| Okay, folks. I JUST found out it's my year to run the basketball pool, so I'm running a little behind. It's my fault. I'm to blame, so don't stress over not gettin' your tournament picks to me yet. But I'd appreciate it if you could go ahead and at least send me the dollar now. Then, just try and get those brackets in to me by, oh...say...the end of the month. Wussy game, this basketball. 'Weather' ya like it or not, sports is supposed to be an outdoor thing. Look, we play all the other games outside.....for the most part. Football, baseball, tennis, soccer, swimming, running....et ceter-ing. Hockey is an inside sport, but it's at least TRYIN' to be outside. Hell, I've seen blue-skied boxin' rings and Disney-scaped bowlin' alleys. (Swear to ya...two fat guys in Ray Bans) Just what happened to basketball? It USED to be an outdoor game. When I was a kid I played it on a neighborhood court. Had a "BOING-Y", egg-shaped, red white & blue basketball that I'd dribble on a sunny slab of concrete with more bulges and cracks than a convention full of plumbers. But it was outside. And when it rained,....Well, when it rained I ran inside. I had to.....Mama said. But these guys aren't kids. They won't melt. Confuse-us say, "Well seasoned athlete come from well seasoned sport." So, here: Take my $3 ABA Dr. J signature special, and go find you a bent-rimmed, chain-netted hoop somewhere. Shovel a foul line in the snow. Heave a three-pointer into a 6 mph crosswind. Or slap a wooden floor down in Soldier field or Candlestick and play through the rain. (.....Chuck Taylors and a damp parquet?....Eh, maybe not.) But go outside. Get some sun...And stop bouncing that ball in the house...Mama said. While our domed cagers finish up their climate controlled 2nd round today, the roll cages are headin' to the T-topped Carolinas for a ride around the (Wait, I can get this...) "Lady Tamin' Track that's Tough and Black Too." Darlington is NASCAR's oldest chunk of asphalt. The first of the paved superspeedways and the first to host a 500 mile race. Let's take a lap.....If you could look from above you'd see that this track is shaped much like my old, warped ABA ball. Look straight ahead and you'll see a racing groove that rides uncomfortably close to the outside wall. If you'll look to your left you'll see the infield where all the lottery-winnin' job-quittin' motor home-buyin' Gomers have parked their Jarrett colored leviathans and are waving to us from atop...of. To your right you'll see the black scrape marks from the tires of every single car that has tried to turn left here. If you look behind us, you'll probably see Ron Hornaday in the Foyt car. And if you look up, you'll see sky. Nothin' but big, beautiful, un-domed skies.... Gray skies. This is one of Mother Nature's favorite tracks. Qualifyin' was canceled because of weather (...Get the fog outta here!) so they line up by points. The weather looks okay today, but ya never know here....I think I saw Jeff Burton with an umbrella. Kim & Paul - The forecast shows a diminishing warm front. Thank goodness Marky Mart's got that new sponsor. The 6 car has 'reigned' here before hasn't it? Buy a Penske motor and do it again. 12th Dave - I don't wanna go back to this basketball thing but, have ya seen where the 'Cats are in the brackets? Have ya seen where the 'Teers are? I-75 South. Hey, with Charlotte, any seed under a 3 is in trouble.....It's a UK, feelin' isn't it? (Or should that be "yucKY"?) Sterling is fouled and goes a lap down. 17th Pam - Matt Kenseth had a strong car in the bush-league race yesterday....You can say THAT again; His Taurus, a torrent all day, finishing 2nd. Doubt you Kenseth-the same thing today. Matt hits the showers in 8th. Ted - Steve Park could Gonzaga the whole bunch again today. Top ten yester, and dribblin' fast at practice. 6th. Mollie - Sorry 'bout the "behind us" crack . But, then again, the boy best get a move on. AJ's got his white Bronco and it looks to be a race. (I know, I know. But both Anthony and Orenthal go slow...and kill things.) 24th. Paul "Ray" Parker, Jr. - I've been tryin' to think of why you're name sounds like somethin' strange....in my neighborhood. Dale's got some ghostbustin' of his own to do. Every race since Daytona, lap 3 has been run under yellow. Junior will grab that "nimble little minx" soon. Just not today. 5th Waltrip - Don't know why, there's no stars up in the sky? Cuz, they're down here. Michael's been starrin' on talk shows and news shows and mornin' shows. I saw him on As the World Turns last Thursday. Dr. Blaze Goodheart, III comes in 14th. Stacy - Gordon, Gordon, Gordon. That's all ya hear. Leadin' in points, so he starts at the point. Fastest in Happy Hour, and he once won a string of 48 races in a row here. And Hampton beat Iowa St. in the first round. 3rd. Jeff & Doc - Tony, Tone, Toni came to this race last year with a concushioned noggin from a wreck, and still stormed to a 4th. Comes into this race sittin' 14th in points with a bruised ego. Doubt a 10th place today will help. And Lori & Tony - Don't go trustin' these sunny day weathercastin' meteoroligisms those NOAAccount experts are puttin' out today. Jim's callin' for a Lite reign. Rusty 1st. Funny thing is, there's a family up in Pittsburgh that wants to build a one-mile, fully enclosed NASCAR track. For true. And talk of another semi-covered 1/2 miler in 'Bama. I've seen an indoor beach on discovery channel and I've ridden a roller coaster in a mall. Hmmmm. I been noodlin' this idea for 24/7 18 hole championship golf course under glass. Who's up for a little investin'?....You could use your bracket winnings. .....Yeah, like you're gonna win. |
| Carolina 400 March Mudness.... |