|
Links : (open in new window) �@
�@ |
******************** Its scary.... I used up another account again!! so I've moved... again! hahah... sorrie eh... no wonder why my page can't seem to load at all.. sigh... so here I am... at my new home... www.geocities.com/litthots ******************************** I'm Obsessed with the Globe!!!! wahahahah!!!
yes yes this is it!!! this is the globe!!! ain't it sweet and pretty???
and... this is the musical box which Yk suggested buying.. more practical he says.. haha... next time maybe... but right now I'm just simply obsessed with the globe!!
this is the other design... nope.. I like the first one better! *** Feel so fat now... eh? I'm jumping from topic to topic... wahaha! okie... am very very happy today coz I had a fulfilled day! =p Met up with Kenneth for a short while in Orchard... then it was YK time!! walked around Taka... bio Chio Bus... ok... so they're models... darn chio ah!! then went round looking for his pendent... and then to City hall for my lovely globe!!!! =) found it at City Link !!! awwww so happy! a week of wait was worthwhile!! so thankful I didn't buy the other designs on impulse... its like the perfect gift!! first of all its pink... secondly it has glitters.. thirdly it says "love one another" fourthly it has music... fifthly it is from precious thots!! plus... its not that ex!! considering that its from Precious Thots... awww... sooooo cute and lovely~!!! so happy he bought it... hahahah my V dae gift1!! yah yeah !!! so that gift already made my day.... went down to Bugis to shop shop... bought his baggie... a skirt for meself... (ok so he picked it out.. hahha.. he has good taste eh. which explains why... he's... my Bf eh?? haha... ok I'm bursting with self-delusions) and went to pray at the temple... then had lovely filling dinner at a place nearby.. the food is good!!!!! yum! hahaa.. had cravings for a lot of food... which he gladly bought for me to eat... and that not only explains why I'm so full now.... came home and ate more!! hahaha... paiseh mah.. nan de eat at home... so die die also must sit at the table... =) oh and I sorta know what I'm going to wear for DND! hahaha.... took a bus home with him!! yeah! so happy!! ok... right now I'm obsessed with the globe... playing with it... tilting it upside down once in a while so the glitter floats... hahha... *does it* awww... so sweet!! hahaa... Thanx darling for the sweet sweet gift! (though I suggested it and bought it with you..) hahaha.. but I still love it! anyway its much more practical to tell you what I want ya? =P it looks darn nice under the light now... aww.....hahaha... ok forgive me if I sound a bit insane.... and retarded... had such a nice nice day!! okok.. so I'm wrong bout you... hahaha... sweet la sweet la!! ok?! heh... *hugz* * * * A short update on the past week... kept taking naps in the afternoon with Yk... haha.. we're such pigs... we pay like 400 plus for our sucky meals in hall!!! argh... literary throw the money in the sea ah... sigh... had a minor quarrel with him which erm... well as usual me being the kid... but it ended well! =) fell sick.. (am still sick but recovering) called Lihling in my times of despair and she cheered me up.. boost my confidence a little here and there... had my first performance at RHVC.... eh... it was... gee... cool... first time performing in front of a audience with me being the singer... heh.. Yahwee helped sing of course!! she's got good voice! anyway the feel was good... real good... =) Yk came down to support as well... *thanx* finished my two deadlines this week... *sigh* darn tired... next week midterm and presentation!! *faints* * * * Kenneth dear friend.... I'm sorry for not spending enough time with you... but time will heal whatever pain you're feeling now.... please be strong!!! =) *will always be here... standing by...* * * * Hope everyone has had a great day!!! 9.54pm 21/02/04 ********************************* Happy V'dae (belated) pple! haha... am so hungry now... waiting for Yk to finish his lessons so I can go mum mum! V'dae was well-spent I guess... no romantic stuff... love in the air thingy... coz first of all his tests ended at 3... by the time we met it was 4 plus... me being the lazy one slept all the way in me room while he took his tests.. heh.. popped by his house for a while.. had a nice home-made lunch ... ah.. nice! *yum* then drove down to airport to pick brother up! =) so then... went back to me home.. and it was more food!! haha.. practically ate the whole day I must say~ went to town around 8 plus... couldn't find the globe that I want!!! *sad and pouts* was a bit upset for a while... sigh... ate more food.. *sheeze.. we just keep eating non-stop* bumped into a few friends... met Jason and Natasha!! ah... that guy.. no more goatie and has super short hair now!! wahahah! looks very different... hrm... received a surprise message from this particular friend of mine wanting to meet... knew something was very wrong and decided to call her back... hrm... not very good news.. so in my most ugly attire... me and Yk decided to go Chiong with her.. heh.. to think that we were about to go back and watch some nice movies... meeting up with me friend was more important! according to Yk and me... the night was quite hilarious.. with things going on between hotel rooms.. couples... age... complaints... ah well... both found it very amusing... though I have to apologise for my insensitivity la... sigh.. drank a little and danced a little... listened to her complain and well... if you wanna know the charm of me friend... you jus gotta be beside her... half an hour later... guys were already approaching her... treating her drinks while me being her friend got the treat as well! huhuhu... by 2 we were outta that place... took cabs back and the cab fares went up to almost 30 bucks!! oh my gosh... So.... we slept till 10 in the morning... then I took a cab home... received a nice message from me childhood friend... =) had lovely lunch with daddy and brother.. then off to his house! ah.. rushing around like a mad gal... had nice dinner around erm... I think its upper east coast road... (not too sure) haha.. think his family is darn cute! suaning each other like mad... his dad and mum are just plain sweet! awwwwww..... watched a little soccer at his place.. then back to hall! aye.. no studying done... OH NO! sigh... Frankly I'm quite happy for her... for making that decision... coz it just simply proves that she's matured a lot... she's much stronger now... I saw the change in her that night... that determination... the pain was