by cienne
zoeldyck
DISCLAIMER:
I don’t own
the characters and the song. They belong to people who are rich and famous. I
am neither rich nor famous.
Author’s
Notes:
Let’s
pretend, for the sake of this fic, that it isn’t Shishio Kamatari is in love
with but Saitou, ne? I mean, what’s unbelievable with that? They’re both cold
bastards and they both remind us of insects. XD
There I was waiting for the chance
Hoping that you’ll understand the things I wanna say
Kamatari took a
deep breath. It was now or never. If he didn’t grab this chance now, there
won’t be a next time where he can get the Wolf of Mibu alone with him.
Saitou Hajime
sat on his desk looking very confused and troubled. So vulnerable, Kamatari
thought, giggly as he entered the Wolf’s office. “Hey, Chief…”
Saitou raised an
eyebrow at him and his usual kimono outfit. “What?”
Kamatari smiled and closed the door behind him. He sashayed
towards Saitou’s desk and instead of sitting on the chair, he sat on the desk
facing the scowling Saitou.
“You better
explain in about ten seconds or you won’t have another chance.” Saitou warned.
Kamatari giggled
and struck his most naïve, seductive pose. Damn it, how he wished he had
breasts.
Saitou’s jaw
dropped, not with Kamatari’s doing but because of his sudden understanding. He
calmed his features as Kamatari leaned down on him. “I want… to help you,
Chief.” he murmured, one pink tongue darting out to dampen red lips. “I know
how lonely one could get without someone to warm him at night…”
Saitou raised an
eyebrow. “Okay.”
Kamatari wasn’t
finished and he paused, staring at Saitou. “Okay?”
Saitou hn’ed and
pulled Kamatari to sit on his lap. The crossdresser gave a little shriek and
was quieted when Saitou’s mouth covered his.
Kamatari was
truly enjoying it until Saitou pulled away.
“Saitou…”
Kamatari protested, arms snaking around the Wolf’s neck.
“One thing…:
Saitou began and Kamatari stared at him with dazed eyes.
“Yes?”
Saitou smirked.
“You only come when I ask you to. Ties of any sort bore me. Understood?”
Kamatari tried
to hide the hurt in his voice and the pain in his eyes and nodded. “No ties.
Got it.”
Saitou grasped
Kamatari’s chin with gloved fingers. “Good.”
As my love stronger than before
But you closed your door
“Why the fuck
not?” Sano yelled, angrily.
For months, he’d
been on pins and needles, dreading yet needing to tell the man he’d lusted for
about his true feelings. He had consulted friends, weighed alternatives,
debated pros and cons, preened like a peacock in heat an held his breath amidst
pounding heart and sweaty palms as he proclaimed his sweet, sweet love for the
Wolf of Mibu… Now this?!
He could’ve
understood a shake of the head as the cop smiled, sadly and held his hand,
golden eyes teary as he says “Forgive me,
Sano… but, my heart belongs to someone else.”
That was
acceptable! But the bastard cop who must’ve been the devil reincarnate just
stared at him like he was some new specie of vermin and raised an eyebrow.
“No.” he said.
It drove Sano
crazy!
He was handsome,
very handsome! He was masculine, young, suave, inexperienced but raring to
learn! He had great hair and a ravishing face! His body became the main topic
for many fantasies, conversations and secret worships! He had a great ass, for
God’s sakes! What in hell was lacking in him that Saitou would refuse him
outright!?
“No.” Saitou
said again, rubbing it in with barrel
of salt and pepper.
Sano forced his
jaw shut. Recovering from the shock, he glared at Saitou. “Why the fuck not,
temee?” he growled, his hands fisting t his sides.
Saitou took a
drag on his slim cigarette and puffed out the smoke. He glanced at Sano,
dispassionately. “I’m no cradle robber, ahou. Go home and sleep it off.”
Sano gritted his
teeth. “I’m not a snotty teenager anymore, Hajime.”
