2002Atlanta500

I miss Dave, don't you? I miss our Ken-Tenn rivalry. I miss the little word games and lobbin' shots at his alma-moderate intellect (....fulness.)   I miss takin' jabs at his home state and its per capita tooth count. And I miss makin' fun of that Tennesseepian driver of his. Granted, Sterling's Silver is golden right now. He's turned things around and, give or take a NASCAR rule, is havin' a great year so far. But that'll soon fade....Like a Volunteer at the Alamodome.

I mean the Georgia Dome. The SEC Champeen-ship wraps up today in Turnertown. Neither the 'Cats nor the Vols are cagin' for the crown, but at least Kentucky's got a chance to turn things around. They've got an invite to the dance. Which is more than I can say for them slow cookin' Davy Crockpots. Ain't that right Da-.....

(sigh)....I miss Dave.

Fatlanta is bulgin' at the seams this weekend, sports fans. Got the NCAA on its basketball courts and NASCAR on its "fastest of all" tracks. Atlanta Motor Speedway....Do not adjust your television set - The cars are actually THAT blurry. Ever since they turned things around here with that reconfiguration a buncha years ago, this place has become a land speed record venue.   With every unrestricted horse powerin' these cars around its high banks, don't be surprised if ya hear a sonic boom or two during today's race.

Speakin' of turnin' things around, take a quick look at the word "Atlanta" ...Ya know, at first glance it kinda looks like one of them palomino-dromes, don't it?....Atlanta. Atnalta. (.....Hasen Pfeffer Incorporated.)

We're gonna do it back-words & for-words this week. Got your radar ready?.......

Ted - Detectin' a little bit of regret from ya, Maddenman. You're not sorry ya changed drivers are ya? Sure, he may be not so smart as dumb mud, but Bobby Labonte, he race fast safe car and he get touchdown for Joe Gibbs in second half.....Candygram for Mongo. Candygram for Mongo.
A 12th.

Paul - Lop off their whiskers and senile felines have a hard time findin' their way around. Let's lop somethin' off of that Viagra driver and see what happens. Hopefully the old cat can handle this lightning fast litter box.

Kim - Mickey Mouse outfit that it is, the 6 team seems to have finally turned things around and is sittin' 4th in points....Was it a rat I saw? Was it a cat I saw? A clean shaven Mark Martin purrs to a 6th. Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Sue - You seem to like this place. Jerry Nadeau took the top spot at the 2000 fall race, and came within a fume or two of winnin' last fall's. He had the happiest of hour yesterday, and now (to mix a maxim) he's countin' his chickens before their all in one basket. (...Egad, an adage!) 8th for Jer.

Pam - Map out a new strategy for Kenseth.   Even with the win, we few are unimpressed. The 29 year old is still behind all of his team mates in the standings. So many dynamos, so few points. 16th.

(Pardon me, 30 year old. Happy Birthday Matt.)

Tony - He notices that Ryan has had a better racecar each week, but ya don't hear Rusty whinin', do ya?

Lori - He rolls out another provisional for this race, while Ryan's startin' 2nd. Dammit, I'm mad! ...But ya don't hear Rusty whinin', do ya?

Andrea - Uh...Hey, urge not that our friend be the fleetest of Fords this day. Urge that he simply drive smart. (And feel free to urge me to drop the Amish accent.) Rusty's been a little clumsy here since the speedway went palindromic. But ya don't hear Rusty whi--(..SHHH! I heard something.)   Dr. Awkward best turn things around soon or this new kid's gonna show him up. 5th for the 2 car.

(NNNNNewman!)

Parker - Re: Crap about droppin' Junior if he gets too popular.....What are you, bonkers? Are you nuts? Yo, Banana boy! Drivin' for the king of beers is an honor. You'd be crazy to drop Dale now. Hang with your Bud for a while. He'll come around. Lager, sir, is regal.

Fox - Scoff all ya want, but I can name no one man to finish 2nd besides Junior. Go Dog!

Roy - Your driver's too hot to hoot. Ryan Newman's sittin' 2nd in points with 'Rookie 'o the Year' sewn up....and we're only 4 races in. Sittin' second in points and second at the green.....But suckin' at the checkers. Mysterious mechanical probs halfway through. 17th. (...Nobody shows up Rusty.)

(WWWWallace!)

Kathy - E-thackly how many of thothe U-P-eth commerthialth ith Dale gonna do? All lispin' aside, DJ needs to get outta the studio and back in that Ford. Oh, cameras are macho but for me, a win would take the cake.....A stomach grumblin' 10th for DJ.

...And actually, I prefer pi.

Michael - Luck, I'm told is not with Waltrip. Not mechanical this time. No, it is opposition that will beat Mikey today. 23rd.

"Dave! Dave Foster! Turn around, Dave!"

....(sniffle)....I miss my little Davy Crockpot.
I'm just not able to enjoy it as much anymore.
Look! I gotta fallin' tear for my Volunteer.
Why didn't you answer my invitation, Dave?
Why don't you wanna play?
Why do you-...Why do you-.....
Oh, why do you evade me, Dave?

Jim Nelson.....& Mij Noslen