there.. but she was controlling it... perhaps during a period of time I sorta gave up on psycho-ing her... knowing that if she's happy and contented then I guess its fine with me... but that night.. I found out more things which I realised were unforgivable... so yes gal... you made the right decision.. no doubt there'll be regrets.. a feeling of loss.. pity perhaps.. but you came out of it undefeated.. happier.. and more in control of yourself... I'm proud of you! Happy Friendship day! Pictures - V'dae Pictures - Yk's Dad's B'dae 11.25am 16/02/04 ****************************** You know that feeling where you have lesson at 8am in the morning and your alarm clock is suppose to ring at 730, yet your bio-clock wakes you up at 7.26 just in time for you to prepare yourself to slam off the clock once it rings? ya.. its such a dread.. so you mourn and throw yourself into a whirlpool of dilemma.. should I go? should I not? and then you come to a conclusion... that you should just simply sleep longer. This morning I looked at my phone.. and told myself.. if I oversleep then I'm not going... but somehow my conscience kept me awake... "go Nellie go! you signed up for that bloody 2 hour tutorial and so you have to go.. its just the freaking 2 hours.. and thats it!" so I pulled myself outta bed.. sat on my bed and looked at my phone in awe... I overslept by A MINUTE?!?!?!? ok... so I went... Late. Ha! got there at 830... and nope.. I wasn't the latest.... apparently other people had the same thoughts! or so I guessed... Rest of the day.. well.. I've more or less finished my lessons... except the last part where I have to watch a film... yeap! Yesterday was Nellie mood swing day again! After lunch it was attitude time again! sigh... it jus sucks la.. that feeling... but it was understandable... he was too tired... =l watched a brainless comedy by Charlie Chaplin... nice.. funny... dragged Bruder out with me to town to buy presents... ah... all those V day presents!!! sooo adorable!!! found something which I so want!! heh... you know those glass globe.. where you shake it.. and they're nice small little shiny glittering inside?? and it floats??? ah!!! it's sooo aodrable!!! by precious thots... gee... so so so so cute... but its super ex la... saw a musical box as well... ah.. the obsession I have with musical boxes... I think I have like erm... 5 different kinds of musical stuff at home... not exactly boxes... but basically they all have the same function... heh... display.. and for me to wind up... then listen to them one by one... ah... I miss my musical boxes!!!! so then I told Yk... haha... I want that globe!!! hrm.. see.. this way its more practical right? I tell him what I want.. then he just go get it for me... hrm... yeah!!! Bought a cup for Lihling as well... won't be able to send it over in time though.. heh... that reminds me!! I've gotta get my arse down to that post office soon!!! can't believe it.. its only one road away and I'm just sop darn lazy.. heh.. met Shawn, Jason and Joyce in town... what a coincidence! was actually thinking if I'd meet him there since he's always in town... hrm... had dinner there as well... partly coz I didn't wanna come back for food.. wahaha... got back around 8 and reaslied that... ah!!! he messaged me for dinner!! gee... and I happily left my phone in my room.. brought the other phone out... ah... felt sooooo bad... so I went around looking for him.. gave him a nice big hug... gee.... felt so so so bad for not having dinner with him... hrm... well... coz I thought he'd still be pretty tired.... so I didn't bother... but *regret*! watched the V day celebration thingy for a while.. as usual.. it got quite dry after a while.. so back to studying!!! feeling contented with him.. concentrating hard on the stuff that I was doing... and I did something which erm.. proved my blurness... he went back to his room to brush his teeth... so I did my work.. printing out stuff for today's tutorial.. trying hard to figure out the sequence of presentation... suddenly he asked me for the time... so turned to my other table and looked at the clock... 120am... ok I thought maybe he wants to sleep soon... so I went back to trying to figure out my stuff... then after a while.. he asked me for my hole puncher... ok... wondering why he wants a hole puncher... I turned back to my table.. and took the hole puncher for him.. (all the time feeling that something has changed on my stack of books but I was too engrossed with my stuff to be bothered... ) he looked at me with the hole puncher with hand.. and started to laugh.... amused ... Me: hole puncher in hand *confused* what?!?!?!?!?! Him : Laughs... nothing... I don't need the hole puncher... laughs Me: ponders on why he's laughing and looks at the hole puncher... puts is back... then looks at him more confused that ever... Him: You never notice any difference?? laughs Me: looks back at my table.. and on my stack of books is this cusion!!!! *looks at it in horror... grabs it... looks up at the ceiling in shock* then started to laugh uncontrollably... just kept apologising to him for not realising.... laughs and hugs him... "Oh no!! I'm so so so so so sorry!!!" laughs more... hahaah... he just couldn't stop laughing at how 'observant' I was... I was soo soo soo touched! hahaha.... and he even gave me 3 chances.... once when I looked at the clock.. once when I took the hole puncher and once when I put it back... it was just hilarious... =p Not the first time he's done this though... surprising me... heh... love surprises! and he's good at it! =) The surprise? a doggie cushion which I kept hugging at com hall whenever I saw it... didn't want to buy it coz I had his pooh in my room... but its just very sweet ain't it? Love ya! Thanx! =) 2.44am 13/02/04 ******************************* Wednesday morning I told Liling.. I'm not going to plan my lessons at 8 in the morning again!! it just simply kills me... aye.. When is my ankle going to heal!! ah well.. it was.. until yesterday I accidentally hop on my wrong leg.. and there goes my ankle again!! argh... �@ *Hungry* Just spent 2 hours rotting away at Theatre studies Practical.. I don't know why I went in the first place actually... hrm... strange.. some weird sense of conscience overcame me I suppose. *airing ankle* ok so the room smells of chinese medication ... kinda like the smell actually... ankle's still a little swollen but I can't walk a bit more normally... eh.. sounds right? some angles its hurts.. some angles it doesn't... am still trying to find out the right angle to walk... haha... took such a long time