"Daaaaaytona!".........Ooh, look!  There's Michael...No wait.  That's not him. He's over in the NAAAAAPA car now.  And there's......ssssomeone who's not Bobby Hamilton.  When did Robby Gordon snap up the Kodak ride?  Martin?...No that's Benson in the Valvoline.  And Yikes!  There's a big fat Bodine in the Big K car.

Today, an awful lotta people are gonna be awe-ful struck by all the driver tradin' and silly-seizin' that's gone on.  It's gonna take a week or two to nail down these different car/driver combos.  We got a sneak preview with last week's 'invitation-only' race, but today, all 43 show up in their new back to school clothes.  I'm gonna be clueless when the green flag drops.  It's like walkin' in and findin' your whole house has been rearranged.  (Ooooh, I still remember, Doc.)   Nobody's where they're supposed to be.  You've just spent a year gettin' used to "the room" like it is, and now, all of a sudden, POW!!!! - You're stubbin' your toe on the Ricky Craven.

Do ya tan this early in the year, even in Florida?  To further farthen the confuthion...-sion, some of the drivers that haven't changed cars, HAVE changed colors.  DJ is movin' ups the corporate logo and is wearin' brown and white.  Terry Labonte's gone Terry Le'Tigre with his Kellogg's Frosted Flaky paint job.  Compton's sponsor is the same but his number is different.  Nadeau's number is the same but his sponsor is different.  They've taken Rusty's white nose!......Hey!  I kinda like it this way.

Any toad can sit here and dissect pit strategies and drafting partners for this race.  But it's all moot.  Daytona's a flip of the coin.  (Hell, Derrike Cope won it.)  And crankin' out a mundane little pre-race Tarot, takes little effort either....neither....whatever.  It's not like you're gradin' me on this.  So, rather than tryin' to baffle you with some sort of ill logic and um-niscience, how 'bout we have a li'l fun.  Juxt-suppose I were to do a little rearrangin' myself....Anagrammically.   The predictions are there, you just gotta find 'em....Your name.... And your driver's name. 

And a toy....If ya go back and kinda look. (......I said "Go back to your comic book" Dave.)

Elite Pigs Only....."CRUELTY AS LAW" has gotten better and better at these big tracks lately and could win this thing if he can make the right calls in the pits.  Two?  Four?  Pit?  No Pit?  3rd.

Dented Dam....."TV SPEAKER" gets a new friend on the track.  An extra teammate to compare notes with.  An addition to the family....Another mouth to feed.  He comes in 16th today.  (And where are my Mardi Gras beads, Groover?  I was there last night, wavin' at your float......and topless.)

Bulkan Pal..."MR. TIN KARMA" has made some big changes and is on his way up.  Or so the commercials claim.  Only up to 8th today.

Rates a Chump...So, you've gone with "MAKES THE TNT", eh?  A wise and Wisconsive choice.  Rookie of the Yeehaw with a big win last season.  Look for him to do the same in his soft-more yeehaw.....Just not here. 13th.

Gimme L'Ecole....You've a new driver with, quite honestly, the best "driver name" for this game.  "AN HONORARY D" was made for anagrammin'.....in Penthouse's Forum.  Try it.  He'll bring the "FAT JOY" car in 21st.

Armor Loin...Your driver's changed his paint job ever so sLite-ly...and I like it.  I like my "LACY SLUTWEAR" in solid colors. A solid 3rd.

Mink Lice...If ol "RAMMIN' KART" and his sponsor don't work, might I suggest re-arrousin' the letters in your name.  I'm not even sure Forum will go that far.  8th.

Feffer Jot.....Okay, Jet for Fef....Aw, forget it.  "Jeff Forte" takes too much efforte and I'm givin' up.  But hey Jeff, thanks for the Drive-In-vitation to this race and your big screen.  Can't wait to see your driver "TRY'N TO SWEAT" out a 5th place finish.

Factory Set....(sigh) Once again, the name Jeff has thrown "ye monk" wrench into my little game. " FOGEN FJORD"?....."GO FEND FOR J"?....To hell with it.  "JEFF GORDON" comes in 9th.

Sad Old Cow...Your "STAR O' TWENTY" made lots of money in last weekend's race ( I dub Sewer Shootout.)....And I hope he invests it wisely.  5th today.

Deaf Voters...Did ya see "MR. STILL IN RANGE" win a twin last week?  He ain't playin' no word games.....Well, actually he might be startin' a Seek and Find game today.  A 3rd Daytona win, maybe?.....Nope.  4th place.

And Deaf, who WAS that who just beat "-tin a See" this past week?

A Purple Ark...How 'bout your Bud in that 2nd qualifier?  He missed beatin' Mike Skinner to the line by one dodecabillionth of a nanosecond....Asunta measured it for me.  And believe me, she knows her fractions of a second.....Remember who she's sleepin' with.  "DARN TARHEEL AD....JR." is 10th today.

Finally....You may know him as Michael Waltrip, but "I CALL HIM A TWERP."  That is, until today.  Forget what I said last week about him needin' some time to put that 15 car up there.  This is Daytona.  There are no hard and fast rules here.  Lotsa drivers have won their first race with these restrictor plates.  ANYthing can happen.  And I just can't help thinkin' that after such a long, winter's NAPA, he's bound to...he just migh-.....Okay,  I'm sayin' it, loud, proud and NOW.  Michael -1st.......If he don't stub his toe on some slow car back there in a rear-rangin' mood.

No day at this track is easy to call.

Jonn Smile
Daytona 500
Not a Day....for Anagrams...
These are for Dave.  Nobody else is allowed to look.

Elite Pigs Only = Tony Gillespie                                CRUELTY AS LAW = Rusty Wallace
Dented Dam = Ted Madden                                      TV SPEAKER = Steve Park
Bulkan Pal = Paul Blank                                            MR. TIN KARMA = Mark Martin
Rates a Chump = Pam Tauscher                               MAKES THE TNT = Matt Kenseth
Gimme L'Ecole = Mollie McGee                                AN HONORARY D = Ron Hornaday
                                                                             FAT JOY = AJ Foyt
Armor Loin = Lori Moran                                         LACY SLUTWEAR = Rusty Wallace
Mink Lice = Kim Cline                                             RAMMIN' KART = Mark Martin
Feffer Jot / Jet for Fef = Jeff Forte                           TRY'N TO SWEAT = Tony Stewart
Factory Set = Stacy Forte                                        FOGEN FJORD / GO FEND FOR J = Jeff Gordon
Sad Old Cow = Doc Oswald                                    STAR O' TWENTY = Tony Stewart
Deaf Voters = Dave Foster                                       MR. STILL IN RANGE = Sterling Marlin
A Purple Ark = Paul Parker                                      DARN TARHEEL AD...JR = Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
                                                                             I CALL HIM A TWERP = Michael Waltrip

Jonn Smile = Jim Nelson
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