2000MBNAGold400

Asunta has finally taken the cheese...

For the past three weeks, I've been slowly inching the couch further and further away from the TV. I've added a couple of strips of electrical tape over the speakers and a daily twist of the tint knob. And I've been chummin' the prime time banter with lots of: "What'd she say?"...."Can you see the score?".....And "Just how many channels is the Incredible Hulk on?"

She bit a few days ago, and now I've been given the Quest: Find the biggest, widest, digipixeled drive-in with surroundiphonic sound and auto clock set. "But remember, Jim.....We've still gotta eat." Eat?! These fat little kids?....We've got Ramen and Flintstone's chewables. They'll make it a month.

Quest suggestion - If you happen to be in the market for a TV, find a store with a giant wall of 'em. Grab the master swticher video patchy remote thinger and click 'em all over to a Busch-turday afternoon NASCAR race. With the bright colors and details, you can really judge all the subtle differences in hue and picture and quality......And besides; It's cool to pretend you're a fly.

Quest discovery - Sometimes one TV's remote can work for 6 or 7 others around the room too.....COOL!

Quest discovery II - Sometimes three remotes and a touch of dexterity can lead to self-induced epileptic seizures.

Quest-ion - Just what IS the maximum legal decibel limit one may attain when testing the sound? And don't gimme any of that "varies state to state". I just wanna know if I have to pay for all that glass.

Found a few couchworthy candidates, but I don't wanna waste the kids' lunch money on the first thing I find. I'll watch for the sales and monitor the prices. (....."monitor" the prices!!!...Get it Kim?....Me neither. It's apparently some kind of 'lectronics department humor.) In the meantime, I've gone ahead and started stockin' up on the mac & cheese while I keep thinkin' it over.

And thinkin' o' Dover:......(ouch)

Rick Mast has done his Bob Uecker impression and qualified the Foyteen way up in the clear sailin' seats. But he'll keel over and break down like an Orion 13"....A remote chance at 31st.

Tony Stewart has three WC races under his belt here. A 4th, a 2nd, and a 1st......I figure he's due for a zero-th today....He's Sony gonna be able to make it up to 4th.

Mark Martin has won this fall race 3 years runnin'. He may be good in Dover, but his season's good and over. Still Sharp enough for a 3rd,though.

Jr. finished his first race at Dover in 10th...Ooops. Never say an Earnhardt is "in 10th.' ....He'll thmath you. Emerson meeeean drivers, them Earnhardts....Junior tunes into a 13th.

Seems like just yester-Ray when Jeff Gordon was hoggin' up the Dover wins. Now it seem's he's n'evern-hammin' it up north. Ya done hit your Zenith, Wonderboy... 7th.

Dela-wears Sterling Marlin out. A top 25 finish, and he's satisfied... A top ten, he's even happier. But no sense tryin' to read anything into that, Dave. I'm bettin' the 40 caR-C-A 23rd.

Nadeau's Newsday - Jerry looks to be droppin' those Hooligan sponsors for next year, and may skin the 31 car of it's Lowe's-Home-Improvement-Warehouse-Motor-Speedway-dot-com-Incorporated colors for the 2001 season. He missed qualifyin' 10th here by a mere 4/1000.    He'll finish 26th here 'Pioneer' 4 car lengths.

Wode Buhton - I see his name on the list, but I don't see his interpreter.   This'll be the 2nd straight week above the Mason Dixon line fo thuh cattuh-pilluh jivuh. This'll be the 2nd sraight week he bulldozes it into the walls. No GoldStar for a 29th place.

Stacy was in-Compton here back in the spring race, droppin' from a 21st start to a 30th finish. Today he takes a provisional and it's Samsung, different verse. Even "verse" than last time. 32nd.

Bodine's been booted by Bessey (his owner) and Geoffro's got his resume out there. Lookin' to grab a tele-strator, if he can't find another drivin' job. Got half of Winston Cup ready to give him excellent references.....If he takes the tele-strator job, that is.   We'll Mitsubishi much, Geoffrey.

Why, why, why, Michael? Why ya wanna Sanyo life away workin' for Earnhardt, Sr.?.....Because his cars are 50-60 mph faster, that's why. Starts and ends 19th.

That brings us to Rusty. He won his fair share of concrete trophies at Dover back in the black & white days of his black & wide Genuine Draft car. And just this spring, Hitachi a lesson by takin' the pole here.....No JVC-een here. Rusty is old school Varsity.......He has a Panasonic-booms up his sleeve?.....His hard-driving Quasar gonna pay off?...... And this week, he'll finish first and graduate Magna-

Hey!...Did someone just throw a tomato at me?

Jim