to walk from Centre of Arts and back... sigh... have given up the thought of going to the library and watching the video before I recover.. because 6 floors up.. 4 floors down.. 4 floors up and 2 floors down will just simply kill me... will hafta wait for my ankle to recover... heh.. am waiting for lunch time! *ponders* should I ask someone to pack for me?? =p yesterday night was bad... was soo soo soo bored outta me wits.. hung around and just refused to study the whole night... hrm... had mood swings.. and ended up unintentionally irritating Yk.. eh? but then it was such a small thing? felt so depressed after that.. was chatting to bruder and a friend of mine online... relationships are crazy stuff... my friend started to condemn guys... well.. in a strange kind of way.. she's right... so then for a moment I set myself a resolution... that is.. to stop crying for him that much... to well.. stop hurting that much... and in order to do that.. it is to stop loving him that much... total devotion just simply shatters you bit by bit... so then at night while I was falling asleep... we were both more or less pissed off with one another... me refusing to talk while he explained why he was so irritated with me...later I realised that... hey.. it only takes a small action.. to make things all right again.. so I did... and alls well ends well... in the end.. it was one of the most comfortable night I had... because I felt his warmth... his love... his concern.. his tiny bit of regret of throwing his temper at me.. though he didn't specifically say so... but he was concerned over whether I was angry or not... no... I wasn't pissed off.. I was just simply upset and feeling unwanted... thats all... woke up in the morning feeling good! ankle didn't hurt that much.. turned around and there he was... asking me if I was all right... hm... its feels good ya know. when you wake up in the morning.. and the person whom you care so much about asks you.. "hey... you feeling ok? hows your ankle?" yup.. I feel loved... so maybe.. like I told bruder.. I'm not so determined afterall... heh.. Then again... the determination that I had at the start... with regards of treating the relationship... hm... Who's to judge you anyway? Contented. 11.40 09/02/04 ******************************* Sunday night... came back early to study... hrm... was at home the whole ot this weekend... didn't even manage to bring daddy out for a walk... why? coz I'm such a loser you see... coz I sprained my ankle... darn it.. I can't believe how darn suay I am... for once I'm put in to play the game I wanted to play so much.. and 1 minute into the game I sprained my bloody ankle!!! how wonderful is that?!?!?!? I can't believe it.... argh... So then my day was spent limping around... Yk being the sweet bf... became my ahmad for the day... drove me back to his house first so he could go do his flyers distribution.. then came back and sent me to sensei... where thankfully I didn't scream much... bloody painful as well! then he sent me home... and had to travel al the way to Johor all by himself.... hrm.. thanx darling! sorry bout making you worried ya? =l Can't imagine the pain I was in at night... thought after a sleep it would be better.. I was WRONG! it got worse.. so much so that I couldn't walk at all! rolled around the house in my brother's chair... aye... slept a total of 12 hours! today was good... ankle not in that much pain... managed to do a little studying... and of course just take things easy! =) pls pls pls ankle.. faster recover!!! argh.... stop making me feel like a loser already! 7.50pm 08/02/04 ****************************** Friday night... eh... just came back from dinner at Alexander Market and shopping at Ikea... haha.. it was good! food was great! Shopping with Yk, Jensen and Shuzhen haha.. its just fun... hanging out.. became more like a double date though.. heh. whats the diff really? SO thankful this week is Odd week. which means I didn't have to wake up early today... had a few lessons and off I went to pick daddy uP! made it back in time for soccer... we lost.. but it was a good game played! =) Let me try and recall what happened throughout the week... Tuesday was... skip lecture day again.. followed by netball training... ah.. its just good sweating it out... Wednesday was... a short day.. had netball match and we beat KEIV! yeah! hahaha.. not last at least! went home for a few tanyuans and then back to hall! Thursday... hrm... lessons... then game... ah.. realised that the lecture I pay most attention in is... Political science! We got trashed in netball... 50-6.. haha.. what a disgrace.. but seriously.. they're too good... drove out to Sentosa at night... hrm... looks pretty different at night... at one point of time I got pretty freaked coz the road was... never ending! good thing Yk was there... yeah! accomplished another of our aim! *wink* Today.... was just another... nice day... =) 9.58pm 06/02/04 ********************************* Ah... I did something bad... haha.. ain't gonna tell... haha... okie.. Pulau Ubin was not bad.. very little people turned up.. 5 groups competing for 2 prizes.. haha.. so we walked and cursed Yk.. giving us shitty routes... heh.. he caught us cheating as well.. but hey!! other groups started it first! hmph! hahhaa.. so we din win.. and came in 4th! yeah! a group outside our hall got 1st.. not very happy bout it.. but well.. guess they deserved it ya? besides the fact that they bitch way more than I do? hrm.. *grinds teeth* coconut juice after all the walking was... truly heaven!! refreshing and sweet! traveled back to Rh for our barbeque.. ate sooo much! haven't had a bbq for so long though.. kinda fun! =) rushed down around 1030 for Brother's b'dae celebration at KTV at somerset.. heh. he was drunk.. but was pretty touched by the stuff he said... yeap.. was only there for a while.. poor Yk was trapped in one corner by my brother.. forced him to drink.. hah... =) walked around town for a while and off we went! slept at around 2... hrm.. it was a nice nice sleep after all the alcohol! Was at his house for lunch...played with the kids again!!! hahaha... his mum speaks in Hainanese.. aye.. I cun understand what she was saying.. until Yk very kindly told him that I don't understand.. so she switched to Chinese.. heh.. rushed back to causeway point to buy me brother present... (which I have been wanting to buy for a long time!) and then back to hall for training... ah. this is sooo routine.. running around like a mad gal... am waiting for brother to come pick me home for dinner! =) YEAH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!! love ya loads! 