2000RockPopSecret400

Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!!!
Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!!!
Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!!!
Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!!!
Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!!!

Isn't that the coolest sound?....Damn near Viagric. Back when toolboxes and crowbars weren't so greek to me, I used to take my old truck to a garage where, for a buck or two, you could rent a stall and the equipment to do minor mech-maintenance; oil changes, tune-ups,....tire rotation. I'd pull it onto the lift and raise it just a few inches off the floor. Then, I'd grab that air-jackin' tire-changin' rachet pistol gun (....too-technical?) and do these hose-slingin' knee slides to all four tires. Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!...Zwid-d-d-d-d-d!!! And finish with a calf-ropin' reach for the sky. "TIME"....It got to where I was rotatin' my tires every 350 miles.

And eventually, people stopped renting the stalls next to me.

The left-loosy-righty-tighty crowd went head to head yesterday in the (ahem) "Annual Union 76/Rockingham World Pit Crew Competition." Each team's magnificent seven scampered over the wall in a 4 tire & fuel contest to see who's fastest. Jeff Burton's Citgo crew hit so few snags that they walked away with this year's title and a world record time.....What? "World" record? Did the Brits used to hold this record?....GO USA!!!

(Tools, Crews, and England....Damn! Way to rant, Jim......Mollie! You're the writer. How 'bout a little seguetian help, here.)

Um....The Duke of DuPont hammered his way into a 3rd place startin' spot, but Gordon 'crew'ses in 6th.

(Oh forget it, Molly. Run! Save yourself.)

The Marquess of Martin chiselled into the 5th spot for the green flag, but a crucial mistake in the pits drops him to 11th.

The Baron of Burton's crude English doesn't stop him from grindin' out a 4th.

(Faster, Mollie.)

Lord AJ of the Flies gets cruel when Rick Mast hoists the boss' car in 21st

The Noble Nadeau drilled a 12th startin' spot for his 100th career start, but finishes lower than a pair of crew socks. 24th.

King Rusty, the Wallace Hearted will socket to 'em with yet another crusade to victory lane.

The Viscount of Discount Lumber saw an 18th startin' spot. Tony's all alone out there until the Cruella Depot car can find his way to Bobby. A late charge to 6th.

Sir Waltrip has been stale all year and won't do jack until he gets to the salad days of DEI....A crouton-ian 29th.

The Duke of Marlin makes his 500th career start in a seat 12 rows back. Years of experience, and awl Sterling can accrue is a 17th........(It's there, Dave. But you won't find it.)

The Earl of Earnhardt's been singin' some gut-wrenchin' blues lately. That rookie title is slippin' away. Junior croons to a 16th.

And poor Commodore Compton is the screwed-driver that didn't make the field.

It's North Carolina's rockin' amphitheatre this weekend. Nice, high banks on a cozy, 1 mile setting. Well, 1.017 mile setting, to be exact. 1.017 miles. Mathematically, that's 1 mile, and 89 feet, 9 inches.... Who came up with that? Looks like a miscalculation problem to me. Like someone was tryin' to convert feet into meters and then back into miles. Looks like the work of.....the British.

GO USA!