2000AtlantaNAPA500

Down where Gen'l Sherman started his fire,
Darrell Waltrip is set to
douse what's left of his own. After close to 30 years,
DW will call it quits in Atlanta this last race of the year.

Did we ever get around to discussin' this?...(Please...Anyone who
doesn't wanna do this, exit the ride....
Down-ways, about three or four paragraphs.)

Do we really need all the hoopla?
Does wastin' away the last few years
drivin' with the also-rans and
dead weights
deserve what we're seein'?
Did wigglin' that Icky Shuffle
dance without any rhythm,
do what
drivin' Winston cup cars to 84 wins couldn't?
Doesn't walkin' away a winner count?
Don't we have any priorities?

Did we miss something he had
done, warrantin' all this attention?
Did Waltrip really make a difference?
Did we see any 'pioneering' style?
Did we see any of Frank Lloyd's genius
design worked into the way
Darrell would blueprint his passes?...
Did we hear any of Stephen's
drollfully worded, comedic wit?...
Did Waltrip
do with
drivin', what Orville
did with flight?...

Damn "Wright" he did.

Drove while gripin' and
didn't watch his mouth when he got out.
Drivers would call him "Jaws" because
Darrell wouldn't stop
drawlin' whatever nasty comment sprang to mind.
Drove Winston Cup officals nuts.
Drove Winston Cup fans into a frenzy. And helped
deliver 'wrestlin' style trash talk to NASCAR that was
definitely worth the ratings....

Dearest wishes, DW.

And the same to all of you, after today. 33 down and 1 to go. And with this last race of the Y2K comes the last ramblings of mine (Hooray!)   I've had an absolute blast teasin' ya'll and hope ya realize that it was all in jest.....Most all of it.    But 'jest' in case, I also tried to CPA my way through this season, keepin' numbers and 'cipherin' like Jethro Bodine. (Nothin', Doc. Go back to your Sunday Comics.) Figured, if I was lucky, I'd have some braggin' to do at the end.

...Well, maybe not.
(DW and I got ONE thing in common.)
Dontcha wanna know it all came out?
Drop what your doin' for a second and-....
(Damn!...Why now?)

Dave will be glad to know that I missed Sterling by an average of 10.8 spots per race. (And Dave. I heard ya growl out that Kentucky score last night......in a....seaa..side restaurant....It's gone.)   I nailed Marlin's finish only three times. Sterlin'll go and flatten a C-pillar comin' outta 4 and sidle the last hundred laps in a tizzy. 23rd today. (....Oh, c'mon. I wouldn't get THAT obvious.)

Did Ward have a lousy second half or what? Myron's Cat car got a tonic, but is "Hangin' in there, Baby" at 10th in points. I got my best average with Ward Burton, missin' by 7 and a half spots per race.......My BEST! And I only nailed him twice.....(I'll smack whoever is gigglin' out there.)   Woh-ud scatches out an 11th..

Didn't wanna clump ya in with all the other's this week Stacy. I've been worried all year that Gordon would somehow catch Rusty by the end and I'd be the one sheddin' tears. Thought I'd play it safe and not arouse the ire......Ain't gonna happen now, ya Rainbow Chasin' Dreamer!!!!   Ya Brooke-let Wannabee. Who's blue fender can't ya quite bump outta the way now? Who's in the Portuguese nuthouse NOW?.........I'm sorry you had to see that. Missed Jeff by 9.2 per, but nailed him not a once......All yours.

DID wanna clump you in with all the others, Ted, but after tossin' me those Wilma-sized beads at the Mardi Gras Parade, I felt I needed to remind you that, uh....Gordon cannot mathematically catch Rusty. It's settled. Now fork over the negatives of me with my shirt up. Laissez le Dupont roll, eh, to a 5th.

Doesn't Waltrip have a son named Michael? He oughta take the boy to the pasture with him, when he goes. I missed him by 15.1 and never nai-....Michael gets adopted by the Hatfield's next year, but the truce will stand. And so will Michael. Just wait. And 17th today.....Just watch.

