2000NewHampshire300

No running in the hallway.
No running around the pool.
No running in the Olympics....

Beg Pardon?

Track & Field Rules and Regulations
Section VII, Rule 150, Article 2
Definition of Race Walking.......Race Walking is a progression of steps so taken that the walker makes contact with the ground so that no visible (to the human eye) loss of contact occurs. The advancing leg must be straightened (i.e., not bent at the knee) from the moment of first contact with the ground until the leg is in the vertical upright position.

So...It's a race......where ya walk.....Get to the finish line as fast as ya can...but don't go as fast as ya can. Restrictor Gaits racing, if you will. Apparently, it's the ancient Greeks to which we owe this idea of slow-mo without the replay.

There'll be no fun allowed in Loudon this week. In response to months of complaints, suggestions, threats, (and a 5000 lb Caddy dropped from a Lettermanesque 100 feet up in the air to prove that....well 5000 lb Cadillacs fall,) NASCAR is passin' out the boa constrictor plates this weekend at New Hampshire.   Rather than build a softer wall to keep this track from takin' another life, they put a wall between the carburetor and the engine...And taken the life outta this track. It's never been one of my favorite tracks, and I still resent it for takin' a race from the old North Wilkesboro track. But no venue deserves THIS kinda pub. Not only will it have to live with its lethal legacy, now its gonna have to try and fill the seats with folks who have nothin' better to do than to watch interstate traffic.

Yes, I have issues with 'stricter plates. First...They're MINE!!!!   They came about to protect ME not the driver. Bobby Allison was well strapped in when he Talla-dug up the frontstretch fence at light speed back in '87. But the people in the front row had little more than chain link and popcorn between them and his race car. NASCAR decided back then that restrictors were the way to keep us FANS safe. Slow 'em down before Bubba eats a Buick. The drivers have got roof flaps and window nets. Not that I want them, but the plates are mine.

Second....An childhood incident that I'd really rather not discuss...Maybe later.

Third...It's a race.....where ya walk....

Dave - Ya must be feelin' pretty comfy right now. Sterling is the King. But the celebratin' he seems to be hopin' for doesn't come with a double digit finish. Elvis leaves the building with a 17th. (...I dare you to find it.)

Doc - Geoffro has lost his ride and is walkin' the streets (and networks) lookin' for a job. "Will Crash for Food." You may miss him but the other teams' spotters won't. That's one less Bodine to keep an eye out for. He'll be back...

Doc & Jeff - Unfortunately, Tony IS back. Back to one of his favorites. And with the carburetor rationing gasoline like it's WWII, he probably won't have to worry 'bout runnin' outta gas. Marches in 2nd.

Jeff Forte - Has it been three thousand miles already. With that "oil change" of yours, I figure you're not usin' Pennzoil anymore. So I'm gonna give up the Parkin' spot after this. We'll miss him....And his 21st.

Stacy & Jeff & Sue & Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice & Harold & Maude.....Wonderboy's ancient chinese secret is out, and it ain't Calgon. He's been milkin' a magnesium intake manifold for a few races and finally got caught....SLAP!....SLAP!    And he keeps his win.   Jeff saunters like OJ to a 4th here.

Mollie - Don't ya wish they could leave AJ's car alone? Put those restrictor plates on everthing but the #14 car? Think Mast could break the top-20? Me neither. He'll choke back to around 23rd.

Spiderman - Dale Jr. has just spent the last day or two testin' his Bud car up in Milwaukee. By the time they got it back on the trailer, he was flyin the Schlitz colors. Shoulda practiced back in St. Lou. 19th.

Kim & Paul - (sigh)......mrtn wns btoo crlngths....I sd, mrtn wns btoo lngths.....Oh shut up, You heard me. 1st. But ya just better hope Roush can hide his secrets better than Hendrick.

Sue - Jerry Nadeau is having an illicit affair with Oprah and Stacy Compton has been abducted by aliens.....Listen, Sue. You already have your own news site. What am I gonna tell you that you don't already know....Whatever I find in the Enquirer, that's what. Mr. Winfrey jogs in 11th. Compton accidently has an....accident. 34th.

Michael is rowin' his sinkin' boat ashore and joins the Earnhardt's In-team-idator stable in 2001. Worked for Jr. Worked for Park. And with a real live race car under him, it'll work for Michael....in 2001.   27th Sunday.

Ward's plan to win here last race got rained on and dropped him to a 18th....Shhhh! Do you hear that? Sounds like...Dionne Warwicke? 18th...all over again.

Tony & Lori - I'm ticked at Rusty and won't be pickin' him 2 win this week.   Ya see, he recently had a "Name Rusty's Pocono Race Car" contest and he ended up pickin' someone else's lame suggestion instead of mine. Wallace cantors in....eh...9th. And he'd best be happy with THAT. His record's not that good with 'Rust'rictor plates.

And nor is my attitude towards them. I hate these things. They're wrong. They're designed to contradict the very essen-....They go against all tha-....There's a-...My-....

Sorry. That repressed childhood memory seems to be actin' up.

Jim