Saitou raised an
eyebrow. “Hn. How old are you?”
“Twenty-eight.”
Sano replied without batting n eyelash.
The cop smirked.
“Right. And I’m the Queen of Drag. Get lost kid.”
The young man
groaned. “Okay, I’m nineteen. But, I’ll be turning twenty in few months.” he added, hastily.
Saitou dropped
his cigarette nd crushed it with the sole of his shoe. “A no’s a no, ahou.”
Sano was in
between pulling his hair out in frustration and begging down on his knees.
“Pleeeeeaaaase, Hajime… I’m ready for this stuff, man. “ he pleaded. “I even
asked Kenshin and Aoshi what lubricant they use and all that sex stuff. So
pleeease….”
Saitou’s glare
made Sano shut up. The boy was too young, too young, too young. Oh, yes, he’d
fantasized about the ahou and all that but, he knew better that to mess up the
kid’s romantic notions (probably disillusioned by Himura and Shinomori’s
seemingly wonderful relationship) of being with another man.
He wasn’t like
that. He wasn’t romantic and he’d never be one. It’s best Sano finds someone
his age to cavort with. Someone who wouldn’t leave him like a disposable rag
after a few romps.
“A no’s a no,
ahou. Now, get lost.” Saitou said with a warning glare and walked off.
Sano stood
there, silently watching him disappear.
Why don’t you try to open up your eyes
I won’t take so much of your time
“Aw, c’mon,
Ka-chan.” Cho pleaded. “I’m not some dirty, old pervert, y’know.”
Kamatari fluffed
up his hair with delicate fingers. “Oh, hush, Blondie. I have a date. Can’t you
get that through your thick skull?”
Cho’s eyes
narrowed but he managed to hide the possessive jealousy in his voice. “A date?
With who?”
The crossdresser
stuck out one pink tongue at him. “None of your business.”
“It’s my
business.” Cho blurted out, hitting Kamatari’s desk with an open palm.
“Anything that concerns you, concerns me.”
Kamatari was
surprised… and annoyed. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re not my
mother, Cho.”
Cho sighed then
took Kamatari by the shoulders, his gray eyes intense as he stared at Kamatari.
“I care about you, Ka-chan. I’m just worried that…”
Kamatari shook
him off. “I can take care of myself, thank you very much.” he cut-off and
walked away. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
“Ka-chan, wait!”
Cho called and went after Kamatari who shut the door on his face.
Cho gritted his
teeth and punched the hard wood. “Ka-chan…”
Maybe it’s wrong to say please love me too
‘Coz I know you’ll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Kamatari stirred
when he felt the bed move. He blinked sleepy brown eyes and realized Saitou was
watching him from the foot of the bed.
“Come back to
bed, ne?” he invited.
“Get dressed.”
Kamatari sat up,
confused and fully awake. “W-what?”
Saitou snorted,
looking so sexy with only his pants on. “I said get dressed.” He tapped out a
cigarette from the pack he’d been holding and lit up. “We’re finished.”
Kamatari bit his
lip, eyes stinging with sudden tears. “W-what do you mean? I wanted to stay
until…”
Saitou exhaled.
“You have to get out of here. The ahou’ll come in an hour. I don’t want him to
see you.”
“I’ll keep quiet
in here…”
The cop snorted
and pulled out a shirt from his closet. “Don’t be stupid.” he said and put his
shirt on, buttoning up while sucking on his stick.
“He’s not
staying long, is he?”
Saitou puffed
out smoke from the corner of his mouth. “Why do you care?”
Kamatari winced
when Saitou began glaring at him. He gathered the blankets around his naked
form and stood up. “I-is…” he paused, fumbled with the cloth. “Is Sano your
lover?”
Sano hn’ed and
didn’t answer.