02/02/04 7.17pm ************************************** Am back in hall early in the morning.. doing what? waiting to go Pulau Ubin! ok frankly I'm not looking forward to running at Ubin.. but I seriously don't mind walking... heh... I hope my groups members are not all out to win! hrm.. heh.. or they can just dump me in the wild and go ahead without me... tie me to a tree or something and tell them I disappeared... haha.. Was online till 4 am in the morning!! haven't been online till so late for a looong time... can't exactly remember really... chatting to Xinru and Sean.. heh... really missed chatting with this gal... like she said.. we talk so little.. yet there's a mutual understanding... ended up getting all emotional in the middle of it... I guess we're just both very touched by our friendship.. its something thats built up throughout the years... gee.. I've already known her for.. 12 years!! truly friends only from P5 onwards... wow... thats pretty long ain't it? talking bout the past brings back lots of memories.. seeing how people have changed... how we have changed... its just great... she's a constant figure in my life... thanx for being such a great friend! =) on the other hand I was just chatting to this young boy about life.. see him going through the stage which I went through with Jason.. the questions.. the isolation.. the in a strange way kind of things we say... I thought I saw myself again... after a while the conversation just went a bit strange... we sorta missed each other's point.. so I just gave up discussing bout it.. he made me question bout the answers that was yet to be found.. I reaslied that.. I just simply moved on.. didn't really insist on searching for the answer... just simply contented with what I have... appreciate what I have.. I guess that was my answer... so to say.. I had a fulfilling night... was just very very happy... =) 10.11am 31/01/04 *************************** I love reading old letters!! Especially those love letters�K haha! I just couldn��t stop laughing at those cute little letters.. call me childish.. I don��t care~ Those letters which people wrote to me telling me how much they like me�K hrm.. come to think of it, I��m sure I wrote these letters too.. and of course I still write them now! BUT in a more sophisticated manner! Read through them one by one and found out new stuff which I don��t remember reading! Looking back, I should have been more appreciative�K of them at least�K strange.. they just disappeared outta my life after a while.. I don��t even remember how? Names to be kept confidential heh�K C �V after his major crush.. just disappeared outta my life�K erm�K or maybe I made him.. until I met him in NUS last year�K gee.. the world is small�K X �V same as the above�K after his major crush.. he disappeared!! Hrm�K strange.. but I met him on the streets a couple of times and finally got his number.. but I never call him�K heh�K Read through some other letters which I found.. from this guy I met on the tour to America�K he��s really kinda cute (back then!) and smart�K AC guy.. haha�K was quite close to him but after a while we stopped staying in contact.. wonder how he is�K As for the Guy in my life right now�K well�K I treasure him.. that��s for sure! =) Am in a particularly good mood today! Had a great sleep at home! Ate a lot (as usual) yes I��m foreseeing myself as a pig soon! Ok maybe right now. Chatting with Yk on the phone.. haha.. its just funny.. and crappy�K most of the time I just can��t stop laughing at the amusing things we say to one another.. haha. Its just childish and stupid.. coz we always end up irritating one another�K but surprisingly fun! Was in a depression a night ago�K in fact I��m quite sure those thoughts will come back and haunt me once in a while.. neh.. but I��ll pull through�K Remember me mentioning bout having to strike a balance? Well.. coming home has become a much more happier issue�K missing trainings I discover, has become something which I have come to accept�K even if people are going to hate me for that�K well, what can I say? I have other stuff to be concerned about and people whom I like to spend more time with�K I love netball�K but I just hate the training times�K its crazy�K maybe IHG pressure is building up.. I want to play.. but I don��t want to�K aye.. its just a mixed feeling inside�K Facing daddy at home is well�K much easier now�K watching TV with him is such a pleasure! Singing in a band is like my one time small little gal dream.. and it somehow came true�K well.. not a very big issue.. but I just singing in the band.. it feels kinda good actually�K heh.. its kinda freaky too.. because if you screw it up.. you��re done for�K Kenneth was extremely supporting throughout my depression�K thank you man! You��re such a pal! Can always count on him when I��m depressed�K he��s always there! Am eternally grateful! Am very very relieved to clear things up with Yk�K was freaking myself out throughout the whole day and night.. I believe I couldn��t have cried more than I did that day�K I surprise myself every time�K I��m becoming such a cry babe.. its sucks�K You know whats the worst thing that can happen in a relationship? Not the usual quarrels.. it��s the cold shoulder�K well.. it sucked.. and I��m sorry to say.. it was my own doing�K I should have known better�K Glad things turned out fine in the end.. though he couldn��t quite understand why I still kept crying after we cleared things up�K tears of relief perhaps? At the end of the day, I��m just contented with the things I have�K (now�K I miss saying this�K) the people around me�K back to who I was? You bet! Tomorrow��s the Ubin trip!! Haha.. hope its gonna be fun! =p 31/01/04 *********************** Regret. Mistake. I'm sorry. * * * sometimes we do think that others don't really care bout how you feel, but in actual fact they care for you much more than they actually say... I found that out today... I learnt it the hard way today... and it has just been one of the most emotionally tiring day for me... feel like a 3 year old kid all over again... sometimes I wish I had done things a different way.. perhaps I did something wrong.. if only I knew.. give him time... cool down... relax... I can't... I can't... I can't!!... someone drag me outta this small little Island... someone drag me outta this whirlpool!! I need sleep... I feel like giving up already.. but thats not me to give up.. I don't give up.. its just not me... I don't want to give up... not for pride's sake.. not for my sake... because deep down I know I