2000Rockingham400

Just broke out a #2 pencil (#2...get it?) and did some cipherin'...Did you know that last week, Dale Jarrett made 2 and 1/4 million dollars in 3 hours & 12 minutes.......bout $700,000 an hour.....$12,000 a minute.........$20 every time I blinked.....And $1,600 every yawn.

Onto the full powered racin' of the Rock. Where they don't wear collars and the Chevy's can't bitch. Waited till the last second so I could improve the odds on my predictions. 'Cept this week they're more like premonitions. Tossed the Ouija board & tried to find some Tarot cards. Surely Asunta would have some. "Sorry Jim. I donated them to that Baptist Church Rummage Sale?"....(?) So I dug out Nik's Old Maid deck and dealt em like Jane Seymour in "Live & Let Die".

Behold, what the cards say....

Mollie the Malicious - Producer of News.... She's crass. She's rude. And she yells at me alot. Just like AJ.... Bliss is gonna miss his chance to kiss a Miss Winston. On the trailer and back to Baylor. (Back off...It rhymed with 'trailer' and Foyt's from Texas) Mike might consider another year or two in the trucks. AJ might consider drivin' the damn thing himself....

Dave the Devoted Volunteer - Lover of all things Tennessee.... As a Kentuckian and Wildcat fan, might I say that ain't nothin' good ever come from that state down under. Sterling's never won at Rockingham....Never will. Tennessee Tuxedo stands a better chance. "Chumley" Marlin will come in 14th.

Zsa Zsa GaLori - Engineering and 9 Pierced Earrings....The Joker of the Deck. On the one hand she's a Rusty fan....On the other, a staunch Dallas Cowboys fan. Lori, come September, you're off this email list. Until then, start mixing the margaritas.. Rusty's on the pole and he ain't lookin' back. He'll lead the most laps and win this thing....Under green!!

Jeff & Stacy, the Quakers of State - Gordon Lovin Oil "Barrens".... Last week's James Bond oil slick trick didn't quite work like in the movies. Jeff has re-Quakered and re-painted his car for this week. That Monte Carlo should do a little better here. I'll grant him 3rd.

Doc of the Bray - Stubborn, Mule-headed Horse's Ass.... Hey, I don't see Bodine's name in the line-up. Somethin happen? Musgrave starts the silver wheeled 60 car from a provisional 39th. That's where he'll finish. And Home Depony Stewart? Where else but 12th.

Kimmy the Greek - Vegas Showgirl with stock in Ford Motor Co.... Martin firsted this race last year, and as of Thursday, he was at 4-1 to win it. But NOBODY'S won this pig from 33rd. I give him a 6th.

American G-Pie - Upper Crust Casanova.... Bigger Rusty fan than I am. Win #50 this weekend, Bud. Start bakin' that victory pie and save a slice for me. I'm partial to a blonde apple.

Tow-Headed Ted - Sport's Almaniac.... Last chance to pick. I'm defaultin' you to Wode in the 22 car. Only cuz I like that Cat. He's fast. He's undaunting. He's unintelligible. His one & only win was at Rockingham back in the late 1800's. Fast in practice. Give him 5th.

St. Paul of a Sony - Keeper of the Drive-In..... Owner of a new 36" TV. And my newest bestest Sunday friend. Although it's one of Mark's favorite tracks, "No soup for you!" Still gonna hafta wait a week or two to see that 6 car in all the high definition splendor of Victory Lane.

And after a little deck stacking from Roger Moore, it looks like Domino has dropped a whole buncha cards with the #7 car on them.....Gonna have to say 8th for Michael, as long as Jimmy Spinster crashes early.

The cards don't lie. Hell, I may not even watch the race. Dr. Kananga has invited me to a parade.

Jim