Maybe it’s wrong to love you more each day
‘Coz I know he’s here to stay
Cho sat at his
desk, tapping on his chin and watching Kamatari in the corner of one eye. The
younger man wore a sad frown on his usually teasing, smiling face and Cho
decided he didn’t like that _expression on the crossdresser’s face at all.
“What’s up,
Ka-chan?” he finally asked, too worried to realize his mistake.
Kamatari ignored
him and went back to filing folders, which he’d stopped doing five minutes
before Cho noticed him.
The broomhead
frowned then sighed. “It’s the boss, hunh?”
“None of your
business.” Kamatari replied, coldly.
Cho wanted to
kick something real bad. “You busy for later?”
The question was
ignored again.
Cho wanted to
bash Saitou’s head in. “Just wonderin’ if you’d like to eat out or somethin’…”
This time,
Kamatari glanced at him. “You want me?”
Cho opened both
eyes in surprise. “What do you mean?”
Kamatari rolled
his eyes. “I mean… do you like me that much?” he repeated then stared hard at
Cho. “You’re wasting your time, you know.”
The blond
sighed. ”You’re wasting your time on Saitou, Ka-chan. He doesn’t love you.”
The brown eyes
narrowed in sudden anger. “He does. He just doesn’t realize it yet.”
Cho shook his
head. “Ka-chan…”
“And don’t call
me that!” the crossdresser snapped. “Whatever you say wouldn’t matter.”
“What if I say I
want you?” Cho suddenly said.
Kamatari studied
Cho’s face for a long while and the blondie couldn’t help but feel hopeful for
once.
The younger man
smiled a cruel smile. “Too bad.” he said then left Cho.
I believe what you said to me
We should set each other free
This time you wanted to be
But, my love’s stronger than before
I wanna see you more and more
But, you’ve closed your door
Kamatari stared
at Saitou, brown eyes wide in disbelief. “B-but…”
“No buts.”
Saitou cut-off, calmly. “I told you before. Ties of any sort bore me. I’m bored
now, so it’s over.”
The young man
bit his lip until he could taste blood in his mouth. “I was hoping you
wouldn’t… Saitou…”
The cop snorted.
“Don’t be stupid. You’re overestimating yourself if you’re thinking I’d even
entertain ideas of living with you.”
Kamatari swallowed
hard, then tried to pull Saitou closer to him. “Give me a few more days…
please. I want you soo much.”
“Just tonight. I
have to leave for Kyoto tomorrow.”
“Saitou, please,
can I come with you?”
The cop snorted.
“The kid’s coming with me.” he replied. “I don’t wanna deal with two pains at
the same time.”
Kamatari closed
his eyes and willed his breathing to even out. After a while he moved so the he
was halfway on top of Saitou. He kissed the cop’s mouth, hungrily, until
Saitou’s passion equaled his own. His heart sped up in triumph as Saitou pushed
him to lie on his back to begin another bout of lovemaking.
Afterwards, when
Saitou was sated and asleep, Kamatari let the tears come and whispered in
Saitou’s ear. “I love you…”
Why don’t you try to open up your heart
I won’t take so much of your time
Sano punched
Saitou’s arm in jest. “You wanna fight, man?” he demanded, a wide grin on his
face. “Just pick the place and I’ll be there.”
Saitou snorted.
“Ahou.”
The younger man
shook his head in feigned annoyance. “Not again, damn cop. I have a name,
y’know. Say it, man. Sa-no-su-ke.”
“I’m-dea-ling-with-a-mo-ron.”
Saitou replied. “There. Satisfied?”
Sano bristled.
“Up my ass, old man.”
Saitou smirked
and they walked along the streets of Kyoto in silence.
Saitou rolled
his eyes when Sano spoke up again. “Hey…” he said, softly much to Saitou’s
surprise.
“Hn.”
“You know, I
like you, don’t you?”
The cop didn’t
answer.
Sano sighed then
stopped walking.