still care... I still want it to work out fine... I still want him.... I'm still keeping him... ya... I need to sleep... this is wrecking me... 29/01/04 1.10am ************************ Self professed failure�K I think I am.. I came home and fell asleep�K didn��t even have lunch with my dad.. Looked forward to hanging out but ended up watching Magic Kitchen which ain��t that impressive. Came home and felt sooo bored to death.. trust me.. I was dying of boredom.. I didn��t know why�K didn��t�� have anything to do�K or rather.. I really didn��t want to do anything.. Maybe in a way I felt trapped at home�K the depression which I��ve been trying to escape hits me hard once I reach home. I can��t help it�K in fact I feel like such a loser for feeling depressed, for trying to run away. But I just can��t help it. Brother was pretty surprised that I took the whole thing well in Japan. No, I didn��t break down in front of him. The only time I broke down was in front of Yk �K I ran away from the whole idea, I detached myself from all that was happening around me until I was forced to face it. In fact staying in hall is my way of escaping. Which is why I actually want to stay in hall more than I want to stay at home. Because most of the time, I feel useless at home. Can��t bring myself to face my dad. The man that I so respected, I so admired, the air around disappeared. And it just breaks my heart to see him like this. So I ran. I ran as fast as I could. Call me irresponsible, childish. Immature. I admit, I can��t take it. I know I have to. Make myself useful. I am part of the family. He��s my dad. I love him. But at the end of the day I do what I��m not suppose to do. Believe it or not sometimes I put others above my family and that kinda sucks. Ok In fact it really sucks badly. So while I��m ranting about all this shite, why don��t I do something to change it? Yes I will. Yes I will. Yes I will. I need to sort out my thoughts. I need to balance my life. Its quite scary to know that I care for him so much more. The uncertainties perhaps. I think I need to grow up. I think I need to trust people more. I think its time to pull back. I want my dad to get well. Really. I can��t wait! And if things don��t work out, they don��t. I just want us to be happy and contented. ********************** Funny how mood changes in a matter of a few hours... funny how attitudes change in a few minutes.. no.. make that a few seconds.. funny how one moment I think I'm in absolute bliss and the next Trash. ooo... let me see.. the irony of life? haha. sorry.. save that shite.. not for me.. hm.. *ponders* why? I'm too demanding? oh yes.. me.. Humans like to be loved, Humans loved to be doted on...Humans can't stand ugly partings...Humans get upset when their loved ones get irritated with them for wanting more hugs... Humans only want to feel loved... Humans want to be more understanding...Humans is reasonable...Humans are sometimes confused over the abrupt change of mood...Humans have grown slightly immune to it... Humans still cannot understand how much they mean to their loved ones...Humans are lost...Humans feels hurt...Humans are sensitive creatures...Humans put their heart out to love...Humans give their all..Humans want little in return...Humans only want security...Humans think too much..Humans don't know how to tell you without you getting angry... * * I'm but one of the human beings.. Trapped in uncertainty... blinded by illusions... 26/01/04 8.53pm ****************************** School starts today... argh... every Monday morning we have to drag our arses off to the Center of Arts... sigh... and every Monday morning we'd mourn and groan... and say we don't wanna go... in the end we end up 10 minutes late... haha... the habits of room mates! Had loads of fun yesterday too! Woke up at around 11... Qianyu was sooo on time! haha.. for once?! okie sorrie eh... haha.. haven't seen this gal in such a long time!! so happy!! waited for Chuanie to drop by and had lunch at my house... yl was suppose to come but then she had to work at River Ang Bao... 8 per hour!! stand around!! I want!! hahaha.. so then I drove them to Qianyu's house... THAT GAL!! she has no idea how to get there!! from my place at least.. so we drove past SMU.. U turned.. went to CTE... U turned.. and then to PIE Changi... ah... my petrol!! *weep* haha.. I went past my house twice!! hmph! okie but we finally made it there... Qian's mum look soo young and pretty! haha... at least thats what I think! gee.. her sisters are getting prettier... *envy* Drove to Chuanie's house... flipped through the pictures... haha.. oh no! we looked sooooo absolutely horrendous in NY... I mean ugly! hahaha... yup! Concluded that Chuan have evolved... while I sorta stayed the same... heh.. those times when we tried to act cute by tying our hair in funny funny ways... oh gosh... I was THAT crazy? haha.. read through some old letters and some old autographs... yee.... found out I was THAT bitchy!! hahaa... OMGPMGOMGOMG!!!! I couldn't stop laughing... felt so bad for hating Pui so much... *hugz* haha... I couldn't even figure out who was the person I hated so much.. until she very kindly reminded me that it was her... ha.. ok... QUITE dumb... it was back and forth memory lane.. ah... those were the days... the ugly... childish... insensitive... friendship problem days... I've really gotta say that I'm so glad I passed that stage... hating people at least... I don't actually hate people that much anymore... I mean I do still act like a bitch... BUT I don't hold that grudge for long... impressions of people usually change after a while... tend to be more receptive.. haha.. I guess! gee.. SO... after all that .. we went to Pui's house.. =) played the card game.. and got all of them thinking!! haha.. so exciting! =) so then I had to rush off... wished I could have stayed longer though! sigh.. next time! passed the car back to my brother and off I was to Marina South!! haha... steamboat was good.. except the killing prawns part... hrm.. attempted to kill them but erm... too cruel!!! strange thing is... they all grow obedient when the guys drop them in the boiling water... hrm... they have this killer air around them while gals only have this freaked out air around us?? eh??? hahah... they turned red instantly!! so it was kinda a fast death.. but YK's table... they dropped the prawns in before the water boiled.. gee.. it was still struggling in the water... *pain* sealife abuse!! =( only ate one prawn in the end coz I cun bear to.. and of course coz I was toooo darn lazy to peel... (the one I ate.. Joyce very