C'mon, ya'll hadn't really thought I'd given up, had ya?


Okay, so I've missed a few missives.  That doesn't make me a quitter.  I'm James E. By God Nelson.....I ain't no quitter.  There's a million reasons I ain't writ in so long.  First - I've been busy saving kittens from tall trees.  Second - My computer ran out of ink.  Third - The fact that I just tried to squeeze the phrase "ain't writ" by you, should tell you what kinda shape my writing skills are in......(There!  I just ended a sentence in a preposition.)  Fourth - My weekends have been booked solid since I started doubling for Brad Pitt.  Fifth - The FBI is monitoring everythi-.....Okay, I'm not gonna go through all one million reasons, but trust me.  I ain't lyin'.  I ain't no quitter.  I'm Jim Nelson.  Hell, I've been workin' at the same place for over 18 years....I ain't no quitter.

......Okay, actually, I lied about the name thing.  When I was a kid, they called me Jed (I think.)  Aaaaand truth be told, I've only been at my job for 17 years.  The FBI thing might also be a bit of an exaggeration.....And I've rescued nary a kitten.....But the Brad Pitt thing is all true.

No, I haven't stopped, but I am gonna be scribblin' out fewer of these e-mails.  This stuff is hard.  Blathering through cyberspace ain't like dustin' crops, boy!  And it's gettin' harder to find goofy ideas to intertwine you w-...(ahem)...-
entertain you with.

By the way, I also lied about the job thing.  Actually, I just quit.  But that's not the big news.  Our top stories this weekend are, of course, the Winston....And the new Star Wars pic.  Hmmm....How do we tie NASCAR in with
Attack of the Clones?
Hmmm....How do we tie NASCAR in with
Attack of the Clones?
Hmmm....How do we tie NASCAR in with
Attack of the Clones?
Hmmm....How do we tie NASCAR in with
Attack of the Clones?
Hmmm....How do we tie NASCAR in with
Attack of the Clones?

......Blatherin' through cyberspace ain't like dustin' crops, boy!

The Winston....Don't ask me to explain the format for this year.  I'd rather kiss a wookie.  All ya really need to know is that it's a non-points race, and there's enough cabbage at the finish line to attract an army of Darva Congers.

Deshanna - Qui-Gon Junior won the Winston a coupla years ago.  But Darth Hamilton will tag Little E tonight and end his shot at a sequel.  18th.

Pam - Matt is sittin' 2nd in points.  And startin' from the pole tonight.  The Force is strong in this one, Master Yoda.  Anakin-seth races his pod to a 3rd.  And no, I'm not implying that you look like Yoda....Actually I was talkin' to myself.

...Like now.

Paul Parker...Your name sounds too much like Peter Parker.  Get your own movie.  No prediction for you....And no lookin' at Deshanna's.

Ted - Help me Obi-Wan Labonte.  You're my only hope.....And I hope ya finish 9th.

Kim & Paul - Martin is up & down in the points, but the Viagra team is tryin' to get things straightened out. (...You pervs.)  Darth Fader, falls to 11th.

Kathy - DJ just needs to give in to the dark side of the force....Or at least the brown side.  Drive the truck, Dale.  Jar-Jarrett, heesuh no winnuh...Heesuh 4th.

I'm draggin' Mollie back into this group, because I'm gonna miss her at work.  And because I wanna keep in touch.  And because I figure we need a
really bad team to make fun of.  Let's see, the Foyteen will finishhhhh....in Episode 3....Not of the race.  When Star Wars Episode 3 comes out. 

I'm also gonna start draggin' Christy's good name through this mud......Her, I
won't miss at work. 

Sue - Nadeau lost the Millennium Delphi car in a card game so he'll hafta borrow Benson's X-Wing for tonight's Open.  Doesn't matter.  He'll still have trouble with his hyperdrive.

Tony, Lori, and Andrea - Rusty got his invitation to this dance by winning California early last year.  But that was a long time ago... At a racetrack far, far away.  7th.

Roy - Rusty's roomie, Ryan, will win the Open and have a good showing in the climactic battle scene.  5th.  But  your apprentice has not yet completed all the training he needs to become a true-...uh...a true-...?  What were those knights called?  The rebel cats that possess the mystical powers?...

...Jedi, I think.
The Winston - May 18, 2002

I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing...
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