Saitou snorted
and waited. His golden eyes widened when he felt Sano lean his head on his
back. “Y’know…” Sano whispered. “I think I love you…”
The cop opened
his mouth to speak but Sano beat him to
it.
“I know you’re
gonna say I’m stupid and an ahou… but I do. I really, really like you, Hajime.
Sometimes…” Sano took a deep breath and sighed. “Sometimes, I feel I can’t
breathe when I realize just how much…”
Sano’s arms
crept around his waist and tightened into a hug. “If you give me a chance… I’ll
make you see what you’re missing without me.”
Saitou wanted to
push him off and walk away. Give the damn ahou a bruise or two for humiliating
him in public like these. Instead, he glared at those who stared in their
direction and his face softened. “Ahou…”
Maybe it’s wrong to say please love me too
‘Coz I know you’ll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Kamatari’s hands
balled into fists, knuckles turning white.
“Are you having
dinner at home?” Sano was asking Saitou as he sat on the cop’s lap.
“Depends…” said
Saitou.
“On what?” Sano
asked, getting more comfortable.
“On what you
cook and what’s for dessert.”
Sano chortled.
“You’re evil.”
Saitou smirked.
“That’s why you like me…”
The young man
twisted so that he was facing Saitou. He gave the cop a wet smack then grinned.
“Luv yah, ‘Jime.”
The cop hn’ed.
Kamatari closed
the door with a trembling hand. The urge to puke was stronger. The need to cry
even worse. The cop had chosen him over some scrawny kid who probably wasn’t
even a better lay than he was.
“Shit.” he hissed
and got out of there, quickly.
Was it too much
to ask, then? To want him, too? Was it too much to ask?
He was willing
to give everything for Saitou. Wasn’t it enough? His heart, his body, his soul.
Wasn’t it enough? He’d beg and plead and spread his legs for him. Wasn’t it
enough?
Kamatari angrily
swiped at a tear with a fist. Why, Saitou? What did that kid have that he
didn’t? What can that kid do that he couldn’t?
Was it because
Sano loved him more? Was it because the stupid kid had more than his body to
offer? Was it because Saitou… loved him, too?
Had he been
stupid then? Had he been blind not to see how Saitou had started to feel for
the younger man? Was it even there? Did he miss it completely?
A laugh echoed
out from Saitou’s office and Kamatari covered his ears. It wasn’t Sano. But the
laugh had something in it that Kamatari didn’t want to understand.
Maybe it’s wrong to love you more each day
But, my love is strong
I don’t know if this is wrong
“Listen, Ka-chan…”
“Go away!”
Cho knocked
harder on the door. “Fuck it, Kamatari. Would you listen to me just once?”
“No!”
“Damn it! Open
up before I kick this door!”
“Go away, Cho!”
The broomhead
made his threats a reality and kicked the door to Kamatari’s room down. The
crossdresser was huddled in one corner, looking unkempt and miserable. The
brown eyes were wide with shock as Cho materialized before him.
“What the hell
are you doing to yourself?!” Cho thundered, grabbing Kamatari and shaking him
until his teeth rattled. “You haven’t been coming to work and you haven’t been
taking care of yourself! If this is what you call loving someone is then I’m
glad Saitou dumped a boneless turd like you!”
“Shut up!”
Kamatari shrieked, slapping Cho who stood there, stunned. “You have no idea
what it’s like, you bastard! You have no idea…!”
Cho let out a
bitter laugh. “No idea…?” he echoed, bitterly then grabbed at Kamatari’s
shoulders, his gray eyes a cold fire as he stared at Kamatari. “No idea?” he
barked. “It’s you who have no idea what it’s like to not exist for someone who
makes your world go round and your life to mean something. At least, you had a
taste of your obsession. But what about me?” he demanded. “You think I’d never
beat myself up over a stupid excuse of a damned she-man like you?!”