kindly peeled for Shuzhen and I) huhuhu.. some left earlier for meeting.. so it was just me, YK Eujin and Junwei... heh... playing in the arcade with them can be quite stressful.. coz they're all out to win!! haha.. hey but I did well ok! I mean I'm not in commando.. not a regular... not Pes C even!! and I was the leader once!! haha... ok so YK said that it was the end for them if I became the leader... argh... *bites* *still gleam with pride* I'm good! got back to hall.. and studied a little.. hrm.. all's good! Had a good sleep! aww... miss him sooo much! *hugz* but when he left this morning.. I had a nightmare!! sigh... I HATE THAT KOREAN SHOW!! hokkay... lunch time soon!! *hungry* *drools* *crawls off* 26/01/04 11:37am *********************** Busy day!! didn't sleep well the night before coz it was D day today!! hm.. coz its meet the parents day! haha... ok so I kinda urged YK to tell his parents.. hey but I had reasons to justify ok! firstly.. heh... today's a good day to go Bai nian.. otherwise if school starts hrm.. no time? secondly was pretty freaked out by friends and brother.. kept asking me.. "huh? haven't tell ah??? horrrr...." haha so to end this uncertainty and end my title as a 'underground mistress'... yeap I persuaded him to tell.. and it wasn't all that bad afterall! =) woke up in the morning wanting to bring my dad out for a walk but it was raining heavily... so then I went back to sleep... took a train down to meet Yk at woodlands... and then.. it was hrm... the panic time again... he literally had to drag me off the fence by the road... unpluck me from the walls at his flat... push me into the lift, tickle me outta the lift while the door opened and closed.. and of course finally doing his last drag to his house... heh.. well it didn't help that he was scaring the hell outta me wits!! threatening me... suaning me... hmph! but neh.. he was just kidding.. =) finally met his sisters and dad... frankly I had a hard time trying to differentiate them at first... his daddy made me very comfortable... well.. by showing me pictures... and the kids there... gee.. the kids!!! I love the kids!! haha... not only did they make me feel less awkward.... I fell in love with them!! =) aww they have such long eye lashes! (heaven IS unfair) and gee... the youngest is sooooooo chio!!! ok... take note he's a young boy k ... it just gets better... he's sooooo shy!! oh... when I carry him its almost as if I'm carrying a doll! heh.. had loads of fun there... =) entertained them with my camera.. hrm... realised that kids are quite obsessed with thenmselves.. haha.. they love having their photo taken? haha... which I gladly did... coz I love taking pictures! =) helped the youngest... ok.. he's called Shawn... hrm... in attacking YK.. haha.. and I got to kiss his chubby cute little cheeks!! aww.... love that kid I tell ya! brought him home... haha.. my house is a total opposite la... darn quiet... so we just sat and watched soccer for a while before leaving for an Indian wedding dinner... gee.. ok.. its quite.. long... and I really din know anyone there.. besides people there were all his army friends... so... after half an hour they decided to leave... and so did we! felt quite bad though... but I was feeling kinda hungry... so had Yam Cha for dinner!! yum.... ok...food wasn't that great.. but it was nice drinking tea and waiting for our pants to dry... =p home sweet home after after that!! I had so much fun today!! =) yeah!! Thanx darling! =) Click here for pictures taken at his house!!!!!! 24/01/04 11.25pm *************************** So I was wrong about my 3rd sister.. hrm.. 3rd day of New Year was again spent rotting at home.. little people turned up.. which ain't quite surprising.. I just simply watched Tv the whole day! until my sis decided to come in for a talk... hm.. frankly my impression of her is... "she doesn't care much bout the family" and in true honesty she doesn't. Just that while I was talking to her, I've learnt something new about her that I never thought I would... she's not this mad woman my dad claims her to be... she has her own set of principles... her set of beliefs which she sticks to... being overseas and all made her independent and of course allowed her to be exposed to sooo many other things... hm... actually felt comfortable talking to her... =) oh well.. she did most of the talking anyway... heh.. talked about how it is teaching in NTU... her strict rules... her lectures... hrm... I would wanna gate crash her lectures if I have the chance... sounds interesting! =) so peop[e in NTU... look out for my sis ya... she teaches communications... erm... information and communication or something along that line... heh.. though I must admit that after listening to her talk for about an hour plus.. it wad becoming more like a lecture.. haha.. nono.. I don't mean lecture as in scolding us... it was becoming more like.. we're her students and she's the lecturer... heh... so my third day was fine... watched my Ultimate favourite show... "Independence Day" ah... love that show! ate like a glutton again.. and of course 'forced' Yk to come bai nian... haha *grin* 24/01/04 11.05am *********************************** Today was simply great!!!! =) Almost everyone turned up (except my 3rd sis) haha.. seriously she didn't make much of a diff la... Slept a while in the afternoon after Raina left... spent an hour having a sms conversation with Jason though.. haha.. that idiot... oh.. the late afternoon was spent snapping pictures everywhere I go!! haha.. I love my nephews!! they're soooo absolutely cute!! adorable... awww.... met my new niece for the first time... Adriana (I think - at least thats what it sounded like) she's 21 months old!!! ah!! soooo cute!!!! like this little doll going around in a cute chongsum... haha... Hard to believe... that my nephews and niece are like all grown up and working already.. haha. suddenly sound so old eh? I mean duh - they're already 25 or 26 already... sigh.. don't want JiaZhe to grow up... he's soooo adorable!! hahaha... he's just bout the only one I can carry though.. heh.. =) the rest... hugs only,, *pout* Been eating the whole day.. snacking and junking away... *yum* getting fat of course! =) *yeah* to quote Ben _ eldest brother "first day of new year must eat... rest of the year must diet... " hahah. but knowing me.. I'd eat whole year long! *tries to resist food* *fails* argh...haha... Found out some interesting stuff bout Patrick too.. ok so he took over B.U,M... heh.. which means I can start asking him for discounts then?? wahahah! yes yes... Have been wanting to go