Doc. Would it have made a difference if "Jethro" had not gone truckin'?   He'd have never bald-headed his earring up to put his six different names on a bigger trophy than Rusty's anyway.....As for Stewart, he'll finish-.......Shut up! Missed Geoffrie by 10.7 per, and I might have nailed him had Bessey been more Bodine-friendly. Today's frenzy ends up in 27th. The 20 car, I'm missin' by an aver-......Shut up!

Don't whine to ME about Rusty, ya Cowboy-lovin' jinx. Lori has ruined it for the rest of us, with her Acheman mojo and her Campo Souperstitions.   I had nailed Rusty 7 times before the football season, but haven't gotten close since.....Mention the Bengals game & I start scannin' high school pics.

Dearest, Wonderful Mollie...Come back to my shows soon. Your substitutes are killin' me. About as badly as AJ's were killin' him with DNQ's and triple digit finishes earlier this year. "Who was that Mast man who came in and.....tried to save the day?"   Missed by 11.3 and never gotta kill......(Thought that "nail" business was gettin' outta hand......But now I've said the word "AJ" and three "kills."....BEETLEJUICE - BEETLEJUICE - BEETLEJUICE !!! Foyteenth today, just cause it sounds cool.

Do whatever you have to, to pick a driver...But pick a driver, Jeff. Mr. Forte is workin' with some insider info and playin' the driver's like a hand of poker. Keepin' his Ace (Gordon), and drawin' the Joker (Stewart). But when you discarded Park after his win, I sunk all 401K of my money into oil.....Now what? Doesn't somebody go fish? Missed Gordo by 9.2 per and-....Hey! I've already said that. Missed Park by 11.8 and...Hell, he's gone anyway. Missed Stewart by 9.7 a race and 1 kill.   Tony, 6th

Don't waste ya time, Kim. Those standings look close, but 36 points is, like....about 40 spots on the track. (Note to self. Save the exaggerations for the girls who DON'T follow this sport.) Marky Martin has had a steep hill to climb after a few dips into the 40's. Still pretty chilly in the points race, and Mark'll never reach his home base (2nd.)   Missed him by 10.7 per race, but "killed" him 5 times....(Can't kill him. He's died too many seasons already.....Back to nails.) Today?....Home Base.

Didn't wish to presume you'd want on this little list till late, Andrea. Just as well. I was doggin' Rusty pretty hard and I wouldn't have wanted Rusty's Most Loyal to start some sort of mutiny. It's my ship, see. And I take the helm. And I pick the star to sail her by...And I know who stole the strawberries. Missed him by 10.1 per. Today?....Hmmm.

Did what ya had to do, Paul Peter Parker Brothers. Goin' with a rookie is always a risk, but Junior's done good. I've got me missin' him by 10.8 and never nailin' him....But's he's doin' okay. Too bad ya Kenseth the same for the Rookie of the Year race. Didn't Junior's Dad used to race against Michael's Dad. 18th

Don't websites hafta lower their banners to half staff today? At least all the NASCAR sites? Sue, will your's have color or B&W's of the old fella. The young Darrell, or the Graceland Darrell? Hey...Next contest idea? Design a commemorative Nadeau stamp.....25 car for air mail. 9 car for the absolutely, positively by Thursday-mail. Missed him by 8.5 but no nails..Hold it!...Gettin' some Naju-vu here. BIG DAY FOR JERRY - 4th. Compton by 7.7, but that's when he's not sufferin' from this DriNQing problem. Stacy stays home today.

Directin' was fun for me until a month and a half ago, when Paul left a Blank hole in the schedule. He's movin' on up to Dallas. Yeah...Fish don't fry in the kitchen. Beans don't burn on the grill of a Valvoline Taurus either. Oh. Excuse me....Valvagreen.....Valgorena....Gore Vidal....Vigarola....Vigora...Oh, I remember now.....I can't wait to see that window cling on your Honda.

Dishonor was mine, until set straight by a brave little 220 lb Rusty fan named Tony. I'd given up on Rusty for a while there. Lookin' back, I once went 2 whole weeks without pickin' Rusty to win. Then Sasquatch scolds me publicly, and I rode for the brand from there on out. ( Well, 'cept for the silly places like, Daytona...& Daytona.)   Lookin' back, I missed nailin' Rusty quite a few times after takin' your advice, Tony......Got any hints on how the oil business is doin'?

I got me a retirement to think about too..

Jim