| Prank calls to Moe's Tavern. |
| Phone call for Al ... Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here? Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you! Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oviler Clothesoff! ... Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you I swear I'll cut your belly open! Uh is I.P Freely here? Hey everybody I.P.Freeley! Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half! with Lisa Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap! Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood! (Bart laughs) Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! Oh, wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew! (Bart and Lisa laugh) Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual! (Homer:) Don't look at me! Oh, no... You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off! (Skinner, on the other end:) You'll do what, young man? (Note the episode capsule, as well as earlier versions of this list, says "rotten liver pot" instead of "rotten little punk") with Lisa Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately? Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick! (Bart and Lisa laugh) Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt Oh, wait a minute... (Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappel sees him and then laughs as well) Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass! (There is a Hugh Jass at Moe's; Hugh Jass takes the call) Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here? (Barney:) You sure do! Oh...it's you, isn't it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains! (Bart laughs) Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss? (Barney:) Maybe your standards are too high! You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt! (Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and gives his own address: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart's living room) Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle! (Laura and Bart laugh) this isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath? (the students all laugh) All right, settle down. Anita Bath here? (more laughs) All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks! (still more laughs) Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that! (Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off of a list of what are now former substitute teachers) Mr. Burns (Mr. Burns says "I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland") Oh, so you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat! (Homer) Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura (Moe) Eura Snotball? (Homer) What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran! |
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