sailing with Cheng too... *ponders* shall find a weekend and go sailing with him.. maybe get a tan or something... ah! I wanna sail!! Thank goodness I can float a little... haha.. *wink* Went back to hostel in the night coz I freaking forgot my rubber bands! quite spooky actually.. no one in hall... gee... 23/01/04 1.08am ******************************** Happy Lunar New Year to everyone!! Refused to Budge from my seat just now at dinner.. haha.. made everyone sit down and eat even though there were already bursting... coz I heard from the radio earlier that the longer you take to eat at the dinner the better it gets!! haha... I even had a second round... I mean come on! How many times a year can you sit down at the table as long as you want and eat as much as you can without anyone telling you to stop? Tonight's the night man!!! wahaah! Love it! *YUM* 21/01/04 9.54pm *************************** Tonight's the first night I'm going to be alone in hall without Roomies... sigh... haha... ok for this Sem at least... YK and Liling has gone home for the night for Nice dinner while I'm suppose to go for a band meeting in 10 minutes time... stupid me... I planned it ya see... darn... =( Went out shopping with YK at Queensway... yeah! I have to admit that he looks nice in almost everything he wears! sheeze... unfair! why?!?!?!? *shhh... don't tell him that or I'll never hear the end of it... haha Watched the Korean horror movie this morning - yup... this morning you heard me! 1 am actually... played a small intellectual game of cards in Com hall before that... finally managed to persuade them to come over to our room to watch... aha... yeah! in the end it became more like a psycho movie instead that of a horror one... geez... YK ended up sleeping halfway through the show right until 8 in the morning... haha.. he din even realise that 3 of us were sleeping in the room... silly boy... * * * woke up at 845 and decided to skip my first lecture until Joyce messaged me and told me she was going to be here in 10.... right... we dragged our arse outta bed and waited.... and waited... and waited... called her again at 9.05... and guess what???? she went back to sleep!!!!!! haha... one hour of lecture and we only went for 20 minutes... plus the fact that 3 mad women were running for the bus... nope... not something nice to do in the morning... ended up sleeping in American film lecture... sigh... wasted la! no more late nights!!! only had one hour of break until 4pm... shack!! * * * Finally got my arese down to meet up with the rest of the band members... haha.. decided on the songs we wanna perform already!! haha... *yeah* Talked to Yk for a while on the phone.. strange.. coz we don't usually crap on the phone... missed him soooo much... =p Didn't wanna go FS with Shingfeng, Eujin and Weiting coz for once I was actually doing my tutorials! Oh and I discovered and I have the slightest idea of what the lecturer is talking about! Panic!! I gave up doing them though... =) Sleep with the lights on? YOU BET!!! realised that the show did freak me out a bit afterall.. haha 21/01/04 ********************* Weekend was spent rotting in front of my table doing stupid folding of papers... hrm... it started out as one... and I just cun stop! besides that, been playing Jay Chow's gui ji... am absolutely in LUV with that song I tell ya... Daddy's finally home! Installed a few safety railing so he won't fall. Brother changed the setting of the house a little, all for daddy! =) Tutorials officially start this week... feeling the stress coz I haven't exactly read up the notes yet. Plus I haven got my Psych textbook! argh.. Co-Op ran outta stock! Which leaves me with NOTHING to read up on before lectures and I'm always at a loss during that 2 hours... why do I even bother going? sigh... Theatre studies is great! Spent two whole hours coming up with a dance... Love the practical lessons! Please please let the tutorials be just as fun!?!?!! *prays* My room's in a HUGE mess! haven't cleared it ever since we moved in. Considering the fact that we're gals, Liling and I are pretty messy roomies to start with... heh... *munching on junk food* decided to buy some junk from Co-Op and stuff myself with food... I don't get it... been feeling hungry al the time! =l Something struck me today while I stood outside Engin bus stop... it was hot and humid and I was just feeling terrible... Yk came outta lecture with Guoyan, naturally he walked over the say hi... his freezing hands were a big striking contrast to the immense heat I was feeling and his smile a total opposite to my grouchy face... but he made my day much better.. it was a 'less than a minute' conversation... but it brightened up my day... while I drifted off from the lecturer, it dawn upon me that he's much more xi xin than I thought... I mean I've always known him to be a really nice guy... I just keep finding out more each day.. =) ************************ �@ 19/01/04 ************************************ A week ago I told myself that I should go for the earlier lecture on Thursdays.. a week later I'm still at the later lecture... coz of the few reasons, laziness and the heat... plus I needed sleep! haha... Can't exactly remember what happened throughout the week... weekend was spent at home... was woken up at 845 on Monday morning by Liling telling me that we have theatre studies practical at 9... haha... advantage of staying in hall? haha.. its just so darn near our hall! got there in time! =) Finally managed to persuade YK to watch movie with me! =) oo.. Lord of the Rings is nice!! ok I know I'm slow... the ending's quite draggy ah... din't exactly like it...but overall its great! Don't know why, but we've been having mood swings lately... or rather me... dragged Bruder outta his bed in the middle of the night to go walk with me while YK slept... hrm.. felt much better after the walk... thanx bruder! I don't understand why some people get so irritated easily... even if its just a small thing... hrm... sometimes it hurts, sometimes its amusing.. sometimes its just dumb... its so silly... *ponders* hope its just PMS.... * Pictures taken while out with Kenneth... Had such a great time hanging out with this great guy! He's like the best sub bf... haha... no la... he's such a great friend to hang out with! no discomforts... can do lots of silly things... like taking pictures of ourselves on escalators before we reach the end of it... haha... doing stupid faces... hm... cheered me up when I was down and kept smsing me to ask if I was ok... geee... thanx man! you're great! =) I still love YK though!! haha...