Kamatari stood
there, frozen. “…C-cho…”
The blond
grabbed the collar of Kamatari’s kimono and yanked it free. “I’ll show how it’s
like being hungry…” he growled and pushed Kamatari down the floor.
Saitou took a
deep breath and continued staring at the ceiling. His bedmate had long since
gone to the Land of Dreams and he was thankful to have at least some time for
reflection before dozing off.
Sano stirred
beside him and snuggled closer to his chest.
“Hn.” Saitou
murmured, one hand went up and began stroking the spiky head. “Ahou…”
Was he caught,
then? Was this what they called love, then? To have someone in your arms and
not complain about the weight or the heat? To have someone kiss you and hold
you and it didn’t matter wherever or whenever or whoever you’re with? Because
every kiss and hug was special and every time is like the first time. And every
kiss and hug and embrace will always be kept and hidden inside your heart to be
recalled later when that someone wasn’t near to kiss, to hug and to embrace.
Saitou mentally
kicked himself. Sentimental bullshit. Now, where did that come from? He must be
hanging around the idiot Himura too much. He was turning soft.
Sano murmured in
his sleep and moved so that his face was on Saitou’s chest, his arm around
Saitou’s waist and his leg across Saitou’s thighs.
The cop let out
a small smile touch his face. Maybe, it isn’t love yet. Maybe, he just needed
Sano that much to get through a day. Maybe, Sano was just starting to become an
integral part of him that his days and nights, his every waking hour seem bleak
and pointless without a dumb remark or a dopey smile from the ahou.
Whatever.,
Saitou thought. He didn’t care, really. All he really cared about was how Sano
seemed to fit in his arms as he slept. Looking like for all the world that he
belonged there and nowhere else.
Cho sighed and
sighed again. He had gone too far. Waiting for Kamatari to finally notice him
was okay. Raping the crossdresser on his time of misery was another matter.
Ka-chan would probably slice his balls off and never talk to him again.
“Damn it, Cho.”
he muttered to himself. “You and your uncontrollable libido.”
He should say
sorry but was afraid of the accusation and betrayal he would definitely see in
the brown eyes.
“Leave…”
Kamatari had said without emotion as he lay broken on the floor after Cho’s
onslaught on his body.
“Ka-chan…”
“Don’t call me
that.” was the cold reply. “Go away, Cho.”
The broomhead
scratch his head and sighed again. Fuck Saitou. Fuck Kamatari. And fuck Sano.
Did they think he wouldn’t know?
Another sigh as
he put his hand on his doorknob. “Kami-sama…” he murmured a silent prayer.
“Please bring Ka-chan to me. He doesn’t know it, but… I love him like hell
already. If he never forgave me, I’ll commit hara-kiri. Amen.”
Cho took a deep
breath and opened his door. Then, he fell backwards as his jaw was rattled with
a jarring punch.
“You asshole!”
Kamatari was yelling from inside. “Why’d you left me?”
Cho was stunned.
“B-but, you told me to leave…”
“But, that
doesn’t mean you have to, idiot. I was playing hard to get for once.”
Cho’s jaw
dropped. “W-what?”
Kamatari sighed
and rolled his eyes. He knelt before a boggled Cho and smiled a teasing, happy
smile for the first time in months. “I wanna try, Cho.”
The blond was
almost too afraid to ask. “T-try…?”
Kamatari took a
deep breath and was serious. “If you promise not to hurt me… I’m willing to try
it with you, Cho.”
The blond cop
nodded. “Y-yes…”
Kamatari smiled.
“Make me believe I made the right decision, please. I don’t want to hurt
again.”
Cho nodded,
feeling foolish as tears sprang to his eyes. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.” he
vowed and grabbed Kamatari into a bone-crushing embrace. “Let me love you,
Kamatari…”
The crossdresser
accepted the hug. “You can call me Ka-chan again, Cho.” he whispered and hid
his face in Cho’s neck so he wouldn’t see the tears.
OWARI!!!
030604
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