2000Brickyard400

I get it now...

I never really liked the idea of NASCAR runnin' at Indy. Those long, skinny straightaways and flat corners were meant for those 'twiggy' little go-karts...Not Bobby's LaPontiac. I just didn't get it. Who could pass on a frontstretch no wider than my parents' garage? And what's the point in aaallll that frontstretch if ya gotta whoa your behemoth down for a turn with the bankin' of an off ramp. Get a protractor and some dirt. And what's with the rectangular track? Stock cars belong on the traditional ovals..... Well...& the D-ovals.... & Quad-ovals & Tri-ovals & Pocon-ovals..... And whatever ya call Darlington.

That's not stopped me from watchin' the race every year, though. Enjoyed most all of 'em too. But I still didn't get it. It was like.... like...like 2001: A Space Odyssey. Cool movie. But I don't get it.   Why does everyone like this race? Why is it any more important than the Bristol or Dover or Michigan race? And how can a computer read lips?   What's it all mean?....(sigh)...I need a stack of bones and a monolith.   And don't start pointin' to Indy's big scoring pylon. It's the wrong dimensions. Remember? From the movie? 1 by 4 by 9...."The square of the first three integers."

I think my sisters used to call me that.

Raced at my own Thickyard 400 this past weekend. I fought the lawn like Sonny Curtis. It always takes me hours, but ya oughta see it when I'm done. Everything trimmed. Everything edged. Everything in it's place. And if there's any light left at the end of the day, I'll make one last "lap" to make sure no stray leaf has dared fallen onto my masterpiece. This time, I'd knocked a brick loose while weedwhackin' around the patio. And as I bent down to pick it up, I got to thinkin' about how much effort I put into "This Old Yard.".... Why? I'm just gonna be doin' it again next weekend. And for what? It's just another yard.   Just another rectangular plot of St. Augustine that never seems t-......

Rectangular?.............Hey!

I can't even spell epiphany. But I can make that silly face that goes with one. Stood there holdin' this brick like it was poor Yorick's skull. My eyes darted between the yard and the brick and the yard and the brick and a lady joggin' past and the brick. Where's my tape measure? "This MEANS something!" (Oops. Wrong sci-fi flick.)

Standard brick is 2 by 4 by 8....Not quite the specs of Stanley's monolith, but ya can't argue with a Stanley tape measure.   And 2 by 4 by 8 is even better. (.....Once more, for those from Tennessee.) And 2 by 4 by 8 is EVEN better. My yard turns out to have (kinda) close to the same 2-dimensional specs. And give or take a coupla beveled corners, so does Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

It's the BRICK! And it's all the work that goes into holding it up in the end. Each week I venture into the hot sun and risk melting like Dorothy's nemesis, just so that I can take that 'victory lap' around the yard and admire my own little brick road. And come August, every driver fights that 'wreck'-tangle for the chance to hoist that Brickyard 400 trophy. And I don't have to tell ya what's on top....Looks like a silver plated stick of butter.

So there I stood on my patio, filled with newfound enlightenment. That brick in my hand started looking more & more like the legbone of a sabre tooth tiger.   And with Kubrickian delight, I heaved it in the air. "I get it...I FINALLY GET IT!!!"

Damn thing came down & busted the carburetor of my mower.

Headin' to KY to visit my folks this weekend. Figured I'd venture into the pre-practice pre-qualifying pre-race pre-dictin' and spend Thurday night pre-parin' for the trip. This'll be a no brainer, though. Even NeanderTony could pick 'em this week. Look for the same top five as I 'Pocotold' ya last race. A lot of drivers will be draggin those same cars to Indy this week. And many of 'em with rebuilt small blocks.

Open the pod bay doors, HAL...

Dave - That trip to KY will include a 'hold your breath' crossing of your home state. "How often is he gonna scoff Tennesee?"....Till Marlin drives a Dodge. Chip's Gettin' Nasty and boldy switchin' to the Interpreter...Interrupted...INTREPID next year. Marlin's doin double digits till then. 14th.

Kim & Paul - They say Pencil-vania erased Marky's chances at the championship. I say all he needs is 25, maybe 26 more races and he's wearin' the big foam #1 hand in Nov. Roush tosses in another "I think I can" engine. Martin can't. 2nd.

Jeff & Ted & Stacy & Alice - Gordo gotta getta good finish this week to keep this little mid season points push goin'. He'd love a third Crown. He'd love a third Brick. He'll plead the fifth.....place.

Found another mailbox to toss these 'virtual' bricks at. Sue's got a NASCAR website full of news and race recaps and another "2001 Race Oddities." (Someone poke Dave.)   Spent so much time in her dusty old archives, I started sneezin'.   But you've not told me who your favorite driver is yet. I'm guessin Gordon and the Melling Car from your site. ( http://victory-lap.com/ ) And I'm guessin' 5th and 32nd, respectively.

Mollie - Ya feelin' kinda smug this week, ain't ya? This is Mollie's house. Foyt Fan Forever and she's seen him win 'em all. (Oops. Age thing. Sorry.) Don't confuse owner with driver, though. This week, Indy & A.J. go together like.....Nicole & O.J. Mast musters a 28th....And A.J. kills him.

Doc - So is Geoffro drivin' or not? Heard that Robby was ready be the Bessey man this weekend. Also heard someone speculate that Joe just might suit up soon....Those guys sure put the 'Team' in "Power Team," don't they? Bodine comes in 60th....uh, 30th.

Doc & Jeff - Stewart Indeed! Tony has raced everything but Formula One at Indy. Is it September yet? Unfair advantage for Tony the Driver. Flustered Flake comes in 8th.

Commodore Tony and Brickhouse Lori - Rusty is mighty mighty and he'll be letting it all hang out again this week. Wins it by 2 car lengths. That's a fact. Ain't holdin' nothin' back.

Jeff - What about little Stevie? Hmmm. I Wonder...... Park just called, to say, 11th. But my superstition says he's lucky to get 22nd. Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

Michael Waltrip has put a down payment on a Taurus and plans on racin' his new four door by October. Saturday, he'll drive his Chevy INTO the levee and make his levity die. Crashes to a 37th.

Ward figured this pig out last year and grabbed a 6th. And though I'd love to see him kiss the brick, I see him kissin' the wall 'bout mid race. 35th.

Wow! How fitting. We've all made it through this 'odyssey' of a rant. I've discovered my inner soul is oblong and made of clay. And just as I'm ready to shut down my own little HAL of a computer, that "What I am is what I am" video is on. Gotta go. My id calls. I just love that girl who sings it. Edie something or other....

Jim