15/01/04 9:19pm
************************************* Life is now.. slightly back on track after 3 weeks... feel like I can cope much better.... first week of school is crazy... nope, not in terms of school work, but in terms of the things I actually have to do! I believe I drove much more than last Sem in this week itself... Rushing from Clem to home then to Ang Mo Kio is not easy really... by the end of the day I'm exhausted... plus I have to do that twice in a day... so no... not good... Tan Tock Seng well, is much better than the branch in Ang Mo Kio.. they have such strict rules and screwed up efficiency that... gee.. I really miss Japan... Dad obviously feels the same... Intensive? hardly... Finally he meets Yk... funny thing is, he didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that he's meeting my bf for the first time... strange huh? Dad's not improving much... maybe a little at a time... but I guess it takes a lot... then there are people who gets on your nerves... like of course... some friends of my dad's... gee... and all of a sudden I'm getting soooo many calls!! which I have to handle them... explaining the same old thing to them over and over again and of course trying to assure them that things are ok.. stress it takes so much mental power really... am starting to learn some stuff at home.. reading through the thick files and handling little things... doing little errands... starting slow... once tutorials start I'd probably be in a worse state... hrm.. then again.. I think I can handle... can't believe school started... my holidays haven't even started!! darn... Moved back to hall on Monday night and already I feel like there's a lot of things to do in hall, which explains why there is a high possibility that I won't be staying next sem... yeap! Seniors were really understanding about my situation... so they took me off my job so I could handle my other stuff... Yk's being extremely understanding, supportive and sweet... rem the other night I just suddenly felt soooo tired and stressed out... and I started to cry uncontrollably... he consoled me and hugged me to sleep... hrm... being my part time driver (for one day...) did me good too coz I might have ended up in an accident if I drove... rushing down from Woodlands to Newton to meet me in the middle of the night though you were dead tired after the camp and stuff... (just coz I said I miss you) letting me bunk in on Sunday night (poor Eujin) and many many more.... Thank You dear! * * * 3 months... already? Love ya! *hugs* 08/01/04 5.28pm ******************************* Happy new year!!! 2004 already?!?!?! geee... time flew... can't believe school starts next Monday! but I'm glad I'm in Uni coz others start school tmr!! haha.... should I do a little bit of reflection? practically slacked my first 6 months away... working and then quitting... job hunting failed miserably... friendship failures which sorta picked up at the end of the yr... friends leaving for other countries.... start of Uni start of Hall life ending of relationships and beginning of new ones.... realizing that I should be contented with what I have.... fighting on and believing that things will be always turn out fine in the end kept me going for the whole year.... and that will, keep me going on for the whole of this year too... in fact, we all need it in the family... Bad things happen... I'm learning to deal with them... slowly one by one... Treasuring what I have and of course loving people around me... This year, I'm going to have to be stronger... =) * * * New year's eve was good... =) no risks of getting molested, no loud noises, no crazy hyper people, just a few friends... Met up with the Lit gals in the afternoon for Lunch at Holland V! Meeting up was good!! I can't believe Fiona hasn't changed one bit! I could have rolled on the floor laughing.... haha... darn funny! hung around for a while before meeting up with dad... Think of the surprise I got when I saw... my sisters and brother... whom I haven't quite seen in a few years.... hrm... the ugly squabbles... the shrillness.. turn off! To quote what they said "we're like aliens to you huh?" yes... and please... remain as them... there are of course some other individuals which I really... hope... would disappear from our lives... hrm... new year resolution? have more patience... ha. ok I shun sound so cynical... hrm... met up with Yk again after dinner and we suddenly both decided that we should have mood swings at the same time... heh... stupid silly minor discontentment... thank goodness it only lasted for a while... =) was quite happy over the fact that... 1)He cheered me up 2)Manage to walk around for a while and take stupid pictures make up for missing Christmas eve with him =) There are of course some things which I won't do again 1)Risk my life sitting in this particular person's car.... (nope I do not want to get thrown outta the car) 2)Countdown in car... 3)drive around Changi V coz I'd feel too demoralized.... geez... the guys... yes the guys... are so darn chio!! I cun exactly figure out how Yk and Jensen could tell the difference... they look very gal what! haha... hahaha... neh I wasn't very excited that it was new year... was more excited over the fact that it was going to be spent with him and friends... was pretty impressed with the security in Jensen's house... its quite hilarious to see the guys play Monopoly as if they were real money... I gave up halfway... heh... too stressful ah... by 1 I was dead tired.... was trying hard not to fall asleep.... heh... ended up sitting at Mervyn's void deck doing nothing... by 3... I was almost asleep... haha... didn't realise that I could actually see so many stars from my pool... something which I found out only this morning with Yk.. cloudless sky too! * * * got home at daybreak... heh.... brother didn't nag... and its also the first time... I stayed out till morning without having to feel bad... (excluding hall la!) first 7 hours of new year was spent with him... loved every second of it... *wink* Happy new year!
Me and Florence
Liling and Larry
Dawn and Mathew
Joyce and Fiona (Florence caught in action)
Florence and Yvonne
Yk and Me �@
Us!
Yk, Me, Liling and Larry (effect quite good eh) Note: Following 3 shots are taken on the train to Pasir Ris (us acting dumb again)
Smile~~
Yk attempts to sulk
Normal la!
Shuhui and bf
Eujin and Me
Junwei, Eujin, Mervyn, his gf (gee I can't remember her name), Jensen
Us again (by then I was feeling sooooo sleepy)
Effects of coke
Another one who gets drunk drinking coke 02/01/2004 12.49am
************************ Had a great day with Yk... =) running around with Brother in the morning was dead tiring! made Yk wait for me for half an hour.. gee.. sorrie darling... hrm.. and can I just add on a point? You look great! heh... and though I always deny... haha.. you look much better with long hair... heh... meeting him was... strange at first coz... haven't seen him for a while... but then after a while.. heh... it was back to normal us! crappy... lame... haha.. Then again we were both quite tired... must be due to that phone call.... haha... Oh yeah! I drove alone to Woodlands at night!! haha.. was determined to see him... heh... coz missed him too darn much... half way I panicked... coz I cun find the way!! hahaha... glad I followed my instincts though! =) so all's safe and fine! ended up NOT watching any movie... played a stupid pool game which I was sooooooo badly thrashed in... haha... and then a small walk round the mrt station... wasted night? neh... worth it! hm... actually was joking bout him driving me home... but... he did! gee.... sweet ain't it? *touched* Thanx for the gift darling! oh... & thanx for staying up late to cheer me up... sorrie for waking you up though... *hugs* 30/10/03 12.16am *************************** �@ For now... this is how its going to look like... not intending to do anything to it yet... * * * So pple in future just remember this link.. don't have to go back to the diary page... unless of course I get sick and tired of this... =) 30/12/03 10.34am *************************** �@ |
|||
| �@ | �@ |
