got up this morning. Pretty day outside, isn't it?"
"Yes, it's a bright, sunny 4:15 in the mornin', Einstein....Next question. Why were you up at work so late?"
"Pinky promise not to tell anyone?"
"Jim, you're 39 years old."
"Yes, yes, pinky promise. Now what were ya doin' up there?"
"Okay. I went up there at 2:00. I set the clock in my office to 3:00. And wrote down an hour of overtime.....Wile E. Coyote...SUPER Geni-"
"You got up. Got dressed. Drove to work. Set your clock. And drove back home.....For one hour of overtime.....In the middle of the night...."
Is that brilliant or what? Easiest $6.00 I'll ever earn......What do you think of your 'Einstein' now?"
"You've been 'on salary' for the past 8 years, Albert."
Here it is. First of April....And I obviously seemed to have parted with my money. Otherwise, I'd have been over there in Texas for this week's race. Fast, this track is. (...Yoda grammar. Go with it.) And although this is only the 5th time the Cup boys have "Messed with Texas", it's quickly becoming one of the more popular stops on the circuit. (.....yick. Chamber of Commerce grammar.)
......Hey, why not? Anyone up for a "fooled" trip. I'll be your tour guide. Won't take more than a few minutes (give or take an hour.)
And since we're in Texas, ladies first....
Lori - Ma'am....Rusty's finished 4th here the last coupla years, but came into this weekend without crew chief, Robin Pembertoes. Bribes his way into this race with a provisional and starts behind every other driver on this list. Fools 'em all by finishin' 6th.
Trust me. This is MY day.
Stacy - Ma'am....Gordon's was 14th right off the truck. Then qualified 9th, and was 3rd fastest in Happy Hour....Got his own little DST thing goin', doesn't he? Springin' forward to 3 in practice.....Fallin' back to 13th at the finish. Hey, at least he'll finally finish a race here.
Kim - Ma'am....I've given you a hard enough time about your driver's sponsor. It's time I raised the bar of respect and dignity. And give Mark Martin his props....Be they chemical or whatever. They've worked hard on the "Sildenafil Citrate" car and deserve a 4th.
Mollie - Ma'am....Texas' own AJ Foyt fulfills his wildest dream this weekend. He gets to boss everybody on the track. The Foyteen car's owner will grab a mic and give the "Gentlemen, start your engine" spiel. At least the Foyteen car's driver will get THAT part right....Ron Hornaday likes saving time by wreckin' early. 37th.
Pam - Ma'am....Sam I am.(...shrug...Couldn't help it.) Matt started the weekend okay, and even finished top 5 in the Busch league yesterday. But as far as Wisconseth's Winston wide is concerned, things have gotten Wausau and Wausau. Clocks the wall 'bout halfway through and finishes 35th.
Ted - Man...Park's time was fastest when they unloaded. Then a fall back to 5th in qualifyin', and an 8th in Happy Hour. Steve's been smokin' batteries too. 9th.
Jeff & Doc - Dudes....I can't WAIT to see if Stewart can steerward his way up through the traffic jam to the 24 car. Get the Home Depot car near the DuPont car and somethin's gonna need fixin'....and paintin'. 16th.
Tony - What is today? That's right, April Fool's Day. And what time is it? It's Miller time (plus an hour). Conditions are perfect for Rusty. 6th.
Parker - Dale, Jr. gets the pole at the track where won his first race last year. It's like turnin' back time....Wish it worked for everything.
Win this damn thing, Jr.
Paul - Martin's been playin' the fool all year. But if he can keep from blowin' the engine in that....uh, "Cinderella Citrus" car, he could get it up to around 4th.
Michael Waltrip qualified slowest of any of the DEI cars out there....7th. And it's time to return the favor. Push him, Michael. 3rd.
Dave - I've been a bit too snotty when it comes to your driver, too. Time to turn over a new leaf, Jim. Sterling's been doin' great 'n he seems to have a grasp of this new Dodge. So it's a 10th for the 40 car, a newfound respect for Marlin, a nod to his home state, and this heartfelt holiday greeting to all his fans.....Happy April Fool's Day, Dave.
"Jim! What about the clock on the VCR?"
(tsk-tsk...Lord, what fools these mortals be...) "It's just fine, Asunta. See? Look. Now it's flashin' 1:00."
What a Fool Believes...